Chapter 32: Family History Fun (part 2)

I'm still not finished with this chapter, so I'm going to post this and continue working on it tomorrow.

 

            Miracles and divine intersections continued regularly during the following two years. On April 5, 2018, my sister in North Carolina found an entire family of our ancestors when she followed up on a notification for Cornelia Driesprong (2^nd cousin of our grandma’s dad) that Family Search sent her daughter in February. The temple closest to my sister was now closed for long-term renovations, so I reserved the work for the Driesprong family. The next day, on April 6th, my mom forwarded a notification to me that Family Search sent her back in March for Jansje Cornelia Kruidenier (4^th cousin of our grandma’s dad). As I looked at her family members, I noticed that all of her mom’s temple work had been completed in 1961, except for her being sealed to her parents. So that's how I found her parents, Pieter van der Wel and Maria den Boer, who also needed all of their work done. So I reserved the work for the Kruidenier family, along with their grandparents. That meant I could do the baptism and confirmation of a grandma at the same time as several of her granddaughters. I printed out all of those cards and invited one of my walking friends to go with me to begin the temple work for these families the next day on April 7^th.

            I returned to the Provo Temple on April 12, 2018 to do the initiatories for these female ancestors. After I arrived, I met a kind woman at the initiatory desk who offered to help me complete half of them. Because of that, I also had time to do one of the endowments, and I ended up sitting by that same kind woman during the session. I looked her up later on Facebook and sent her a message. We decided to meet at the Provo Temple again the following week, so we could get to know each other better. I went a couple of hours early on April 19^th to wait in the baptistry for the male ordinances to be completed. Then I asked a kind man to take those completed cards into the male dressing room, so the initiatories could possibly be completed while I was in the endowment session. When my friend arrived, we went to the cafeteria to visit while we ate lunch prior to the endowment session. As I waited for her at a table, I noticed an older man sitting in the corner of the cafeteria and I felt prompted to go over and talk with him. I explained that seven of my male temple cards were in the men’s dressing room and I wasn’t sure if the work was actually being done or not. He understood my plight. Since he was almost finished with his meal, he would check to see if they were completed. If they weren’t, he promised he would do them for me. I was very grateful for his kindness. He came back a few minutes later with the completed cards. He then surprised me by explaining that he spent every day in the temple and completed three endowment sessions each day. This was a Thursday and he said he could have those cards completed for me by Saturday. I immediately jumped up and gave him a big hug, before I realized that it may not have been appropriate. He laughed and said he would take a hug like that anytime, just like he would from a granddaughter. I was overcome with joy in that moment and felt extremely grateful for this obvious divine intersection.

            True to his word, the endowments were completed by Saturday afternoon. As soon as the notification appeared on Family Search, I gathered the other cards I had been working on during the previous two weeks and drove to the temple to help complete the sealings. President Freestone was the sealer that day, which made the experience even more sacred. (Our families know each other and I didn’t realize that he had become a sealer on the day before my birthday in February – which is when this journey began for me. He and his wife now have a special place in my heart). I briefly shared the experiences that brought me to that session and he commented later on how contagious my enthusiasm was. Over the following year, I occasionally asked Heavenly Father to bless that kind man who helped to complete those seven male endowments for me. I wondered if our paths would ever cross again, since he was there each day and my time at the temple had increased. That time would come later.

            I was asked to give a presentation to the youth in our ward on the blessings of temple and family history work. That presentation occurred on May 20, 2018 and I was grateful to have the experiences of the previous month to share with them. I also used a Conference talk by Dale G. Renlund as my theme. He explained, “When God directs us to do one thing, He often has many purposes in mind. Family history and temple work is not only for the dead but blesses the living as well…. We (can) identify our own ancestors who died without receiving the ordinances of salvation. We can perform the ordinances vicariously in temples, and our ancestors may choose to accept the ordinances. We are also encouraged to help ward and stake members with their family names. It is… amazing that, through family history and temple work, we can help to redeem the dead. But as we participate in family history and temple work today, we also lay claim to ‘healing’ blessings…. This long list includes these blessings: increased understanding of the Savior and His atoning sacrifice; increased influence of the Holy Ghost to feel strength and direction for our own lives; increased faith, so that conversion to the Savior becomes deep and abiding; …increased joy through an increased ability to feel the love of the Lord; …increased love and appreciation for ancestors and living relatives, so we no longer feel alone; …increased protection from… the intensifying influence of the adversary; and increased assistance to mend troubled, broken, or anxious hearts and make the wounded whole. If you have prayed for any of these blessings, participate in family history and temple work. As you do so, your prayers will be answered” (“Family History and Temple Work: Sealing and Healing,” Ensign, May 2018).

