Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 18, 2020

Still Not Finished?

Chapter 30 is titled "Grace and Gratitude." On Sunday evening, I posted a few quotes about gratitude, along with a long list of what I am grateful for. 

In addition, I added three quotes about repentance being positive, rather than a punishment (which didn't really fit). However, I was too tired to continue trying to figure it out...

I spent most of today writing about grace, but now I'm having a hard time meshing it with what I wrote previously about gratitude. I'm so close to being finished and now I can't figure out how to finish!

I thought about integrating the positive repentance quotes with what I've already written for chapter 3. The title of that chapter is "Gradually Replacing Negative with Positive." However, I don't really want the chapters in the first section to be as long as the ones at the end of the book. I had no idea so many of these chapters would turn out so incredibly long! 

I would love to just not worry about including the repentance quotes, but I have a nagging feeling that they are important. So, I'm considering renaming chapter 30 as "Changing Through Christ's Grace."

I'm also considering adding two other chapters: 

  • "Losing the Guilt" (for the positive repentance quotes)  
  • "Living with Gratitude and Simplicity" (for the long list of what I'm grateful for, along with some thoughts about enjoying life more fully by keeping it simple).  
The other thing that is becoming increasingly difficult is all the changes I'm having to make with the HTML code because of the cutting and pasting I've done with the quotes before I post them. 

So, I think I'm going to stop posting the changes going forward. The entire first draft of the book is now basically posted on this blog. It has served its purpose and has provided daily accountability for me. 

I'm going to leave the chapter 30 post as I have it now, but it probably won't look like that in the book.

I may return to post about topics I'm learning with coaching. Or this may be it for awhile. 

I used to post on many blogs between 2008 and 2013. They were all private, except for my two inspiration blogs. I have listed those two blogs on the sidebar of this one. So I think that's all.

Farewell again, blogland!

Sunday, August 16, 2020

Chapter 30: Grace and Gratitude

I worked on this chapter for awhile this morning also. It went in a different direction than I had planned. So I'm going to post what I have of this chapter also. I'm really close to being finished with the first draft, but there is still a long way to go with editing and polishing. And I have a headache. I'm going to revisit this on a future day as well. (I only wrote about gratitude earlier. So I returned to add a section in the beginning about grace on August 18, 2020). 


            Brad Wilcox gave a BYU devotional address titled “His Grace is Sufficient” on July 12, 2011. That talk has had a profound influence on my life ever since I first watched it. Brad’s powerful message has helped me to reframe my thinking and has strengthened my testimony. His talk has guided my progress, much like the lyrics of so many songs by Hilary Weeks. It was discussed when I first attended a stake institute class in September 2013 and again when I took a Book of Mormon class at the UVU Institute during Spring 2019 semester. In this chapter, I will share the parts that have been most influential in my life.

            He explained that he will be speaking “about changing weaknesses into strengths and about how the grace of Jesus Christ is sufficient (see Ether 12:27, Doctrine and Covenants 17:8, 2 Corinthians 12:9,)—sufficient to cover us, sufficient to transform us, and sufficient to help us as long as that transformation process takes.” He began with a story about a BYU student who asked to speak with him. “She said, ‘I just don’t get grace… I know I need to do my best and then Jesus does the rest, but I can’t even do my best.’ She continued, ‘I know that I have to do my part and then Jesus makes up the difference and fills the gap that stands between my part and perfection. But who fills the gap that stands between where I am now and my part?’” That girl could have easily been me. As a perfectionist, I have asked those same questions countless times during my life. Brad’s reply continues to be so helpful to me, “Jesus doesn’t make up the difference. Jesus makes all the difference. Grace is not about filling gaps. It is about filling us… He paid our debt in full. He didn’t pay it all except for a few coins. He paid it all. It is finished… You have plenty to do, but it is not to fill that gap. We will all be resurrected. We will all go back to God’s presence. What is left to be determined by our obedience is what kind of body we plan on being resurrected with and how comfortable we plan to be in God’s presence and how long we plan to stay there.”

            He continued by explaining more about the doctrine of Christ. “Christ asks us to show faith in Him, repent, make and keep covenants, receive the Holy Ghost, and endure to the end. By complying, we are not paying the demands of justice—not even the smallest part. Instead, we are showing appreciation for what Jesus Christ did by using it to live a life like His. Justice requires immediate perfection or a punishment when we fall short. Because Jesus took that punishment, He can offer us the chance for ultimate perfection (see Matthew 5:48, 3 Nephi 12:48) and help us reach that goal. He can forgive what justice never could, and He can turn to us now with His own set of requirements.” I have written notes in my scriptures for both of the verses he referenced. When I took “Repentance and Forgiveness” during my last semester of institute, I was very grateful for what I learned from 2 Nephi 2:7. It says that Christ “offereth himself a sacrifice for sin, to answer the ends of the law, unto all those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit.” My teacher explained that means both ends of the law – forgiveness when we sin and compensation when we have been wronged in any way. That felt so comforting to me. In 3 Nephi 9:20, Christ explains, “whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost, even as the Lamanites, because of their faith in me at the time of their conversion, were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost, and they knew it not.” I wrote, “we are bathed in the Spirit after we are baptized and confirmed. We may not realize it because He is always there (by default).”

