Recording the "great things" God has done

I spent about eight hours posting these eleven posts today. I was wondering if I had just been completely obsessive, but then I remembered 3 Nephi 23:9-14 ~ 

11 And Jesus said unto them: How be it that ye have not written this thing, that many saints did arise and appear unto many and did minister unto them? 

12 And it came to pass that Nephi remembered that this thing had not been written. 

13 And it came to pass that Jesus commanded that it should be written; therefore it was written according as he commanded.

The things I wrote were some of the "great things" that God has done for me over the past six weeks. 

I planned to not post anymore after the first draft of the book was finished, but it felt like important work to do in preparation for the podcast interview on Wednesday morning. 

I posted the four thought downloads I sent my life coach between Saturday morning (before General Conference began) and Wednesday evening (prior to our session on Thursday afternoon). 

I made four separate posts of the details about my four spiritual experiences that pierced through the darkness of the past six weeks: 

• Scripture study on August 30th: Learning to love myself through remembering Christ
• Digital fireside on August 31st: Encouragement to continue, even when discouraged
• Digital fireside on September 19th: "More Purpose in Prayer"
• My answer during General Conference: Turn your full focus to Jesus Christ

Plus, a few posts about corresponding with a potential new therapist (we have a preliminary phone call on Monday afternoon) and preparing for the podcast. 

My Answer (October 3–4, 2020)

• Update to my life coach after evening session of General Conference on October 3rd: 

I feel much more grounded now that I've listened to six hours of conference talks and calming music. And have cried a bucket full of tears. 

During the women's meeting, I made the hard decision to delete Jody Moore off Instagram and unsubscribed from her podcast. I literally sobbed when I pushed those buttons, but I felt the Lord whispering that I need to focus more on the simple and basic truths of the gospel to refill my tank. She was one of the reasons I found my coach, though, and I'm grateful for that. Perhaps, I will find a new therapist because of those promptings this morning as well.

• Update to my life coach before morning session of General Conference on October 4th:

The answer to my struggles has descended powerfully upon me overnight. 

Picture from Jasper National Park in Alberta, Canada
(I'm not sure who to give photo credit to.)

I have spent so much time trying to figure out my brain and feelings (which are both damaged because of mortality) over the past six months that I have completely turned my life upside down. Jesus is my answer. If you're able to support me in that, I welcome your help. I also welcome your prayers. 

I'm all in with this new model. I've never been so sure of anything in my life. Are you interested in coaching me with this? 

* My coach replied:  Absolutely!!! He is the answer to everything.

The downward spiral (first thought download to my life coach on October 3, 2020)

• I wrote this prior to General Conference on Saturday morning (adapted for this blog): 

I walked with my good friend yesterday morning for the first time since the morning of August 28th. (I wrote about her in Divine Intersection #5.) She is the one that asked me more about coaching that morning (8/28) and that's when I started going back through my notes from previous sessions—which is when my first doubts about coaching started showing up. 

Then I had those helpful moments of inspiration from Alma 31:35, Alma 24:16, and Doctrine and Covenants 20:77,79 on Sunday, August 30th. 

That was followed by watching the digital fireside with Hilary Weeks on the evening of our 25th anniversary (August 31st) and she also sent me an email with similar encouragement on Sunday, September 13th (at the end of the volatile weekend where I quit coaching and put my book away). 

During the previous week, Kenneth Cope gave me permission to use his song, "Broken," but then wanted to make sure I gave him a copy of my book (after he asked me to change the title). That is when most of the anxiety started about the book. Hilary gave me mixed signals when I asked her again about including her lyrics—but after a couple of weeks of writing back and forth, she gave me permission to use full lyrics to 30+ songs (on the evening of Sunday, the 20th). That felt ironic, since I had actually decided to quit writing at that point. 

In the meantime, our daughter had a week off from school, so I used that week to try to be brave and sent out part 3 to my coach and a few others who were mentioned in that section (Tuesday, September 15th). That caused me to feel even more anxiety because I have never put myself out there to that degree before—especially since it wasn't a final draft. She was very kind to read it and give me feedback, even though I had quit coaching the week before. I went back through her emails and sent several replies to her during what would have been our coaching time on Thursday, the 17th. I felt lost and alone because I knew she wasn't technically my coach anymore and I felt very sad when she didn't write back (since I only paid her to be my friend). That's why I asked to resume coaching. I really missed her support. 

I watched a very inspired virtual youth conference talk by a temple sealer in our ward on Saturday, September 19th—which reminded me of how important prayer is. I emailed to thank him, and his wife ended up being sustained as our Relief Society president the next morning. So I think that was Heavenly Father's way of preparing my heart to sustain her, since I had such a difficult experience with our previous Relief Society president (and needed to be released as her secretary in August 2017). 

On Wednesday (September 30th), I texted all the friends I included in my "freak out" email on September 13th. The Relief Society president (in Divine Intersection #4), my friend (in Divine Intersection #6), and another friend (in Divine Intersection #1) texted back, which helped me know I hadn't really burned all my bridges after all (that's how I felt on Sunday, the 13th). I'm going over to visit my friend (in Divine Intersections #1) on Monday afternoon after I finish watching our grandson. 

I took the Enneagram test on Tuesday and ended up walking with my friend (and ministering sister) the next day. She helped me gain some more insight because I trust her completely and always feel God's love through her. My friend (in Divine Intersection #5) also renewed my confidence during our walk yesterday. She validated why the "perfect storm" of difficulty over the past month would have been tough for anyone. She reminded me of how strong I have become during the years we have walked together—and how I will never go back to being that person in 2010 (which I thought I was becoming, since I was retreating to my bedroom and buffering on Instagram more and more). She also explained that no one helps her feel more self-love than I do, so she knows I have the ability to learn to love myself that way also. 

As I was praying for inspiration on Sunday (September 20th), I felt strongly prompted to start walking to my mom's house with our grandson as a destination (like I used to with stores back in 2010-2013)—since I have been scared to walk on my own. That ended up becoming her and my dad coming over to walk with us on Tuesday-Thursday (September 22nd-24th). Each day felt frustrating with some successes mixed in. 

I realized when I watched our daughter try to soothe her screaming son during sleep training (on that Tuesday afternoon) that I have never learned to self-comfort. I only know how to self-criticize. So that is helpful—and we've already been working on that with coaching. But I still feel so stuck. 

