Chapter 32: Family History Fun (part 3)

 

            I was asked to give a second presentation to the youth on the blessings of family history and temple work on December 30, 2018. In that presentation, I repeated what I already shared above. I also brought one of my white 2” binders to show them how I keep these ancestors in my thoughts. When I print out the cards, I print out an extra page and put it in a page protector. Then I can write down how I’m related to them or comments that I have about my temple experiences with them. And my favorite part is when I can staple the completed card back into that binder. It helps them to feel more real to me and it reminds me that each card represents an actual person, a child of God just like us. During a sealing session earlier that month, I looked into the mirrors on each side of that beautiful room and pondered what I would share with the youth. Gerrit W. Gong gave voice to my thoughts,  “Together the temple mirrors reflect back and forth images that stretch seemingly into eternity” (“Temple Mirrors of Eternity: A Testimony of Family,” Ensign, Nov. 2010). Quentin L Cook explained, “These reflected images help us contemplate parents, grandparents, and all previous generations. They help us recognize the sacred covenants that connect us to all generations that follow” (“See Yourself in the Temple,” Ensign, May 2016).

            David A. Bednar taught, “As members of Christ’s restored Church, we have the covenant responsibility to search out our ancestors and provide for them the saving ordinances of the gospel. ‘For their salvation is necessary and essential to our salvation, as Paul says concerning the fathers—that they without us cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be made perfect.’ (Doctrine and Covenants 128:15). For these reasons we do family history research, build temples, and perform vicarious ordinances” (“The Hearts of the Children Shall Turn,” Ensign, Nov. 2011). Joseph Smith taught, “Herein is the chain that binds the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the children to the fathers, which fulfills the mission of Elijah” (“Becoming Saviors on Mount Zion,” Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith, 473). Quentin L. Cook explained, “The combination of increased numbers of temples and advanced technology to fulfill our sacred family history responsibilities for our ancestors makes this the most blessed time in all history. You are literally among the prophesied saviors on Mount Zion” (“See Yourself in the Temple,” Ensign, May 2016). In other words, as we perform vicarious ordinances for our ancestors, we do something for them that they cannot do for themselves. This is symbolic of the way our Savior saved each of us from sin and death through His atoning sacrifice, which is something none of us could do for ourselves. It is the way He allows us to help in His work of salvation for each child of God. I’m so grateful for this opportunity we’ve been given to serve others in such an important way.

            One evening in February 2019, I was sitting in the baptistry waiting for some ordinances to be completed. I normally tried not to stay at the temple into the evenings because it detracted from family time at home. However, this time I felt prompted to stay and I texted my husband to let him know that I would be home as soon as I could. I then went out to the desk to ask for more blue and pink papers to attach to each set of five male and female cards for baptisms and confirmations. The man at the desk noticed that my family names were from the Netherlands and asked if any were from Germany. I replied that one family line married into a German line. He just happened be a professor at BYU who specialized in family history with an emphasis in Germanic names. He asked if I would be able to share some with him and several students who were planning to participate in a “German night” at the baptistry. He explained that on the evening of April 3rd, all the ordinances would be performed in German for ancestors from Germany. I agreed to try to find some names for them. So I spent the next few weeks following several lines and was able to supply him with more than enough. They ended up completing a little over 200 baptisms that night. I felt compelled to finish the rest of them, so I sat in the baptistry (most of that time shivering by the font) for six hours the following Tuesday to complete 200 more female baptisms, along with waiting for 60 more male baptisms to be completed. I learned that if I released those names to have the initiatories completed by temple patrons, they would often be finished very quickly. Then I reserved many of them again to complete the endowment and sealing. After this set of events, I watched the initiatories being completed over several days in real time - each time I refreshed the screen on Family Search. I was so grateful for the miracle that Heavenly Father provided to allow so many to begin on the covenant path prior to Easter. I love the song "Risen" written by Shawna Belt Edwards. One of the lines says that Jesus "set the captives free." I felt that powerfully during this experience. I am in awe at what God can do with a willing heart, hands, and feet. He magnifies our relatively small offerings in often unexpected and miraculous ways. My family history work increased exponentially after that.

             Over the past two years, many kind people have been willing to help me with the growing number of ordinances. I have needed the most help with endowments, since they take the longest. Their selfless service has allowed me to continue working on baptisms and sealings – almost exclusively. I love the opportunity that gives me to begin and end the process with most of the ancestors I have found. When I share my temple cards with people who are willing to help me, I tell them about my grandma who came to America from the Netherlands. I hope it helps them to feel even more purpose as they help with the work. One friend asked if she could send some cards to her parents and adult brother who live in Idaho. Her brother has some emotional struggles and he found purpose in helping me with those endowments, which felt like a win-win situation. My previous academic advisor at UVU who has become a dear friend has also helped me with a large number of endowments and the youth in her stake completed many baptisms during a youth conference. I was in an endowment session at the Mt. Timpanogos Temple one evening and noticed a couple who had previously moved from our ward. It was a large session, so I went back and talked to the woman while we were waiting to go through the veil. She and her husband stopped by our house later that week and picked up some endowment cards as well. A couple in our ward who served as full-time stake missionaries have been very helpful. They texted me a picture of a poem on August 4, 2019. The poem was written by Don L. Searle and is titled “One Holy Moment.” They wrote, “This poem reminds me of the feelings we have when we take your names to the temple. Thank you.” Here is the part that was most meaningful to me:

Born in different centuries,

You and I, an ocean apart,

And half a continent.

Never would our lives touch

But for this holy moment.

In a temple of our God…

Did you know joy in your years?

I hope you know it now,

As our lives touch

In this sacred moment,

My one brief chance to serve.

Would that I could reach a hand

Across two hundred years,

Or put an arm across a shoulder

To tell you what I feel…

            Because I graduated with my associate degree from UVU in November 2019, I had some extra time that I could spend in the temple before our grandson was born in January 2020. So, as my Christmas gift to Jesus, I made a goal to spend as many days as possible in the Provo Temple before it was closed for Christmas. During that time, I talked more often with an older woman who was retired and never been married. She lived near the temple and spent each day there doing work for other people. She specifically focused on sealings and we ended up in many sessions together. One day, she offered to help me with some of my sealings and I was so grateful. I brought 30 cards for her and she finished them in one day. I couldn’t believe it! She offered to do more for me over the Christmas holiday, since she would be going to the Provo City Center Temple, and gave me her home address. During those two weeks, I continued to prepare more names for sealings. Initially, I drove to her house and clipped 65 cards to the side of her mailbox near the front door. Again, she completed them in two or three days! That process miraculously repeated two more times during the Christmas holiday. Meanwhile, I attended the Mt. Timpanogos Temple while the Provo Temple was closed. I was in a few sealing sessions with a man who regularly served in that temple also. He saw how many names I was trying to complete over several sessions and asked if he could help. I left a few cards with him and he finished them that day. A few days later, he walked into another of my sealing sessions and I was so happy to see him. He also wrote down his P.O. box number and gave it to me. I started sending him sealing cards as well and he completed approximately 200 sealings over the next three months, which was another miraculous gift.