            He continued with the story. “’So what’s the difference?’ the girl asked. ‘Whether our efforts are required by justice or by Jesus, they are still required.’” Brad gave this helpful reply, “True… but they are required for a different purpose. Fulfilling Christ’s requirements is like paying a mortgage instead of rent or like making deposits in a savings account instead of paying off debt. You still have to hand it over every month, but it is for a totally different reason.” Then he shared a really helpful analogy. “Christ’s arrangement with us is similar to a mom providing music lessons for her child. Mom pays the piano teacher… Because Mom pays the debt in full, she can turn to her child and ask for something. What is it? Practice! Does the child’s practice pay the piano teacher? No. Does the child’s practice repay Mom for paying the piano teacher? No. Practicing is how the child shows appreciation for Mom’s incredible gift. It is how he takes advantage of the amazing opportunity Mom is giving him to live his life at a higher level. Mom’s joy is found not in getting repaid but in seeing her gift used—seeing her child improve. And so she continues to call for practice, practice, practice. If the child sees Mom’s requirement of practice as being too overbearing… perhaps it is because he doesn’t yet see with mom’s eyes. He doesn’t see how much better his life could be if he would choose to live on a higher plane.”

            He explained, “In the same way, because Jesus has paid justice, He can now turn to us and say, ‘Follow me’ (Matthew 4:19), ‘Keep my commandments’ (John 14:15). If we see His requirements as being way too much to ask (‘… None of the other Christians have to pay tithing… go on missions, serve in callings, and do temple work!’), maybe it is because we do not yet see through Christ’s eyes. We have not yet comprehended what He is trying to make of us.” He then quoted Bruce C. Hafen’s book. “The great Mediator asks for our repentance not because we must ‘repay’ him in exchange for his paying our debt to justice, but because repentance initiates a developmental process that, with the Savior’s help, leads us along the path to a saintly character” (The Broken Heart [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1989], 149; emphasis in original).

            He continued the explanation, “Let’s put that in terms of our analogy: The child must practice the piano, but this practice has a different purpose than punishment or payment. Its purpose is change. I have born-again Christian friends who say to me, ‘You Mormons are trying to earn your way to heaven.’ I say, ‘No, we are not earning heaven. We are learning heaven. We are preparing for it (see Doctrine and Covenants 78:7). We are practicing for it.’ They ask me, ‘Have you been saved by grace?’ I answer, ‘Yes. Absolutely, totally, completely, thankfully—yes!’ Then I ask them a question that perhaps they have not fully considered: ‘Have you been changed by grace?’ They are so excited about being saved that maybe they are not thinking enough about what comes next. They are so happy the debt is paid that they may not have considered why the debt existed in the first place. Latter-day Saints know not only what Jesus has saved us from but also what He has saved us for… As my friend Omar Canals puts it, ‘While many Christians view Christ’s suffering as only a huge favor He did for us, Latter-day Saints also recognize it as a huge investment He made in us.’ As Moroni puts it, grace isn’t just about being saved. It is also about becoming like the Savior (see Moroni 7:48). The miracle of the [Savior’s] Atonement is not just that we can live after we die but that we can live more abundantly (see John 10:10). The miracle of the [Savior’s] Atonement is not just that we can be cleansed and consoled but that we can be transformed (see Romans 8). Scriptures make it clear that no unclean thing can dwell with God (see Alma 40:26), but… no unchanged thing will even want to. …Heaven will not be heaven for those who have not chosen to be heavenly.”

            Then he explained this in an even more profound way. “…The older I get, and the more I understand this wonderful plan of redemption, the more I realize that in the final judgment it will not be the unrepentant sinner begging Jesus, ‘Let me stay.’ No, he will probably be saying, ‘Get me out of here!’ Knowing Christ’s character, I believe that if anyone is going to be begging on that occasion, it would probably be Jesus begging the unrepentant sinner, ‘Please, choose to stay. Please, use my Atonement—not just to be cleansed but to be changed so that you want to stay.’ The miracle of the [Savior’s] Atonement is not just that we can go home but that—miraculously—we can feel at home there. If Christ did not require faith and repentance, then there would be no desire to change… [Some people] are not trying to abandon sin and become comfortable with God. Rather, they are trying to abandon God and become comfortable with sin. If Jesus did not require covenants and bestow the gift of the Holy Ghost, then there would be no way to change. We would be left forever with only willpower, with no access to His power. If Jesus did not require endurance to the end, then there would be no internalization of those changes over time. They would forever be surface and cosmetic rather than sinking inside us and becoming part of us—part of who we are.”

