Chapter 34 ~ Eternal Progression … The Journey Continues

I found most of the material for this chapter this morning. These quotes displaced the ones I had planned to use, so I believe they are inspired. I learned a lot as I was piecing them together.

 

            Eternal progression is a phrase that may seem hopeful to some and daunting to others. I fall in the hopeful camp. I believe it means we get unlimited chances to try again…and again… and again to improve upon our past and progress. This is possible because of Heavenly Father’s perfect plan, which is centered on the atonement of Jesus Christ. I wrote about a few of my ancestors in the previous chapter. I believe they listened to Russell M. Nelson on April 1, 2018, when he said, “Our message to the world is simple and sincere: we invite all of God’s children on both sides of the veil to come unto their Savior, receive the blessings of the holy temple, have enduring joy, and qualify for eternal life” (“Let Us All Press On,” Ensign, May 2018). I believe my ancestors acted on that invitation from a prophet of God because their names were forwarded to me from my sister on April 5^th and my mom on April 6^th. My desire is to always do my best to follow the counsel of God’s prophet as well.

            This quote by Neal A. Maxwell fills my heart with hope. “What we insistently desire, over time, is what we will eventually become and what we will receive in eternity. …’For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts’ (D&C 137:8–9).…God thus takes into merciful account not only our desires and our performance, but also the degrees of difficulty which our varied circumstances impose upon us. No wonder we will not complain at the final judgment, especially since even the telestial kingdom’s glory ‘surpasses all understanding’ (D&C 76:89) (“According to the Desire of [Our] Hearts,” Ensign, November 1996).

            In February 2019, my good friend and ministering sister shared a comforting and reassuring quote with me about eternal progression. She read it in a chapter with the title “The Saving Christ” written by Terry and Fiona Givens. “Elder James E. Talmage wrote in the first edition of the Church-published Articles of Faith, ‘advancement from grade to grade within any kingdom, and from kingdom to kingdom, will be provided for … Eternity is progressive.’ He later elaborated, no man will be detained in the lower regions ‘longer than is necessary to bring him to a fitness for something better. When he reaches that stage the… doors will open and there will be rejoicing among the hosts who welcome him to a better state.’ Slightly later, President Joseph F. Smith taught that ‘there is a time after this mortal life, and there is a way provided by which we may fulfil the measure of our creation and destiny, and accomplish the whole great work that we have been sent to do, although it may reach far into the future before we fully accomplish it. Jesus had not finished his work when his body was slain, neither did he finish it after his resurrection from the dead, although he had accomplished the purpose for which he then came to earth, he had not fulfilled all his work. And when will he? Not until he has redeemed and saved every son and daughter of our father Adam that has or ever will be born upon the earth to the end of time…’” (The Christ Who Heals,” p.119).

            In one of my favorite talks on faith, Neil L. Andersen explained, “Faith is a principle of power, important not only in this life but also in our progression beyond the veil. By the grace of Christ, we will one day be saved through faith on His name.” (“Faith is Not by Chance, but By Choice,” Ensign, May 2015).

            In Summer 2019, an Institute teacher reminded me about an instructive quote by Henry B. Eyring, which continues to help me redirect my thoughts from worrying about the future. “Building faith in Jesus Christ is the beginning of reversing spiritual decline in your family and in your home. That faith is more likely to bring repentance than your preaching against each symptom of spiritual decline. You will best lead by example. Family members and others must see you growing in your own faith in Jesus Christ and in His gospel…. You will find some of your greatest joys in your efforts to make your home a place of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and a place that is permeated with love, the pure love of Christ. … Some have tried with full heart for that blessing, yet it has not been granted. My promise to you is one that a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once made to me. I had said to him that because of choices some in our extended family had made, I doubted that we could be together in the world to come. He said, as well as I can remember, ‘You are worrying about the wrong problem. You just live worthy of the celestial kingdom, and the family arrangements will be more wonderful than you can imagine.’ I believe that he would extend that happy hope to any of us in mortality who have done all we can to qualify ourselves and our family members for eternal life. I know that Heavenly Father’s plan is a plan of happiness. I testify that His plan makes it possible for each of us who has done the best we can to be sealed in a family forever. I know that the priesthood keys restored to Joseph Smith were passed on in an unbroken line to President Russell M. Nelson. Those keys make possible the sealing of families today. I know that Heavenly Father loves us, His spirit children, with a perfect love” (“A Home Where the Spirit of the Lord Dwells,” Ensign, May 2019).

            Larry R. Lawrence explained, “The Spirit can show us our weaknesses, but He is also able to show us our strengths. Sometimes we need to ask what we are doing right so that the Lord can lift and encourage us. When we read our patriarchal blessings, we are reminded that our Heavenly Father knows our divine potential. He rejoices every time we take a step forward. To Him, our direction is ever more important than our speed” (“What Lack I Yet,” Ensign, Nov. 2015).