            When the Provo Temple opened again in January, I was so grateful for the chance to thank my sweet temple friend in person. She said she felt kind of burned out, which was very understandable, so I wasn’t planning to give any more cards to her. Remember the older man I met in the temple cafeteria who completed seven endowments for me in April 2018? A few months before the Christmas break, I saw him again in the sealing area. I was really grateful for the chance to thank him in person after a year of wondering if our paths would ever cross again. From that time on, whenever he was in a session with me, he would take a few of my cards, so that I could go home to my family a little earlier than I had planned. (He decided that he was needed more in the sealing rooms, so he started to only do two endowment sessions, instead of three, each day. Then he would end each day of service by participating in five or six sealing sessions.) When he found out that my other temple friend was feeling burned out, he offered to help also. That was a relief to the friend who felt burned out and she decided she could help me after all. They became a dynamic duo. I continued to prepare names at home and brought 100 or 200 cards at a time to the temple. When I saw one of them, I gave them the cards and then they divided them up. I was in awe at how many completion notifications I received from Family Search each evening. They miraculously completed each set of cards within about a week each time. When the temples closed on March 14^th due to the COVID-19 pandemic, they had completed a combined total of 1,750 sealings. (That number is in addition to the 195 my first friend completed during Christmas holiday. It also doesn’t include the children they helped seal to parents or the names they helped me with while I was serving in the sessions with them.) I’m convinced they were sent to me as angels to help me complete a work that was far too overwhelming and basically impossible for me to do alone in that amount of time.

            About three months into the quarantine, I sent out texts to many of the people who helped with my temple work during the previous two years to thank them once again for their selfless service. On June 10th, I received another reply text from the couple in our ward who previously served as stake missionaries. It said, “We have appreciated the opportunity of taking names to the temple, especially since my ancestry on one side is Dutch. A couple years ago you indicated you felt the need to get these names done. Possibly a forewarning about the forthcoming closure of the temples?...” I replied, “I absolutely know that I felt the urgency because the Lord knew the temples would be closing for a while. I’m so grateful he sent me earth angels like both of you to help with that miracle.” This whole experience reminded me that a definition of Zion is being of “one heart and one mind” (see Moses 7:18) and it is built by people who serve selflessly with Christlike love. I am grateful for the privilege of being surrounded by people with those qualities. One of the last lines of my patriarchal blessing says, “As you help to gather genealogy, you will become a savior on Mt. Zion and will be a great blessing to those who have passed on beyond the veil. When you leave this earth there will be a great reunion with your ancestors who will be glad to receive you because of your work in their behalf.” As I mentioned earlier, I never thought this was even a real possibility before Family Search sent me the notification for that first ancestor in January 2018. This experience has truly shown me that with God, nothing is impossible (see Luke 1:37).

Chapter 32: Family History Fun (part 2)

I'm still not finished with this chapter, so I'm going to post this and continue working on it tomorrow.

 

            Miracles and divine intersections continued regularly during the following two years. On April 5, 2018, my sister in North Carolina found an entire family of our ancestors when she followed up on a notification for Cornelia Driesprong (2^nd cousin of our grandma’s dad) that Family Search sent her daughter in February. The temple closest to my sister was now closed for long-term renovations, so I reserved the work for the Driesprong family. The next day, on April 6th, my mom forwarded a notification to me that Family Search sent her back in March for Jansje Cornelia Kruidenier (4^th cousin of our grandma’s dad). As I looked at her family members, I noticed that all of her mom’s temple work had been completed in 1961, except for her being sealed to her parents. So that's how I found her parents, Pieter van der Wel and Maria den Boer, who also needed all of their work done. So I reserved the work for the Kruidenier family, along with their grandparents. That meant I could do the baptism and confirmation of a grandma at the same time as several of her granddaughters. I printed out all of those cards and invited one of my walking friends to go with me to begin the temple work for these families the next day on April 7^th.

            I returned to the Provo Temple on April 12, 2018 to do the initiatories for these female ancestors. After I arrived, I met a kind woman at the initiatory desk who offered to help me complete half of them. Because of that, I also had time to do one of the endowments, and I ended up sitting by that same kind woman during the session. I looked her up later on Facebook and sent her a message. We decided to meet at the Provo Temple again the following week, so we could get to know each other better. I went a couple of hours early on April 19^th to wait in the baptistry for the male ordinances to be completed. Then I asked a kind man to take those completed cards into the male dressing room, so the initiatories could possibly be completed while I was in the endowment session. When my friend arrived, we went to the cafeteria to visit while we ate lunch prior to the endowment session. As I waited for her at a table, I noticed an older man sitting in the corner of the cafeteria and I felt prompted to go over and talk with him. I explained that seven of my male temple cards were in the men’s dressing room and I wasn’t sure if the work was actually being done or not. He understood my plight. Since he was almost finished with his meal, he would check to see if they were completed. If they weren’t, he promised he would do them for me. I was very grateful for his kindness. He came back a few minutes later with the completed cards. He then surprised me by explaining that he spent every day in the temple and completed three endowment sessions each day. This was a Thursday and he said he could have those cards completed for me by Saturday. I immediately jumped up and gave him a big hug, before I realized that it may not have been appropriate. He laughed and said he would take a hug like that anytime, just like he would from a granddaughter. I was overcome with joy in that moment and felt extremely grateful for this obvious divine intersection.

            True to his word, the endowments were completed by Saturday afternoon. As soon as the notification appeared on Family Search, I gathered the other cards I had been working on during the previous two weeks and drove to the temple to help complete the sealings. President Freestone was the sealer that day, which made the experience even more sacred. (Our families know each other and I didn’t realize that he had become a sealer on the day before my birthday in February – which is when this journey began for me. He and his wife now have a special place in my heart). I briefly shared the experiences that brought me to that session and he commented later on how contagious my enthusiasm was. Over the following year, I occasionally asked Heavenly Father to bless that kind man who helped to complete those seven male endowments for me. I wondered if our paths would ever cross again, since he was there each day and my time at the temple had increased. That time would come later.