            Because I still struggle with perfectionistic tendencies, the next part of his talk was very instructive to me. He listed some general excuses, “…‘I’m just not very good at the piano. I hit a lot of wrong notes. It takes me forever to get it right.’ Now wait. Isn’t that all part of the learning process? When a young pianist hits a wrong note, we don’t say he is not worthy to keep practicing. We don’t expect him to be flawless. We just expect him to keep trying. Perfection may be his ultimate goal, but for now we can be content with progress in the right direction. Why is this perspective so easy to see in the context of learning piano but so hard to see in the context of learning heaven? Too many are giving up on the Church because they are tired of constantly feeling like they are falling short. They have tried in the past, but they always feel like they are just not good enough. They don’t understand grace. … There should never be just two options: perfection or giving up. When learning the piano, are the only options performing at Carnegie Hall or quitting? No. Growth and development take time. Learning takes time. When we understand grace, we understand that God is long-suffering, that change is a process, and that repentance is a pattern in our lives. When we understand grace, we understand that the blessings of Christ’s Atonement are continuous and His strength is perfect in our weakness (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). When we understand grace, we can… ‘continue in patience until [we] are perfected’ (Doctrine and Covenants 67:13).”

            There is a very misunderstood scriptural passage in our culture. Brad clarifies it beautifully. “…Christ is not waiting at the finish line once we have done ‘all we can do’ (2 Nephi 25:23). He is with us every step of the way.” He then quotes Bruce C. Hafen’s book as a second witness, “The Savior’s gift of grace to us is not necessarily limited in time to ‘after’ all we can do. We may receive his grace before, during and after the time when we expend our own efforts” (The Broken Heart [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1989], 155). A third witness comes from a “Don’t Miss This” video I watched on March 5, 2020. David Butler and Emily Belle Freeman focus on this concept frequently in their teaching and writing. This is the full verse, “For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.” David and Emily point out that it says earlier in the verse that “believing in Christ is all we can do.” They also point out that “we” is the combination of Jesus and each of us.

            Brad then strings these powerful phrases together, “So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted. Rather, it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road. It is received right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch; it is the Finisher’s touch.” He references Hebrews 12:2 there. It is one of my favorite verses in all of scripture and I learned to love it even more as I studied it during my institute classes. “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross…” I wrote a note in my scriptures next to that verse. “We are the joy that was set before Christ which helped Him endure until His atoning sacrifice was finished.” I cross referenced that with Hebrews 6:18-20. It says, “That by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us: Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which entereth into that within the veil; Whither the forerunner is for us entered, even Jesus.” I love that! I wrote another note in my scriptures on March 5, 2020, so it was also inspired by that “Don’t Miss This” video. “Jesus provides the hope that is set before us, just as we were the joy that was set before Him during His atoning sacrifice for each of us.”

            Brad continued, “The first company of Saints entered the Salt Lake Valley on July 24, 1847. Their journey was difficult and challenging; still, they sang:

Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;
But with joy wend your way.”
(That phrase is the inspiration for the name of my blog.)
“Though hard to you this journey may appear,
Grace shall be as your day.
[
“Come, Come, Ye Saints,” Hymns, 2002, no. 30]

‘Grace shall be as your day’—what an interesting phrase. We have all sung it hundreds of times, but have we stopped to consider what it means? ‘Grace shall be as your day’: grace shall be like a day. As dark as night may become, we can always count on the sun coming up. As dark as our trials, sins, and mistakes may appear, we can always have confidence in the grace of Jesus Christ. Do we earn a sunrise? No. Do we have to be worthy of a chance to begin again? No. We just have to accept these blessings and take advantage of them. As sure as each brand-new day, grace—the enabling power of Jesus Christ—is constant. Faithful pioneers knew they were not alone. The task ahead of them was never as great as the power behind them.” Emily Freeman also shared her thoughts about this phrase, “The grace, or enabling and strengthening power, we desire will be given according to the needs of our day. In other words, ‘Grace will be given as your day requires.’ Another favorite hymn teaches this same principle: ‘As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be’ (‘How Firm a Foundation,’ Hymns, no. 85)” (Making it Through the Middle, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2014], 17-18).  A dictionary definition of succor is “assistance and support in times of hardship and distress.”  I’ve also heard it described as the Savior “running to” someone in distress.