            Henry B. Eyring explained, “…You can find the word remember throughout the scriptures…. My message is an invitation…  to remember. Here are three suggestions about what you could remember each week when you partake of the sacred emblems of the sacrament. I hope they are helpful to you, as they have been to me. First, remember the Savior. Remember who He was while on earth, how He spoke to others, and how He showed kindness in His acts. Remember whom He spent time with and what He taught. The Savior “went about doing good” (Acts 10:38)…. Most of all, we can remember the great price He paid, out of His love for us, to remove the stain of our sins. As we remember Him, our desire to follow Him will grow. We will want to be a little kinder, more forgiving, and more willing to seek the will of God and do it.

…It’s hard to think of the Savior—His purity and perfection—without also thinking of how flawed and imperfect we are in comparison. We have made covenants to obey His commandments, yet we frequently fall short of this high standard. But the Savior knew this would happen, which is why He gave us the ordinance of the sacrament.” (“Always Remember Him,” Ensign, Feb. 2018),

            He continued with counsel that has been very helpful for me over the past couple of years. “As you examine your life during the ordinance of the sacrament, I hope your thoughts center not only on things you have done wrong but also on things you have done right—moments when you have felt that Heavenly Father and the Savior were pleased with you. You may even take a moment during the sacrament to ask God to help you see these things. If you do, I promise you will feel something. You will feel hope. When I have done this, the Spirit has reassured me that while I’m still far from perfect, I’m better today than I was yesterday. And this gives me confidence that, because of the Savior, I can be even better tomorrow….No matter how well you keep your promise to always remember Him, He always remembers you. The Savior knows your challenges. He knows what it is like to have the cares of life press upon you. He knows how urgently you need the blessing that comes from always remembering Him and obeying Him—“that [you] may always have his Spirit to be with [you]” (D&C 20:77; emphasis added). So He welcomes you back to the sacrament table each week, once again offering you the chance to witness before Him that you will always remember Him.” (“Always Remember Him,” Ensign, Feb. 2018),

            Neal A. Maxwell explained, “For the faithful, our finest hours are sometimes during or just following our darkest hours.…With an understanding of God’s plan of salvation, we know that the rejoicing, the striving, the suffering, the tutoring, and the enduring experiences of life all play their part in an intelligible process of helping us, if we will, to become, as the Savior beckoningly invited, ‘even as I am.’ (3 Ne. 27:27)…The plan always points the way, but does not always smooth the way, since individual development requires an ‘opposition in all things.’ (2 Ne. 2:11.) The Lord will give us the needed intellectual and spiritual confirmation concerning His plan, but on His terms and in His own way.…Unsurprisingly, therefore, this mortal school produces some soaring triumphs but also a history filled with individual mistakes. But we should not blame the school, nor the curriculum! Least of all, the Schoolmaster! (“The Great Plan of the Eternal God,” Ensign, May 1984).

            In another talk, Neal A. Maxwell continued, “God delights in blessing us, especially when we realize ‘joy in that which [we] have desired’ (D&C 7:8).…It is up to us. God will facilitate, but He will not force.…Even a spark of desire can begin change. The prodigal son, sunk in despair, nevertheless desired and ‘came to himself,’ determining that ‘I will arise and go to my father’ (Luke 15:17–18).…Fortunately for us, our loving Lord will work with us, ‘even if [we] can [do] no more than desire to believe,’ providing we will ‘let this desire work in [us]’ (Alma 32:27)….Only by educating and training our desires can they become our allies instead of our enemies!…It is up to us. Therein lies life’s greatest and most persistent challenge. Thus when people are described as ‘having lost their desire for sin,’ it is they, and they only, who deliberately decided to lose those wrong desires by being willing to ‘give away all [their] sins’ in order to know God (Alma 22:18).… a loving God will work with us, but the initiating particle of desire which ignites the spark of resolve must be our own! It all takes time. Said the Prophet Joseph: “The nearer man approaches perfection, the clearer are his views, and the greater his enjoyments, till he has overcome the evils of his life and lost every desire for sin; and like the ancients, arrives at that point of faith where he is wrapped in the power and glory of his Maker and is caught up to dwell with Him. But we consider that this is a station to which no man ever arrived in a moment” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, 51). Thus the work of eternity is not done in a moment, but, rather, in ‘process of time.’ Time works for us when our desires do likewise! (“According to the Desire of [Our] Hearts,” Ensign, November 1996).

            Thomas S. Monson encouraged, “This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now…” (“Finding Joy in the Journey,” Ensign, Nov. 2008).

            One of my Institute teachers reminded me of a poem titled “The Dash” by Linda Ellis. It helped motivate some of my changes between 2008 and 2012. Perhaps it will remind you of some changes you might make as well.

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning… to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke of the following date with tears,

but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time they spent alive on earth

and now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own, the cars… the house… the cash.

What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard; are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left that still can be rearranged.

To be less quick to anger and show appreciation more

 and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile…

 remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read, with your life’s actions to rehash,

would you be proud of the things they say about how you lived your dash?

