Chapter 27: Faith, Prayer, and Miracles

 Yesterday, was a difficult day. The combination of several circumstances left me feeling helpless, resentful, and angry (which are all extremely uncomfortable emotions for me). I've also felt growing pressure to finish this book and hit another writer's block this week. I went to sleep last night feeling somewhat defeated. However, this morning, I fell to my knees and pleaded for help to get back on track. That help came and I'm so grateful. As I researched and wrote this chapter, I gradually felt my hope and confidence returning. 

            I experienced daily miracles during my experiences with visiting, family history work, and temple worship. I regularly received confidence and ability beyond my own. I often came home and shared these experiences with my family. I am so grateful for these miracles and have made it a point to celebrate them each time they occur. My favorite inspirational singer, Hilary Weeks, wrote a song that contains this same idea. It's title is “Love Your Life” (from the Love Your Life CD, 2016) and I share part of the lyrics, with her permission:

…Celebrate the everyday miracles surrounding you and always assume the best

Do what you can, give everything you have then give God the rest

…And don’t be afraid to shine

…Go beyond your fears

Explore new ground

Be true to yourself

And when in doubt

Listen to your heart as it whispers where you need to go and always look up

Make somebody smile every chance you get and don’t forget

You’re already enough

…And give your dreams time…

            Two quotes that inspire me are originally attributed to Albert Einstein. The first is, “Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.” A good friend shared a way of saying this that resonates even more with me, “There are no coincidences. There are only miracles where God chooses to be anonymous.” The second quote is even more compelling: “There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” I choose to believe that all good fortune is a miracle. I have found that when I look for miracles, I find them scattered like God’s fingerprints throughout my day. When in doubt, I always give credit to God. I have written about some of these miracles and “divine intersections” in other chapters. In this chapter, I will focus on the doctrine behind those miracles.

            Ronald A. Rasband explained, “Our lives are like a chessboard, and the Lord moves us from one place to another—if we are responsive to spiritual promptings. Looking back, we can see His hand in our lives…. They are not by accident but by God’s plan. We can see such heavenly intervention when Nephi returns to get the plates from Laban. He 'was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things [that he] should do' (1 Nephi 4:6)…. Did Alma just happen upon Amulek? No, it was no coincidence that he went into the city by the way that would lead him to this faithful man who would (feed him and) become his missionary companion…. He who fashioned this world can calm the seas with His word and can steer both Alma and Amulek and Nephi and Laban to be at the right place at precisely the right time. Likewise, events and associations unfold in each of our lives that further God’s work on earth…. What may appear to be a random chance is, in fact, overseen by a loving Father in Heaven…. The Lord is in the small details of our lives, and those incidents and opportunities are to prepare us to lift our families and others… Remember, as the Lord said to Abraham, 'I know the end from the beginning; therefore my hand shall be over thee'" (Abraham 2:8).

            I have mentioned several of these experiences from my own life in this book and he shared a few from his. He continued, “Looking back, I realize I did not orchestrate any of those moves; the Lord did, just as He is orchestrating important moves for you and for those you love. What should you be looking for in your own life? What are God’s miracles that remind you that He is close, saying, ‘I am right here’? Think of those times, some daily, when the Lord has acted in your life—and then acted again. Treasure them as moments the Lord has shown confidence in you and in your choices. But allow Him to make more of you than you can make of yourself on your own. Treasure His involvement. Sometimes we consider changes in our plans as missteps on our journey. Think of them more as first steps to being ‘on the Lord’s errand.’ …Heavenly Father can put us in situations with specific intent in mind. He has done so in my life, and He is doing so in yours…. Each of us is precious and loved by the Lord, who cares, who whispers, and who watches over us in ways unique to each of us. He is infinitely wiser and more powerful than mortal men and women. He knows our challenges, our triumphs, and the righteous desires of our hearts….The Lord loves to be with us. It is no coincidence that when you are feeling His Spirit and acting on first promptings that you feel Him as He promised: ‘I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.’”

                He continued with this explanation, “Now, where does our agency fit in a ‘divine design’? We have a choice to follow or to not follow our Savior… Not all that the Lord asks of us is a result of how strong we are, how faithful we are, or what we may know. Think of Saul, whom the Lord stopped on the road to Damascus. He was going the wrong direction in his life…. Saul was divinely redirected. When he was known later as Paul, his apostolic ministry reflected what the Lord already knew he was capable of doing and becoming, not what he had set out to do as Saul. In the same manner, the Lord knows what each of us is capable of doing and becoming. What did the Apostle Paul teach? ‘And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose' (Romans 8:28). When we are righteous, willing, and able, when we are striving to be worthy and qualified, we progress to places we never imagined and become part of Heavenly Father’s ‘divine design.’ Each of us has divinity within us. When we see God working through us and with us, may we be encouraged, even grateful for that guidance. When our Father in Heaven said, ‘This is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man,’ He was talking about all of His children—you in particular. The Lord’s hand is guiding you. By ‘divine design,’ He is in the small details of your life as well as the major milestones. As it says in Proverbs, ‘Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; … and he shall direct thy paths.’ I testify that He will bless you, sustain you, and bring you peace" (“By Divine Design,” Ensign, Nov. 2017).

