Chapter 6: Perspective and Peace

Perspective was my word of the year in 2017. One of the definitions for perspective is the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance. Cultivating a perspective of hope has been helpful for me. I remind myself that every day is a new beginning and a fresh start. With this perspective, we have unlimited chances to try again. Being present in the moment, or mindfulness, is another perspective I would like to continue practicing. I try to remind myself that only fairy tales end with “happy ever after.” My goal is to be “happily ever present.”

I’ve also learned that perspective and gratitude complement each other. I appreciate the quote, “gratitude is a magnet for miracles.” Another way to phrase that is to “celebrate the everyday miracles surrounding you,” which is one of my favorite lyrics from my favorite inspirational singer, Hilary Weeks. I will discuss more about gratitude in a later chapter.

Peace was my word of the year in 2018. One way to develop more peace is to be content with what you have, while still taking the initiative to make changes and improve your life. In other words, peace occurs more frequently when we are content, but not complacent. It has been said that “comparison is the thief of happiness.” In the same way, comparison destroys peace. Often, we compare our worst qualities or behavior with the best we observe in other people. That is one of the quickest ways to feel the opposite of peace.

At the end of 2017, I was walking and talking with a good friend. A general authority had recently visited her daughter’s mission and had counseled the missionaries to be “100% in.” I instantly realized that he was speaking of loyalty (not 100% perfect or even 100% obedient – like her missionary assumed). As conscientious women, our minds are frequently bombarded with thoughts of worry, guilt, or shame. In order to feel peace, it’s important to redirect our thinking back to truth in our present circumstances. I continued to ponder and was given the inspiration I needed to deal with difficult circumstances in my own life. It suddenly became very clear to me that I needed to pray for 100% peace when I felt conflicted in my circumstances with family members who have different beliefs than I do.

I had prayed almost constantly for peace up until then, but this new personal revelation changed my perspective almost instantly. As I was thinking about the phrase 100% peace, I realized it was similar to: a “perfect brightness of hope” (see 2 Nephi 31:20), a “fulness of joy” (see 3 Nephi 27:31), and the “pure love of Christ” (see Moroni 7:47). These are all verses found in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. In other words, nothing is perfect, pure, completely full, or 100% – except through the atonement and grace of Jesus Christ! Those phrases describe a state of mind or heart. Our difficult or conflicting circumstances may never change, but we can receive that compensatory comfort all along the way.

Boyd K. Packer taught, “While we do not fully understand how the Atonement of Christ was made, we can experience 'the peace of God, which passeth all understanding' (Philippians 4:7)" (See "The Touch of the Master's Hand," Ensign, April 2001, 22.) This kind of peace doesn’t make sense to the mortal mind and yet I know it occurs. I believe this is one of the ways the Savior succors us and visits us in our afflictions (see Alma 7:12 and Mosiah 24:14 – also powerful verses in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ). A New Testament story illustrates this perfectly. Jesus and his disciples were on a boat and the disciples were afraid when a storm suddenly arose. Mark 4:39 reads, “And [Jesus] arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.” If Jesus is powerful enough to calm the wind and waves in a storm, He is powerful enough to calm our troubled hearts and restore peace.

Chapter 5: Word of the Year

* I have hit a mental block each time I've tried to write beyond the first chapter of this book. That happened again today and I felt discouraged all over again. However, I don't want to quit this time.

I spent a couple hours this afternoon polishing the rough draft of chapter 5. I'm posting it now, even though I'm sure there will be changes in the future. (I actually added more detail and finished polishing it the next day!) I want to continue the momentum I've started, so I won't be going in order and I may only post fragments of a chapter in the future.

Choosing a Word of the Year is a guilt-free substitute for making New Year’s resolutions. For the past decade, I have chosen to look at life through the lens of a word, rather than making a list of resolutions in January. So far, my words have been: Joy (2010), Organize (2011), Decide (2012), Focus (2013), Balance (2014), Organize – again!(2105), Learn (2016), Perspective (2017), Peace (2018), and Temple (2019). It has been amazing to see how these words have literally shaped and changed my life each year.

