Part 3: Reaching Out to Others With Love

* Last night, I printed out what I have written so far. I was so surprised to find that I have written approximately 65 double spaced pages now. I'm very grateful for the inspiration and obvious help I've been given as I have attempted to write. Writing is very difficult for me, but it has flowed much easier this time around, which has been such a relief. So, I'm just going to continue posting what I write each day. When I have a complete draft, I will then go back and try to make additional improvements. 

(I revisited this post on August 15, 2020 to add the song lyrics and content at the end.) 

            As I’ve mentioned in previous chapters, my husband told me he didn’t believe in August 2012. I had a hard time understanding and reconciling that for the following months. Then I became very depressed again in April 2013. However, I kept functioning. That’s how I knew it was a type of mourning, rather than clinical depression resurfacing. One evening, I prayed to know what more I could do to move past this feeling of sadness and loss – because I sincerely didn’t want to feel any kind of adversarial feelings toward my husband. I distinctly heard the words in my head, “you need to know more people in the stake.” (A stake is several congregations within a geographic area.) That seemed like an odd thought on several levels – and I knew it hadn’t come from me.

            At that point, I was still just walking to destinations. I had very limited social interaction and thought it would have been more reasonable to just know more people in my cul-de-sac or neighborhood.  However, I knew what I heard, so I tried to figure out how to proceed. As I worked to follow that prompting, the evidence for it grew. At first, I thought that I was continuing to overcome my social anxiety and depression through visiting people. And that was true. But it became more and more clear as time went on that one of the reasons was to find the individual friends I needed to help me through current and future challenges. I would later understand that the Lord would also be able to help those friends through me. I will share specific examples of this in the following chapters.

            In April 1992, about a year prior to my official missionary service, Marvin J. Ashton gave some wise counsel that has influenced me throughout my life. He began, “Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again.” He then gave a description that has been helpful to me ever since. “Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.” That quote was taped to the wall next to my bed during the entire 18 months of my full-time mission.

            He continued, “ None of us need one more person... pointing out where we have failed or fallen short. Most of us are already well aware of the areas in which we are weak. What each of us does need is family, friends…. brothers and sisters who support us, who have the patience to teach us, who believe in us, and who believe we're trying to do the best we can, in spite of our weaknesses.” He concluded, “The best and most clear indicator that we are progressing spiritually and coming unto Christ is the way we treat other people. ...Be one who nurtures and who builds. Be one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart, who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them” (“The Tongue Can be a Sharp Sword,” Ensign, May 1992).

            These are guiding principles I tried to follow when I reached out to people during my visiting journey and as I continue to interact with people in all areas of my life. I am also very grateful when people choose to treat me this way. It inspires me to continue improving as I attempt to reach out to others in love and kindness.

            My favorite inspirational singer, Hilary Weeks, wrote a song called “Say Love” (on the CD also titled Say Love, 2013). I share the lyrics with her permission:

A picture might be worth a thousand words,

but a heart can be changed with one.

Lives are shaped and minds are changed

by what is said and what is not.

There’s a shortage in this world of “I believe in you’s”

and somebody, somewhere needs some.

So say love, only love…

We all give words away.

Doesn’t cost anyone a dime.

But everybody knows there’s a price to be paid

when the words are something less than kind.

So say love, only love…

I still remember every word that you said to me

when I was falling down…

How it lifted me up… How it lifted me…

So say love. 

You never know who might need it… Say love. 

            Even though those original visits are over, I want to always reach out to others in love and friendship. I hope it will be my way of life forever. I try to remind myself that the original mission of the church was to “strengthen the saints, proclaim the gospel, redeem the dead, and care for the poor and the needy.”  Now, we often talk about how important it is to “hasten the work of salvation.”  For me, that means I can just increase my efforts in any of those areas in small and simple ways each day. Which basically just translates to reaching out to others in love.  