            Brad Wilcox concluded, “The grace of Christ is sufficient—sufficient to cover our debt, sufficient to transform us, and sufficient to help us as long as that transformation process takes. The Book of Mormon teaches us to rely solely on ‘the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah’ (2 Nephi 2:8). As we do, we do not discover—as some Christians believe—that Christ requires nothing of us. Rather, we discover the reason He requires so much and the strength to do all He asks (see Philippians 4:13). Grace is not the absence of God’s high expectations. Grace is the presence of God’s power (see Luke 1:37). Elder Neal A. Maxwell once said the following: ‘Now may I speak . . . to those buffeted by false insecurity, who, though laboring devotedly in the Kingdom, have recurring feelings of falling forever short. . . .This feeling of inadequacy is . . . normal. There is no way the Church can honestly describe where we must yet go and what we must yet do without creating a sense of immense distance. . . .This is a gospel of grand expectations, but God’s grace is sufficient for each of us’ [‘Notwithstanding My Weakness,’ Ensign, November 1976, 12, 14]. With Elder Maxwell, I testify that God’s grace is sufficient. Jesus’ grace is sufficient. It is enough. It is all we need…. Don’t quit. Keep trying… Look for the Lord and His perfect strength… Search for someone to help you. Seek Christ, and, as you do, I promise you will feel the enabling power we call His amazing grace…. Jesus is pulling with you…”

          Grace is one of the gifts of God that I am most grateful for. That’s why I combined gratitude with grace in this chapter. “Gratitude is a feeling of appreciation and thankfulness for blessings or benefits we have received. As we cultivate a grateful attitude, we are more likely to be… spiritually strong.” When we “regularly express our gratitude to God for the blessings He gives us and to others for the kind acts they do for us,” our gratitude grows. “Gratitude is an uplifting… attitude. People are generally happier when they have gratitude in their hearts. We cannot be bitter, resentful, or mean-spirited when we are grateful” (“Gratitude,” Gospel Topics, churchofjesuschrist.org).

            I love these descriptions of gratitude from The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. “…render all the thanks and praise which your whole soul has power to possess, to that God who has created you… and is preserving you from day to day, by lending you breath, that ye may live and move and do according to your own will, and even supporting you from one moment to another… and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you” (Mosiah 2:20-22). “…worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you” (Alma 34:38).

            Henry B. Eyring has often taught the importance of expressing gratitude in our prayers and in a journal. He explained, “Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done” (O, Remember, Remember, Ensign, Nov. 2007).

            In my Positive Psychology class, we were also taught the importance of gratitude journals. I’ve noticed that gratitude in my present circumstances doesn’t necessarily change anything about my situation, but it changes how I feel about it. It can almost instantly transform my worry into peace. I’m grateful every day for the atonement of Jesus Christ, which showers the gifts of grace, repentance, forgiveness, hope, and peace into my life and allows me unlimited opportunities to change and improve. I’m equally grateful to Heavenly Father for giving us the gift of His Son. I’m grateful to Him for answered prayers, divine intersections, miracles, freedom to choose, and eternal perspective. I’m grateful for the gift of the Holy Ghost, which testifies of Them, and for the personal revelation, inspiration, guidance, and protection from harm He gives. I’m grateful for living prophets and apostles, for Priesthood power, for temples and ordinances, and for the sacrament, which allows us to renew our covenants each week. I’m grateful for the strength and comfort I receive from studying the scriptures and listing to uplifting music.

           What are you grateful for? In addition to the important list above, I’m grateful for the beauty of nature and the opportunity to live close to these majestic mountains. I’m especially grateful for warm sunshine and cool breezes, blue skies, white fluffy or wispy clouds, sunsets and rainbows after rain, green leaves on shade trees and colorful leaves in the fall, crunchy leaves to walk through, spring blossoms on a variety of trees, cheerful flowers in other people’s yards, and the sound of ocean waves. I’m grateful for the blessings of freedom and protection in our country, for garbage trucks that pick up our waste each week; for a comfortable home that provides protections from the elements with electricity, running water from faucets, warm water for showers, indoor plumbing, air conditioning and ceiling fans to keep us cool in the summer, furnaces to heat our homes in the winter, vacuums and microwaves, stoves and ovens, dishwashers and garbage disposals, freezers and refrigerators with ice and water dispensers, washing machines and dryers, curling irons and hair dryers, fresh smelling detergent and fabric softener, toilet paper and paper towels, comfortable beds with clean sheets.

                I’m also grateful for locks on doors and windows that keep us safe, lights on the outside of houses and nightlights for comfort, bannisters next to stairs, lawnmowers and other yardwork equipment, automatic sprinkler systems and automatic garage doors that open with the push of a button, dependable cars, computers and printers, laptops, internet and email, cell phones with built in cameras, texting and Instagram, digital pianos and streaming music. I’m grateful for a healthy body, eyes that see, ears that hear, nose that smells, able hands to serve with, feet and legs to walk with, good hair days, times when I can think clearly and focus, smiles and straight teeth, orthodontists who know how to straighten them if they’re not, healing and restorative sleep, healthy pregnancies, modern medicine, kind doctors and dentists, empathetic psychiatrists and therapists, life coaches who teach how to think and feel in beneficial ways, plenty of food, feeling full and not fat, clothes that fit well, wrinkle-free clothes, savings in the bank, Quicken and finances that balance, paid bills and tax returns. I’m grateful for my husband who loves me and sees the good in me (even when I don’t), who works so hard to provide our comfortable lifestyle; for his ability to cook delicious meals, his willingness to help keep the house clean and in good repair, his conscientious care of the yard, his talent with woodworking and playing the guitar. I’m grateful for our two children and how they have grown into kind and capable adults, for a healthy and happy grandson who lives with us, and for parents and siblings who care. I’m grateful for good friends to walk and talk with, hugs and laughter, good people who inspire me and are willing to serve others, the ability to drive where I need to go, the ability to organize and carry a tune, time to relax and recover, not having to work outside the home, having my own office with uplifting pictures and sayings on every wall. I’m grateful for yummy smelling lotion for dry skin, Neosporin for cuts, lip balm, sugar cones for an occasional ice cream treat, pebbled ice, kiwi strawberry Propel to drink, Belvita breakfast biscuits for snacks, puppies and babies… This list could go on and on. 