I listened to Jody Moore's podcast this morning where she talks about how coaching isn't helpful for people who need traditional therapy. That validated how I felt about coaching, but it was also very frustrating to be in marriage therapy with my husband for ten sessions in Fall 2017 and 40 sessions with our therapist more recently). So I looked up some therapists on Psychology Today this morning and sent five emails. Maybe I will resume individual therapy after my deductible is met sometime in November. So, that is a stream of consciousness answer to your questions. I'm going to watch Conference now.

Roller coaster of emotions (summary while trying to find another therapist)

• Brief summary of this blog (and hopefully a finished book someday), along with a recent update:

I walked and talked my way back to good health on my own and with others from 2010 to 2018. I progressed from wishing I could die and rarely leaving our bedroom (2008-2010) to walking to destinations all over town in order to safely leave the house without having to interact much with people (2011-2013), followed by facing my social anxiety and visiting over 500 women (2013 to 2015). I also went back to college and earned an associate degree (2015-2019). During a break from college, I actually made "Walking with Wendi" cards and handed them out to friends and family to continue focusing on walking and talking. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder in 1994 and then I was diagnosed with MS in January 2013—so I believe walking has literally saved me, both physically and emotionally. 

Unfortunately, COVID-19 has gradually reduced my functionality, since I have been to very few places in the last seven months because of MS. Most of my friends are dealing with their own situations, so I lost most of my walking and talking time. And much of my anxiety, depression, and obsessive compulsive tendencies have gradually returned because of the isolation. I'm sure that is a common story for a lot of your clients. Our marriage therapist and my coach repeatedly asked me to go deep into those dark places and explore my thoughts and feelings—I ended up getting trapped in a self-hate, self-doubt, shame, and guilt storm. I'm gradually pulling myself out of it this week, but it has been a tough combination of circumstances. 

I'm an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I met my future husband as missionaries in the same mission. We were married in the temple in 1995, but he told me he is an atheist in August 2012 (that's the easiest way to describe it, although I don't believe in labels). That was difficult for me to understand, but I've been trying hard to figure out how to make our relationship work ever since because he is still one of the best people I know. Our adult daughter has a nine month old baby and she and her boyfriend live in our basement—I babysit him part-time while my daughter is finishing her degree. Our adult son also lives with us and has some emotional challenges (similar to mine) as well. They both attend UVU and are good people, but they also believe very differently than I do. So I have a lot of ongoing dissonance, but have tried hard to adapt as much as possible through the years.

* I emailed that summary yesterday afternoon to a therapist that I hope to begin meeting with in the future. 

• I sent this follow-up email this afternoon: 

So much has happened since I sent that original email from Psychology Today prior to General Conference beginning on Saturday morning! 

I asked to resume meeting with my life coach for the remaining four sessions that I had already paid for. I have written several lengthy thought downloads to her since Saturday morning (before General Conference). My thoughts have gradually become clearer during that process and I'm so relieved to finally be surfacing from this depression I've been wading through for the past few weeks. I asked if she would please just coach me from a place of Jesus Christ being at the center of the self-coaching model (Circumstances -> Thoughts -> Feelings -> Actions -> Results), since my thoughts and feelings sometimes aren't reliable when I'm dealing with mental illness challenges. 

We had a really helpful Zoom session yesterday. During that session, I received an invitation by text to be a guest on "Stories of Hope in Hard Times" podcast. I have been trying to write the book that people have been encouraging me to write about my journey over the past six years. I used this blog as an accountability tool for the first draft (July 5 - August 18, 2020). I feel that I was strongly prompted to begin writing again (prior to this, I have never been able to write more than a chapter) and felt the magnifying help from heaven during the process—but I also believe that it must have been during a hypomanic episode. 

A friend recommended that the host interview me and she reached out after looking at this blog. I gradually descended into this depression after working on the 2nd and 3rd drafts of the book (I decided to put the half-finished project away on September 13th). My mental health really declined because I became more and more sleep deprived, since I needed to wake up at 7am Monday-Thursday to watch my grandson. (My MS often keeps me up in the middle of the night and there was no opportunity to sleep in a little longer once the babysitting started on August 24th). I have taken Wellbutrin XL 300 mg and Lamictal 100 mg since I began walking back in 2011. My psychiatrist has told me before that bipolar swings are often preceded by sleep deprivation. 

 Anyway, I am trying to be very careful because I don't want to take on too much now that I'm feeling better again. So, I decided to take a couple of hours today to post my thoughts on this blog (I stopped posting on it after the first draft was completed) in preparation for the podcast interview on Wednesday morning. After that, I hope to set it aside and force myself to take a shower and move on to something less anxiety producing. 

Chapter 25: Lifelong Learning (part 2)

 

          I actively avoided taking any math or English classes during my first two semesters, but I couldn’t put them off much longer. I finally felt brave enough to register for Math 990 during Summer semester 2016. This was an expensive four credit class (which was required, since I hadn’t taken any math classes since 1989 in high school). However, it was only a prerequisite and didn’t count toward any degree. So several academic advisors recommended that I take a $45 class called Math Leap instead. I took another “leap of faith” and dropped the math class, but the advisor over Math Leap explained that I could even pay a little less by purchasing a personal copy of the ALEKS program to work on at home. (I volunteered to take notes in Sociology class for a student who had those accommodations and I ended up getting paid $50, which offset the cost!) ALEKS is an acronym for Assessment and Learning in Knowledge Spaces. It’s an online tutoring and assessment program that intuitively focuses on what you need help with the most, while skipping skills you’ve already mastered. I diligently worked through math problems each day for over seven weeks. I was nervous to take the test, but I finally did at the end of June. I scored 36, which placed me in Math 1010, but I didn’t want to settle for the general math class. I decided to continue studying and took the test again on July 5^th. That time, I scored 55, which placed me in Math 1040 (Introduction to Statistics - the math class suggested for Behavioral Science majors). I was so proud of myself for sticking with it and was asked to be in a testimonial video for ALEKS later that semester. 

            Meanwhile, my therapist and psychiatrist recommended that I apply for a grant from a government program called Vocational Rehabilitation. It forced me out of my comfort zone to meet with the counselor there, but I’m grateful I did. No scholarships are available for summer semester and Voc. Rehab. just happened to have a surplus around that same time, so they made a one-time payment of $1,525 to cover the tuition for my other two classes. One of those classes was Introduction to Film and I took it online with our daughter to fulfill our fine arts requirement. We watched several movies together and had to write papers on a few of them, but it ended up being relatively fun. The other class was English 1010 and it was not fun at all. I took it during first block of Summer semester, which meant the schedule was condensed and accelerated. I was required to write five short papers and five long papers in seven weeks. The stress from that caused an MS relapse and I ended up having to wear a knee brace over my jeans for an entire year after that. However, one paper was a review, so that gave my husband and I a chance to revisit the Springville Museum of Art, which is where my bridal pictures were taken back in 1995. I chose to write the final paper on a religious topic and I had several insightful conversations with my teacher about it, so those two experiences made it feel worthwhile.