 

            I once watched a YouTube video about a hospice nurse and chaplain named Becki Hawkins who witnessed the end of life suffering of many patients over 30 years. She wrote a book about the lessons she learned from those patients and also spoke to a small gathering of people in October 2012. Part of her conclusion resonated with me (at about the 44 minute mark). “I’m not afraid of dying… I believe that we are beautiful, spiritual beings who are here for a very, very brief time in these clay vessels to learn lessons for our souls and to learn how to love one another better. To learn how to treat each other the way that God wants us to treat each other.”

            Another poem that helped me through many discouraging days during my growing up years is “Don’t Quit” by John Greenleaf Whittier. Perhaps it will uplift you also.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

 

            Henry B. Eyring taught, “My reassurance is this: the loving God who allowed these tests for you also designed a sure way to pass through them. Heavenly Father so loved the world that He sent His Beloved Son to help us. His Son, Jesus Christ, gave His life for us. Jesus Christ bore in Gethsemane and on the cross the weight of all our sins. He experienced all the sorrows, the pains, and the effects of our sins so that He could comfort and strengthen us through every test in life…. As I have pondered the covenant words and corresponding blessings promised, I have wondered what it means to be willing to take upon us the name of Jesus Christ. President Dallin H. Oaks explains: ‘It is significant that when we partake of the sacrament we do not witness that we take upon us the name of Jesus Christ. We witness that we are willing to do so. (See Doctrine and Covenants 20:77.) The fact that we only witness to our willingness suggests that something else must happen before we actually take that sacred name upon us in the most important sense.’ The statement that we are ‘willing to take upon [us]’ His name tells us that while we first took the Savior’s name when we were baptized, taking His name is not finished at baptism. We must work continually to take His name throughout our lives, including when we renew covenants at the sacrament table and make covenants in the Lord’s holy temples.” (“Try, Try, Try,” Ensign, Nov. 2018).

            Richard G. Scott explained, “You are one of the noblest of God’s creations. His intent is that your life be gloriously beautiful regardless of your circumstances. As you are grateful and obedient, you can become all that God intends you to be. Sadness, disappointment, and severe challenge are events in life, not life itself. I do not minimize how hard some of these events are. They can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining center of everything you do…. A pebble held close to the eye appears to be a gigantic obstacle. Cast on the ground, it is seen in perspective. Likewise, problems or trials in our lives need to be viewed in the perspective of scriptural doctrine. Otherwise they can easily overtake our vision, absorb our energy, and deprive us of the joy and beauty the Lord intends us to receive here on earth…. You are here on earth for a divine purpose… to be tried, to prove yourself so that you can receive the additional blessings God has for you. The tempering effect of patience is required. Some blessings will be delivered here in this life; others will come beyond the veil” (“Finding Joy in Life,“ Ensign, May 1996).

            He continued, “The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. That progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience. If you question everything you are asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it harder for the Lord to bless you…. Learn from inspiring individuals who have made peace with their challenges and live with joy amid adversity…. Children teach us how to find joy even under the most challenging circumstances. Children haven’t yet learned to be depressed by concentrating on the things they don’t have. They find joy in what is available to them…. Simple, rejuvenating experiences surround us. They can be safety valves to keep the tension down and the spirit up. Don’t concentrate on what you don’t have or have lost. The Lord promised the obedient to share all that He possesses with them. You may temporarily lack here, but in the next life, if you prove yourself worthy by living valiantly, a fulness will be your blessing. To the afflicted people of Alma, the Lord said: ‘I will also ease the burdens … that even you cannot feel them upon your backs … ; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. And … the burdens … were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord’ (Mosiah 24:13–15) (“Finding Joy in Life,“ Ensign, May 1996).

            He continued, “Being creative will help you enjoy life. It engenders a spirit of gratitude. It develops latent talent, sharpens your capacity to reason, to act, and to find purpose in life. It dispels loneliness and heartache. It gives a renewal, a spark of enthusiasm, and zest for life. Willing service to others is a key to enduring happiness. Each morning (one woman) would ask her Father in Heaven to lead her to someone she could help. That sincere prayer was answered time and again. The burdens of many were eased and their lives brightened. She was blessed continually for being an instrument directed by the Lord. I know that every difficulty we face in life, even those that come from our own negligence …  can be turned by the Lord into growth experiences, a virtual ladder upward… No matter how difficult something you or a loved one faces, it should not take over your life and be the center of all your interest. Challenges are growth experiences, temporary scenes to be played out on the background of a pleasant life. Don’t become so absorbed in a single event that you can’t think of anything else or care for yourself or for those who depend upon you. Remember, much like the mending of the body, the healing of some spiritual and emotional challenges takes time…. God’s love brings peace and joy. Your faith in Jesus Christ gives life enduring meaning. Remember you are on a journey… Sometimes you have experiences that yield more happiness than others, but it all has purpose with the Lord….Forgive any you feel may have offended you. If there is transgression, repent of it, that the Master may heal you…. You will learn that sadness and disappointment are temporary. Happiness is everlastingly eternal because of Jesus Christ. I solemnly witness that He lives, that He loves you, and that He will help you” (“Finding Joy in Life,“ Ensign, May 1996).