***

            The main reason I chose to serve a mission was to share the good news that there is always hope in Christ. Jeffrey R. Holland explained. “Repent (is) perhaps the most hopeful and encouraging word in the Christian vocabulary” (“Broken Things to Mend,” Ensign, May 2006). Richard G. Scott reminded us, “Repentance is not punishment. It is the hope-filled path to a more glorious future.” (“Personal Strength Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, Ensign, Nov. 2013). The Bible dictionary gives this helpful explanation of repentance, “The Greek word of which this is the translation denotes a change of mind, a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world.” (“Repentance,” Bible Dictionary).

            I once taught a lesson about repentance to the women in our church congregation. Ezra Taft Benson taught, “The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature. …Christ changes men, and changed men can change the world” (“Principles of True Repentance,” Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Ezra Taft Benson, 78). That quote has held special significance to me, especially since I served in North East Philadelphia during the first three months of my full-time proselyting mission. One person who truly changes can help break the cycle of poverty and hopelessness in their family. 

Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” That is good counsel for all of us. 

Monday, August 10, 2020

Chapter 33: Never Too Late

 

            The name and order of the chapters in this book’s table of contents and the division of the book into five different sections was given to me very clearly one afternoon at the end of summer 2019. I have tried not to deviate from the names and order that I originally decided on. However, I wasn’t sure what to write for this chapter in its original place at the beginning of section four. As I pondered, I felt that this was the better place for it. I believe it’s never too late to learn, to love, to change, to develop Christlike attributes, or to progress. This chapter has some similarities with the chapter on perfectionism, but I think the concepts are worth repeating.

            Cassy Budd is a professor at BYU. She gave a speech at BYU that was very powerful for me and I used several quotes from it in my final English paper on perfectionism. She explained that her experiences gave her “a deep appreciation for the value of the ‘try’. Simply showing up and starting where you are is all that can be asked of you. Regardless of your level of experience, your failures, or your perception of your own potential, wherever you are in life, you just need to show up and try. Try to listen to the patient instruction of the Savior, try to imitate His movements, try to ignore the negative self-talk when your movements do not measure up, and try to focus on the joy in the learning instead of the defeat in the failure. And amidst your ‘try,’ recognize that others around you are in the middle of their own ‘try.’ Celebrate their progress, even when they seem to be farther along than you, and give them a pass when they fall short.” She applied this to her mistakes in playing the piano. “When you allow yourself to be paralyzed by your mistakes, you diminish your ability to be useful... Making mistakes is simply part of the human condition and can be one of your most productive learning tools. Yes, you need to recognize your mistakes. But more than that, you need to find a way to effectively play through them.” She continued with another example, “Failure is useful in physical development as well. Strategically working a muscle to failure—the point at which you can no longer lift or push or pull whatever you are lifting or pushing or pulling—and then allowing proper time for the muscle fibers to repair is one of the most effective ways to build strength. This process of failing and repairing eventually results in stronger, more efficient muscles” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I especially appreciated on the part of her talk where she focused on the Savior’s role in our lives. She explained, “We all, at one time or other, will be in a situation in which our strength or knowledge or skill or perhaps even our desire is not enough. These are the times when your Savior pulls you up out of the darkness—if you will let go and take His hand. These are the times when His voice guides you to safety—if you will listen carefully. And it is for these times that He descended below all things—to become your stepping-stone.” She then quoted Jeffery R. Holland, “When [the Savior] says . . . , ‘Come unto me,’ He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way” [“Broken Things to Mend,” Ensign, May 2006; emphasis in original]. She continued, “[The Savior] can work with ­whatever you have to give if you are willing to accept His help…. Living perfectly is not the plan. Repentance is the plan. Jesus Christ is the plan. I think we erroneously equate perfection with living a perfect life, with never failing or falling short, but Jesus Christ is the only one who ever did or ever will do that…. Perfection, for us, is not about being flawless; it is about being finished” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I was fascinated with the conclusion of her talk and how she tied it all together so seamlessly. She explained, “Artists who practice the Japanese art form kintsugi repair broken pottery by filling the cracks with a lacquer made from gold, silver, or platinum, restoring the damaged piece to something beautiful and whole. Kintsugi teaches that scars are not something to hide; rather, they are to be celebrated for the unique beauty they exhibit. The scars themselves are considered precious and therefore are mended with precious metals to honor their value. The finished piece is even more beautiful than the unbroken original. Similarly, we honor the scars of our Savior, for He has graven us on the palms of His hands (see Isaiah 49:16)…. When we turn our broken pieces over to the Savior, our gaps are filled with Him—with His perfection—and we are made complete; we are finished by the Great Creator through the restorative power of ‘the author and finisher of our faith’ (Hebrews 12:2). We come to know the Savior not just by recognizing and reverencing His scars but by recognizing and reverencing our own. We are bound to the Savior through our mutual scars, ‘and with His stripes we are healed’ (Isaiah 53:5; see also verse 4)…. Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world, desires to mend your broken pieces, fill your empty spaces, and make of you a vessel that is more beautiful and whole. May you each find the strength to fail and, in the hands of your Savior, the power to finish” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I was asked to give a talk on Christlike attributes when we moved into our current ward. I really appreciated the opportunity to study more about them. The title of chapter six in the Preach My Gospel manual is “How Do I Develop Christ-like Attributes?” It explains, “Christlike attributes are gifts from God…. Ask your Heavenly Father to bless you with these attributes; you cannot develop them without His help…” This chapter discusses nine of Christ’s attributes. I won’t mention all of them, but I highly recommend going through that chapter and looking up the scripture references. It inspired me to strive to be more Christlike in so many ways. The first three attributes it mentions are faith, hope, and charity. Faith in Jesus Christ. Hope through Jesus Christ. And charity as the pure love of Christ.