            I was asked to give a presentation to the youth in our ward on the blessings of temple and family history work. That presentation occurred on May 20, 2018 and I was grateful to have the experiences of the previous month to share with them. I also used a Conference talk by Dale G. Renlund as my theme. He explained, “When God directs us to do one thing, He often has many purposes in mind. Family history and temple work is not only for the dead but blesses the living as well…. We (can) identify our own ancestors who died without receiving the ordinances of salvation. We can perform the ordinances vicariously in temples, and our ancestors may choose to accept the ordinances. We are also encouraged to help ward and stake members with their family names. It is… amazing that, through family history and temple work, we can help to redeem the dead. But as we participate in family history and temple work today, we also lay claim to ‘healing’ blessings…. This long list includes these blessings: increased understanding of the Savior and His atoning sacrifice; increased influence of the Holy Ghost to feel strength and direction for our own lives; increased faith, so that conversion to the Savior becomes deep and abiding; …increased joy through an increased ability to feel the love of the Lord; …increased love and appreciation for ancestors and living relatives, so we no longer feel alone; …increased protection from… the intensifying influence of the adversary; and increased assistance to mend troubled, broken, or anxious hearts and make the wounded whole. If you have prayed for any of these blessings, participate in family history and temple work. As you do so, your prayers will be answered” (“Family History and Temple Work: Sealing and Healing,” Ensign, May 2018).

            He continued, “When ordinances are performed on behalf of the deceased, God’s children on earth are healed. No wonder President Russell M. Nelson, in his first message as President of the Church, declared, ‘Your worship in the temple and your service there for your ancestors will bless you with increased personal revelation and peace and will fortify your commitment to stay on the covenant path.’ An earlier prophet also foresaw blessings for both the living and the dead. A heavenly messenger showed Ezekiel a vision of a temple with water gushing out of it…. Two characteristics of the water are noteworthy. First, …meaningful growth occurs going backward and forward through the generations as sealing ordinances weld families together. Second, the river renewed everything that it touched. The blessings of the temple likewise have a stunning capacity to heal. Temple blessings can heal hearts and lives and families” (“Family History and Temple Work: Sealing and Healing,” Ensign, May 2018).

            I feel like the blessings of the temple have made every part of my life better. It hasn’t solved all my problems, but it has given me strength to deal with them better. Each time I complete the temple ordinances for an ancestor, I believe they become another angel that can help strengthen me and my family when life is difficult. Temple work is an amazing kind of service because the people who have died can’t do this work themselves. So we are literally helping Christ to save them. He has the power to do it all on His own, but he allows us to help Him. I shared with the youth how the temple helps us grow up in a more spiritual way. This scripture passage explains what I mean, “…Do thou grant, Holy Father, that all those who shall worship in this house….may grow up in thee, and receive a fulness of the Holy Ghost… and be prepared to obtain every needful thing” (Doctrine and Covenants 109:14-15). Dale G. Renlund concluded, “President Russell M. Nelson, however, cautioned: ‘We can be inspired all day long about temple and family history experiences others have had. But we must do something to actually experience the joy ourselves.’ He continued, ‘I invite you to prayerfully consider what kind of sacrifice—preferably a sacrifice of time—you can make [to] do more temple and family history work’” (“Family History and Temple Work: Sealing and Healing,” Ensign, May 2018). I thought I wouldn’t ever be able to figure out how to do family history work, but I’ve been so grateful that Heavenly Father knew exactly what was needed and provided a way through these miraculous experiences.

Chapter 33: Never Too Late

 

            The name and order of the chapters in this book’s table of contents and the division of the book into five different sections was given to me very clearly one afternoon at the end of summer 2019. I have tried not to deviate from the names and order that I originally decided on. However, I wasn’t sure what to write for this chapter in its original place at the beginning of section four. As I pondered, I felt that this was the better place for it. I believe it’s never too late to learn, to love, to change, to develop Christlike attributes, or to progress. This chapter has some similarities with the chapter on perfectionism, but I think the concepts are worth repeating.

            Cassy Budd is a professor at BYU. She gave a speech at BYU that was very powerful for me and I used several quotes from it in my final English paper on perfectionism. She explained that her experiences gave her “a deep appreciation for the value of the ‘try’. Simply showing up and starting where you are is all that can be asked of you. Regardless of your level of experience, your failures, or your perception of your own potential, wherever you are in life, you just need to show up and try. Try to listen to the patient instruction of the Savior, try to imitate His movements, try to ignore the negative self-talk when your movements do not measure up, and try to focus on the joy in the learning instead of the defeat in the failure. And amidst your ‘try,’ recognize that others around you are in the middle of their own ‘try.’ Celebrate their progress, even when they seem to be farther along than you, and give them a pass when they fall short.” She applied this to her mistakes in playing the piano. “When you allow yourself to be paralyzed by your mistakes, you diminish your ability to be useful... Making mistakes is simply part of the human condition and can be one of your most productive learning tools. Yes, you need to recognize your mistakes. But more than that, you need to find a way to effectively play through them.” She continued with another example, “Failure is useful in physical development as well. Strategically working a muscle to failure—the point at which you can no longer lift or push or pull whatever you are lifting or pushing or pulling—and then allowing proper time for the muscle fibers to repair is one of the most effective ways to build strength. This process of failing and repairing eventually results in stronger, more efficient muscles” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I especially appreciated on the part of her talk where she focused on the Savior’s role in our lives. She explained, “We all, at one time or other, will be in a situation in which our strength or knowledge or skill or perhaps even our desire is not enough. These are the times when your Savior pulls you up out of the darkness—if you will let go and take His hand. These are the times when His voice guides you to safety—if you will listen carefully. And it is for these times that He descended below all things—to become your stepping-stone.” She then quoted Jeffery R. Holland, “When [the Savior] says . . . , ‘Come unto me,’ He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way” [“Broken Things to Mend,” Ensign, May 2006; emphasis in original]. She continued, “[The Savior] can work with ­whatever you have to give if you are willing to accept His help…. Living perfectly is not the plan. Repentance is the plan. Jesus Christ is the plan. I think we erroneously equate perfection with living a perfect life, with never failing or falling short, but Jesus Christ is the only one who ever did or ever will do that…. Perfection, for us, is not about being flawless; it is about being finished” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I was fascinated with the conclusion of her talk and how she tied it all together so seamlessly. She explained, “Artists who practice the Japanese art form kintsugi repair broken pottery by filling the cracks with a lacquer made from gold, silver, or platinum, restoring the damaged piece to something beautiful and whole. Kintsugi teaches that scars are not something to hide; rather, they are to be celebrated for the unique beauty they exhibit. The scars themselves are considered precious and therefore are mended with precious metals to honor their value. The finished piece is even more beautiful than the unbroken original. Similarly, we honor the scars of our Savior, for He has graven us on the palms of His hands (see Isaiah 49:16)…. When we turn our broken pieces over to the Savior, our gaps are filled with Him—with His perfection—and we are made complete; we are finished by the Great Creator through the restorative power of ‘the author and finisher of our faith’ (Hebrews 12:2). We come to know the Savior not just by recognizing and reverencing His scars but by recognizing and reverencing our own. We are bound to the Savior through our mutual scars, ‘and with His stripes we are healed’ (Isaiah 53:5; see also verse 4)…. Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world, desires to mend your broken pieces, fill your empty spaces, and make of you a vessel that is more beautiful and whole. May you each find the strength to fail and, in the hands of your Savior, the power to finish” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I was asked to give a talk on Christlike attributes when we moved into our current ward. I really appreciated the opportunity to study more about them. The title of chapter six in the Preach My Gospel manual is “How Do I Develop Christ-like Attributes?” It explains, “Christlike attributes are gifts from God…. Ask your Heavenly Father to bless you with these attributes; you cannot develop them without His help…” This chapter discusses nine of Christ’s attributes. I won’t mention all of them, but I highly recommend going through that chapter and looking up the scripture references. It inspired me to strive to be more Christlike in so many ways. The first three attributes it mentions are faith, hope, and charity. Faith in Jesus Christ. Hope through Jesus Christ. And charity as the pure love of Christ.

