I decided to walk around a little
more after reading for about 45 minutes. So I headed over to the Joseph Smith
Memorial Building. I rode the elevator up to the tenth floor to see the view
and read a little more of the book on a bench just down the hall from the fountain
and restaurants. Then I rode the elevator back down to the mezzanine level to
listen to the beautiful piano music coming from the lobby below.
After listening to the
music for a few minutes, I felt ready to read some more. So I sat in the chapel
and read while I waited for my sister to meet me after her lunch. The book discusses
the different accounts of Joseph Smith’s first vision from a historical
scholarly perspective. The short movie I watched earlier blended a few details
from the different accounts to provide a fuller perspective of Joseph’s reasons
for praying that day. The different accounts were told at different times to
different people in different settings. To me, if each telling were exactly the
same, that would make me feel like it was fabricated – like he memorized a story
he made up. Each time he shared the story, he discussed different details to
fit the audience. The whole afternoon was a very spiritual experience for me
with plenty of time to ponder and pray about what I was reading.
The appearance of Heavenly Father
and Jesus Christ to Joseph, not only ushered in a new dispensation with Priesthood
power on the earth, but also explained more about Their character. Heavenly
Father called Joseph by name, which meant He knew him and cared about the
concerns of this fourteen year old farm boy from a poor family. He introduced
Jesus and asked Joseph to “Hear Him.” This vision showed that They were two
distinct and separate Beings. It also demonstrated the complete trust Heavenly
Father has in Jesus as the Savior of all mankind. I’m grateful that I took the
time to visit the Christus statue as well. My testimony is centered in Jesus
Christ. I’m so grateful for His perfect life, which showed us the way to live
ours. I’m even more grateful for His atoning sacrifice for each of us. This
selfless sacrifice included His suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane, more agonizing
suffering on the cross, and His resurrection on the third day. Because of Him,
we will all be resurrected. Through His grace, we have the opportunity to
repent, forgive, progress, change, and become more like Him in the process. This
experience only strengthened the testimony and I know I was inspired to
spontaneously join my sister that day.
When I walked into the Institute on
the first day of class, I was overwhelmed by the peaceful Spirit in that building.
It was even more tangible than I feel it in the temple. I was grateful for the
opportunity to spend more time in another building dedicated for holy purposes.
I immediately loved my teacher for Teachings of President Russell M. Nelson
and felt a desire to talk with her as often as possible after class. I soaked
up the information in each class and took pictures of most of the slides so
that I could revisit what I was learning. I also became friends with two female
students - one sat behind me and the other sat next to me at the other end of the
row. I believe that the teacher and one of those friends were a big part of the
reason I was supposed to attend Institute. That is the teacher who encouraged me
on the last day I attended class to pay more attention to references in the temple
endowment session about the cross. I discuss that later in the chapter titled “Being
Tutored in the Temple.”
I enjoyed the lesson in the other
two classes on that first day, but I also knew I wasn’t supposed to take them after
all. Along with that thought, I unexpectedly had a strong desire to try to graduate
from Institute, which was not on my radar at all. So I went to talk to the
secretaries about the possibility of transferring my religion credits from BYU.
Two of the secretaries lived in the 5th ward of our previous stake
and the other one was related to a family in the 3rd ward. What are
the odds of that? I wasn’t ever able to visit them when I lived there, so I
thought this might be an opportunity to get to know them better. They agreed to
transfer both classes from Fall semester 1992, which was such a relief and meant
that nothing had been wasted from that original college experience! My Sharing
the Gospel class transferred as an elective and they were willing to allow
my Book of Mormon class to count as one of the core classes in place of Eternal
Families, since I just didn’t think it was a good idea to expose myself to ideal
teachings with my current family situation. In order to graduate, I needed to
take three core classes, so I knew I needed to start that semester. I wasn’t
sure which core class to choose, so I asked the secretaries for suggestions.
They suggested I talk to one of the teachers and so I went to the classroom
where his class was just finishing. He immediately reminded me of my dad and he
actually knew my dad. That was enough of a reason to take the class from him,
so I registered for Foundations of the Restoration and began attending the
next class.
I signed up to give a short devotional at the
beginning of the following class on August 27, 2018. I’m including that here. “In
Words
of Mormon, Mormon abridges the large plates of Nephi and he puts the small
plates with the other plates. Verse 7 says, ‘And I do this for a wise
purpose; for thus it whispereth me, according to the workings of the Spirit of
the Lord which is in me. And now, I do not know all things; but the Lord
knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, he worketh in me to do
according to his will.’