            He continued, “When ordinances are performed on behalf of the deceased, God’s children on earth are healed. No wonder President Russell M. Nelson, in his first message as President of the Church, declared, ‘Your worship in the temple and your service there for your ancestors will bless you with increased personal revelation and peace and will fortify your commitment to stay on the covenant path.’ An earlier prophet also foresaw blessings for both the living and the dead. A heavenly messenger showed Ezekiel a vision of a temple with water gushing out of it…. Two characteristics of the water are noteworthy. First, …meaningful growth occurs going backward and forward through the generations as sealing ordinances weld families together. Second, the river renewed everything that it touched. The blessings of the temple likewise have a stunning capacity to heal. Temple blessings can heal hearts and lives and families” (“Family History and Temple Work: Sealing and Healing,” Ensign, May 2018).

            I feel like the blessings of the temple have made every part of my life better. It hasn’t solved all my problems, but it has given me strength to deal with them better. Each time I complete the temple ordinances for an ancestor, I believe they become another angel that can help strengthen me and my family when life is difficult. Temple work is an amazing kind of service because the people who have died can’t do this work themselves. So we are literally helping Christ to save them. He has the power to do it all on His own, but he allows us to help Him. I shared with the youth how the temple helps us grow up in a more spiritual way. This scripture passage explains what I mean, “…Do thou grant, Holy Father, that all those who shall worship in this house….may grow up in thee, and receive a fulness of the Holy Ghost… and be prepared to obtain every needful thing” (Doctrine and Covenants 109:14-15). Dale G. Renlund concluded, “President Russell M. Nelson, however, cautioned: ‘We can be inspired all day long about temple and family history experiences others have had. But we must do something to actually experience the joy ourselves.’ He continued, ‘I invite you to prayerfully consider what kind of sacrifice—preferably a sacrifice of time—you can make [to] do more temple and family history work’” (“Family History and Temple Work: Sealing and Healing,” Ensign, May 2018). I thought I wouldn’t ever be able to figure out how to do family history work, but I’ve been so grateful that Heavenly Father knew exactly what was needed and provided a way through these miraculous experiences.

Chapter 32: Family History Fun

Today was unexpectedly difficult. I cried for much of the morning. I'm so grateful I was finally able to pull myself together enough to work on this important chapter. It's only about half finished, but I feel very relieved to have written as much as I did.

           

               It is important, for many reasons, to know where you came from. One of those reasons is the strength of your ancestors, and the way they overcame challenges, can strengthen you. 

            One of my ancestors is Lijntje van Wijnen. She is my maternal grandma. When she was five years old, she sailed to America from Rotterdam, South Holland in the Netherlands. She made the trip with her recently widowed mom and they arrived at Ellis Island in New York on January 2, 1923. At that time, her name was changed to Lena Van Wynen.  She and her mom boarded a train and traveled to Ogden, Utah. The missionary who baptized her parents a few years earlier met them there. She eventually married my grandpa, Lowell Carter Burns. My mom is their only daughter, born between four older and two younger brothers. I am my mom’s oldest daughter. I lived with my Grandma Burns for a semester when I attended Weber State College in 1990. I still feel a special bond with her.

            Genealogical research is a priority of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Their online program, Family Search, is an amazing tool for family history research. Prior to that, my paternal grandma worked tirelessly on the genealogy for her side of the family and recorded it on long horizontal family group sheets. However, very little work had been done my maternal line. I always thought family history work was basically impossible for me and I never completed any work other than a four generation pedigree sheet on both sides of my family.

            In January 2018, I was still trying to write this book, but it became too overwhelming. So I decided to just work on it as my personal history instead. During that same time, my parents were preparing to serve another mission. One evening, my mom showed me some treasures she found while going through boxes. They included her mom’s journal, several important documents, old letters, and some pictures. My mom allowed me to take them home so I could look at them more closely. I immediately began typing a copy of the handwritten pages from my grandma’s journal. She wrote less than 20 pages and it ended after their first child was born. I was fascinated with what she had written, though,  and was grateful to learn a little more about her early life. At the end of January, I received an email notification from Family Search letting me know that temple work still needed to be completed for an ancestor named Jaapje Buitelaar. She is the maternal fourth cousin of my Grandma Burns. I usually just disregarded those notices, but I felt different this time. I clicked on the link, printed out a temple card for her, and that was the first step in my family history journey. 