            The gospel reference book, True to the Faith, explains, “Faith is a principle of action and power. Whenever you work toward a worthy goal, you exercise faith. You show your hope for something that you cannot yet see…. Having faith in Jesus Christ means relying completely on Him—trusting in His infinite power, intelligence, and love…. It means believing that even though you do not understand all things, He does. Remember that because He has experienced all your pains, afflictions, and infirmities, He knows how to help you rise above your daily difficulties (see Alma 7:11-12)…. He is always ready to help you as you remember His plea: ‘Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not’” (Doctrine and Covenants 6:36). One of my favorite scriptures has always been, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).

            Preach My Gospel explains, “Hope is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you…. When you have hope, you work through trials and difficulties with the confidence and assurance that all things will work together for your good. Hope helps you conquer discouragement….” Another of my very favorite scriptures shows how faith and hope work together. The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ explains, “…Whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world… which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works…” (Ether 12:4).

            In the New Testament, Jesus taught, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matthew 22:37-39). The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ explains,  “Charity… is kind…. Charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity.... Charity is the pure love of Christ…. Wherefore… pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ…” (Moroni 7:45-48). Preach My Gospel continues, “…Charity is a gift from God…. As you follow this counsel and strive to do righteous works, your love for all people will increase….You will come to feel a sincere concern for the …. happiness of other people. You will see them as children of God with the potential of becoming like our Heavenly Father.…You will avoid judging others, criticizing them, or saying negative things about them. You will try to understand them and their points of view.”    

            I was grateful to discover this verse in the New Testament, “And of some have compassion, making a difference” (Jude 1:22). I absolutely know that genuine kindness, compassion, and Christlike love makes a positive difference! We won’t always know exactly what to say or do, but we can try our best to uplift others when they are struggling or discouraged. The New Testament also explains, “…Above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). I believe that when we focus on developing Christlike love for others, it helps refine us so that the sins don’t occur as much anymore. The good news of the gospel is that we are saved by grace. That helps us move away from the pressure-filled, checklist mentality and focus more on faith, hope, and charity. We can’t do one thing to earn our way to heaven. We just need to practice making progress in good ways. As we pray and practice, our love of God, ourselves, and others will grow. That way, we are obeying the most important commandments. When we strive to live a Christlike life, we are practicing following Christ. That way, we will be comfortable with Him when we see Him again. Preach My Gospel concludes, “Learning to be like Christ is a lifelong pursuit. You follow Christ’s example—develop His attributes—one action and decision at a time.” It is never too late to make a good decision, to choose to do something kind, or to take a step in the right direction.

Chapter 24: Focusing Less on Outcomes (part 2)

            I attended the luncheon afterward to help serve dessert. While I was there, I met Dee’s sister-in-law and sat at a table with one of Janell’s nieces and her family. That helped me feel more connected to Janell. As I mentioned earlier, I met Janell’s half-sister on the day we found out about her death in April. Over the months that followed, we kept in touch by text and email. I also treated her to lunch and I appreciated the opportunity to talk with her again in person. She reminded me that Janell talked about our walks often. She felt that no one did more to help Janell be happy than I did before she died. I was so thankful for that privilege and opportunity that God gave me! About two weeks after our lunch, Janell’s husband died suddenly in mid-August 2014. I don’t think the timing of our lunch was a coincidence. Because we were now friends, I stood by her and her family at Dee’s graveside service. His ashes were placed in the grave with their daughter and Janell’s ashes had previously been placed in the grave with their son. After the service, I talked with the daughter of Janell’s half-sister and her two children. I don’t think that as a coincidence either.

            I ended up visiting Janell’s half-sister and niece several times in Saratoga Springs. I also met Janell’s niece for lunch a few times. They had returned to Utah from Seattle within that past year and, while they were up there, they became active in the church again because of the kindness of missionaries and several members of their ward. God obviously knew they would need to continue to feel His love after they returned to Utah, so I think that was also part of the reason I was supposed to knock on Janell’s door. Otherwise, I probably would have never met them, since they live 30 minutes away from me. My friendship with Janell’s niece continued and we met at the temple several times. This strengthened her to deal with some difficult circumstances in her life and it was also good preparation for when we did Janell’s temple work on May 12, 2015. I was so grateful for the privilege of being with Janell’s niece when she did the initiatory and endowment for her aunt that I loved. At one point, I just held Janell’s temple card to my heart and hugged it because I loved and missed her so much. That day was filled with feelings of great joy. The Lord had clearly been orchestrating this whole situation from the beginning. There is more to this story, but I will continue telling it in a future chapter.