This verse is explaining how the Lord prepared a way
for the work not to be frustrated when Joseph lost the 116 pages. But, in
a personal application, I have been so grateful for the promptings of the
Spirit when I'm trying to figure out my next steps. That happened to me
last Wednesday. I was prompted to go to the temple before class and put all of
my temple cards in my backpack. I didn't know why, but I know better not to
follow a prompting. During the session, I was given a stronger prompting to ask
others if they would like to help with some of the names. That wasn't something
I planned. I feel like it should be a priority
for each of us to find our own family names to take to the temple. But a couple
of older ladies in my previous ward asked me to help them with their names,
which I did for several years. And that laid the foundation for finding my own
names. I hope that will be the case with the people who help me as well. I
know that personal revelation is a gift from Heavenly Father. I'm so grateful
to Joseph Smith for following his prompting to pray out loud and ask God for
more wisdom.” I passed around a sign-up sheet after that, even though I probably
wasn’t supposed to. Several students signed up and continued to help me with my
temple work all semester. Three kind returned missionary guys helped me with
several endowments each. Two female students in that class and also my two friends
in the other class helped with baptisms, confirmations, initiatories, and a couple
of endowments. In addition, I kept running into a guy I met in the class I
dropped. I asked if he would be willing to help also and he did several initiatories
and endowments as well. It was clear that the Lord orchestrated which classes I
should take and I’m so grateful for those divine intersections.
On September 7, 2018, I was prompted
to attend the Friday noon devotional where Steve Harper spoke about the new
book titled Saints that he helped edit. (He is the author of the book on
Joseph Smith that I spent an afternoon reading at Temple Square in July.) I
didn’t realize that my dad taught with him in the BYU religion department
several years ago. When my teacher found out about that connection, she
spontaneously invited me to the speaker’s luncheon afterward.
I was grateful to have
the opportunity to thank him personally for writing that book. (Another small
world connection is that his wife is the sister of a friend in our current ward.)
I was also grateful that I followed the prompting to attend the devotional. It’s
the only one I attended during the entire time I took classes at the Institute.
I decided to visit my parents on their
mission over Fall break. So I flew there by myself and had a good experience staying
with them in their apartment and touring the nearby historic sites. In fact, I
wrote my final paper on my visit to Kirtland and Hiram, Ohio on October 18-19,
2018. I’m including part of it here. “Before flying to see my missionary parents in Historic Kirtland, I
learned about the areas I would visit in our Foundations of the Restoration class. In the three classes
preceding my trip, we discussed lessons titled “The Vision” (Doctrine and Covenants 76), “The Kirtland Temple and Priesthood Keys”
(Doctrine and Covenants 109-110), and “Strength Amid Opposition” (Doctrine and
Covenants 112, 121, and 122). I’m grateful for the deeper perspective my visit
gave to the events that I learned about in class.
We visited the John Johnson home on
the first day I was there. It is located in Hiram, Ohio (about 45 minutes away
from Historic Kirtland). My parents and I were the only visitors on the tour,
so we were able to take our time and I felt the Spirit confirm to me the
importance of this place. Joseph and Emma Smith lived there while Joseph worked
on the translation of the Bible (JST). He and Sidney Rigdon received the vision
of the degrees of glory in the upper room of the Johnson home and it was
recorded as Doctrine and Covenants section 76. The missionary who led the tour
took a picture of my parents and I in that room where the Savior was seen in a
vision!
A mob of men violently dragged
Joseph from the Johnson home one night, beat him unmercifully, and poured tar
and feathers on him…. He made his way back to the house later that night, and the
women there helped to remove the tar and feathers. He recovered enough to
preach a sermon on the front steps of that home the next morning and was able
to identify members of the mob among the group. I am impressed with the
Christlike attributes of forgiveness and humility that the prophet Joseph Smith
demonstrated.
I walked up the hill on my own the next
morning to take a tour of the Kirtland Temple. Prior to the tour, I bought a
leather bound copy of the Inspired Version of the Bible (which includes the JST
verses within the text). I also bought replicas of the 1830 Book of Mormon, the small 1833 Book of Commandments, the 1835 Doctrine and Covenants, and the small 1832
hymn book (Doctrine and Covenants 25 explains that the Lord asked Emma Smith to
make a selection of sacred hymns)…. The Kirtland Temple served the Saints for
about two years until they were driven out of the area because of persecution.
I enjoyed the tour of the temple, but I didn’t feel the Spirit as strongly
there as I did at the other sites, possibly because it is no longer owned and
operated by our Church.