            I qualified for a $650 waiver from the Women’s Success Center for the Fall 2016 semester. I applied that toward Introduction to Statistics and Contemporary Families (which fulfilled my Global Intercultural requirement ). I volunteered to take notes in Statistics class for another student with those accommodations and received $50 again, so that helped pay for one of the textbooks. Taking notes for someone else required me to pay closer attention than I may have normally, so I probably owe my A- to that, because I didn’t really understand very much of it. In Contemporary Families class, we were divided into groups of five students, who became our family for the semester. I grew close to them during our time together and even invited them to our home for dinner and a hike up the hill behind the cemetery as our final activity. We sat and talked as we watched the sunset, which I really enjoyed. I kept in touch with two of the female students for awhile after that and was grateful for the chance to get to know them better outside of class.

            We decided to build our new home with a functional main level during Fall semester, since my leg still hadn’t recovered from the MS relapse. That meant we would be moving in the middle of Spring 2017 semester, so I decided to take both of my classes online, instead of having the added stress of traveling to and from campus. I qualified for another $650 waiver from the Women’s Success Center and applied that toward my two online classes during Spring semester. One was Statistics for the Behavioral Sciences, which is the only upper division class I’ve ever taken. I wanted to ride the momentum from ALEKS and Introduction to Stats, since this would be the last math class I would have to take for my entire degree. The textbook was online and was written by the professor who taught the class. During the first week of class, he offered $100 cash to any student who was good at proofreading. So I told him I would volunteer if no one else did and I started to make some notes for possible corrections as I went along. I assumed someone else was actually doing it, so I didn’t feel pressure, but he told me later that I was the only one. He invited me to his office, so he could pay me, after I took the first test in the testing center. It was really nice to meet him in person, since his videos were very helpful and I knew his voice so well from watching them. It ended up being much more difficult to proofread after chapter eight, partially because of the difficulty of the material and also because we were packing and preparing to move. I told him I could return the $100 bill, but he said I had earned that and more already. I appreciated the way he graciously allowed me out of “the contract.”

            The other online class I took during Spring 2017 semester was Stress Management with a focus on Hardiness. That was the perfect class to provide therapy for the stress I felt while packing, moving, and unpacking during the semester. Since it worked so well the previous year, our daughter and I took Introduction to Meteorology online for Summer 2017 semester. It wasn’t nearly as fun as the film class, but I have always loved looking at the different types of clouds as I’ve walked. So learning about each type and being able to name them when I saw them in the sky made it worthwhile for me. Our daughter didn’t like anything about the class, but at least it met the requirement for one of our two physical science classes.  

            Unexpected changed occurred during Fall semester 2017. I registered for Positive Psychology (which was taught by my previous Intro. to Sociology teacher) and Interpersonal Relationship Skills. I was feeling discouraged going into the semester, so I felt like these classes were perfectly timed. In Positive Psychology, we learned about positive affirmations and our first assignment was to write five affirmations on index cards. Since I was feeling so discouraged, I decided to make four extra sets of them and used a black marker so they would stand out. I focused specifically on areas where I wanted to improve. The first set included: I am enough, I am capable, I make a difference in my family, I assume the best, I forgive myself and others. The second set included: I am resilient, I am brave, I am calm and confident, I am stronger because of every “failure” or mistake, I focus on “small or something.” The third set included: I have good ideas, I make good decisions, I have my own opinions, I am a successful student, I know and respect my limits. The fourth set included: I am grateful, I stay in the present, I look for the everyday miracles surrounding me, I have eternal perspective, I am making progress. The fifth set included: I am anchored by faith, hope, and love; I am saved through Christ’s grace, I have faith that God keeps his promises, I walk to show God that I love my legs; I triumph daily over depression, anxiety, and MS.  

            I also made cards with other motivational quotes and thoughts on them. They included: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13), “We are all just walking each other home” (Ram Dass), “Let go and let God,” God works through me to bless others, “Things will work out” (Gordon B. Hinckley), and “Gratitude is a magnet for miracles.” In addition, I made a card with three common thinking errors that I easily fall into. It read, Avoid “all or nothing” / “always or never” / “should.” Our second assignment was to listen to a YouTube recording of  “The Strangest Secret in the World” by Earl Nightingale. This is a summary of the recording, “Success is really nothing more than the progressive realization of a worthy ideal. This means that any person who knows what they are doing and where they are going is a success. Any person with a goal towards which they are working is a successful person.” I also simplified it and made three more index cards: “Success is the progressive realization of a worth ideal;” We become what we think about; Believe and succeed. I carried all 35 of these index cards in a Ziploc bag inside my binder. I took them out and read through them three times each day. My goal was very general. I just wanted to live a more balanced life – by focusing on emotional, physical, spiritual, and social health. So I began our third assignment, which was a 30-day challenge, with that goal in mind. We weren't supposed to plan how it would happen. We were just supposed to put all our faith and emotional energy into living positively and the way to achieve our goal would be opened to us.

            I sent the following email to my teacher on Saturday evening, which was September 2, 2017 (just a week into this process.) “You know how I'm putting all my positive thoughts into living a balanced life? My husband and I were talking this evening about how we're still having some big obstacles in our marriage. It had never occurred to me that my going to college is one of them. But he keeps saying that I ‘go away’ emotionally each semester and the breaks in between aren't long enough to recover the ground we've lost. I have noticed that he's right and I've tried not to, but school is stressful and I can only concentrate on a few things at a time in life before my brain feels like it's going to explode. Well, a definition of insanity is ‘doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ This evening, it hit me all of a sudden that I need to not do school anymore. As soon as I had this thought, I stopped crying and felt total peace. That was the total opposite solution that I thought I would come to! John didn't suggest it and I didn't feel pressured into it. It just suddenly became crystal clear to me. My scholarship appeal was approved yesterday, so it isn't because I'm feeling pressured or overwhelmed. In fact, I couldn't be in a better mindset to succeed. So I think I have now found my answer that will lead to a balanced life. I have the materials we were going to study this semester and I plan to continue keeping the gratitude journal and reviewing my affirmation cards. However, many people have encouraged me to write a book about my experiences of the past six years and I kept saying that I would when I finish with college – in five years. But I think this is the time. I really want to drop my two classes now, but I'm going to sleep on it. I don't want to make a mistake, but I really feel like this is the path I should take. So let me know what you think. However, if I still feel strongly about it tomorrow, I think I'm just going to act, since the drop deadline is Tuesday. If this is my answer, then you can consider this my preview essay for the 30-day challenge. Wow! I had no idea it would really work! And I'm only a week into the challenge!”

