Last night, it felt like I was starting to slide back into a depression. (Bipolar disorder is so tricky because the cycles can occur several times during a day, week, month, or year.)
I felt so sure that I was supposed to post all those details about my recent struggle on Friday, but then I started to panic that it was divulging too much personal information for anyone to read. (And what if it was just because I was having a hypomanic episode?)
I wondered who else might read this blog, since the podcast host read it prior to deciding to invite me as a guest next week. However, if she felt inspired that my story could help other people, then maybe that was one of the reasons it was important to make my blog public in the first place.
I used this blog as an accountability tool as I struggled to write the first draft of my book. I have edited parts 1-3 so far and have made hundreds of revisions to what was originally posted here. However, I have put the project away for awhile, since it has been one of several activities that have taken my focus away from my family.
I switched this blog to a private one last night before bed, so that I could stop worrying while I was trying to go to sleep.
This morning, I decided that it was important to leave it public, in case it can help someone who is struggling.
There may be flawed links or errors in my writing (especially since the original posts are just first drafts of those chapters). There is also a lot of repetitive information as I've been trying to sort through my thoughts and feelings in the recent posts.
Bottom line: I am a flawed and imperfect human who struggles with mental illness. However, God can use me, or anyone else who is willing, to bless the lives of His children. Sometimes He uses our weaknesses to help others who struggle in the same way. That is my hope with leaving this blog available.
Happy Sabbath. :)