In 2010, I was still struggling daily with debilitating depression. When I learned about this concept from a blog I followed, I took a leap of faith and chose joy as my word that year. In the fall, I started walking occasionally and began to enjoy the sunshine, fresh air, and beauty of nature. I learned the powerful lesson that I can choose joy – even if I don't feel it yet. 

 In 2011, the word I chose was organize. That year, I gradually organized my life around three spiritual habits. Previously, the depression and anxiety I experienced caused me to fear leaving the house and my world became very small. In April, I returned to weekly church attendance and my world slowly expanded. In June, I began again to read daily in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. Since I had developed my confidence with weekly church attendance, I was also able to begin attending the temple each week in the fall. 

In addition, I went through and consolidated my huge containers of clutter that were stored at my parents’ house before they left to serve a mission at BYU-Hawaii. I learned two important lessons relating to clutter during that year. First, having money to spend doesn't obligate you to spend that money on more stuff that you probably won't use. Second, I will never be satisfied by what I don't need. Therefore, I started learning to better distinguish between needs and wants.

 In 2012, the word I chose was decide. That year, I decided to deliberately build good foundational habits. For example, I chose to form the basic daily habits of flossing my teeth, doing the dishes, wiping our bathroom and kitchen counters, making our bed, doing floor exercises, and practicing the piano. Each time a habit became more automatic, I added the next and then the next. In August of that year, my husband told me he didn't share the same spiritual beliefs that I always thought he had. So I deliberately decided to be 100% in. I needed to be all in with loyalty to both my family and my faith, along with continued self-improvement.

In 2013, the word I chose was focus. During the previous three years, I developed enough confidence to begin turning the focus away from me and onto other people. That fall, I began to visit women in our neighborhood and began walking with a few of them, instead of just walking alone. I learned that what I focus on will grow. In 2014, I chose the word balance. During that year, I began to find the proper balance between reaching out to others and spending time at home.

During 2014 (and every year since), I learned more about weighing what is most valuable in the current moment. We each have a limited amount of time, money, and energy to spend – and it varies from person to person. I learned to evaluate whether I had more time, money, or energy and that would help me know how to allocate those in a more balanced way. I also learned to describe my energy in terms of time blocks or light bulbs. Family, friends, personal care, housework, hobbies, and church/community responsibilities each represent one energy block or light bulb. If I only had four energy blocks on a certain day, then I could only choose four of those areas to spend my time and energy on without becoming overly depleted.

In 2015, I chose the word organize again. I revisited this word by going through all the clutter containers that I brought home from my parents' house a second time. I learned to break big projects or overwhelming changes into smaller, more manageable steps. For example, when I organized my closet with clear containers on the shelves, then each item became more accessible and decluttering became less overwhelming. I also learned that having an "in process" section in my closet (for clothes that have been worn, but don't need to be washed yet) helped me avoid piling them elsewhere. 

External organization often affects me internally as well. In 2011, it created space in my heart for renewed spiritual habits. This time, it made space for me to return to college when our daughter started attending UVU that fall. In 2016, I continued that momentum by choosing the word learn. I attended college classes during all three semesters of that year and I even faced my fear of taking math again. We also made the decision to move across town and learned a lot as we began working with the builder in October.

 In 2017, I chose the word perspective. That year gave me many opportunities to develop new perspectives in different aspects of my life. We packed our belongings and moved from the home we had lived in for nineteen years. Our son was born shortly after we moved into that original home, so it was difficult to leave a home and neighborhood which held many years of memories for us. Perspective shifts also occurred as we adjusted to our life in a new home and neighborhood. Then I felt strongly prompted to withdraw from UVU a couple weeks after the fall semester began. That unexpected decision led to other adjustments in perspective, which included beginning marriage therapy with my husband and attempting to begin writing this book.

In 2018, I chose the word peace, which helped me learn to become more content with some of the perspective shifts of the previous year. In 2019, I chose the word temple and spent much more time worshiping in those sacred buildings. This also continued to increase my peace and develop my eternal perspective, which I will discuss more fully in the next chapter.

I neglected to choose a word for the first half of this year, partially because I became a grandma and then this unprecedented worldwide pandemic occurred. I began working with a life coach in April and I recently decided to choose the word remember for the remainder of this year. I would like to remember more fully what I’ve learned and overcome, but especially how God has blessed me through it all.