 ***

            Meanwhile, I continued to visit women in our stake. I visited one woman on May 7, 2014 (which was 15 days after Janell passed away). During our visit, she asked me to try to help her daughter, who had also struggled with serious depression for over 20 years. I knocked on her daughter’s door each of the following days and she finally opened the door four days later on May 12th (which was exactly one year prior to the day that Janell’s niece and I completed her temple work). She invited me in and we quickly became friends. She was extremely overweight and deeply depressed, so we started walking together when she returned home from work on most days. Janell and I had walked in the afternoons as well, so each walk helped to heal my heart. Most of the time, this friend picked me up after she decompressed from work and we usually drove up the canyon to walk by the river. That beautiful, relaxing atmosphere was the perfect venue for gradual changes in her life

            I learned more about her life each time we walked and talked. She self-harmed by cutting her arms for several years and both arms were covered with scars. She was the middle daughter in a family of nine children and felt neglected on several levels. She had been in a relationship with a verbally abusive boyfriend for a few years and didn’t stand up for herself because she felt that she didn’t deserve to be treated any differently. She stayed in the relationship because her boyfriend had MS and his health was progressively deteriorating, so it gave her life some purpose to help take care of him. When they started dating, he asked her to stop cutting and she did, so she also felt indebted to him for that. She was actually diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, in addition to depression, and that manifested itself in several other ways. She constantly dyed her hair different colors and would often wear different styles of wigs over her hair as well. She eventually shaved her hair completely and continued to just wear wigs instead. As I observed this over several months, I realized that it was probably because her hair was one of the only things about her life she had any control over. She also had limited money management skills and spent most of her paychecks on clothes, purses, and eating out. She often let her mail pile up and wouldn’t open her bills, so she was sent to collections several times, along with some of her wages being garnished.

            I tried to help her through some of those difficult circumstances with varying degrees of success over the following 2 ½ years. After knowing her for a couple of weeks, I felt prompted to suggest that if she stopped eating out for most of her meals, she would have enough money to pay all her bills, she could start paying tithing if she wanted to, and would probably lose some weight as well. I’m normally not quite that bold! She actually listened to me, even though she could have easily chosen to be very offended. As a result, she lost 70 pounds during the next year and felt better emotionally because of our regular walking. She sometimes forgot to fill her prescriptions, so I always offered to go with her to make sure she picked them up, since it was very important for her mental stability. I often walked over to her basement apartment to visit her and helped her redecorate in August 2015. She chose some of her favorite patterns from my scrapbook paper and I cut out large letters to make an uplifting saying for her bedroom wall, at her request. The phrase she chose was, “When you learn you grow. When you grow you change.”

            She was stable enough to have the same full-time job for several years, which was a huge accomplishment. However, she constantly struggled with her finances. After about a year of watching her flounder, I asked if she would like some help, since I have a talent of keeping track of our finances. I helped her make a budget, but she struggled to follow it. I showed her how she could pay off some of her credit cards and even went with her to the bank, but she always maxed out the balances again. After a few weeks, we decided to add her accounts on my Quicken program, so I could help her track her spending. She made progress for a few days and then she would blow all her money on wigs or purses. This pattern occurred frequently and it was frustrating for me, but I continued to try to help her. I discovered during this time that she always remembered to pay her car payment. I asked her why that was different and she explained that the title was in her boyfriend’s name, since she couldn’t qualify for a loan, and she didn’t want to ruin his credit. I realized that the car was another way he could control her. So we worked on several different plans for her to pay off the loan and then she could arrange to have the title transferred to her name. During this same time, I tried to build up her confidence even more than I had in the past and tried to convince her that she deserved to be treated well. She started to believe me, but  never felt like she could break up with her boyfriend because that would include returning the car and she had no way to pay for one herself. Each time she would return from spending the weekend with him, it took me days to build her back up again. That became more and more difficult the longer it went on.  

            In August 2015, I felt strongly that I needed to help her in a way I hadn’t before. I made a few judgement calls to help her pay off and close some of her credit cards, so she could pay down the car loan faster. Then we made a simple plan for her to consistently pay me back over the coming months as well. It worked for about five paychecks and then she found ways to start blowing her money again. The more I tried to help her, the more things spiraled. By October 2015, it looked like I would never get the remaining $1,500 back and that really discouraged me because I thought I had followed promptings. I was also sad because she gained back most of the weight she lost over the previous year. I returned to college that semester, so I didn’t have as much time to spend and she pulled back as well. She rented from a family member and they decided to move, so that meant she had to find a new place to live also. I helped her declutter, clean, and pack up her apartment in late spring 2016 and then helped her move into another small basement apartment in June 2016. I visited her a couple of times to help her get organized, but I didn’t find her home much after that. One time, I did find her home and I spontaneously took her out to dinner at her favorite restaurant. We talked about how she was feeling in the relationship with her boyfriend and she had finally decided to break up with him. She was scared about the retaliation, though, so we discussed a few different scenarios. I didn’t see her much during fall 2016 and I worried about her, but couldn’t force her to communicate with me.

            During that time, she started dating another guy. He encouraged her to grow her hair back out and to stop hiding behind wigs. He also helped her return the car to her ex-boyfriend late one night with an apology note that she wasn’t able to continue paying on the loan. He comforted her through her episodes of depression and encouraged her in other ways as well. They found an inexpensive car to share and she ended up moving out in January 2017. She texted to ask me for money, but I had to tell her no, which I felt bad about. I just couldn’t afford to lose more than I already had. They rented a small house in a poor, kind of scary, neighborhood in Salt Lake county and began living together from then on. I drove up to treat her to a birthday lunch in December 2017 and she still seemed to be doing okay. She surprised me by sending a wedding announcement in August 2018. I helped served lunch at the church, attended the wedding in her parents’ back yard, and stayed to help with refreshments during the reception that evening. That was the last time I saw her and I hope she’s doing well, since she doesn’t respond to my texts. I sometimes think back to the early days of our friendship when she told people that “God dropped me on her doorstep.” I do believe I was in her life to help her in the ways I could and I’m grateful for the time we shared together.