            Meanwhile, my sister had been doing family history work for a while. She lived in North Carolina at that time and the temple closest to them would be closing for long-term renovations shortly. When I told her about my unexpected change of heart, she asked if I would be willing to finish the temple work for 13 remaining ancestors. I agreed and invited my mom to help me. So we went to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple on my birthday the next week. I was recovering from a cold, but I thought it would be neat to have my birth date stamped on all 14 of those cards (for Jaapje and the 13 my sister transferred to me). My nieces had acted as proxy for the baptisms and confirmations of these 13 ancestors. So my mom and I acted as proxy for the initiatory ordinance of each one. The initiatory is a beautiful ordinance, which takes place prior to the endowment. It is a much shorter ordinance, so more can be done at one time. My mom and I had to wait two different times, but we were each able to do the initiatories for seven ancestors. It was a memorable and sacred experience for both of us, in addition to being a great way to celebrate my 46^th birthday. I returned to the temple on February 8^th to be proxy for Jaapje’s endowment, which was also a very special experience.

            Later in February 2018, I wrote the following partial entry in my journal. “I've recently become painfully aware of my human weakness as I’ve continued to visit with people over the past few weeks. So I have been prompted to shift my focus to compiling my personal history and working on my family history and temple work. I'm hoping I will make less mistakes with the dead than I have with the living. However, it's a miracle that someone who has struggled as much as I have with depression and social anxiety was able to visit as much as I did in the first place. God did way more with that experience than I could have ever done on my own. I'm so grateful for the opportunities he gave me to try to help and lift others in my very small way.” I discussed three of those divine intersections with Janell, her half-sister and niece in chapter 24. I accompanied Janell’s niece to complete her initiatory and endowment on May 12, 2015. Since that time, I met her niece for lunch on several different occasions, but she never felt ready to help seal Janell and her husband, along with sealing their two children to them. (Even though Dee and Janell weren’t active in the church, they did have their children’s temple work done after each of their tragic deaths.)  I was anxious to participate in that sealing because it felt like the beginning of the happy ending for their family, since they are all now together after 20 years of separation. However, I knew it needed to be on their relative’s timetable, not mine.

            Several miracles occurred shortly after I wrote that bittersweet journal entry. Janell's niece visited me spontaneously on the afternoon of February 20^th to deliver an invitation to her upcoming civil wedding. She explained that she had already waited too long to help seal Janell’s family, she handed me the temple cards, and asked me to do it in her behalf. I could not believe it! I was so honored for the privilege and opportunity she had literally just handed me. I was already planning to help seal Jaapje to her husband the next day and I was so grateful for the chance to help with this important sealing in the same session. I remember praying that our house wouldn't burn down while we slept or that I wouldn't get in a wreck on the way to the temple... because I had been waiting for this day since Janell’s niece completed her endowment almost five years before.

            I made it safely to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple the next morning. I acted as proxy for Jaapje as she was sealed to Jacobus Borstlap. Then I had the privilege of being proxy for Janell as she was sealed to Dee in the same session. Immediately after their sealing, I had the privilege of being proxy for their daughter, as I helped seal her and her older brother to Dee and Janell in the next ordinance. I cried tears of joy through all three ordinances. I wondered if Janell and Dee were permitted to watch the ordinances from where they were in the next life and I hoped they knew how much I love them. Toward the end of the session, I thought I heard a voice in my mind that said, “Hi Wendi Bird,” which is a reference from Peter Pan and it's what Dee used to say to me when I came over to walk with Janell. (In case that wasn’t enough of a tender mercy, right after I heard Dee’s voice in my mind, someone with the last name of Darling was sealed – that was Wendy's last name in Peter Pan!) I hadn't thought of that nickname in a long time. I took it as a sign that they were happy and accepting of my gift to them and their children. I am looking forward to the day when I can see them in the next life. I feel very connected to their family now. I kept alternating between a big grin and tears for many hours following the sealing session. 

            I remember feeling like I could finally be at peace about Janell for the first time since the Monday after Easter 2014 when I found out she passed away. Another interesting side note is that Jaapje and Jacobus had a son named Cornelis. Cornelis married Maria de Groot and I printed out a temple card for her just three weeks after our daughter told us she was pregnant in May 2019. The interesting thing about that is DeGroot is the last name of our grandson and his father. I just noticed that recently and it was another sweet moment when I was reminded that God is aware of me and my circumstances.