            The gospel reference book, True to the Faith, explains, “Faith is a principle of action and power. Whenever you work toward a worthy goal, you exercise faith. You show your hope for something that you cannot yet see…. Having faith in Jesus Christ means relying completely on Him—trusting in His infinite power, intelligence, and love…. It means believing that even though you do not understand all things, He does. Remember that because He has experienced all your pains, afflictions, and infirmities, He knows how to help you rise above your daily difficulties (see Alma 7:11-12)…. He is always ready to help you as you remember His plea: ‘Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not’” (Doctrine and Covenants 6:36). One of my favorite scriptures has always been, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).

            Preach My Gospel explains, “Hope is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you…. When you have hope, you work through trials and difficulties with the confidence and assurance that all things will work together for your good. Hope helps you conquer discouragement….” Another of my very favorite scriptures shows how faith and hope work together. The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ explains, “…Whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world… which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works…” (Ether 12:4).

            In the New Testament, Jesus taught, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matthew 22:37-39). The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ explains,  “Charity… is kind…. Charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity.... Charity is the pure love of Christ…. Wherefore… pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ…” (Moroni 7:45-48). Preach My Gospel continues, “…Charity is a gift from God…. As you follow this counsel and strive to do righteous works, your love for all people will increase….You will come to feel a sincere concern for the …. happiness of other people. You will see them as children of God with the potential of becoming like our Heavenly Father.…You will avoid judging others, criticizing them, or saying negative things about them. You will try to understand them and their points of view.”    

            I was grateful to discover this verse in the New Testament, “And of some have compassion, making a difference” (Jude 1:22). I absolutely know that genuine kindness, compassion, and Christlike love makes a positive difference! We won’t always know exactly what to say or do, but we can try our best to uplift others when they are struggling or discouraged. The New Testament also explains, “…Above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). I believe that when we focus on developing Christlike love for others, it helps refine us so that the sins don’t occur as much anymore. The good news of the gospel is that we are saved by grace. That helps us move away from the pressure-filled, checklist mentality and focus more on faith, hope, and charity. We can’t do one thing to earn our way to heaven. We just need to practice making progress in good ways. As we pray and practice, our love of God, ourselves, and others will grow. That way, we are obeying the most important commandments. When we strive to live a Christlike life, we are practicing following Christ. That way, we will be comfortable with Him when we see Him again. Preach My Gospel concludes, “Learning to be like Christ is a lifelong pursuit. You follow Christ’s example—develop His attributes—one action and decision at a time.” It is never too late to make a good decision, to choose to do something kind, or to take a step in the right direction.

Sunday, August 2, 2020

Title, Dedication, and Acknowledgements

I decided today on a possible title for the book I've been writing: 

Practice Makes Perfect Progress 

and Other Perspective Shifts for the Recovering Perfectionist

I wrote this dedication: To John, who always sees my potential and worth, even when I don't. 

I also spent several hours writing the Acknowledgements: 

            This book is the product of my experiences with hundreds of people. My sincere gratitude goes to all who have influenced me along my journey. It would be impossible for me to create a complete list, but I will take this opportunity to thank many people by name. I’ve grouped them into different periods of my life. Several people fit in more than one area, but I’ve chosen the one that best fits the way they influenced me most.