          Spencer W. Kimball explained, “God not only loves (us), but he is ever mindful of (us) and of (our) needs…. God does nothing by chance, but always by design as a loving father…. William Law observed: ‘It is said that the very hairs of your head are all numbered; is it not to teach us that nothing, not the smallest things imaginable, happen to us by chance? But if the smallest things we can conceive of are declared to be under the divine direction, need we, or can we, be more plainly taught that the greatest things of life, such as the manner of our coming into the world, our parents, the time, and other circumstances of our birth and condition, are all according to the eternal purposes, direction, and appointment of divine Providence?’” (“Small Acts of Service,” Ensign, Dec. 1974).

            David A. Bednar explained, “Through personal study, observation, pondering, and prayer, I believe I have come to better understand that the Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. Recall how the Savior instructed His Apostles that He would not leave them comfortless. Not only would He send 'another Comforter' (John 14:16), even the Holy Ghost, but the Savior said that He would come to them (see John 14:18). Let me suggest that one of the ways whereby the Savior comes to each of us is through His abundant and tender mercies. For instance, as you and I face challenges and tests in our lives, the gift of faith and an appropriate sense of personal confidence that reaches beyond our own capacity are two examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. Repentance and forgiveness of sins and peace of conscience are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. And the persistence and the fortitude that enable us to press forward with cheerfulness through physical limitations and spiritual difficulties are examples of the tender mercies of the Lord. The Lord’s tender mercies do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Faithfulness, obedience, and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord’s timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings” (“The Tender Mercies of the Lord,” Ensign, May 2005).

            I once gave a lesson about prayer to the women in our congregation. Prayer is a powerful way to invite miracles into our lives. Ezra Taft Benson testified, “God is mindful of us and ready to respond to our prayers when we place our trust in Him and do that which is right. There is power in prayer. All things are possible through prayer. It was through prayer that the heavens were opened in this dispensation” (“Pray Always,” Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Ezra Taft Benson, 54). When he was just 14 years old, Joseph Smith read this passage in James 1:5-6, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not [upbraid means: to criticize severely or find fault with]; and it shall be given him.  But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering…”

            Ezra Taft Benson explained, “God does hear and answer prayers…. I know without any question that it is possible for men and women to reach out in humility and prayer and tap that Unseen Power; to have prayers answered. Man does not stand alone, or at least, he need not stand alone. Prayer will open doors; prayer will remove barriers; prayer will ease pressures; prayer will give inner peace and comfort during times of strain and stress and difficulty. Thank God for prayer. Even during hours of trial and anxiety, it is possible to draw close to the Lord, to feel of his influence and of his sustaining power—that one is never alone, if he will only humble himself before the Almighty. I am grateful for that testimony, for that assurance. God is mindful of us and ready to respond when we place our trust in Him and do that which is right. There is no place for fear among men and women who place their trust in the Almighty, who do not hesitate to humble themselves in seeking divine guidance through prayer. Though … reverses come, in prayer we can find reassurance, for God will speak peace to the soul. That peace, that spirit of serenity, is life’s greatest blessing” (“Pray Always,” Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Ezra Taft Benson, 55).

            In The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ, Jesus visited the people on the American continent after his crucifixion. He taught, “And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you” (3 Nephi 18:20). Prayer and faith are two of my favorite topics in the Bible dictionary and they work together to produce miracles. The Bible dictionary explains, “Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them. Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them. Prayer is a form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of all blessings” (“Prayer,” Bible Dictionary).

      The Bible dictionary explains, “Faith is a principle of action and of power, and by it one can … influence any number of circumstances when occasion warrants… Faith in Jesus Christ is the first principle of the gospel and is more than belief, since true faith always moves its possessor to some kind of physical and mental action; it carries an assurance of the fulfillment of the things hoped for…. Although faith is a gift, it must be… sought after… Where there is true faith there are miracles… and all the gifts of God that He gives…” (“Faith,” Bible Dictionary).