***

            During my visiting journey, I met three other women who struggled deeply with depression and needed a significant amount of support. Two of them were single and both of their moms passed away during the time I was trying to help them. I stood and sat by one of them at the viewing, funeral, graveside service, and luncheon to try to be supportive. Both were borderline hoarders and I spent several months during summer and fall 2017 helping one of them organize the basement of her parents’ house where she still lived. However, every time I went back over, the progress from the previous time had disappeared. It drained my energy and was very discouraging, so I eventually had to take a step back from helping her in that way. However, I did help her move all her preschool equipment twice, which took several days each time. I also helped the other woman move into an apartment in Provo. I walked and talked with them as much as they would allow me to and that seemed to help their emotional state. One of them earned her master’s degree online during those years and is now employed part-time as a therapist. I earned my associate degree during that same time frame, so we encouraged each other through the almost constant stress we both felt. These two women still struggle and have ongoing challenges, but I was grateful for the opportunity to help in whatever way I could over several years.

            The third woman moved from our ward after she and her husband retired. While she still lived in our neighborhood, she struggled with depression and debilitating anxiety for many years. She had complications from a hip surgery that made it difficult for her to walk and also suffered from congestive heart disease. After they moved to a retirement community in Pleasant Grove, her anxiety and depression became even more difficult for her to bear. One day in 2015, I was driving to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple and felt prompted to text her. I stopped by the next time I was in her area and that began the extensive amount of time I spent in her home trying to uplift and comfort her. She often texted me in between the visits and I tried to give her hope until the next visit. She was too anxious to drive very far and feeling trapped at home was part of her struggle. Sometimes her husband dropped her off at a hair salon and I would sit with her to keep her company. Then I would drive her back home. I encouraged her to drive when I was there and just tried to keep her calm from the passenger seat. Often, we would drive to Subway or Purple Turtle for lunch that way. Two other times, I attended an appointment with her psychiatrist and also with her cardiologist to provide moral support.

            After three years, nothing I did or said seemed to help for more than a couple hours. I felt exhausted trying to balance my visits with her, helping two of the women I wrote about previously, keeping up with my college classes, attending the temple regularly, and trying to still have time for my family. Finally, I made the difficult decision to stop visiting her, but we still texted back and forth quite a bit for 1 ½ more years. She sent me a text on the night our grandson was born in January 2020 to tell me she was having heart bypass surgery the next day. I had a strong feeling that she wouldn’t survive the surgery, so I texted back that I would pray for her, told her again how much I loved her, and that I was grateful for our friendship. She passed away from complications later that week. I attended her funeral and couldn’t help but be grateful, even though I was sad, that she was finally free of the mental and physical challenges that had plagued her for so many years.

            My time with each of these women helped me to understand that it’s important to try not to worry about the results when you reach out to others. Kindness or service to others doesn’t need to end in a certain result for the kindness or service to matter. I believe that my kindness mattered to Janell even though that situation didn’t end at all like I hoped it would. I believe it mattered to the others also, even though I wasn’t able to do as much as I wanted to for them. In another type of service, missionaries spend most of their time planting seeds. The changes in people’s lives usually take a long time. I continue to remind myself to not be overly concerned with the outcome of my efforts.

Chapter 17: Divine Intersections

* I still have two stories to add at the end (or possibly in another chapter), but I wanted to post this as proof that my mind started working again! (I revisited this and posted a picture on August 15, 2020.)

            I believe that God orchestrates countless details behind the scenes in all of our lives to bless us and support us. I think this especially applies to the people who come into our lives – often at just the right time. Neal A. Maxwell explained: “You and I may call these intersectings ‘coincidence.’ This word is understandable for mortals to use, but coincidence is not an appropriate word to describe the workings of an omniscient God. He does not do things by ‘coincidence’ but … by ‘divine design’” (“Brim with Joy,” BYU Speeches, 23 Jan. 1996). This chapter is longer than the others because it is all about the divine intersections God has orchestrated in my life over the past decade.

            Divine intersection #1. A woman in our previous ward lives with her husband in the retirement community near the home we lived in for 19 years. On the surface, it appears that we have nothing in common – she’s old enough to by my mother, she’s very well-connected with the socially elite, has been deeply involved in church and community service throughout her life, and has extremely useful talents and skills. However, we later discovered a few connections: both of our fathers were religion professors at BYU, we’re both the oldest child in our families of origin, and her younger brother was the bishop of the first ward John and I attended after being married. Prior to becoming friends, she called to ask me to share my testimony in her Easter lesson at the end of March 2013. She assured me that she had been strongly prompted to ask me and spent about 10 minutes coaxing me into agreeing. (This was before I began my visiting journey, so I wasn’t comfortable saying yes to anxiety producing experiences.) She was grateful that I was willing to participate in her lesson and we gradually became friends after that. Several years into our friendship, she explained that she had watched me force myself to come to church week after week, often with wet hair from a shower, wearing t-shirts under plain jumpers, and no jewelry. She felt prompted to be a friend, but wasn’t sure how to go about doing that. Since then, she has “watched me blossom” with growing confidence in the way I dress and take care of myself, in my interactions with other people, and the goals I’ve accomplished.

            I have often commented that she’s had a front row seat for all the changes I’ve made in my life over the past seven years and has been a mentor to me in many ways. We have enjoyed many long and uplifting conversations about our insights into the gospel. Several times, I have gone to her house or she has picked me up in her car when I felt I had nowhere else to turn. She has always been patient and compassionate as I have cried many tears and talked through my confusion and concern during challenging situations. We have attended the temple or visited the temple grounds together a few times, walked and talked under the shade of the trees in an office park near her home or sat in her peaceful back yard several times, and spent countless hours talking in her beautiful home. She was always willing to let me sit with her at church when my family stopped attending, she invited me over to sit by the cozy fireplace to watch the Christmas devotional with her and her husband one year, and her husband once gave me a Priesthood blessing of comfort. Prior to the pandemic, we had a tradition of treating each other to lunch at Zupas or Olive Garden for our birthdays and other special occasions. She was my most faithful supporter when I went back to college, she was a sounding board and proof reader for my papers, and celebrated with me when I finally earned my associate degree.

            As I look around my office and bedroom I still see several thoughtful gifts she’s given me over the years. A decorative wooden block in my office with this quote by Gordon B. Hinckley, “keep trying, keep believing, be happy, don’t get discouraged, things will work out.” A cheerful polka dot frame in my bedroom with a set of uplifting quote cards, but I have always kept it on one that inspired me the most. It’s one by A.A. Milne that is often quoted, “You are braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” When I moved into our new home, she gave me a wall hanging that says, “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you don’t stop.” When I graduated with my associate degree, she gave me a necklace that says, “I can do hard things.” She also gave me a Willow Tree statue of an angel because she often referred to me as an “earth angel” during my visiting journey. She has truly been an angel to me and I will always be grateful that God prompted her to become a much-needed friend at a crossroads in my life.