            My teacher supported me in my decision and I met her on Tuesday to talk more about it on campus. I also met with my academic advisor, who had then become a good friend. She helped me fill out the paper work to withdraw completely from school. Then I went around and thanked a few of my teachers in the family studies department before heading home. When I arrived home, I started to panic a little bit because now the pressure was on to improve my marriage and write the book. I remembered that my friend saw a therapist with her husband, so I looked up the website. I called to explain our situation and they recommended a therapist. When I saw her picture on the website, I knew she was the right one. I ended up meeting with her five times on my own and five additional times with John. We were making good progress when she told me her husband had joined the military and they would be moving to Las Vegas. I decided to stop seeing her professionally and asked if I could meet her a couple more times in a casual setting before they moved. She talked with her supervisor and made the exception. So we met once at Café Rio. Then she met me two other times with her two little boys, once at the park and once at Chick-fil-A, so they could play while we talked. I’m grateful for the progress John and I made during those three months of therapy.

            During that time, I also tried to start writing this book. However, I could never decide how to organize it and moving forward with the writing just felt too overwhelming. So I decided to just try to write it as a personal history, but that ended up becoming family history in January 2018 – which became a whole other part of my journey. (I write about that in chapter 32.) Meanwhile, I also discovered a couple of life coaches online. Brooke Castillo started The Life Coach School and Jody Moore was trained by her. Jody is also a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and coaches with those values. I listened to several free webinars, poured through information on their websites, and took copious notes. I even thought I might want to become a life coach, but then I felt prompted to return to college and finish my associate degree instead. It felt ridiculous to head in that direction again, but I know better than to second-guess those strong promptings.

            I registered for Summer 2018 semester at UVU and took Introduction to Geology, which fulfilled my second and final physical science requirement. My classroom was in the Pope Science building right next to the opening where the large pendulum swings. There are also several cases filled with different types of rocks in that area of the building, which were fascinating to look at before and after class. I volunteered to take notes for another student who had those accommodations, so that helped me to focus much more closely than I probably would have otherwise (and I earned another $50, which helped pay for my textbook). The teacher had some conflicts toward the end of the semester, so we were given the option to write a final paper or study the slides for the last few chapters on our own and take the final exam in the testing center. I opted for the latter. By that time, I learned how to take notes from the slides in a way that was helpful for my brain to remember them.

            The last chapter was on evolution and it was a little unsettling to me. So I read a lot of extra information and decided that I fall into the camp of “evolutionary creationism,” which means I believe God uses a type of evolution within His creation process. To me, that is basically a loose definition of eternal progression, which I write about in the final chapter of this book. I also realized that I lean more toward Christian universalism in my spiritual beliefs, while still staying true to my core beliefs as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I believe “everyone wins” in God’s plan because we all basically decide where we will end up in eternity and how comfortable we will be there by our choices and actions in this life. That strengthened my belief in the importance of agency, along with the reality of God’s unconditional love, mercy, and grace.

            During the Fall 2018 semester I took Nutrition through the Lifecycle (to fulfill my Biology requirement) and Introduction to Social Work. That was the first year of teaching for my nutrition teacher and I really enjoyed her casual and helpful approach. I sat by a female student in both classes that I became friends with and I met them outside of class several times to study for tests. That made the semester much more enjoyable. I also became friends with a recovered heroin user in my social work class. She returned to college after having a baby and cleaning up her life. I was impressed with her authenticity, her dedication to making good choices, and her courage in achieving her goals.

            We were each required to participate in 20 service hours outside of social work class, which was the most difficult part of the semester for me. I decided to volunteer with the English conversation club. So I met a Chinese woman several times on campus and once at her home to help her practice speaking English. I enjoyed getting to know her in the process. I also joined a Spanish woman in her English class a few times to help her with the vocabulary, exercises, and activities in her workbook. She knew very little English, but it was fun trying to figure out how to communicate with body language and also a little help from Google Translate. I still needed several more volunteer hours, so I contacted a woman in our previous ward who taught fourth grade at Westmore Elementary. She agreed to let me help two boys who needed additional practice with math and reading skills. I took them out in the hall and tutored them there. I became extra close with one of the boys and she asked me to focus all my attention on him during the last few visits. An interesting side note is that I attended Westmore Elementary for first, second, and third grade between 1978 and 1981. It was a very old building then and has since been remodeled. I’m grateful for the chance I had to try to make a difference in the lives of those two women and that boy.

            I was really nervous about taking Ethics and Values, so I took that class by itself during Spring 2019 semester. I had previously dropped that class within the first week during several other semesters because I just didn’t feel good about the teacher or syllabus. So I knew I needed to make it work this time. This teacher was head of the Philosophy department and Director of the Center for Ethics at the university, so he treated it like an upper division class. That made it easier in a way, but also more stressful in other ways. The only assignments during the entire semester were a midterm exam, a research paper, a group debate, and a final exam (which ended up being several essay answers submitted from home). Ever since I was a teenager, I have appreciated this quote by Plato, “When men speak ill of thee, live so that nobody will believe them.” I was grateful to learn about Socrates and Plato because I knew very little about them before taking the class. In fact, I chose to write my research paper about them. I decided to compare and contrast Socrates and Plato with Jesus and Paul. It was an extremely broad, but very fascinating topic for me. I was paired with a difficult student for the group debate, but the preparation taught me a lot about patience. I also learned how to prepare a power point presentation for the first time and presenting in front of the class helped me face some of my fears. I learned to look at ideas from different perspectives as I listened to the professor’s lectures, participated in the class discussions, and attended campus events on religion and sexual orientation for extra credit. I also appreciated talking with the professor occasionally after class.