      Neal L. Anderson described faith in a way that was extremely powerful for me. In fact, I printed it out and it has hung at eye level above my desk since 2015. He explained, “Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is not something ethereal, floating loosely in the air. ….Faith emits a spiritual light, and that light is discernible. Faith in Jesus Christ is a gift from heaven that comes as we choose to believe and as we seek it and hold on to it. Your faith is either growing stronger or becoming weaker…. The future of your faith is not by chance, but by choice” (“Faith is Not by Chance, but By Choice,” Ensign, May 2015). In the New Testament, Jesus taught, “If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you” (Matthew 17:20). I have often wondered how this could be physically possible. One day, I realized very clearly that figurative mountains of fear, doubt, and other struggles can be moved through faith in Christ.

            I wrote about grace in a previous chapter, but I wanted to save one part for this chapter. Shawna Edwards lives in our previous neighborhood. She wrote a song called The Miracle. These are the powerful words that bring tears to my eyes every time I hear it, “Jesus is a God of miracles. Nothing is at all impossible to Him. But I know this: Of all His miracles, the most incredible must be the miracle that rescues me.” She described in a blog post how the lyrics came to her and closes with these powerful words, “The Atonement of Jesus Christ really does rescue us – every minute of every hour of every day.” (“The Miracle,” Shawna Edwards Music, 15 Nov 2014). The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ explains this well, “Thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed. And I… knew that God could not lie; wherefore, my guilt was swept away. And I said: Lord, how is it done? And he said unto me: Because of thy faith in Christ, whom thou hast never before heard nor seen…. Wherefore, go to, thy faith hath made thee whole” (Enos 1:5-8).

            S. Michael Wilcox explained a powerful way to pray that I am still trying to apply in my life. “The soul can be described as a vessel that fills from time to time with various emotions, thoughts, memories, questions, and so forth. The very phrase pour out suggests this visual image. I have found it useful to see my soul as a vessel; I often ask myself what it contains before I kneel before the Lord. There is a difference to my approach when I say ‘I’m going to pour out my soul to God’ rather than ‘I’m going to say my prayers.’ The very phrase suggests there will be no holding back…. It is helpful to me to understand or recognize exactly what is in my soul. I must be totally honest with myself. Is it confusion, or doubt, or sorrow, or love, or gratitude, or guilt, or shame, or worry?... I sense that unless we pour out, He cannot pour in. We want to make sure we empty everything to make room for what he will give us in return.” (Face to Face: Seeking a Personal Relationship with God, 25-26).

            I love these powerful phrases from the Doctrine and Covenants: “Pray always, that you may come off conquerer... that you may conquer Satan…” (10:5). “Pray always, and I will pour out my Spirit upon you, and great shall be your blessing... even more than if you should obtain treasures of earth…” (19:38). “Calling on the name of the Lord for the Comforter, which shall teach (you) all things that are expedient for (you) – Praying always that (you) faint not...” (75:10-11). My mom’s favorite scripture has always been, “Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good…” (90:24). Since it’s not always possible to pray on our knees, we can pray in our mind throughout the day. The Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ wisely counsels, “Let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto Him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you.” (Alma 34:27). The combination of faith and prayer invites miracles into our lives. The more we look for miracles with grateful eyes and hearts, the more we will see and feel them.

Chapter 17: Divine Intersections

* I still have two stories to add at the end (or possibly in another chapter), but I wanted to post this as proof that my mind started working again! (I revisited this and posted a picture on August 15, 2020.)

            I believe that God orchestrates countless details behind the scenes in all of our lives to bless us and support us. I think this especially applies to the people who come into our lives – often at just the right time. Neal A. Maxwell explained: “You and I may call these intersectings ‘coincidence.’ This word is understandable for mortals to use, but coincidence is not an appropriate word to describe the workings of an omniscient God. He does not do things by ‘coincidence’ but … by ‘divine design’” (“Brim with Joy,” BYU Speeches, 23 Jan. 1996). This chapter is longer than the others because it is all about the divine intersections God has orchestrated in my life over the past decade.

            Divine intersection #1. A woman in our previous ward lives with her husband in the retirement community near the home we lived in for 19 years. On the surface, it appears that we have nothing in common – she’s old enough to by my mother, she’s very well-connected with the socially elite, has been deeply involved in church and community service throughout her life, and has extremely useful talents and skills. However, we later discovered a few connections: both of our fathers were religion professors at BYU, we’re both the oldest child in our families of origin, and her younger brother was the bishop of the first ward John and I attended after being married. Prior to becoming friends, she called to ask me to share my testimony in her Easter lesson at the end of March 2013. She assured me that she had been strongly prompted to ask me and spent about 10 minutes coaxing me into agreeing. (This was before I began my visiting journey, so I wasn’t comfortable saying yes to anxiety producing experiences.) She was grateful that I was willing to participate in her lesson and we gradually became friends after that. Several years into our friendship, she explained that she had watched me force myself to come to church week after week, often with wet hair from a shower, wearing t-shirts under plain jumpers, and no jewelry. She felt prompted to be a friend, but wasn’t sure how to go about doing that. Since then, she has “watched me blossom” with growing confidence in the way I dress and take care of myself, in my interactions with other people, and the goals I’ve accomplished.