The Kirtland Temple was the first
temple to be built in this dispensation (D&C 88:119). It was dedicated in
March 1836 (D&C 109) and the Savior appeared there to accept it as a place
where He would reveal His word (D&C 110:1-10). After that, Joseph Smith and
Oliver Cowdery were visited by Moses, Elias, and Elijah—they each restored
priesthood keys for this dispensation (D&C 110:11-16). Moses restored the
keys to the gathering of the lost tribes of Israel (I think of that as missionary
work or proclaiming the gospel). Elias is a title and the Abrahamic Covenant
was restored through him (I think of that as temple marriage or perfecting the
saints). Elijah restored the sealing power (I think of that as redeeming the
dead, where the hearts of the children are turned to their fathers and vice
versa). Joseph Smith also saw a vision of the celestial kingdom in the Kirtland
Temple (D&C
137) and I love verse 9, which explains that we will be judged by our works
and the desires of our heart. That
gives me great comfort because good people always seem to have a desire to do
more than they actually end up doing, so we get credit for both. We have a very
merciful and loving God.
I
met my parents at the visitors’ center when I returned from my tour of the
temple. My dad
took me on the first part of the visitors’ center tour (which included the
rebuilt school house) with another couple. Then two missionary sisters took me
on the remainder of the Historic Kirtland tour with a couple that was also on
my temple tour. First, we visited the rebuilt ashery and sawmill. After that, we
spent a lot of time in the restored Newel K. Whitney store and restored Whitney
home. We completed the tour in the rebuilt John Johnson inn.
I thoroughly enjoyed the tour of the
Whitney store and home. The N.K. Whitney store played a major role in the
history of the Church in Kirtland. Joseph and Emma lived there for a time and
the School of the Prophets was held in the upper room of the store. Joseph
received the revelation on the Word of Wisdom (D&C 89) and he also worked
on the translation of the Bible (JST) there. My parents and I returned later
that afternoon so that my dad could give me a priesthood blessing in the room
where the School of the Prophets met. It was a very sacred experience for me to
receive a blessing in a place where the Savior was seen by Joseph and it helped
me to feel closer to my parents.
The last place we visited was the
Isaac Morley farm, which is a couple of miles away from the main Historic
Kirtland site. My dad bent a smaller limb down from one of the large trees on
the farm, so that I could have a leaf from a tree that existed during the time
of Joseph Smith. I appreciated learning that Isaac Morley stayed true to his
faith, in spite of opposition. He and his wife, Mary, were some of the first
converts to the Church in Ohio. At the time of their conversion, several
friends lived on their farm and shared a communal lifestyle. Later, they better
understood the higher law of consecration and were willing to eventually
sacrifice their farm when the Lord commanded it. I’m very grateful for the
faith, dedication, and courage of the early Saints, which makes it possible for
me to enjoy the blessings of the gospel and temple work today.”
I shared
my family situation in relation to the church with the sister missionaries during
the tour. At the end of the tour, they shared a quote by James E. Faust with me.
“In the pain, the agony, and the heroic
endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner’s fire, and the insignificant and
the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith
bright, intact, and strong.” He continued, “This change comes about through a
refining process which often seems…hard. In this way the soul can become like
soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness,
beauty, and strength. For some, the refiner’s fire causes a loss of belief and
faith in God, but those with eternal perspective understand that such refining
is part of the perfection process. In our extremities, it is possible to become
born again, born anew, renewed in heart and spirit….This trial of faith can
become a priceless experience. Stated Peter, ‘That the trial of your faith,
being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with
fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus
Christ’ (1 Peter 1:7). Trials and adversity can be preparatory
to becoming born anew. A rebirth out of spiritual adversity causes us to become
new creatures… born of God, changed, redeemed, and uplifted—to become the sons and daughters of God. (See Mosiah 27:24–27.)” (“The
Refiner’s Fire,” Ensign, May 1979).
No other
semester compared with that first semester with those two classes hand-picked
just for me. However, I still enjoyed and was uplifted by the other classes I
took at the Institute. In Spring 2019, I
took a second core class, Teachings and Doctrines of the Book of Mormon.
In Summer 2019, I took three classes, so I could graduate and focus solely on
my last semester at UVU in Fall 2019. During first term of Summer, I took my
last core class, Jesus Christ and the Everlasting Gospel. I also took an
elective taught by the Institute director, Repentance and Forgiveness. It
was a powerful class and I met another friend who I have stayed in touch with occasionally
since then. Both teachers and that friend were helpful in supporting me after I
found out our daughter and her boyfriend were going to have a baby.
I
took my last class during second term of Summer, Witnesses of Christ. There
was only one other female student in that class and she didn’t participate
much, so it was like having my own personal lesson with the teacher each time
we met. Two ideas have stayed with me from that class. First, Nephi and Laban were
types and shadows of Christ and Satan. In 1 Nephi 4:10, 18-19 it says that
Nephi “shrunk and would that I might not… I did obey the voice of the Spirit…
and I did gird on his armor…” This can be loosely compared to the Savior
describing His intense suffering in Gethsemane, “…and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and
shrink—Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my
preparations unto the children of men” (Doctrine
and Covenants 19:18-19). Nephi cut off Laban’s head and put on his armor,
which symbolizes Christ’s full victory over Satan. I would have never discovered
that comparison personally and I was grateful for the way this teacher helped
me to look deeper in the scriptures. Second, I learned, “marvel not, neither should
(you) doubt” (Alma
5:49). Marveling about miracles (and spiritual experiences) does not produce
faith. Instead, it produces doubt. Saying, “I can’t believe it” when something
good happens, actually shows doubt and not faith. Don’t say, “I know I was praying
for it, but I can’t believe it actually happened.” Instead, thank the Lord for His
blessing, which you expected, and continue on with faith. That was another
principle I would have never thought of on my own. I’m grateful for teachers
who study and teach with the Spirit.