            I decided to take my remaining three classes at the Institute of Religion to earn my diploma over the summer. So my last semester at UVU occurred during Fall 2019. Because I was only able to transfer 7.66 credits from my previous college experiences in 1990 and 1992, I was required to take an extra one credit class in order to meet the minimum requirement of 60 credits for an associate degree. If I wanted an associate degree in Behavioral Science, I would need to take Social/Cultural Anthropology, which was a three credit class and is another one I had dropped several times during the first week in previous semesters. My other option was an online Library Research class, which was one credit. Neither felt like good options, but I chose Library Research and downgraded my associate degree to a basic University Studies degree. The other class I had been putting off was English 2010. So I finally took the darn intermediate writing class. The two main assignments were a personal dilemma paper and a research paper with annotated bibliography. So my online Library Research class ended up being the perfect class to take with it, since the main assignment was an annotated bibliography. I decided to write my paper on how to ease the pressure of perfectionism in women. So I worked on half of the annotated bibliography for that topic in Library Research and finished the requirements for that class about a month early. During that time, I wrote and submitted both drafts of the personal dilemma paper in English. That left the rest of the semester to focus on finishing the annotated bibliography and writing the research paper. I had a couple of mini-nervous breakdowns, but ended up with a paper I was proud of. I appreciated my professor’s kindness and helpful feedback during the entire writing process. She was the exact teacher I needed for that class. We had different views about religion, but she was very respectful and I learned a lot from her.  I turned in the final paper a couple weeks before the semester was over and her only feedback was that I should put it up on a blog so others could read it. I eventually followed that counsel and it has been the perfect accountability tool for finally writing this book. I ended up with 60.66 credits and an associate degree – with high honors. I believe each class and each teacher taught me valuable life lessons and I will always be grateful for the entire experience.

Title, Dedication, and Acknowledgements

I decided today on a possible title for the book I've been writing: 

Practice Makes Perfect Progress 

and Other Perspective Shifts for the Recovering Perfectionist

I wrote this dedication: To John, who always sees my potential and worth, even when I don't. 

I also spent several hours writing the Acknowledgements: 

            This book is the product of my experiences with hundreds of people. My sincere gratitude goes to all who have influenced me along my journey. It would be impossible for me to create a complete list, but I will take this opportunity to thank many people by name. I’ve grouped them into different periods of my life. Several people fit in more than one area, but I’ve chosen the one that best fits the way they influenced me most.

            To John, who is the hardest working and most selfless person I know. Thank you for choosing to spend your life with me. To Heather and Lance, for giving me the opportunity to be a mother. Thanks for your patience as I’ve learned and grown right along with you. To Max, who has brightened my days with his smiles, giggles, squawks, and snuggles.

            To my parents, Arnie and Cherie, who taught me by example the value of stick-to-it-iveness and service to others. Thank you for serving missions at BYU-Hawaii and Historic Kirtland, so I could have an excuse to visit those places. To my siblings: Natalie (Randy), Randy (Laura), Rob (Eve), and Cory (Karissa). Thank you for letting me visit you and your children when you lived in other states. To my grandmas, Lena and Lucile, who treated me special and passed along the desire to stay connected to my relatives.  

            To my walking friends: Corinne Jenkins, Becky Allen, Diane Knight, Kelly Chalmers; Brenda Warren, Terri Rino, Shari Soelberg; Michelle Linford, Susannah Reyneke, Bonnie Walker, Suzanne Fry; Janell Wright, Melissa Dunaway, Heather Rindlisbacher. Thank you for letting me shake my head out over and over again…and loving me through it all.

            To friends who graciously welcomed me into their homes: Susan and Doug Morrison, Ann Barlow, Cheryl Taylor, Kathy Schlendorf, and Kristyne Stephens. Thank you for countless hours of visits over several years.

            To our close neighbors (and their families) in both areas of Orem: Holly Jacobs, Christa Ringer, Michelle Chamberlain, Stori Misbach, Susan Verbic, Janet Davis; Shelby Russell, Joyce Nixon, Nicole Perry, Candice Gordon, Nichelle Jensen, April Hurt. Thank you for your kindness and patience over two decades.

            To thoughtful people who have made a difference for me spiritually or emotionally as they have served and loved me. 

Canyon View stake: Jan Martin, Joleen Black, Ruth Ann Smith, Ginger Fisher, Eileen Booth, Rob Chalmers, Mosbarger family, Diane McNeill, Colette Terry, Katie Fox, Ann Youngquist; Liz Livingston, Leesa Simmons, Paula Harper, Jennifer Greenwood, Allyson Riding, Rosana Sorensen, Karina McDonald, Sheryl Pryor, Jessica Deucher; Marlae Rindlisbacher, Sandi Monson.

Orem 6^th ward: Brekke Felt, Angela Schill, Teri Walker, Jenny and Sarah Pachev, Katrina and Mike Johanson, Shersti and Jared Pearson, Tracy Smith, Brian Nixon, Joyce Henderson, Shane Frazier, Lois Park, Rebecca Armstrong, Debbie Wimpfheimer. 

Longmont, Colorado: Dave Kenison, Tom Reed, Gary Marison, Olivers, Mary Sue Russell. 

Tallahassee, Florida: Jackie Stone, Cathrie Long, Chris Kemp, Ann Cluff, Maureen Webb. Richard Chapple, Troy Mohrman, Ken (Hunter) Bergstrom, Laurie Tiedt. Thank you for caring.  

            To kind people who have helped me with temple work: Kathy and Alan Manwaring, Pam Petroff; Lisa Johnson and Bernotski family; Marti, Greg, and Jared Tuttle; Jenkins family and Ben Cragun, Dick and Mary Jackson, Julia and Ken Cluff, Linda and Marlan Platt, Lori Duke, Carolyn Davis, Catherine and Mike Kipp, Paul Christensen, Roger Minert, Helen and Brad Prescott; Noah and Tennyson Schill, Johanson girls, Cameron and Morgan Dopp, Renee Blumel, Jenna Wolfley and Richard Lindahl; various youth in the Canyon View Stake, and Orem 6th ward. Thank you for your selfless service.

            To good people who make my temple experience even better: Ken Kleven, Van Jaeger, Ron Bartalini, Sherry Cox, Kay Heath, Louisa Howard, Debra Elvin; Cheryl Esplin, President Freestone, President Stone, Brother Eliason, Gammons; Linda Olsen, Heather Bodine, Krista Tate, Pam Hansen, Patti Bell, Sherrie Johnson, Rebekah Westfall; Amy Christensen, Gay Bailey; Michelle Caringella, Renae Gale, Carolyn, LeeAnn, and all the others who have gone out of their way to help me in the baptistry. Thank you for brightening my days.

            To those who have cared about our children and helped them (or me) in different ways: Anne Miller, Sandee and Andres Sosa, Kate Plewe; Taralyn Sorensen, Gailan Smith, Debbie Carn; Tami Rasmussen, Meg Ernstrom, Deanne Allred, Andrea Allman; Carol Walker, Melissa Dabb. Thank you for making my job as a mom just a little bit easier over the years.