            Divine intersection #2 is with my favorite inspirational song writer and singer, Hilary Weeks. I attended a benefit concert in her home in August 2012. Then I attended a women’s conference in my mom’s stake where she was speaking and performing in February 2014. Even though I was feeling anxious, I immediately went up to the stand afterward to thank her for the uplifting influence she has had on my life and on the lives of some of the friends that I’ve shared her music with. I was thankful I took that opportunity, but looked down later and realized I had accidentally worn non-matching flats on my feet – which has never happened before or since. A few days later, I was strongly prompted to look up her phone number and call her. I thought it seemed like a crazy idea, but it was very similar to my original prompting that began my visiting journey, so I didn’t argue with it. I knew her address from attending the benefit concert, so I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to use it to find her phone number. I took a deep breath and dialed her number, thinking that I would just leave a message and that would be it. However, she “just happened” to be home watching the Olympics on TV that evening, instead of preparing for the next Time Out for Women. I realized that was why the prompting was so urgent in that moment. I had no idea what to say, but heard myself asking if she would ever let me visit her.  She said I should email her representative and that she would set something up.

            I ended up meeting her and her oldest daughter for lunch at the Trellis Café at Thanksgiving Point in July 2014. I paid for their lunch, we took a picture together, her daughter texted the picture to me, and I thought that was it. However, I was inspired to stop by their home and visited with her and her family briefly while I was out in Lehi one day, we ran into each other at the Mt. Timpanogos Temple another day and she remembered my name, then she agreed to meet me for breakfast the day before I had a surgery in March 2015. Again, I thought that was the last time I would spend time with her. However, one day in September 2016, I was leaving the Provo Temple and I ran into an old family friend, who ended up being Hilary’s current Relief Society president. That prompted me to buy tickets for back-to-back nights of Hilary’s CD launch concert. I drove with a good friend up to Kingsbury Hall on the U of U campus for the first night and then drove with another good friend up to Ogden for the second night. I talked with Hilary’s daughter and took a picture with her Relief Society president at the first concert, since we were sitting close to the front. I also waited in line to take a picture with Hilary after the concert. She was surprised that I would want to go to her concert two nights in a row, but they were both uplifting and worth-while experiences. I thought it was such a great way to end my association with Hilary. However, in December 2016 that same family friend invited me to attend their ward’s Christmas party in Woodland Hills, where Hilary would be performing. I had the opportunity to talk with Hilary for a few minutes before the dinner, where she said something that really helped me with a struggle I was currently dealing with, and then took a picture of her with her extended family afterward. I thought that was the last time I would see her. However, I received another prompting to attend a Love Your Life gathering in Woodland Hills that she co-hosted with Emily Belle Freeman in September 2017. I was able to talk afterward for a while with her representative that arranged our first lunch back in 2014 and took a picture with her, Hilary, and Emily.

            I now just subscribe to Hilary’s Live All In program and continue to text her occasionally. I emailed to tell her I was going to delete her phone number from my contacts back in November 2016 because I didn’t want to be annoying. She texted me right back with this, “Just saw your email and you are in big trouble! Add me back in your contacts immediately young lady! You are the best!” I texted her again in July 2019 to ask if she would allow me to use her lyrics in this book, since so much of my journey has been shaped by her music and lyrics. She texted back, “I think you could write an amazing book and it would be an honor for me to have the lyrics included! Let me know how it goes! You’ll do great!!!” I texted her one other notable time in April 2020 to send her pictures of the uplifting lyric cards I’ve used to decorated the walls in my office and to tell her I had been prompted to put her and her family on the temple prayer roll before the pandemic forced the closures. She replied, “What an absolutely sweet and thoughtful text. Thank you for all of it. Everything. You are an angel.” I’m grateful for her good influence on my life, both personally and through her music. She could have just considered me one of her many fans, but she remembered my name, spent some of her valuable time with me on a few occasions, and treated me like I was special. All of that mattered a lot to me during times when I really needed some special treatment.

             During the last decade, I have given away approximately 70 of her CDs to friends who I felt could benefit from her uplifting music. I’ve also purchased six of the leather cuffs she makes and sells on her website. I’ve given three away as gifts and have kept three to remind me of her kindness. Hilary wrote a song titled “Hero” (on her 2013 CD, Say Love). The following lyrics explain how I feel about her personally:

…Quietly changing one life at a time

You may never know

What a difference you’ve made in mine…

A friend to the lonely, a light in the dark

You may never know

What a blessing you are…

I hope someday you’ll see

You’re a hero to me

 

            Divine intersection #3. I received the prompting that started my visiting journey on the evening of September 4, 2013. I realized that our stake institute class began meeting the next day, so I took a leap of faith and began attending the next morning because I thought it would be a great place to start “knowing more people in the stake,” as my prompting suggested. I attended the classes each Thursday morning for that entire school year, which gave me a greater appreciation and deeper understanding of The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. I also attended half of the classes the following year, where we studied the life of Christ in the 4 Gospels of the New Testament. I stayed after to talk with one of the teachers quite often and we became friends.

            She was involved in a program called “Dress Your Truth” and she shared it with me. Through the discovery process of that program, I learned that I was a type 1 – light and bright. Because of that, I donated all the clothes in my wardrobe that were black or dull colors, which didn’t flatter me anyway. I began wearing clothes with brighter hues, switched out most of my silver jewelry for mostly bright gold, and eventually cut my hair in a style that was shorter in back and more flattering to my face shape in the front. Those small adjustments helped to increase my self-confidence as I was continuing to overcome anxiety during my visiting adventure. A few years later, that same institute teacher served in the baptistry of the Provo Temple on Tuesdays. When I discovered that, I spent most Tuesday afternoons in the baptistry so I could see her and also work on my growing number of baptisms and confirmations. (I will discuss that more in a later chapter.) I will always be grateful for those ways that she influenced my life for good.