            Earlier in the book, I mentioned that I was asked to give a message in an Easter lesson to the women in our church congregation. I will end with part of that message I shared on March 31, 2013. “…Because I made those changes, my depression lifted dramatically at the end of December 2011. I was then given three months to continue to strengthen those habits and add other daily habits to give me balance in my life. Then my next trial arrived. I've had numbness, tingling, and tightness from my ribs to my toes especially on my right side since March 20, 2012. I spent the rest of last year building habits, but also trying to figure out what was causing these uncomfortable symptoms. In December, a lesion was finally found on my spine when my MRI's were repeated and, in January, it was confirmed through a spinal tap that I have MS…. I don't think I could have handled all of this if I had been in the emotional state I was in prior to making these changes. I feel that the Lord blessed me because He knew this was coming. I'm still very limited in what I'm able to do in life, but He has helped me learn how to do the basics that have given me much more stability. He has helped me focus on what is really important.  
            His grace is the enabling power to help us do better and be better. I have a testimony of that. I couldn't make it through one day without His help. I still have many difficult days, but I know He is there to help me (and all of us) every step of the way as we strive to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I'm thankful that I will someday have a resurrected body because of Him that is free of earthly limitations. But, I will also be forever grateful for the way He has helped me cope with my limitations along the way. I know the Savior’s atonement is real and it is powerful. I know that Christ perfectly understands what each of us goes through in this life and is perfectly able to help us because He suffered and died for us. I also know that because He was resurrected, we will all be resurrected too…. We can feel hope, peace, and joy all along the way because of that promise.” Those feelings and beliefs have continued to uplift and sustain me over the past seven years. Since each day is a new beginning, repeating into eternity, I can continue to trust in Savior and His promises…forever.

Chapter 33: Never Too Late

 

            The name and order of the chapters in this book’s table of contents and the division of the book into five different sections was given to me very clearly one afternoon at the end of summer 2019. I have tried not to deviate from the names and order that I originally decided on. However, I wasn’t sure what to write for this chapter in its original place at the beginning of section four. As I pondered, I felt that this was the better place for it. I believe it’s never too late to learn, to love, to change, to develop Christlike attributes, or to progress. This chapter has some similarities with the chapter on perfectionism, but I think the concepts are worth repeating.

            Cassy Budd is a professor at BYU. She gave a speech at BYU that was very powerful for me and I used several quotes from it in my final English paper on perfectionism. She explained that her experiences gave her “a deep appreciation for the value of the ‘try’. Simply showing up and starting where you are is all that can be asked of you. Regardless of your level of experience, your failures, or your perception of your own potential, wherever you are in life, you just need to show up and try. Try to listen to the patient instruction of the Savior, try to imitate His movements, try to ignore the negative self-talk when your movements do not measure up, and try to focus on the joy in the learning instead of the defeat in the failure. And amidst your ‘try,’ recognize that others around you are in the middle of their own ‘try.’ Celebrate their progress, even when they seem to be farther along than you, and give them a pass when they fall short.” She applied this to her mistakes in playing the piano. “When you allow yourself to be paralyzed by your mistakes, you diminish your ability to be useful... Making mistakes is simply part of the human condition and can be one of your most productive learning tools. Yes, you need to recognize your mistakes. But more than that, you need to find a way to effectively play through them.” She continued with another example, “Failure is useful in physical development as well. Strategically working a muscle to failure—the point at which you can no longer lift or push or pull whatever you are lifting or pushing or pulling—and then allowing proper time for the muscle fibers to repair is one of the most effective ways to build strength. This process of failing and repairing eventually results in stronger, more efficient muscles” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I especially appreciated on the part of her talk where she focused on the Savior’s role in our lives. She explained, “We all, at one time or other, will be in a situation in which our strength or knowledge or skill or perhaps even our desire is not enough. These are the times when your Savior pulls you up out of the darkness—if you will let go and take His hand. These are the times when His voice guides you to safety—if you will listen carefully. And it is for these times that He descended below all things—to become your stepping-stone.” She then quoted Jeffery R. Holland, “When [the Savior] says . . . , ‘Come unto me,’ He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way” [“Broken Things to Mend,” Ensign, May 2006; emphasis in original]. She continued, “[The Savior] can work with ­whatever you have to give if you are willing to accept His help…. Living perfectly is not the plan. Repentance is the plan. Jesus Christ is the plan. I think we erroneously equate perfection with living a perfect life, with never failing or falling short, but Jesus Christ is the only one who ever did or ever will do that…. Perfection, for us, is not about being flawless; it is about being finished” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I was fascinated with the conclusion of her talk and how she tied it all together so seamlessly. She explained, “Artists who practice the Japanese art form kintsugi repair broken pottery by filling the cracks with a lacquer made from gold, silver, or platinum, restoring the damaged piece to something beautiful and whole. Kintsugi teaches that scars are not something to hide; rather, they are to be celebrated for the unique beauty they exhibit. The scars themselves are considered precious and therefore are mended with precious metals to honor their value. The finished piece is even more beautiful than the unbroken original. Similarly, we honor the scars of our Savior, for He has graven us on the palms of His hands (see Isaiah 49:16)…. When we turn our broken pieces over to the Savior, our gaps are filled with Him—with His perfection—and we are made complete; we are finished by the Great Creator through the restorative power of ‘the author and finisher of our faith’ (Hebrews 12:2). We come to know the Savior not just by recognizing and reverencing His scars but by recognizing and reverencing our own. We are bound to the Savior through our mutual scars, ‘and with His stripes we are healed’ (Isaiah 53:5; see also verse 4)…. Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world, desires to mend your broken pieces, fill your empty spaces, and make of you a vessel that is more beautiful and whole. May you each find the strength to fail and, in the hands of your Savior, the power to finish” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I was asked to give a talk on Christlike attributes when we moved into our current ward. I really appreciated the opportunity to study more about them. The title of chapter six in the Preach My Gospel manual is “How Do I Develop Christ-like Attributes?” It explains, “Christlike attributes are gifts from God…. Ask your Heavenly Father to bless you with these attributes; you cannot develop them without His help…” This chapter discusses nine of Christ’s attributes. I won’t mention all of them, but I highly recommend going through that chapter and looking up the scripture references. It inspired me to strive to be more Christlike in so many ways. The first three attributes it mentions are faith, hope, and charity. Faith in Jesus Christ. Hope through Jesus Christ. And charity as the pure love of Christ.