            To friends who helped me become even more clear about what I believe: Ruth Thompson; Christy Hurt, Dana Mecham, Aubree Patterson, Marcela Gubler; Tracey Hamilton, Chelsea Rasmussen. Thank you for helping me see things from different perspectives. To others who challenged me to learn how to love in ways I wasn’t used to yet: Pauline Colton, Alauna Hyland, Sue Burton, Victoria Myers, Clixie Larson, Renee Wakamatsu, Andrea and Phillip Cockrell, Marshall DeGroot. I’m grateful for what I’ve learned from our experiences together.

            To friends from my childhood, teenage, and young adult years (I will refer to them by their pre-marriage names): 

Tallahassee, Florida: Trista Whitley, Lori Clark, Marika Chapple; Danny Bishop, Tam Nguyen, Bill Roberts, Mike Poppell, Paul Kern, Joe Caceres; Petrea Schrader, Joel Bowers, Ben Fort; Sharon Flagg, Felicia Cooke; Cheri Wright, Kacey Lewis.

Longmont, Colorado: Kristina Marzano; Karna Reed, Janae Wheeler, Karen Farnsworth; Dave Cragun, Brent Patterson, Darin Moss; Mark Wheeler, Geoff Smith. 

Orem, Utah: Angie Millet; Lisa Lawson, Becca Collyer, Jenny Clawson, Ange Walker, Jodi Sorensen; Pam Hawkes, Becky Kirby, Rob Trent, Brenda Lopez, Kim Latimer, Vaughn Porter, Poché siblings. Thank you for helping me in your unique way to become who I am today.

            To missionaries and others who were influential during my experience as a full-time missionary (I will refer to them by their pre-marriage names): TyRee Jenks, Val Roden; Cheryl Bevan, JoAnn Stock, Jeanine Bird, Carla Peterson, Rebecca Benson; Liz Baumgarten, Lalena Page, Kathy Perkins; Wheeler family, Griffin family, Dalls, Whitts, Wanda Nielsen, Terrys; Pam Curran, Aja Werkheiser, Aurora Moon; Sisters Ha, Lopez, Farrier, and Gee; Neal Larson, Justin Rasmussen, Dick and Diane Morley. Thank you for your patience, love, and examples.

            To life coaches, therapists, co-workers, and teachers I’ve worked with: Kendra Huffman, Heather Frazier, Jody Moore, Brooke Castillo, Tracy Hoth; Megan Rogers, Julie Malloy; David Paulson, Jon Skidmore; Brad Edgington, Ryan Balagna, Mitch Suyama, Heather Hoyal, Vickie Anderson; Mark Hull, Sherry Smith, Pam Christensen, Lexi Sanders, Adam Whitehead; Wanda Black, Dave Rollins, Carol Lorek, Jane Rose, and Mrs. Landreth. Thank you for all the lessons I learned during our time together.

            To the teachers, students, and secretaries at the Utah Valley University Institute of Religion: Karen Hepworth, Polly Tullis, Cassidy Hubert, David Durfey, Chelsea Chipman, Emily Mitchell, Eric Shields, Cody Orvis, Kurtis McBeth, Tyler Bartholomew, Cedi Christensen, Maren, Daniel Bradley, Todd Murdock, Valerie Christensen. Thank you for strengthening my testimony, helping with temple work, and being such an uplifting influence in my life.

            To the professors, students, and others who helped with projects during my time at Utah Valley University: Bonnie Davis, Ken White, Chris Lee, Carolyn Hamilton, Bart Poulson, Kaitlyn Pacada, Brian Birch, Karin Anderson, Lisa Johnson; Paige Seegmiller, Malorie Ward, Kimmie Henderson; Tera Johnson, Jessica Hettinger, Kassidy Nielson; Alex Boone; Ronelle Warren, Shawna Schauers, Stephanie Wright; Cynthia Tavera and Lihua Lin. Thank you for helping me succeed in my classes, so that I could achieve my goal of earning an associate degree.

            To other influential people in my life who don’t fit easily into any of the paragraphs above: Bob and Shauna Millet, Leslie Williams, Margaret Hammond, Marina Spence, Kenzie Weeks, Bradstreet family, Lisa Nerdin, Kendra Terry Senn, Kelly Christensen, Cecily Smith, Guin and Max Deaver, Becky Swasey, and Erica Larsen. Thank you for your unique way of blessing my life. In addition, I wish to thank these musicians and authors: Hilary Weeks, Shawna Edwards, Kenneth Cope; Emily Belle Freeman, David Butler, Brad Wilcox, Steven Harper, Mary Ellen Edmunds, and Sheri Dew. Thank you for your uplifting influence on me and so many others throughout the world.

            Most of all, to Heavenly Father for orchestrating potential blessings behind the scenes and for answering my prayers; to Jesus Christ for the gifts of repentance, forgiveness, and grace that flow freely from His atoning sacrifice; and to the Holy Ghost who testifies of Them and fills my soul with peace. Everything I write about in this book was influenced in some way by Them. There are no words to express the gratitude I feel, but I’ve done my best to express it in a variety of ways in the following pages.

Part 4: Seek Learning by Study and Prayer

            Our daughter graduated from high school at the end of May 2015. Shortly after graduation, she asked me to attend a tour of Utah Valley University with her. That would have normally been out of my comfort zone, but I had been visiting women for almost 21 months and those regular visits helped me deal with new situations much easier. I enjoyed going on the tour with her and took lots of pictures of all the things that caught my attention – the hall of flags, the fountain in the commons, the geometric art hanging from the library and science building ceilings, and the pendulum in the Pope Science building, etc. As we were walking down the long hall in the Liberal Arts building, the tour guide was pointing out how most class sizes are kept small at UVU. As we looked into one of the math classrooms, I suddenly had a strong prompting that I needed to go back to college. What?! That had never been on my radar. However, I knew better than to argue with those distinctive feelings that God sent me occasionally.