            I have often commented that she’s had a front row seat for all the changes I’ve made in my life over the past seven years and has been a mentor to me in many ways. We have enjoyed many long and uplifting conversations about our insights into the gospel. Several times, I have gone to her house or she has picked me up in her car when I felt I had nowhere else to turn. She has always been patient and compassionate as I have cried many tears and talked through my confusion and concern during challenging situations. We have attended the temple or visited the temple grounds together a few times, walked and talked under the shade of the trees in an office park near her home or sat in her peaceful back yard several times, and spent countless hours talking in her beautiful home. She was always willing to let me sit with her at church when my family stopped attending, she invited me over to sit by the cozy fireplace to watch the Christmas devotional with her and her husband one year, and her husband once gave me a Priesthood blessing of comfort. Prior to the pandemic, we had a tradition of treating each other to lunch at Zupas or Olive Garden for our birthdays and other special occasions. She was my most faithful supporter when I went back to college, she was a sounding board and proof reader for my papers, and celebrated with me when I finally earned my associate degree.

            As I look around my office and bedroom I still see several thoughtful gifts she’s given me over the years. A decorative wooden block in my office with this quote by Gordon B. Hinckley, “keep trying, keep believing, be happy, don’t get discouraged, things will work out.” A cheerful polka dot frame in my bedroom with a set of uplifting quote cards, but I have always kept it on one that inspired me the most. It’s one by A.A. Milne that is often quoted, “You are braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” When I moved into our new home, she gave me a wall hanging that says, “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you don’t stop.” When I graduated with my associate degree, she gave me a necklace that says, “I can do hard things.” She also gave me a Willow Tree statue of an angel because she often referred to me as an “earth angel” during my visiting journey. She has truly been an angel to me and I will always be grateful that God prompted her to become a much-needed friend at a crossroads in my life.

            Divine intersection #2 is with my favorite inspirational song writer and singer, Hilary Weeks. I attended a benefit concert in her home in August 2012. Then I attended a women’s conference in my mom’s stake where she was speaking and performing in February 2014. Even though I was feeling anxious, I immediately went up to the stand afterward to thank her for the uplifting influence she has had on my life and on the lives of some of the friends that I’ve shared her music with. I was thankful I took that opportunity, but looked down later and realized I had accidentally worn non-matching flats on my feet – which has never happened before or since. A few days later, I was strongly prompted to look up her phone number and call her. I thought it seemed like a crazy idea, but it was very similar to my original prompting that began my visiting journey, so I didn’t argue with it. I knew her address from attending the benefit concert, so I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to use it to find her phone number. I took a deep breath and dialed her number, thinking that I would just leave a message and that would be it. However, she “just happened” to be home watching the Olympics on TV that evening, instead of preparing for the next Time Out for Women. I realized that was why the prompting was so urgent in that moment. I had no idea what to say, but heard myself asking if she would ever let me visit her.  She said I should email her representative and that she would set something up.

            I ended up meeting her and her oldest daughter for lunch at the Trellis Café at Thanksgiving Point in July 2014. I paid for their lunch, we took a picture together, her daughter texted the picture to me, and I thought that was it. However, I was inspired to stop by their home and visited with her and her family briefly while I was out in Lehi one day, we ran into each other at the Mt. Timpanogos Temple another day and she remembered my name, then she agreed to meet me for breakfast the day before I had a surgery in March 2015. Again, I thought that was the last time I would spend time with her. However, one day in September 2016, I was leaving the Provo Temple and I ran into an old family friend, who ended up being Hilary’s current Relief Society president. That prompted me to buy tickets for back-to-back nights of Hilary’s CD launch concert. I drove with a good friend up to Kingsbury Hall on the U of U campus for the first night and then drove with another good friend up to Ogden for the second night. I talked with Hilary’s daughter and took a picture with her Relief Society president at the first concert, since we were sitting close to the front. I also waited in line to take a picture with Hilary after the concert. She was surprised that I would want to go to her concert two nights in a row, but they were both uplifting and worth-while experiences. I thought it was such a great way to end my association with Hilary. However, in December 2016 that same family friend invited me to attend their ward’s Christmas party in Woodland Hills, where Hilary would be performing. I had the opportunity to talk with Hilary for a few minutes before the dinner, where she said something that really helped me with a struggle I was currently dealing with, and then took a picture of her with her extended family afterward. I thought that was the last time I would see her. However, I received another prompting to attend a Love Your Life gathering in Woodland Hills that she co-hosted with Emily Belle Freeman in September 2017. I was able to talk afterward for a while with her representative that arranged our first lunch back in 2014 and took a picture with her, Hilary, and Emily.