            I also had the opportunity to attend the wedding of Janell’s niece just two days later on February 23^rd. It was a very snowy day and I wondered if it was worth attending as my car slipped and slid through the snow on my drive to the Provo city courthouse. She asked me to be one of the witnesses when I arrived, so she now has a marriage certificate with my signature on it. After the ceremony, I joined her, her two cute kids, her new husband, and several other family members at Pizza Factory for lunch afterward. That gave me the opportunity to talk with Janell’s half-sister for the first time in quite a while. I was grateful that I made the effort to support their family. I visited with my good friend who was the Relief Society president during my experience with Janell. I explained to her again how I thought I was in Janell’s life to save her life, but I was so confused when she died. This friend explained to me that I actually was in her life to help the Savior save her in my small way. I am grateful for the miracles that have occurred to help all of this happen in God's perfect timing. I know that Heavenly Father works miracles in our lives. I’m very grateful that He allows us to help in these miracles that we could never make happen ourselves. I know that the greatest miracle of all is the atonement of Jesus Christ. I'm so grateful for His mercy and grace. I know that we can have “more freedom from earth stains” as we partake of the sacrament and attend the temple.

Chapter 6: Perspective and Peace

Perspective was my word of the year in 2017. One of the definitions for perspective is the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance. Cultivating a perspective of hope has been helpful for me. I remind myself that every day is a new beginning and a fresh start. With this perspective, we have unlimited chances to try again. Being present in the moment, or mindfulness, is another perspective I would like to continue practicing. I try to remind myself that only fairy tales end with “happy ever after.” My goal is to be “happily ever present.”

I’ve also learned that perspective and gratitude complement each other. I appreciate the quote, “gratitude is a magnet for miracles.” Another way to phrase that is to “celebrate the everyday miracles surrounding you,” which is one of my favorite lyrics from my favorite inspirational singer, Hilary Weeks. I will discuss more about gratitude in a later chapter.

Peace was my word of the year in 2018. One way to develop more peace is to be content with what you have, while still taking the initiative to make changes and improve your life. In other words, peace occurs more frequently when we are content, but not complacent. It has been said that “comparison is the thief of happiness.” In the same way, comparison destroys peace. Often, we compare our worst qualities or behavior with the best we observe in other people. That is one of the quickest ways to feel the opposite of peace.

At the end of 2017, I was walking and talking with a good friend. A general authority had recently visited her daughter’s mission and had counseled the missionaries to be “100% in.” I instantly realized that he was speaking of loyalty (not 100% perfect or even 100% obedient – like her missionary assumed). As conscientious women, our minds are frequently bombarded with thoughts of worry, guilt, or shame. In order to feel peace, it’s important to redirect our thinking back to truth in our present circumstances. I continued to ponder and was given the inspiration I needed to deal with difficult circumstances in my own life. It suddenly became very clear to me that I needed to pray for 100% peace when I felt conflicted in my circumstances with family members who have different beliefs than I do.

I had prayed almost constantly for peace up until then, but this new personal revelation changed my perspective almost instantly. As I was thinking about the phrase 100% peace, I realized it was similar to: a “perfect brightness of hope” (see 2 Nephi 31:20), a “fulness of joy” (see 3 Nephi 27:31), and the “pure love of Christ” (see Moroni 7:47). These are all verses found in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. In other words, nothing is perfect, pure, completely full, or 100% – except through the atonement and grace of Jesus Christ! Those phrases describe a state of mind or heart. Our difficult or conflicting circumstances may never change, but we can receive that compensatory comfort all along the way.

Boyd K. Packer taught, “While we do not fully understand how the Atonement of Christ was made, we can experience 'the peace of God, which passeth all understanding' (Philippians 4:7)" (See "The Touch of the Master's Hand," Ensign, April 2001, 22.) This kind of peace doesn’t make sense to the mortal mind and yet I know it occurs. I believe this is one of the ways the Savior succors us and visits us in our afflictions (see Alma 7:12 and Mosiah 24:14 – also powerful verses in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ). A New Testament story illustrates this perfectly. Jesus and his disciples were on a boat and the disciples were afraid when a storm suddenly arose. Mark 4:39 reads, “And [Jesus] arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.” If Jesus is powerful enough to calm the wind and waves in a storm, He is powerful enough to calm our troubled hearts and restore peace.

Chapter 5: Word of the Year

* I have hit a mental block each time I've tried to write beyond the first chapter of this book. That happened again today and I felt discouraged all over again. However, I don't want to quit this time.

I spent a couple hours this afternoon polishing the rough draft of chapter 5. I'm posting it now, even though I'm sure there will be changes in the future. (I actually added more detail and finished polishing it the next day!) I want to continue the momentum I've started, so I won't be going in order and I may only post fragments of a chapter in the future.