            The gospel reference book, True to the Faith, explains, “Faith is a principle of action and power. Whenever you work toward a worthy goal, you exercise faith. You show your hope for something that you cannot yet see…. Having faith in Jesus Christ means relying completely on Him—trusting in His infinite power, intelligence, and love…. It means believing that even though you do not understand all things, He does. Remember that because He has experienced all your pains, afflictions, and infirmities, He knows how to help you rise above your daily difficulties (see Alma 7:11-12)…. He is always ready to help you as you remember His plea: ‘Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not’” (Doctrine and Covenants 6:36). One of my favorite scriptures has always been, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).

            Preach My Gospel explains, “Hope is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you…. When you have hope, you work through trials and difficulties with the confidence and assurance that all things will work together for your good. Hope helps you conquer discouragement….” Another of my very favorite scriptures shows how faith and hope work together. The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ explains, “…Whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world… which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works…” (Ether 12:4).

            In the New Testament, Jesus taught, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matthew 22:37-39). The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ explains,  “Charity… is kind…. Charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity.... Charity is the pure love of Christ…. Wherefore… pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ…” (Moroni 7:45-48). Preach My Gospel continues, “…Charity is a gift from God…. As you follow this counsel and strive to do righteous works, your love for all people will increase….You will come to feel a sincere concern for the …. happiness of other people. You will see them as children of God with the potential of becoming like our Heavenly Father.…You will avoid judging others, criticizing them, or saying negative things about them. You will try to understand them and their points of view.”    

            I was grateful to discover this verse in the New Testament, “And of some have compassion, making a difference” (Jude 1:22). I absolutely know that genuine kindness, compassion, and Christlike love makes a positive difference! We won’t always know exactly what to say or do, but we can try our best to uplift others when they are struggling or discouraged. The New Testament also explains, “…Above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). I believe that when we focus on developing Christlike love for others, it helps refine us so that the sins don’t occur as much anymore. The good news of the gospel is that we are saved by grace. That helps us move away from the pressure-filled, checklist mentality and focus more on faith, hope, and charity. We can’t do one thing to earn our way to heaven. We just need to practice making progress in good ways. As we pray and practice, our love of God, ourselves, and others will grow. That way, we are obeying the most important commandments. When we strive to live a Christlike life, we are practicing following Christ. That way, we will be comfortable with Him when we see Him again. Preach My Gospel concludes, “Learning to be like Christ is a lifelong pursuit. You follow Christ’s example—develop His attributes—one action and decision at a time.” It is never too late to make a good decision, to choose to do something kind, or to take a step in the right direction.

Chapter 32: Family History Fun

Today was unexpectedly difficult. I cried for much of the morning. I'm so grateful I was finally able to pull myself together enough to work on this important chapter. It's only about half finished, but I feel very relieved to have written as much as I did.

           

               It is important, for many reasons, to know where you came from. One of those reasons is the strength of your ancestors, and the way they overcame challenges, can strengthen you. 

            One of my ancestors is Lijntje van Wijnen. She is my maternal grandma. When she was five years old, she sailed to America from Rotterdam, South Holland in the Netherlands. She made the trip with her recently widowed mom and they arrived at Ellis Island in New York on January 2, 1923. At that time, her name was changed to Lena Van Wynen.  She and her mom boarded a train and traveled to Ogden, Utah. The missionary who baptized her parents a few years earlier met them there. She eventually married my grandpa, Lowell Carter Burns. My mom is their only daughter, born between four older and two younger brothers. I am my mom’s oldest daughter. I lived with my Grandma Burns for a semester when I attended Weber State College in 1990. I still feel a special bond with her.