            I now just subscribe to Hilary’s Live All In program and continue to text her occasionally. I emailed to tell her I was going to delete her phone number from my contacts back in November 2016 because I didn’t want to be annoying. She texted me right back with this, “Just saw your email and you are in big trouble! Add me back in your contacts immediately young lady! You are the best!” I texted her again in July 2019 to ask if she would allow me to use her lyrics in this book, since so much of my journey has been shaped by her music and lyrics. She texted back, “I think you could write an amazing book and it would be an honor for me to have the lyrics included! Let me know how it goes! You’ll do great!!!” I texted her one other notable time in April 2020 to send her pictures of the uplifting lyric cards I’ve used to decorated the walls in my office and to tell her I had been prompted to put her and her family on the temple prayer roll before the pandemic forced the closures. She replied, “What an absolutely sweet and thoughtful text. Thank you for all of it. Everything. You are an angel.” I’m grateful for her good influence on my life, both personally and through her music. She could have just considered me one of her many fans, but she remembered my name, spent some of her valuable time with me on a few occasions, and treated me like I was special. All of that mattered a lot to me during times when I really needed some special treatment.

             During the last decade, I have given away approximately 70 of her CDs to friends who I felt could benefit from her uplifting music. I’ve also purchased six of the leather cuffs she makes and sells on her website. I’ve given three away as gifts and have kept three to remind me of her kindness. Hilary wrote a song titled “Hero” (on her 2013 CD, Say Love). The following lyrics explain how I feel about her personally:

…Quietly changing one life at a time

You may never know

What a difference you’ve made in mine…

A friend to the lonely, a light in the dark

You may never know

What a blessing you are…

I hope someday you’ll see

You’re a hero to me

 

            Divine intersection #3. I received the prompting that started my visiting journey on the evening of September 4, 2013. I realized that our stake institute class began meeting the next day, so I took a leap of faith and began attending the next morning because I thought it would be a great place to start “knowing more people in the stake,” as my prompting suggested. I attended the classes each Thursday morning for that entire school year, which gave me a greater appreciation and deeper understanding of The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. I also attended half of the classes the following year, where we studied the life of Christ in the 4 Gospels of the New Testament. I stayed after to talk with one of the teachers quite often and we became friends.

            She was involved in a program called “Dress Your Truth” and she shared it with me. Through the discovery process of that program, I learned that I was a type 1 – light and bright. Because of that, I donated all the clothes in my wardrobe that were black or dull colors, which didn’t flatter me anyway. I began wearing clothes with brighter hues, switched out most of my silver jewelry for mostly bright gold, and eventually cut my hair in a style that was shorter in back and more flattering to my face shape in the front. Those small adjustments helped to increase my self-confidence as I was continuing to overcome anxiety during my visiting adventure. A few years later, that same institute teacher served in the baptistry of the Provo Temple on Tuesdays. When I discovered that, I spent most Tuesday afternoons in the baptistry so I could see her and also work on my growing number of baptisms and confirmations. (I will discuss that more in a later chapter.) I will always be grateful for those ways that she influenced my life for good.

            Divine intersection #4. In addition to beginning my experience of attending stake institute classes after my prompting, I also had another first the morning following that original prompting. I decided to walk our daughter to the bus stop at 7:20am on September 5, 2013. After that, I started walking around the nearby track as part of my walking for the day. I noticed that a few women from our ward were walking ahead of me, but I didn’t pay much attention because, at that point, I rarely walked with other people. I was still mostly walking on my own to destinations around town. However, they “just happened” to notice me and waited for me where part of the path curved up to the cemetery on the hill above. They invited me to join them on their walk around the cemetery and I tried to decline, but they were persistent. I finally agreed to join them and thought to myself that it wouldn’t hurt to just walk with them and listen to the conversation. Well, this group of women included the current Relief Society president, the previous Relief Society president, and the wives of the bishop and one of his counselors. They are the kind of women who would have been in tune with the Spirit. They are also thoughtful and caring people, so they skillfully drew me into the conversation.

            I distinctly remember the very clear thought that came into my mind and I’m assuming it was a prompting as well, “You need to start walking with these women.” I don’t think I would have normally paid that close attention to it, but it followed the original prompting and I suddenly realized that our ward was part of the stake. Therefore, that was a way I could begin to “know more people in the stake.” Later that week, it was just me and the current Relief Society president that ended up walking. It gave us time to get to know each other better on a deeper level. She had been the Primary president several years earlier and I was called to teach the eight and nine-year-old children two years in a row – before I descended into the deep depression I was still recovering from. So we already knew each other and I considered her a friend, but we weren’t extremely close. During that walk I explained my prompting and asked if there was anyone she was worried about in the ward that could benefit from a visit. She mentioned a few women and they ended up being some of the first people I visited.