            To John, who is the hardest working and most selfless person I know. Thank you for choosing to spend your life with me. To Heather and Lance, for giving me the opportunity to be a mother. Thanks for your patience as I’ve learned and grown right along with you. To Max, who has brightened my days with his smiles, giggles, squawks, and snuggles.

            To my parents, Arnie and Cherie, who taught me by example the value of stick-to-it-iveness and service to others. Thank you for serving missions at BYU-Hawaii and Historic Kirtland, so I could have an excuse to visit those places. To my siblings: Natalie (Randy), Randy (Laura), Rob (Eve), and Cory (Karissa). Thank you for letting me visit you and your children when you lived in other states. To my grandmas, Lena and Lucile, who treated me special and passed along the desire to stay connected to my relatives.  

            To my walking friends: Corinne Jenkins, Becky Allen, Diane Knight, Kelly Chalmers; Brenda Warren, Terri Rino, Shari Soelberg; Michelle Linford, Susannah Reyneke, Bonnie Walker, Suzanne Fry; Janell Wright, Melissa Dunaway, Heather Rindlisbacher. Thank you for letting me shake my head out over and over again…and loving me through it all.

            To friends who graciously welcomed me into their homes: Susan and Doug Morrison, Ann Barlow, Cheryl Taylor, Kathy Schlendorf, and Kristyne Stephens. Thank you for countless hours of visits over several years.

            To our close neighbors (and their families) in both areas of Orem: Holly Jacobs, Christa Ringer, Michelle Chamberlain, Stori Misbach, Susan Verbic, Janet Davis; Shelby Russell, Joyce Nixon, Nicole Perry, Candice Gordon, Nichelle Jensen, April Hurt. Thank you for your kindness and patience over two decades.

            To thoughtful people who have made a difference for me spiritually or emotionally as they have served and loved me. 

Canyon View stake: Jan Martin, Joleen Black, Ruth Ann Smith, Ginger Fisher, Eileen Booth, Rob Chalmers, Mosbarger family, Diane McNeill, Colette Terry, Katie Fox, Ann Youngquist; Liz Livingston, Leesa Simmons, Paula Harper, Jennifer Greenwood, Allyson Riding, Rosana Sorensen, Karina McDonald, Sheryl Pryor, Jessica Deucher; Marlae Rindlisbacher, Sandi Monson.

Orem 6th ward: Brekke Felt, Angela Schill, Teri Walker, Jenny and Sarah Pachev, Katrina and Mike Johanson, Shersti and Jared Pearson, Tracy Smith, Brian Nixon, Joyce Henderson, Shane Frazier, Lois Park, Rebecca Armstrong, Debbie Wimpfheimer. 

Longmont, Colorado: Dave Kenison, Tom Reed, Gary Marison, Olivers, Mary Sue Russell. 

Tallahassee, Florida: Jackie Stone, Cathrie Long, Chris Kemp, Ann Cluff, Maureen Webb. Richard Chapple, Troy Mohrman, Ken (Hunter) Bergstrom, Laurie Tiedt. Thank you for caring.  

            To kind people who have helped me with temple work: Kathy and Alan Manwaring, Pam Petroff; Lisa Johnson and Bernotski family; Marti, Greg, and Jared Tuttle; Jenkins family and Ben Cragun, Dick and Mary Jackson, Julia and Ken Cluff, Linda and Marlan Platt, Lori Duke, Carolyn Davis, Catherine and Mike Kipp, Paul Christensen, Roger Minert, Helen and Brad Prescott; Noah and Tennyson Schill, Johanson girls, Cameron and Morgan Dopp, Renee Blumel, Jenna Wolfley and Richard Lindahl; various youth in the Canyon View Stake, and Orem 6th ward. Thank you for your selfless service.

            To good people who make my temple experience even better: Ken Kleven, Van Jaeger, Ron Bartalini, Sherry Cox, Kay Heath, Louisa Howard, Debra Elvin; Cheryl Esplin, President Freestone, President Stone, Brother Eliason, Gammons; Linda Olsen, Heather Bodine, Krista Tate, Pam Hansen, Patti Bell, Sherrie Johnson, Rebekah Westfall; Amy Christensen, Gay Bailey; Michelle Caringella, Renae Gale, Carolyn, LeeAnn, and all the others who have gone out of their way to help me in the baptistry. Thank you for brightening my days.

            To those who have cared about our children and helped them (or me) in different ways: Anne Miller, Sandee and Andres Sosa, Kate Plewe; Taralyn Sorensen, Gailan Smith, Debbie Carn; Tami Rasmussen, Meg Ernstrom, Deanne Allred, Andrea Allman; Carol Walker, Melissa Dabb. Thank you for making my job as a mom just a little bit easier over the years.