            Genealogical research is a priority of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Their online program, Family Search, is an amazing tool for family history research. Prior to that, my paternal grandma worked tirelessly on the genealogy for her side of the family and recorded it on long horizontal family group sheets. However, very little work had been done my maternal line. I always thought family history work was basically impossible for me and I never completed any work other than a four generation pedigree sheet on both sides of my family.

            In January 2018, I was still trying to write this book, but it became too overwhelming. So I decided to just work on it as my personal history instead. During that same time, my parents were preparing to serve another mission. One evening, my mom showed me some treasures she found while going through boxes. They included her mom’s journal, several important documents, old letters, and some pictures. My mom allowed me to take them home so I could look at them more closely. I immediately began typing a copy of the handwritten pages from my grandma’s journal. She wrote less than 20 pages and it ended after their first child was born. I was fascinated with what she had written, though,  and was grateful to learn a little more about her early life. At the end of January, I received an email notification from Family Search letting me know that temple work still needed to be completed for an ancestor named Jaapje Buitelaar. She is the maternal fourth cousin of my Grandma Burns. I usually just disregarded those notices, but I felt different this time. I clicked on the link, printed out a temple card for her, and that was the first step in my family history journey. 

            Meanwhile, my sister had been doing family history work for a while. She lived in North Carolina at that time and the temple closest to them would be closing for long-term renovations shortly. When I told her about my unexpected change of heart, she asked if I would be willing to finish the temple work for 13 remaining ancestors. I agreed and invited my mom to help me. So we went to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple on my birthday the next week. I was recovering from a cold, but I thought it would be neat to have my birth date stamped on all 14 of those cards (for Jaapje and the 13 my sister transferred to me). My nieces had acted as proxy for the baptisms and confirmations of these 13 ancestors. So my mom and I acted as proxy for the initiatory ordinance of each one. The initiatory is a beautiful ordinance, which takes place prior to the endowment. It is a much shorter ordinance, so more can be done at one time. My mom and I had to wait two different times, but we were each able to do the initiatories for seven ancestors. It was a memorable and sacred experience for both of us, in addition to being a great way to celebrate my 46^th birthday. I returned to the temple on February 8^th to be proxy for Jaapje’s endowment, which was also a very special experience.

            Later in February 2018, I wrote the following partial entry in my journal. “I've recently become painfully aware of my human weakness as I’ve continued to visit with people over the past few weeks. So I have been prompted to shift my focus to compiling my personal history and working on my family history and temple work. I'm hoping I will make less mistakes with the dead than I have with the living. However, it's a miracle that someone who has struggled as much as I have with depression and social anxiety was able to visit as much as I did in the first place. God did way more with that experience than I could have ever done on my own. I'm so grateful for the opportunities he gave me to try to help and lift others in my very small way.” I discussed three of those divine intersections with Janell, her half-sister and niece in chapter 24. I accompanied Janell’s niece to complete her initiatory and endowment on May 12, 2015. Since that time, I met her niece for lunch on several different occasions, but she never felt ready to help seal Janell and her husband, along with sealing their two children to them. (Even though Dee and Janell weren’t active in the church, they did have their children’s temple work done after each of their tragic deaths.)  I was anxious to participate in that sealing because it felt like the beginning of the happy ending for their family, since they are all now together after 20 years of separation. However, I knew it needed to be on their relative’s timetable, not mine.

            Several miracles occurred shortly after I wrote that bittersweet journal entry. Janell's niece visited me spontaneously on the afternoon of February 20^th to deliver an invitation to her upcoming civil wedding. She explained that she had already waited too long to help seal Janell’s family, she handed me the temple cards, and asked me to do it in her behalf. I could not believe it! I was so honored for the privilege and opportunity she had literally just handed me. I was already planning to help seal Jaapje to her husband the next day and I was so grateful for the chance to help with this important sealing in the same session. I remember praying that our house wouldn't burn down while we slept or that I wouldn't get in a wreck on the way to the temple... because I had been waiting for this day since Janell’s niece completed her endowment almost five years before.

            I made it safely to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple the next morning. I acted as proxy for Jaapje as she was sealed to Jacobus Borstlap. Then I had the privilege of being proxy for Janell as she was sealed to Dee in the same session. Immediately after their sealing, I had the privilege of being proxy for their daughter, as I helped seal her and her older brother to Dee and Janell in the next ordinance. I cried tears of joy through all three ordinances. I wondered if Janell and Dee were permitted to watch the ordinances from where they were in the next life and I hoped they knew how much I love them. Toward the end of the session, I thought I heard a voice in my mind that said, “Hi Wendi Bird,” which is a reference from Peter Pan and it's what Dee used to say to me when I came over to walk with Janell. (In case that wasn’t enough of a tender mercy, right after I heard Dee’s voice in my mind, someone with the last name of Darling was sealed – that was Wendy's last name in Peter Pan!) I hadn't thought of that nickname in a long time. I took it as a sign that they were happy and accepting of my gift to them and their children. I am looking forward to the day when I can see them in the next life. I feel very connected to their family now. I kept alternating between a big grin and tears for many hours following the sealing session. 