            I went home and addressed an envelope to request my high school transcript from Longmont High in Colorado. I also addressed two more envelopes to request my college transcripts from Weber State University (Fall 1990) and BYU (Fall 1992). Since Weber State was on the quarter system back then, I was only able to transfer 4.66 credits from the two classes I took there, but they filled the requirements for history and health. I was only able to transfer three credits from one of the four classes I took there, but it filled the requirements for human development. At the next appointment with my psychologist, I told him about my anxiety over taking the Accuplacer test for math and English. It had been over 25 years since I had taken a class in either subject and I think my ACT score was only a 21. He opened his drawer, pulled out a yellow #2 pencil, handed it to me, and said, “I want you to drive down the hill and take that test right now.” I looked at him in shock, but I could tell he was serious. So I took the pencil and followed his counsel. I ended up being placed in Math 990 (which is two classes away from the math class that counts for credit) and English 1010. After that, I paid the $25 registration fee, was assigned a student number, and made an appointment with an academic advisor in the behavioral science department. I was actually going to do this!

Chapter 12: Dealing with Disappointment

* I wrote these experiences down without much proof-reading. I will revisit this post tomorrow. (I made a few corrections and added a quote in the middle on July 23, 2020.)

            Most healthy marriages have some good times and some bad times, some happiness and some heartache, some adventure and some disappointment. I will always be grateful to my husband, John, for choosing me to be his wife in the first place and for continuing to see the good in me 25 years later. He has been consistently patient, loving, kind, and empathetic through all my years of struggle with mental illness and other health challenges. I will be forever grateful that I made the decision to marry him also. I have tried to be as patient and loving toward him as he has been with me, but I still have a long way to go and I learn a lot from him as we continue our life together.

            I will briefly share our story again with a few extra details. We met in 1993, while serving as full-time missionaries for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Pennsylvania Philadelphia Mission. We discovered that our parents live about five blocks away from each other in Orem, but we never met each other prior to my first area in the mission field. We served in some of the same areas and knew many of the same missionaries and members, but we never actually served near each other during our missions. He was the assistant to the mission president during the final two months of our mission in 1994 and discreetly arranged to have our seats assigned next to each other on the flight back to Utah, since we went home on the same transfer. We even have pictures where we are hugging our individual families in the background of each other’s pictures at the airport. We started dating soon after returning home and ended up getting married in the Bountiful Utah Temple almost exactly a year later in 1995.

            John was very busy working full-time and attending school full-time at Utah Valley State College for the first three years of our marriage. I stopped working a few months after we were married because I had “all day” sickness during my pregnancy with our daughter. She was born nine months and six days after our wedding in 1996. Our son arrived a little less than three years later in 1999. Those were busy years for us and, occasionally, I noticed that John and I weren’t praying, reading the scriptures, or attending the temple together very often. I rationalized that it was just because he was so busy and I assumed he was praying and studying on his own, just like I had been. However, there were nagging doubts about that through the years that followed. My depression and anxiety became much more serious after our son was born and dealing with those complicated circumstances consumed most of our extra attention during the years between 1999 and 2010. During that time, I retreated to our bedroom much more often and John began to shoulder more of the household responsibilities. He also chose to start another company so that he could work from home and be more involved with raising the children.

            By fall 2010, I had completely withdrawn from life. My social anxiety had become so distressing that I rarely left the house and I didn’t even attend church, although I wished I could. John tried hard to be a loving and understanding father and husband through all of this and always took the children to church because he knew it would ease my feelings of guilt. During 2011 and 2012, we decided to change the type of anti-depressant I was taking one more time and then, later, increased the dosage as well. That change helped me to redevelop the habits of attending church and the temple, reading the scriptures, and contributing more to the care of our home and family.

            Unfortunately, in March 2012, my right hip, leg, and foot became inexplicably numb and tingly, so I had several MRIs and other procedures to figure out what was causing it. In addition, John finally told me in August 2012 that he didn’t believe in God or anything related to Him in our religion. He continued to attend church with the family, but it caused me a great deal of distress. However, I felt like he had been loyal to me during my difficult years of depression, so I was going to stay loyal to him with this new situation in our marriage. In January 2013, I was officially diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis after it was confirmed with a spinal tap. That was disappointing and unsettling news, but we were grateful to finally know what we were dealing with. John was very supportive and helped me with some of my Copaxone injections at home for the three years following my diagnosis.

            Those two life-changing events could have sent me spiraling back into my deep depression. However, I worked hard to be diligent with walking and continuing the other habits I had practiced in the previous two years. They became my anchor as I slowly grew more devastated about John’s unbelief in everything I held most sacred. Then, in September 2013, I had a strong impression that I needed to know more people in my ward (church congregation) and neighborhood. So I gradually started visiting women close to our home and then, as I gained more confidence, I gradually visited women in other congregations and neighborhoods also. I have now visited approximately 500 women and it has changed my life forever. I visited women on all parts of the faith spectrum, was able to help several other women who were suffering from depression, and developed some very close friendships. Through that process, I was gradually able to stop mourning about John’s change in beliefs and developed even more respect for the good person he still is. 

            Dieter F. Uchtdorf spoke in the April 2015 General Conference and his words resonated with me. “Being grateful in our circumstances is an act of faith in God. It requires that we trust God and hope for things we may not see but which are true…. True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony. It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life but trusting that one day we will. In any circumstance, our sense of gratitude is nourished by the many and sacred truths we do know: that our Father has given His children the great plan of happiness; that through the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ, we can live forever with our loved ones; that in the end, we will have glorious, perfect, and immortal bodies, unburdened by sickness or disability; and that our tears of sadness and loss will be replaced with an abundance of happiness and joy, ‘good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over.’… How blessed we are if we recognize God’s handiwork in the marvelous tapestry of life. Gratitude to our Father in Heaven broadens our perception and clears our vision. It inspires humility and fosters empathy toward our fellowmen and all of God’s creation.” (“Gratitude in Any Circumstances,” Ensign, May 2015).

            In fall 2015, I decided to go back to college when our daughter started attending UVU after her high school graduation. Then, in fall 2016, we decided to build a home with main-level living across town, since my MS symptoms were making it difficult for me to climb the stairs several times each day in our current home, which had a four-level-split floor plan. Making all those construction decisions, combined with the financial stress of having a mortgage again, brought more tension back into our marriage. Things improved once we moved into our new home in March 2017, but we started to grow apart again later that year. My schooling, combined with a few visits I still tried to make each week, kept me a little too busy. John has always been a very hard worker and sometimes his work schedule kept him extremely busy as well. I made the decision to withdraw from school in fall 2017, so that I could try to start writing this book. We also decided that marriage therapy was something we would finally be willing to try, since nothing else seemed to be working. Neither of us wanted to separate, but the silence and distance growing between us often made life feel very lonely for each of us, even though we were both still in the marriage.