            I think it was probably part of God’s plan to have that one-on-one visit because it basically launched my visiting journey. As I continued to walk with the group on most mornings, my friendship with them deepened. I became especially close to this Relief Society president, though, and she was the first friend I told about John’s unbelief during the following year, since she also had stewardship over me in her calling. As the years passed, she has continued to be one of my dearest friends. (I eventually stopped walking with the group in the mornings because I didn’t have enough energy to walk with them and visit all the women I ended up having appointments with during my visiting journey.) I visited her regularly at her home during the following years and we sometimes went on drives to talk when we needed more privacy. We have comforted and supported each other through many struggles with our family members and life in general. She is the friend I attended the first Hilary Weeks concert with and she is one of the only friends from our previous neighborhood that visited me multiple times in our new home after we moved in March 2017.

            In the months that followed, one of the women in our walking group was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and I was able to empathize with her because I had been diagnosed in January 2013. We also walked alone a few times and with just the Relief Society president several other times. During those particular walks, she realized I was a “much cooler person” than she had originally thought. Her only other experiences with me had been less positive because she was the Young Women president when our daughter was in that program. Our daughter had seizures for several years when she was younger and, unfortunately, spent her adolescent years slowly recovering emotionally, socially, and scholastically from the difficulties caused by the seizures and the medicine used to treat them. So, that was logistically difficult for this Young Women president when it came to planning activities and attending girls camp. I was grateful that she saw me in a different setting so we could become friends. Her gift is spirituality mixed with humor, so there was a lot of laughter during those walks – which is “good medicine,” as the saying goes.

            Divine intersection #5 is with a woman I visited in a different ward of our stake. I had seen her occasionally at elementary school functions years before, but had never talked with her more than just saying hello. I visited her in April 2014 and it was a nice visit, but I didn’t feel like we really clicked. A few months later, in September 2014, I kept seeing her walking up the hill near our home in the mornings and, every time I did, I literally wanted to abandon my car on the side of the road and just start walking with her! After that happened three times, I realized those were actually strong promptings and I finally decided to call and leave a voice mail message telling her just that. She called me back and we planned to start walking together in the beginning of October. It turned out that she needed to talk with me about some struggles she was having with some of her family members. After the first few walks, she felt that she could trust me and started confiding in me about situations she didn’t feel comfortable talking about with anyone else. We quickly became close friends and have comforted and supported each other through many struggles and difficult situations since then. She is another dear friend who has continued to visit me after we moved across town. She drives to my house and then we enjoy walking and talking on the path next to the river. The sound of the water and shade from the trees makes it a very relaxing and healing experience for us. Sometimes our lives become busy and we don’t see each other for a few weeks or sometimes months, but when life settles down, it is easy for us to pick up right where we left off. I love friendships like that.  

            Divine intersection #6. About 19 months into my visiting journey, I decided to stretch myself in a way that wouldn’t have been possible previously. I volunteered to be a chaperone on the high school choir tour to Seattle in April 2015. It was my last chance to support our daughter (who needed my support on a trip that long), since she was a senior that year. Our son was a sophomore and would also be going, but he was very independent and didn’t want any attention from me. I made a goal to continue my visiting by talking with each of the other twelve women who were chaperones on the buses. It took some creativity and bravery, but I was able to have one-on-one conversations with each of them at some point during those four days. One of the women was later killed in a tragic bike accident and I’ve always been so grateful that I took the opportunity to get to know her on that trip. I also walked and talked with two other women who helped chaperone after we returned and I appreciated getting to know them on a deeper level.

            There was one woman, in particular, that I felt strongly prompted to get to know better. So I decided to start walking around the first museum with her on the day after we arrived in Seattle. I felt like we clicked almost immediately and I was so grateful for her company that day, since our children were off having fun with the other students. When we went to the third museum of the day, I was prompted to ask her a deeper question, which created an opportunity for us to talk about spiritual topics from that point on. We still joke occasionally how we were having this testimony-building conversation in a mostly dark area of the Pop Culture Museum while the sound of light sabers were echoing all around us. We ended up spending most of our free time together on the remaining days of the tour and sat by each other on the bus ride home. That gave us a long time to talk and I felt like we had always known each other by the time we arrived home again. After we returned, we attended the temple together, we’ve walked and talked off and on ever since, and our new house is within walking distance of hers. Similar to the first friend I wrote about, we don’t appear to have anything in common on the surface. Our daughter graduated from high school the same year as her youngest daughter, but that’s about it. However, we’ve had similar struggles in several areas and have appreciated each other’s support as we’ve talked through them again and again.