            Divine intersection #4. In addition to beginning my experience of attending stake institute classes after my prompting, I also had another first the morning following that original prompting. I decided to walk our daughter to the bus stop at 7:20am on September 5, 2013. After that, I started walking around the nearby track as part of my walking for the day. I noticed that a few women from our ward were walking ahead of me, but I didn’t pay much attention because, at that point, I rarely walked with other people. I was still mostly walking on my own to destinations around town. However, they “just happened” to notice me and waited for me where part of the path curved up to the cemetery on the hill above. They invited me to join them on their walk around the cemetery and I tried to decline, but they were persistent. I finally agreed to join them and thought to myself that it wouldn’t hurt to just walk with them and listen to the conversation. Well, this group of women included the current Relief Society president, the previous Relief Society president, and the wives of the bishop and one of his counselors. They are the kind of women who would have been in tune with the Spirit. They are also thoughtful and caring people, so they skillfully drew me into the conversation.

            I distinctly remember the very clear thought that came into my mind and I’m assuming it was a prompting as well, “You need to start walking with these women.” I don’t think I would have normally paid that close attention to it, but it followed the original prompting and I suddenly realized that our ward was part of the stake. Therefore, that was a way I could begin to “know more people in the stake.” Later that week, it was just me and the current Relief Society president that ended up walking. It gave us time to get to know each other better on a deeper level. She had been the Primary president several years earlier and I was called to teach the eight and nine-year-old children two years in a row – before I descended into the deep depression I was still recovering from. So we already knew each other and I considered her a friend, but we weren’t extremely close. During that walk I explained my prompting and asked if there was anyone she was worried about in the ward that could benefit from a visit. She mentioned a few women and they ended up being some of the first people I visited.

            I think it was probably part of God’s plan to have that one-on-one visit because it basically launched my visiting journey. As I continued to walk with the group on most mornings, my friendship with them deepened. I became especially close to this Relief Society president, though, and she was the first friend I told about John’s unbelief during the following year, since she also had stewardship over me in her calling. As the years passed, she has continued to be one of my dearest friends. (I eventually stopped walking with the group in the mornings because I didn’t have enough energy to walk with them and visit all the women I ended up having appointments with during my visiting journey.) I visited her regularly at her home during the following years and we sometimes went on drives to talk when we needed more privacy. We have comforted and supported each other through many struggles with our family members and life in general. She is the friend I attended the first Hilary Weeks concert with and she is one of the only friends from our previous neighborhood that visited me multiple times in our new home after we moved in March 2017.

            In the months that followed, one of the women in our walking group was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and I was able to empathize with her because I had been diagnosed in January 2013. We also walked alone a few times and with just the Relief Society president several other times. During those particular walks, she realized I was a “much cooler person” than she had originally thought. Her only other experiences with me had been less positive because she was the Young Women president when our daughter was in that program. Our daughter had seizures for several years when she was younger and, unfortunately, spent her adolescent years slowly recovering emotionally, socially, and scholastically from the difficulties caused by the seizures and the medicine used to treat them. So, that was logistically difficult for this Young Women president when it came to planning activities and attending girls camp. I was grateful that she saw me in a different setting so we could become friends. Her gift is spirituality mixed with humor, so there was a lot of laughter during those walks – which is “good medicine,” as the saying goes.

            Divine intersection #5 is with a woman I visited in a different ward of our stake. I had seen her occasionally at elementary school functions years before, but had never talked with her more than just saying hello. I visited her in April 2014 and it was a nice visit, but I didn’t feel like we really clicked. A few months later, in September 2014, I kept seeing her walking up the hill near our home in the mornings and, every time I did, I literally wanted to abandon my car on the side of the road and just start walking with her! After that happened three times, I realized those were actually strong promptings and I finally decided to call and leave a voice mail message telling her just that. She called me back and we planned to start walking together in the beginning of October. It turned out that she needed to talk with me about some struggles she was having with some of her family members. After the first few walks, she felt that she could trust me and started confiding in me about situations she didn’t feel comfortable talking about with anyone else. We quickly became close friends and have comforted and supported each other through many struggles and difficult situations since then. She is another dear friend who has continued to visit me after we moved across town. She drives to my house and then we enjoy walking and talking on the path next to the river. The sound of the water and shade from the trees makes it a very relaxing and healing experience for us. Sometimes our lives become busy and we don’t see each other for a few weeks or sometimes months, but when life settles down, it is easy for us to pick up right where we left off. I love friendships like that.  

            Divine intersection #6. About 19 months into my visiting journey, I decided to stretch myself in a way that wouldn’t have been possible previously. I volunteered to be a chaperone on the high school choir tour to Seattle in April 2015. It was my last chance to support our daughter (who needed my support on a trip that long), since she was a senior that year. Our son was a sophomore and would also be going, but he was very independent and didn’t want any attention from me. I made a goal to continue my visiting by talking with each of the other twelve women who were chaperones on the buses. It took some creativity and bravery, but I was able to have one-on-one conversations with each of them at some point during those four days. One of the women was later killed in a tragic bike accident and I’ve always been so grateful that I took the opportunity to get to know her on that trip. I also walked and talked with two other women who helped chaperone after we returned and I appreciated getting to know them on a deeper level.

            There was one woman, in particular, that I felt strongly prompted to get to know better. So I decided to start walking around the first museum with her on the day after we arrived in Seattle. I felt like we clicked almost immediately and I was so grateful for her company that day, since our children were off having fun with the other students. When we went to the third museum of the day, I was prompted to ask her a deeper question, which created an opportunity for us to talk about spiritual topics from that point on. We still joke occasionally how we were having this testimony-building conversation in a mostly dark area of the Pop Culture Museum while the sound of light sabers were echoing all around us. We ended up spending most of our free time together on the remaining days of the tour and sat by each other on the bus ride home. That gave us a long time to talk and I felt like we had always known each other by the time we arrived home again. After we returned, we attended the temple together, we’ve walked and talked off and on ever since, and our new house is within walking distance of hers. Similar to the first friend I wrote about, we don’t appear to have anything in common on the surface. Our daughter graduated from high school the same year as her youngest daughter, but that’s about it. However, we’ve had similar struggles in several areas and have appreciated each other’s support as we’ve talked through them again and again.

            I feel so blessed that God crossed my path with each of these amazing women when He did. They each fill a different need in my life and I am so grateful for their support and love. My patriarchal blessing says, “You will have stumbling blocks come before you. There will be friends raised up to help you over them. Use these stumbling blocks as stepping stones.” These friends have each, in their own unique ways, helped me turn many of my stumbling blocks into stepping stones.