            After ten therapy visits, we were feeling much closer. We started walking together while holding hands and occasionally went on other dates as well. Meanwhile, I was working on gathering information for my personal history, since writing this book quickly became a daunting task. That gradually turned into family history, which gradually increased my time in the temple exponentially. I also decided to go back to UVU in summer 2018 to finish my associate degree in behavioral science. In addition, I decided to attend a few classes at the UVU institute of religion to earn my diploma for that as well. The combination of all those activities gradually caused distance to creep in again. This time, there were more conflicted feelings surfacing within me because I was more invested in religious learning and worship than I had ever been before.

            Both of our adult children stopped believing in a similar way as their dad and that had been particularly difficult for me through the previous five years. Around the same time in 2018, our daughter started dating someone more seriously. Her dad allowed them to sleep together in her bedroom, but that was extremely difficult for me. I felt that he hadn’t given me a choice when he stopped believing, since he had already decided by the time he told me. I also didn’t feel like I was given a say in the matter with our daughter and her boyfriend. I understood that he was trying to do what was best for everyone involved, but it just triggered a lot of my previous conflicted feelings. That was a very low point in our marriage.

            In 2019, our daughter and her boyfriend told us on mother’s day that she was pregnant. I tried to be supportive, but knew we needed some more marriage therapy. This time, I asked John to choose the therapist and he decided on one who specialized in betrayal trauma. He hadn’t purposely betrayed me and I knew that, but on some level it still felt like a betrayal. Our daughter’s pregnancy added an additional dimension to that complicated swirl of emotion.

            I graduated with an associate degree in November 2019 and continued to immerse myself in family history and temple work. I felt a lot of peace when I was in the temple and I needed that with everything that was happening with our daughter. We continued marriage therapy and our daughter gave birth to a healthy baby boy in January 2020. She had an unforeseen c-section, which caused her to not be able to return immediately to college like she had planned. So we have spent the past seven months together with her sweet baby and it has been such a healing time. The pandemic ended up closing the temples and churches, which brought my full focus back home. Our marriage gradually began to heal again.  

            As I look back, our patterns have been very cyclical and I shoulder my share of the blame. I’m grateful that I have gradually become less rigid in general and have finally realized that I can’t micro-manage or manipulate John with my faith (even though that wasn’t my conscious intention). I’ve learned that we are each only in charge of ourselves and we can only improve or change in the ways that we are currently able to. We also share a great desire to make a positive difference in the lives of people around us and that is very fulfilling. So I now focus on that, instead of our differences in religious belief.  Life will always still be a mix of happiness and disappointment, but we have made it 25 years and that is a huge accomplishment. I’m planning for at least 25 more. 

Chapter 11: Perfectionism vs. Perfection

            I feel very strongly that perfection-ism is not a part of the gospel and it causes us to lose hope. In Matthew 5:48, Jesus taught, “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.” The footnote for that verse explains that perfect means “complete, finished, fully developed.” The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ contains an important clarification. In 3 Nephi 12:48, Jesus taught, “…I would that ye should be perfect even as I, or your Father who is in heaven is perfect.” So Jesus wasn’t even considered perfect until after he fulfilled his mission on earth. Therefore, actual perfection is reserved for resurrected beings. So we can just permanently cross that off our worry list.

            We sometimes have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others that even Heavenly Father doesn’t have for us! If we can adjust our expectations from perfection to progress, this can give us a healthier perspective. Please remember that comparison robs us of happiness. Too often, we compare our weaknesses to other people’s perceived strengths. The actual lives of women and their families are not usually like they appear at church functions. It’s okay to be on your best behavior and be positive, but it would also help if we could all bring it down a level, so we all knew that other people are just as real as we are. It takes a lot of mental energy to pretend to be something we’re not. We need to allow a safe atmosphere for both introvert and extrovert personality types and every personality version in between. Personally, I now consider myself an “ambivert.” Sometimes, I recharge better alone (more like an introvert) and other times, I’m energized by spending time with other people (more like an extrovert). Perhaps, this is how most people are. This is a good reminder that black and white, all or nothing thinking (which is common with perfectionism) doesn’t serve us well. In addition, there is a difference between weaknesses and sin (see “It Isn’t a Sin to be Weak,” Ensign, April 2015). 

            We are each on a different journey in this life, so comparing ourselves to others isn’t helpful on any level. We can all try to be the best we personally can be – and that’s enough. If we’re realistic, “our best” is actually different every day, depending on: how much sleep we had the night before, the challenges we are having with our health, what our family members are doing that worry us, or (let’s be honest) where we are in our monthly cycle. So, “our best” on one day may be very different than “our best” on another day. The most important thing is that we are heading in the right direction.

            I like how a graph explains this – and I even drew this all by myself. Our goal is to make progress toward our eventual goal of eternal life. But it’s not a straight shot, is it? 

            It’s actually more like this, isn’t it? Life is difficult and we have lots of ups and downs while we are still heading in that overall upward direction.  (And you will notice that this first dip goes even lower than the starting point—which I think is significant, even though I didn’t purposely draw it that way.)

            Last year, my therapist showed me another way to look at progress that I find even more helpful. Even though we may feel like we’re not progressing, we still are and things will feel better soon. 

            My favorite inspirational singer, Hilary Weeks, wrote a  song called “Someday Down the Road” that describes this. “It’ll come around. It just takes time. It takes living life to get living life right.” So, when we’re in the downward part of the loop, we can just realize that progress is still happening. It just needs more time to become noticeable.

            I was grateful for a talk by Gaylamarie Rosenberg that I watched online during BYU Women’s Conference in May 2020. I wrote down the following notes on overcoming perfectionism. First, be patient with progress. Second, focus on what we can do, not on what we can’t do. What we focus on will increase. We can start where we are and move forward from there. Third, offer what we are able to and trust in Christ’s ability to magnify it. Another very important step is to strive to see ourselves as Christ sees us. (See “Gather to be Perfected but not Perfect”). He feels unconditional love and mercy for each of us. As we work to develop that attribute, we can learn to see ourselves and others through that lens.

            As I discussed earlier, Christ is perfect. However, we don't have to be in this life. We can absolutely take that pressure off of ourselves. We need to be yoked with Christ and His perfection. We can choose to believe that He has the power to save and change us and eventually help us become perfect. D&C 67:13 counsels us to, “…Continue in patience until ye are perfected.” Moroni 6:4 refers to Jesus as the “author and finisher of our faith.” Moroni 10:32 says, “…Come unto Christ, and be perfected in him…. His grace (is) sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ…” I am a big believer in the changing and enabling power of Christ’s grace. Understanding that aspect of the Savior’s atonement has made all the difference in my life.