            I feel so blessed that God crossed my path with each of these amazing women when He did. They each fill a different need in my life and I am so grateful for their support and love. My patriarchal blessing says, “You will have stumbling blocks come before you. There will be friends raised up to help you over them. Use these stumbling blocks as stepping stones.” These friends have each, in their own unique ways, helped me turn many of my stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

Chapter 23: Daring to Be Vulnerable

* I added some content to the last paragraph on July 28, 2020.

            Pam Hansen is the author of Running with Angels: The Inspiring Journey of a Woman Who Turned Personal Tragedy into Triumph Over Obesity (2005). It took courage and vulnerability to share her story in such an honest and open way. As a result, she has helped and inspired many other people struggling with their own tragedies and weight loss journeys. We used to live in the same neighborhood as Pam’s family and I feel like we have a common thread in our stories. She was very depressed and went out for a walk one day in spring 2001. That one walk turned into many walks. Those walks eventually resulted in her losing 100 pounds in one year, completing three marathons, and founding the annual Running with Angels 5K run/walk in 2005. In a similar way, I was also very depressed with a different set of struggles and went out for a walk one day in 2011. That one walk turned into many walks. Those walks eventually resulted in me losing 46 pounds in 15 months, learning to deal with mental and physical challenges in a healthier way, and visiting approximately 500 women beginning in fall 2013.

            Pam also wrote Finding the Angel Within: Spirituality,Body Image, and Self-Worth (2008). When I visited her in 2014, she gave me an autographed copy as a gift. I appreciated her thoughtfulness during that visit. I have also been grateful for the kindness and love she has continued to show me. We went out for a healthy treat so we could visit one other time. During that visit, she gave me the gift of Liquid Sunshine in a pump soap from Bath and Body Works. That was the perfect gift, since her cheerful smile and sincere hugs have brightened several of my days during the time I’ve known her.

            In 2015, I walked in the Running with Angels 5K at Thanksgiving Point Gardens with a friend who was also trying to overcome her own challenges with mental illness and obesity. On page 57 of her first book, Pam wrote, “Change takes place one step at a time.” That is a main theme in my book as well. Writing is very difficult for me and I admire her ability to write two inspirational books in such a skillful and uplifting way. Her willingness to be vulnerable has blessed my life and I want to continue trying to follow her good example.

            I am grateful for the research and writing of Dr. Brené Brown. She is a famous researcher, author, and speaker who focuses much of her work on understanding the interplay between vulnerability, shame, and perfectionism. I will briefly summarize what I’ve learned from her about vulnerability and connection. In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to really be seen. We need to be willing to let go of what we think we should be in order to be who we really are. We need to learn to embrace vulnerability and understand that vulnerability is not weakness. In the introduction of her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown encouraged women to “wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough” (1). Also, while “going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging’” (1).

            A good friend recently reminded me about this talk by Joy D. Jones. “Let me point out the need to differentiate between two critical words: worth and worthiness. They are not the same. Spiritual worth means to value ourselves the way Heavenly Father values us, not as the world values us. Our worth was determined before we ever came to this earth…. On the other hand, worthiness is achieved through obedience. If we sin, we are less worthy, but we are never worth less! We continue to … strive to be like Jesus with our worth intact.”
            She continued, “Despite this marvelous truth, how many of us struggle, from time to time, with negative thoughts or feelings about ourselves? I do. It’s an easy trap. … Thinking small about ourselves does not serve us well. Instead it holds us back. As we’ve often been taught, ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’ We can stop comparing our worst to someone else’s best. ‘Comparison is the thief of joy.’ In contrast, the Lord assures us that when we have virtuous thoughts, He will bless us with confidence, even the confidence to know who we really are. …We may seldom, if ever, receive huge spiritual manifestations in our lives; but we can frequently savor the sweet whisperings of the Holy Ghost verifying the truth of our spiritual worth… If the love we feel for the Savior and what He did for us is greater than the energy we give to weaknesses, self-doubts, or bad habits, then He will help us overcome the things which cause suffering in our lives. He saves us from ourselves…. If we choose to focus on our negative thoughts and doubt our worth instead of clinging to the Savior, it becomes more difficult to feel the impressions of the Holy Ghost…. Let’s not be confused about who we are! While it is often easier to be spiritually passive than it is to put forth the spiritual effort to remember and embrace our divine identity, we cannot afford that indulgence … As the Savior lifts us to higher ground, we can see more clearly not only who we are but also that we are closer to Him than we ever imagined” (“Value Beyond Measure,” Ensign, Nov. 2017).