Choosing a Word of the Year is a guilt-free substitute for making New Year’s resolutions. For the past decade, I have chosen to look at life through the lens of a word, rather than making a list of resolutions in January. So far, my words have been: Joy (2010), Organize (2011), Decide (2012), Focus (2013), Balance (2014), Organize – again!(2105), Learn (2016), Perspective (2017), Peace (2018), and Temple (2019). It has been amazing to see how these words have literally shaped and changed my life each year.

In 2010, I was still struggling daily with debilitating depression. When I learned about this concept from a blog I followed, I took a leap of faith and chose joy as my word that year. In the fall, I started walking occasionally and began to enjoy the sunshine, fresh air, and beauty of nature. I learned the powerful lesson that I can choose joy – even if I don't feel it yet. 

 In 2011, the word I chose was organize. That year, I gradually organized my life around three spiritual habits. Previously, the depression and anxiety I experienced caused me to fear leaving the house and my world became very small. In April, I returned to weekly church attendance and my world slowly expanded. In June, I began again to read daily in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. Since I had developed my confidence with weekly church attendance, I was also able to begin attending the temple each week in the fall. 

In addition, I went through and consolidated my huge containers of clutter that were stored at my parents’ house before they left to serve a mission at BYU-Hawaii. I learned two important lessons relating to clutter during that year. First, having money to spend doesn't obligate you to spend that money on more stuff that you probably won't use. Second, I will never be satisfied by what I don't need. Therefore, I started learning to better distinguish between needs and wants.

 In 2012, the word I chose was decide. That year, I decided to deliberately build good foundational habits. For example, I chose to form the basic daily habits of flossing my teeth, doing the dishes, wiping our bathroom and kitchen counters, making our bed, doing floor exercises, and practicing the piano. Each time a habit became more automatic, I added the next and then the next. In August of that year, my husband told me he didn't share the same spiritual beliefs that I always thought he had. So I deliberately decided to be 100% in. I needed to be all in with loyalty to both my family and my faith, along with continued self-improvement.

In 2013, the word I chose was focus. During the previous three years, I developed enough confidence to begin turning the focus away from me and onto other people. That fall, I began to visit women in our neighborhood and began walking with a few of them, instead of just walking alone. I learned that what I focus on will grow. In 2014, I chose the word balance. During that year, I began to find the proper balance between reaching out to others and spending time at home.

During 2014 (and every year since), I learned more about weighing what is most valuable in the current moment. We each have a limited amount of time, money, and energy to spend – and it varies from person to person. I learned to evaluate whether I had more time, money, or energy and that would help me know how to allocate those in a more balanced way. I also learned to describe my energy in terms of time blocks or light bulbs. Family, friends, personal care, housework, hobbies, and church/community responsibilities each represent one energy block or light bulb. If I only had four energy blocks on a certain day, then I could only choose four of those areas to spend my time and energy on without becoming overly depleted.

In 2015, I chose the word organize again. I revisited this word by going through all the clutter containers that I brought home from my parents' house a second time. I learned to break big projects or overwhelming changes into smaller, more manageable steps. For example, when I organized my closet with clear containers on the shelves, then each item became more accessible and decluttering became less overwhelming. I also learned that having an "in process" section in my closet (for clothes that have been worn, but don't need to be washed yet) helped me avoid piling them elsewhere. 

External organization often affects me internally as well. In 2011, it created space in my heart for renewed spiritual habits. This time, it made space for me to return to college when our daughter started attending UVU that fall. In 2016, I continued that momentum by choosing the word learn. I attended college classes during all three semesters of that year and I even faced my fear of taking math again. We also made the decision to move across town and learned a lot as we began working with the builder in October.

 In 2017, I chose the word perspective. That year gave me many opportunities to develop new perspectives in different aspects of my life. We packed our belongings and moved from the home we had lived in for nineteen years. Our son was born shortly after we moved into that original home, so it was difficult to leave a home and neighborhood which held many years of memories for us. Perspective shifts also occurred as we adjusted to our life in a new home and neighborhood. Then I felt strongly prompted to withdraw from UVU a couple weeks after the fall semester began. That unexpected decision led to other adjustments in perspective, which included beginning marriage therapy with my husband and attempting to begin writing this book.

In 2018, I chose the word peace, which helped me learn to become more content with some of the perspective shifts of the previous year. In 2019, I chose the word temple and spent much more time worshiping in those sacred buildings. This also continued to increase my peace and develop my eternal perspective, which I will discuss more fully in the next chapter.

I neglected to choose a word for the first half of this year, partially because I became a grandma and then this unprecedented worldwide pandemic occurred. I began working with a life coach in April and I recently decided to choose the word remember for the remainder of this year. I would like to remember more fully what I’ve learned and overcome, but especially how God has blessed me through it all.