            I remember feeling like I could finally be at peace about Janell for the first time since the Monday after Easter 2014 when I found out she passed away. Another interesting side note is that Jaapje and Jacobus had a son named Cornelis. Cornelis married Maria de Groot and I printed out a temple card for her just three weeks after our daughter told us she was pregnant in May 2019. The interesting thing about that is DeGroot is the last name of our grandson and his father. I just noticed that recently and it was another sweet moment when I was reminded that God is aware of me and my circumstances.

            I also had the opportunity to attend the wedding of Janell’s niece just two days later on February 23^rd. It was a very snowy day and I wondered if it was worth attending as my car slipped and slid through the snow on my drive to the Provo city courthouse. She asked me to be one of the witnesses when I arrived, so she now has a marriage certificate with my signature on it. After the ceremony, I joined her, her two cute kids, her new husband, and several other family members at Pizza Factory for lunch afterward. That gave me the opportunity to talk with Janell’s half-sister for the first time in quite a while. I was grateful that I made the effort to support their family. I visited with my good friend who was the Relief Society president during my experience with Janell. I explained to her again how I thought I was in Janell’s life to save her life, but I was so confused when she died. This friend explained to me that I actually was in her life to help the Savior save her in my small way. I am grateful for the miracles that have occurred to help all of this happen in God's perfect timing. I know that Heavenly Father works miracles in our lives. I’m very grateful that He allows us to help in these miracles that we could never make happen ourselves. I know that the greatest miracle of all is the atonement of Jesus Christ. I'm so grateful for His mercy and grace. I know that we can have “more freedom from earth stains” as we partake of the sacrament and attend the temple.

Chapter 24: Focusing Less on Outcomes (part 1)

* I woke up in the middle of the night with heartburn, which rarely happens anymore. So I got up and worked on this part of the story between 4:30am and 6:30am this morning. I still have more to write, but I will post this and come back to finish it soon.

            The main way the Spirit works in my life is that it prompts me to some kind of action. There are countless experiences I could share about this, but the one I want to focus on is how I met Janell. At the end of January 2014 (almost five months after my original prompting), the sister missionaries asked if they could stop by. I agreed and they showed us a video about doing missionary work in our everyday life. That prompted me to put several names on the temple prayer roll the next time I was there and Janell was one of them. Since I was out visiting people on most days, my hope was that the Lord would cross my path with hers. A couple weeks later in mid-February, I walked to the retirement community near our home, which was something I did regularly. I was helping a friend with several of her temple names and I tried to return the completed card each time. My friend wasn’t home that day, which was unusual, because her husband suffered from the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s disease. As I left her driveway, I was strongly prompted to knock on Janell’s door. She lived next door to this friend, but I never knocked on her door before because a few people in our ward had advised me to not attempt to visit her, since she was no longer interested in attending church.

            She answered the door and I had a brief conversation with her. I explained in my typical animated way that I was enjoying getting to know many of her neighbors to help overcome the social anxiety I had experienced for several years. I asked if I could call her to set up a time to come back and visit her also, since she didn’t have much time that day. She agreed, but I think it was mostly because she didn’t want to reject me entirely, since I explained my desire to visit her in such an enthusiastic way. I called her a few hours later and reminded her who I was. During the beginning of that call, she said (and I quote), “I am a psych nurse. Are you sure you’re not having a manic episode?” Even though she said it rather rudely, I just tried to laugh it off and explained again that I just wanted to get to know more people. I sincerely emphasized that “I used to think people were the problem and now I know people are the answer for me.” She wasn’t completely convinced, so I asked if I could call her back again sometime. I was feeling a sense of urgency, so I called her back two more times over the next few days. She was difficult to talk to at first, but I felt some hope because she continued to answer the phone and I’m fairly certain she had caller ID.

            During those conversations, I learned she was a convert to the church, but hadn’t attended in years. I promised her that I wasn’t trying to visit her because of a calling or church assignment, I just sincerely wanted to know her better. On the third call, I let her know that I wouldn’t keep bothering her if she wasn’t interested in developing a friendship. However, she genuinely surprised me by calling back a couple days later. We talked for almost 45 minutes about some really important and difficult things in both of our lives. For example, she shared that her only daughter had taken her own life in 1992 when she was 16 years old and that her only son had died in their bathtub from a drug overdose in 2007 when he was 25 years old. I think she thought telling me those sad experiences would scare me away, but I listened carefully and expressed as much empathy as I could for those deeply tragic losses. At the end of the call, I asked her if I could come over and visit her in the next few minutes and she agreed. I was so grateful for the trust that showed.