I have
always appreciated the eloquence of a quote by Parley P. Pratt, ever since I
first heard my dad quote it when I was a teenager. I discovered it again in Doctrines
of the Gospel Student Manual. “An intelligent being, in the image of God,
possesses every organ, attribute, sense, sympathy, affection, that is possessed
by God himself…. These attributes are in embryo, and are to be gradually
developed. They resemble a bud, a germ, which gradually develops into bloom,
and then, by progress, produces the mature fruit after its own kind. The gift
of the Holy Ghost adapts itself to all these organs or attributes. It quickens
all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands, and purifies all
the natural passions and affections, and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom, to
their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates, and matures all the
fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings, and affections of our nature.
It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness, and charity….”
(Key to the Science of Theology, 61–62; quoted in
“The
Gift of the Holy Ghost,” Doctrines of
the Gospel Student Manual). I am grateful for these strengthening and enhancing
blessings.
In
the video “Wrong
Roads,” Jeffery R. Holland explains, “ There are times when the only
way to get from A to C is by way of B…. Noting that the sun was going
down, (he and his son) decided we better get back. But we came back to a
particular fork in the road, really the only one, that at that point, was absolutely
unrecognizable. I asked my son to pray about which road to take, and he felt
strongly that we should go to the right.... I did as well, and we went to the
right and it was a dead end. We went four or five or six hundred yards and it
was an absolute dead end, clearly the wrong road. We turned around, came back
out, took the other road, and clearly the road to the left was the correct
road. Somewhere along the way, Matt said, ‘Dad, why did we feel, after
praying about it, that the right road was the proper one to take, the correct
one to take, and it wasn't?’ And I said, ‘I think that the Lord, His wish for
us there, and his answer to our prayer was to get us on the right road as
quickly as possible with some reassurance, with some understanding, that we
were on the right road and we didn't have to worry about it. And, in this
case, the easiest way to do that was to let us go 400 yards or 500 yards on the
wrong road, and very quickly know, without a doubt, that it was the wrong road,
and therefore with equal certainty with equal conviction that the other one was
the right road.’ I have absolute certain knowledge, perfect knowledge, that God
loves us. He is good, He is our Father, and He expects us to pray, and trust,
and be believing, and not give up, and not panic, and not retreat, and not jump
ship, when something doesn't seem to be going just right. We stay in, we keep
working, we keep believing, keep trusting, following that same path and we will
live to fall in His arms and feel His embrace and hear Him say, ‘I told you
that it'd be okay, I told you it would be all right.’” I have been
grateful for the times when my prayers have been answered in a similar way.
Richard G. Scott explained, “What do you do when you have
prepared carefully, have prayed fervently, waited a reasonable time for a
response, and still do not feel an answer? You may want to express thanks when
that occurs, for it is an evidence of His trust. When you are living worthily
and your choice is consistent with the Savior’s teachings and you need to act,
proceed with trust. … When you are living righteously and are acting with
trust, God will not let you proceed too far without a warning impression if you
have made the wrong decision” (“Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer,” Ensign, May 2007). I have
experienced this idea of moving forward unless I feel stopped by the Spirit,
rather than waiting for the Spirit to prompt me in every action.
Another
lesson came when I prayed for a stronger testimony of prophets and apostles in
the temple on a Tuesday evening. This was during a difficult time when I was still
sorting out my feelings around my family’s unbelief. I received an unmistakable
answer from the scriptures during Gospel Doctrine class that Sunday on May 9, 2016. “…the Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth
not. Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be; wherefore, these
things are manifested unto us plainly, for the
salvation of our souls. But behold, we are not witnesses alone in these things;
for God also spake them unto
prophets…” (Jacob
4:13). I attached this note to the verse in Gospel Library, “We can know of
a surety that prophets and seers speak truth by the second witness of the
Spirit who we can always trust to testify of truth.” I will end with a basic spiritual
lesson I’ve learned. Repetition in the gospel is a good thing because it helps
us know what we need to focus on most. When I notice repeated words in scriptures,
like “remember, remember” or when I notice repeated themes in General Conference
talks, I have learned to pay attention, rather than tune them out because they
may seem redundant. That lesson has served me well time and time again.
