First,
because I struggled so deeply with anxiety and depression for most of my official
proselyting mission from 1993-1994, I had many regrets about not being able to
serve more fully. I carried those regrets with me off and on for twenty years.
When I started visiting, I was able to use all the skills I learned on my
original mission – approaching people before and after meetings at church, knocking
on doors, calling people, making appointments, and being flexible when people
cancelled or needed to reschedule. I floundered a lot and the visits weren’t
always optimal, but I wouldn’t have been able to do any of it had I not served
my original full-time mission. So, it renewed my confidence and helped me feel
like I made restitution for any missed opportunities or wasted time (even
though that wasn’t necessary). In addition, unless the Lord dramatically changes things, I don't think I will be able to serve a mission with my husband in our retired years, as I thought we might. These unofficial missions have given me the opportunity to serve in different ways as a more mature adult.
Richard G. Scott explained, “The Lord is
intent on your personal growth and development. That progress is accelerated
when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you
encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not. When you
trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be
centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you
are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling
attainment from this mortal experience. If you question everything you are
asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it
harder for the Lord to bless you.” He then gave this valuable counsel, “Find
the compensatory blessings in your life when, in the wisdom of the Lord, He
deprives you of something you very much want. To the sightless or hearing
impaired, He sharpens the other senses. To the ill, He gives patience,
understanding, and increased appreciation for others' kindness.... You will
discover compensatory blessings when you willingly accept the will of the Lord
and exercise faith in Him” (“Finding Joy in Life,” Ensign, May 1996, pp. 24-26).
Second, I very much wanted to be completely healed from depression,
anxiety, and Multiple Sclerosis. Even more than those healing blessings, I
begged and pleaded for the Lord to give my husband (and then my children) the
faith and spiritual experiences they hoped and prayed for, but could never
experience on their own. I haven't receive those blessings yet. However, I wouldn’t have
felt the need to begin visiting if my heart weren’t already broken and humbled
over that combined set of circumstances. Then, through my visiting journey, the
Lord gradually healed my broken heart and helped build greater confidence within
me. He also strengthened my capacity to serve and follow promptings in ways I
didn’t think were possible before. In addition, I learned how to cope in more
long-term and fulfilling ways with my anxiety and depression. Perhaps, the most
unexpected compensatory blessing of all were the treasured friends he helped me
find along the way.
David
A. Bednar spoke about the blessings of paying a full tithe. I believe these
compensatory blessings can be applied to life in general, as well. He
explained, "Some of the diverse blessings we obtain as we are obedient… are
significant but subtle. Such blessings can be discerned only if we are both
spiritually attentive and observant (see 1 Corinthians 2:14)….
Spiritual illumination and perspective are poured out through the windows of
heaven and into our lives…. Sometimes we may ask God for success, and He gives
us physical and mental stamina. We might plead for prosperity, and we receive
enlarged perspective and increased patience, or we petition for growth and are
blessed with the gift of grace. He may bestow upon us conviction and confidence
as we strive to achieve worthy goals. And when we plead for relief from
physical, mental, and spiritual difficulties, He may increase our resolve and
resilience” (“Windows of Heaven,” Ensign, November 2013).
Third, temple and family history work became a huge
compensatory blessing for me. One of the last lines of my patriarchal blessing
says, “As you help to gather genealogy, you … will be a great blessing to those
who have passed on beyond the veil. When you leave this earth there will be a
great reunion with your ancestors who will be glad to receive you because of
your work in their behalf.” I used to think that was absolutely impossible for
me. Yet, the Lord helped me to have more success than I ever imagined possible.
As I spent those hours, days, weeks, months, and years immersed in that sacred work,
I became much more settled and at peace about my family and their different beliefs on this side of the veil. As I listened to those words over and over again
during the temple ordinances, my love only grew for my family here and my ancestors
who have already finished their life on earth. That love and peace were unexpected
and very welcome blessings.
Sheri Dew discussed compensatory blessings in the context of the COVID-19 pandemic. “Then, as I sat in the last endowment session I’ll likely attend for a while, I felt a familiar sensation gnawing at me. It took just seconds to identify what it was. Mourning. I was starting to mourn the fact that life as I’ve known it — weekly time in the temple, sacrament and other meetings that allow me to renew my covenants and enjoy the camaraderie of my ward family — is changing, at least for a period of time…. Nothing happening in the world today is catching the Lord off-guard. Satan hasn’t pulled a fast one on Him. Circumstances that led to the inception and spreading of the coronavirus were all foreseen by Him who sees all. That is clear, because our leaders have been getting us ready for this very hour…. The fruits of revelation are often more easily seen in hindsight. It is no surprise to those who believe in prophets that more than a year ago… prophets, seers and revelators, introduced a home-centered, Church-supported curriculum and admonished us to be more intentional about studying and teaching the gospel in our homes. It is no surprise that two years ago they introduced ministering and asked us to learn to care for each other in a higher, holier way.... During this unusual season when the way we worship and serve the Lord has been modified, let’s make sure we see the ways the Lord is blessing us. Let’s be sure we identify the compensatory blessings and power He has for those who seek them…. In a time of darkness, the ministering power of the Light of the World will be even easier to see. How beautiful it will be if, as a global Church family, we don’t just endure this particular challenge but we seek the hand of the Lord in our lives and then share our witness of His mercy, power and peace” (“How have you seen ‘compensatory blessings’ during the coronavirus outbreak?,” Church News, 15 March 2020).
Fourth, our
grandson was born just two months before the temples and chapels closed their doors. Because he and his parents live in our basement, we’ve been able to spend every day of
his life with him. Social distancing during the pandemic would have made that very unlikely if they
didn’t live with us. When our daughter first announced her pregnancy, I never
dreamed that her little baby would be the biggest compensatory blessing of all
during this time. An unexpected blessing occurred after his delivery also. Our daughter endured a 50-hour labor and he still needed to
be delivered by c-section. Because of that, our daughter wasn’t able to
immediately return to her college classes as she had planned. So we ended up
being able to spend eight magical months together, loving this sweet little
angel that was sent to our home. In addition, we have considered me high risk because MS and its treatment both compromise the immune system. I have literally only been inside buildings (other than our home) eight times during
the three initial months of the pandemic. I drove places on my own only three times
during those months and wasn’t able to walk with friends very often because
they were home with their families as well. This unexpected time with
our grandson and daughter has been priceless and so appreciated.
Neil L. Andersen emphasized, “As evil increases in the world, there is a compensatory spiritual
power for the righteous. As the world slides from its spiritual moorings, the
Lord prepares the way for those who seek Him, offering them greater assurance,
greater confirmation, and greater confidence in the spiritual direction they
are traveling. The gift of the Holy Ghost becomes a brighter light in the
emerging twilight…. there is a compensatory power, an additional spiritual
endowment, a revelatory gift for the righteous” (“A Compensatory SpiritualPower for the Righteous,” BYU Speeches, 18 August 2015).
I testify that this is true. These “missions” didn’t seem possible to me when I was prompted to embark on them. However, I have been given obvious guidance and assurances all along the way. I will be forever grateful for the gift of personal revelation that has blessed me during every step of this journey.