            To friends who helped me become even more clear about what I believe: Ruth Thompson; Christy Hurt, Dana Mecham, Aubree Patterson, Marcela Gubler; Tracey Hamilton, Chelsea Rasmussen. Thank you for helping me see things from different perspectives. To others who challenged me to learn how to love in ways I wasn’t used to yet: Pauline Colton, Alauna Hyland, Sue Burton, Victoria Myers, Clixie Larson, Renee Wakamatsu, Andrea and Phillip Cockrell, Marshall DeGroot. I’m grateful for what I’ve learned from our experiences together.

            To friends from my childhood, teenage, and young adult years (I will refer to them by their pre-marriage names): 

Tallahassee, Florida: Trista Whitley, Lori Clark, Marika Chapple; Danny Bishop, Tam Nguyen, Bill Roberts, Mike Poppell, Paul Kern, Joe Caceres; Petrea Schrader, Joel Bowers, Ben Fort; Sharon Flagg, Felicia Cooke; Cheri Wright, Kacey Lewis.

Longmont, Colorado: Kristina Marzano; Karna Reed, Janae Wheeler, Karen Farnsworth; Dave Cragun, Brent Patterson, Darin Moss; Mark Wheeler, Geoff Smith. 

Orem, Utah: Angie Millet; Lisa Lawson, Becca Collyer, Jenny Clawson, Ange Walker, Jodi Sorensen; Pam Hawkes, Becky Kirby, Rob Trent, Brenda Lopez, Kim Latimer, Vaughn Porter, Poché siblings. Thank you for helping me in your unique way to become who I am today.

            To missionaries and others who were influential during my experience as a full-time missionary (I will refer to them by their pre-marriage names): TyRee Jenks, Val Roden; Cheryl Bevan, JoAnn Stock, Jeanine Bird, Carla Peterson, Rebecca Benson; Liz Baumgarten, Lalena Page, Kathy Perkins; Wheeler family, Griffin family, Dalls, Whitts, Wanda Nielsen, Terrys; Pam Curran, Aja Werkheiser, Aurora Moon; Sisters Ha, Lopez, Farrier, and Gee; Neal Larson, Justin Rasmussen, Dick and Diane Morley. Thank you for your patience, love, and examples.

            To life coaches, therapists, co-workers, and teachers I’ve worked with: Kendra Huffman, Heather Frazier, Jody Moore, Brooke Castillo, Tracy Hoth; Megan Rogers, Julie Malloy; David Paulson, Jon Skidmore; Brad Edgington, Ryan Balagna, Mitch Suyama, Heather Hoyal, Vickie Anderson; Mark Hull, Sherry Smith, Pam Christensen, Lexi Sanders, Adam Whitehead; Wanda Black, Dave Rollins, Carol Lorek, Jane Rose, and Mrs. Landreth. Thank you for all the lessons I learned during our time together.

            To the teachers, students, and secretaries at the Utah Valley University Institute of Religion: Karen Hepworth, Polly Tullis, Cassidy Hubert, David Durfey, Chelsea Chipman, Emily Mitchell, Eric Shields, Cody Orvis, Kurtis McBeth, Tyler Bartholomew, Cedi Christensen, Maren, Daniel Bradley, Todd Murdock, Valerie Christensen. Thank you for strengthening my testimony, helping with temple work, and being such an uplifting influence in my life.

            To the professors, students, and others who helped with projects during my time at Utah Valley University: Bonnie Davis, Ken White, Chris Lee, Carolyn Hamilton, Bart Poulson, Kaitlyn Pacada, Brian Birch, Karin Anderson, Lisa Johnson; Paige Seegmiller, Malorie Ward, Kimmie Henderson; Tera Johnson, Jessica Hettinger, Kassidy Nielson; Alex Boone; Ronelle Warren, Shawna Schauers, Stephanie Wright; Cynthia Tavera and Lihua Lin. Thank you for helping me succeed in my classes, so that I could achieve my goal of earning an associate degree.

            To other influential people in my life who don’t fit easily into any of the paragraphs above: Bob and Shauna Millet, Leslie Williams, Margaret Hammond, Marina Spence, Kenzie Weeks, Bradstreet family, Lisa Nerdin, Kendra Terry Senn, Kelly Christensen, Cecily Smith, Guin and Max Deaver, Becky Swasey, and Erica Larsen. Thank you for your unique way of blessing my life. In addition, I wish to thank these musicians and authors: Hilary Weeks, Shawna Edwards, Kenneth Cope; Emily Belle Freeman, David Butler, Brad Wilcox, Steven Harper, Mary Ellen Edmunds, and Sheri Dew. Thank you for your uplifting influence on me and so many others throughout the world.

            Most of all, to Heavenly Father for orchestrating potential blessings behind the scenes and for answering my prayers; to Jesus Christ for the gifts of repentance, forgiveness, and grace that flow freely from His atoning sacrifice; and to the Holy Ghost who testifies of Them and fills my soul with peace. Everything I write about in this book was influenced in some way by Them. There are no words to express the gratitude I feel, but I’ve done my best to express it in a variety of ways in the following pages.