Chapter 2: A Formula for Balance

* I spent several hours this afternoon working on the content of this chapter. I'm posting what I've written so far - which basically ended up being several rearranged quotes.

An excellent formula for living a balanced life is found in the New Testament. Luke 2:52 succinctly explains, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.” Even in His youth, Jesus was an example of a balanced person. For many years, I have appreciated how this verse clearly describes the four main areas of our lives. “Wisdom” represents the mental or emotional aspects of our lives. “Stature” represents the physical aspect of our lives. “In favor with God” represents the spiritual aspect of our lives. “In favor with man” represents the social aspect of our lives. Recently, this verse has become the theme for the children and youth program of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This program uses the phrase “areas of growth” to encourage regular goal setting and balanced personal growth.

In 2015, I gave a lesson to the women in our church congregation using parts of a talk by Jörg Klebingat. He discusses several ways to create more balance in our lives with the focus on increasing spiritual confidence. First, the growth and development of “wisdom.” He counsels, “Accept trials, setbacks, and ‘surprises’ as part of your mortal experience. Remember that you are here to be proved and tested, ‘to see if [you] will do all things whatsoever the Lord [your] God shall command [you]’ (Abraham 3:25)…. Some trials come through your own disobedience or negligence. Other trials come because of the negligence of others or simply because this is a fallen world. When these trials come, the adversary’s minions begin broadcasting that you did something wrong, that this is a punishment, a sign that Heavenly Father does not love you. Ignore that! Instead… partner with Him to endure well to the end. Spiritual confidence increases when you accept that ‘often trials and tribulations are allowed to come into [your life] because of what [you] are doing right’” (“Approaching the Throne of God with Confidence,” Ensign, Nov. 2014).

Second, the growth and development of “stature.” Elder Klebingat counsels, “Take responsibility for your own physical well-being. Your soul consists of your body and spirit (see D&C 88:15). Feeding the spirit while neglecting the body, which is a temple, usually leads to … lowered self-esteem.” He continues, “If you are out of shape, if you are uncomfortable in your own body… please use good judgment in what and especially how much you eat, and regularly give your body the exercise it needs and deserves” (“Approaching the Throne of God with Confidence,” Ensign, Nov. 2014).

As a person who struggles with eating a healthy diet, I have learned to “make the better of the bad choices,” as a first step toward making good choices in what I eat. For example, instead of eating actual chocolate, I often eat chocolate covered protein bars or drink a chocolate protein shake. Instead of eating ice cream, I may eat frozen yogurt topped with fruit or a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats with 1% milk. I've also learned to make a good choice when I'm still struggling to make an optimal choice. For example, I don't like the taste of water, so I choose to drink Strawberry Kiwi Propel instead. That is probably a better choice than carbonated, caffeinated soda (although I'm still missing the pure benefits of water). I feel that it's better to head in the general direction of eating well, than to just give up on healthy eating entirely. I struggle with exercising too, so I choose to just “move my body more.” For me, one of the best ways to do that is to walk as often as I can in the sunshine and fresh air. Elder Klebingat concludes, “Spiritual confidence increases when your spirit, with the help of the Savior, is truly in charge of your natural man or woman” (“Approaching the Throne of God with Confidence,” Ensign, Nov. 2014).

Third, growing and developing “in favor with God.” Elder Klebingat counsels, “Take responsibility for your own spiritual well-being…. Voluntarily and joyfully repent of sins, both small and great, in real time by applying the Atonement of Jesus Christ…. Acknowledge that you cannot love God without also loving His commandments…. Truly [strive] for the right reasons, to live a consecrated life in spite of your imperfections!” Fourth, growing and developing in “favor with man.” He counsels, “Don’t hold grudges, don’t be easily offended, forgive and forget quickly.... Spiritual confidence increases when you know that the Lord knows that you bear no ill feelings toward another soul” (“Approaching the Throne of God with Confidence,” Ensign, Nov. 2014).