            I immediately walked over to her house after that phone call. Instead of being hesitant that time, she opened the door wide, smiled at me, and gave me a hug. I had quickly printed out a list of things that helped me overcome the debilitating depression I had experienced. I gave her that paper, along with a favorite kind of protein bar, since we had discussed a couple of simple physical fitness ideas during our phone call. I asked her if she would ever be interested in walking with me because I wanted more than anything to do something to help people who had experienced depression like I had. To my surprise, she said she would like to try that. So we decided right then that we would start walking together on weekday afternoons. It became very clear to me during our first walk that she was extremely depressed, so I didn’t know how much I could actually do to change her situation. However, as I discussed at the beginning of chapter 19, I learned from John Lund that all I needed to do was “love much and do what I can do.” The two things I could try to do were to walk with Janell as often as she would let me on weekday afternoons and try to bring joy and cheer into that small time I spent with her. I didn’t know how I could really make a difference for her, but I was willing to try to help in my small and simple way.

            My love for Janell grew quickly during the handful of walks we went on, even though we had very little in common. As we were walking back to her house one day, we talked with the woman who lived next door to her on the other side. She explained that she was planning to have those same sister missionaries over for dinner later that week and invited both of us to join them. I don’t think Janell would have agreed under any other circumstance, but I had already explained that I believed their message was the reason I was brave enough to knock on her door in the first place. Later that week, I returned to her home about a half hour before that dinner was supposed to happen. She invited me in to keep her company while she finished getting ready. Her husband, Dee, had started calling me “Wendy bird” (a reference to the Disney animated movie, Peter Pan) when he opened the door before some of our walks. Janell officially introduced me to him. Then I followed her back to their bedroom where I sat (and bounced a little) on her tall, comfy bed and talked with her while she finished getting ready for the dinner. I was a little nervous too, since I had rarely been to dinner at other people’s houses before. Most of those dinners had been when I was serving as a full-time missionary and they often made me feel anxious back then also. It ended up being an enjoyable dinner, though. One of the missionaries was very casual and fun. I remembered that from when they visited my house. She helped us both feel much more comfortable than we would have been otherwise, since we found out that the husband of the woman who had invited us had served as a full-time mission president several years earlier. I walked her home after dinner and gave her a hug.

            I think Janell and I walked a few more times after that and I was planning to walk with her for as long as she would let me. Unfortunately, she also took her own life over Easter weekend in mid-April 2014 (after we had only been walking together for just under two months). I called on the Monday after Easter to see when Janell would like to walk that afternoon. Dee was hesitant when I asked to talk with her and then, after a long pause, Janell’s half-sister picked up the phone. She felt sad about being the one to break the news to me and I remember just crumpling to my knees with tears streaming down my cheeks as she explained the few details she knew about what had happened that weekend. After we both cried as we talked for those minutes, I asked if she would allow me to come over and give her a hug in person. She agreed and I continued to cry as I told my husband.

            I then walked, with tears still streaming down my face, over to my good friend’s house who was serving as the Relief Society president. She was as shocked at hearing the news as I was, since I had talked to her about my happiness over the  progress I was making with Janell during our morning walks with the other women in the ward. She asked if she could call the bishop to tell him and I said that would probably be okay. Then she agreed to walk over to Janell’s house with me and I was so grateful for her support. The bishop drove over before we arrived to ask if the ward could help with a funeral. Dee agreed to a luncheon for the extended family after the graveside service, since Janell would be cremated. Our visit was more casual than that one and it was a comfort to Dee and Janell’s half-sister. My friend’s dad had taken his own life years earlier, so she expressed sincere empathy to them. Janell’s half-sister told me again that Janell had talked with her several times about the walks she had been on with me. She told me that she didn’t believe anyone else could have coaxed Janell out of her dark house and into the sunlight. I was so sad, but also very grateful for that confirmation of Janell’s friendship with me. She hugged me and then my friend and I slowly walked back home. Since my friend was the Relief Society president, she had asked for a rough estimate of how many would be attending the luncheon. So she was able to start planning for that with several other women in the ward after she walked me to my doorstep. I was grateful for her love and support, since I felt like I was still in shock over the situation. She gave me a long hug and then left.

            I attended the graveside service a few days later and took the opportunity to share a few thoughts at the microphone. When I found out what happened that Monday afternoon, I was devastated. I seriously wondered what all that time spent with Janell had been for because I really thought I was in her life to help save her life. However, God helped me know unmistakably that it was because He loves Janell and her family. Looking back, I was able to have a “goodbye” talk with her on one of our walks shortly before she died. I asked her what she thought of me when I first knocked on her door a couple of months earlier. She confirmed that she thought I was kind of crazy and we both laughed. (That seemed to be the consensus with most women I visited. Most of them thought I was trying to sell them something at first. They always seemed pleasantly surprised at the end of our visit that it actually was only about building a friendship.) Then I asked her what she thought that day as we were on that walk. She said something similar to her half-sister. There was no one else who could have convinced her to leave her dark house and walk out in the sunshine. I reminded her that I knocked on her door because God loves her and He wanted her to feel His love through me. Just simple, little me. I could tell that she was softening toward the gospel as we talked and walked and I believe she definitely left this life going in the right direction. I have always appreciated a quote by Neal A. Maxwell that says “Eternal things are always done in the process of time…. Direction is initially more important than speed”  (Relief Society Personal Study Guide 2: Learn of Me, “Love Within the Family,” p. 95).