            I recently listened to a podcast by my friend, who is also a life coach. I was reminded again that it's okay to not know how to do something, to do it wrong, and to make mistakes. Failing is actually the best way to eventually succeed. Learning to own everything about ourselves and being willing to go through life with our flaws and humanity showing is at the core of vulnerability. These important questions were asked: “What if our value was untouched by our humanness? What if we seriously believed that?” We can be flawed and still be worthy of love and acceptance (“Vulnerability,” Pivot Parenting, 28 July 2020). I have been taught these concepts my whole life, but the way she phrased those questions was very helpful to me. When we clearly remember who we are, it gives us confidence to be our true selves. When we are willing to connect with others in a real, authentic, and vulnerable way, it allows them to see us. As we dare to be vulnerable and open in this way, it will help others have the courage to do the same. That is how our hearts can become “knit together in unity and in love one towards another” (see Mosiah 18:21). We actually need to know what is in each other’s hearts for that miracle to happen.           

Chapter 20: Observe and Serve

* It took me all day to piece this post together. I was very discouraged, but I'm grateful that I was able to push through it.

            Linda K. Burton gave this helpful counsel, “For some, serving or ministering one by one, following the Savior’s example, doesn’t come easily. But with practice, each of us can become more like the Savior as we serve God’s children. To help us better love one another, I would like to suggest four words to remember: ‘First observe, then serve’” (“First Observe, Then Serve,” Ensign, Nov. 2012). I learned a lot about that from the first two homes I was inspired to visit. My first visit was to a woman in her 80s. Her husband died many years ago and she wasn’t able to drive anymore. I had already developed the habit of attending the temple weekly over the previous two years, so I took her to the temple almost every week between September 2013 and November 2015. I really appreciated the opportunity to serve her in that way. 

                The second visit was to a woman about my age. I had communicated with her previously by email, but had never been in her home. During our initial visit, I learned that she, her husband, and their children had many struggles in several areas – physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, and social. Her mom lived there too and I ended up visiting them almost every day for over a year. They helped me to develop the confidence I needed to continue visiting many other women. Since I was in their home so often, I learned how to observe what needed to be done and then I would choose one task and try to do it. I don’t have very many talents or skills, but one thing I could do was take out their garbage. So I did that almost every time I went over. I also swept the floor in their front room and did their dishes a few times. I raked up all their leaves once and mowed their lawn another time. Occasionally, I drove my friend to the store and, sometimes, I contributed money to help them buy their groceries. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to make much of a difference overall, but it showed her that I really cared and wanted to help where I could. During that process, I learned the concept of "practice makes better."

                After a few months of visiting them, my friend's mom decided to renew her temple recommend. Then she started attending the temple with me and the other older woman almost every week. After a while, she began working on her family history again. Since she was baptized as a young adult, she was the only member of the church in her extended family. So there was a lot of work to be done and I began helping her with it when we would attend the temple each week. One general lesson I learned from that experience is that, in the beginning, I was probably enabling them to continue in their old habits, even though that wasn't my intention. I also learned that I couldn't fix their problems for them, no matter how hard I tried. However, as I spent more time with them, I started to realize that my friend's mom was becoming stronger because of her time in the temple. She was able to make some improvements in her own life and I believe that started to have a positive effect on others in the home. She was able to take some positive steps once the Lord helped me to get the ball rolling.   

            There is a verse in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ that provides some additional guidance about how to serve. “…Impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants” (Mosiah 4:26). Two phrases stand out to me in that verse. First, we can’t give what we don’t have. Therefore, it's important to do all we can to build up a surplus of physical energy, spirituality, and financial savings. This occurs gradually like drops in a bucket. Focusing on steadily building up these reserves is helpful in our own lives, but it also allows us to share our blessings with others. If we don’t have financial reserves, we can regularly declutter the excess “stuff” in our lives and donate it to people who need it more than we do. Second, sometimes we don’t think about serving people according to their wants. However, I believe that’s more like the way WE would want to be served. When people begin to feel more comfortable in their difficult circumstances, our love will probably be felt in a much deeper way than if we only focused on the bare minimum need. Conversely, we may attend to someone’s surface wants and discover, in the process, the core need they aren’t broadcasting. When we are in tune spiritually, those needs often become more apparent. 

                Spencer W. Kimball explained, “God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other … In the Doctrine and Covenants we read about how important it is to '… succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees' (D&C 81:5). So often, our acts of service consist of simple encouragement or of giving mundane help with mundane tasks, but what glorious consequences can flow from mundane acts and from small but deliberate deeds” (“Small Acts of Service,” Ensign, Dec. 1974). 

           Jesus "went about doing good" (Acts 10:38) and we can too, in both small and big ways. Doctrine and Covenants 58:27-28 gives some additional insight, “…Men (and women) should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them…” There is no greater cause than to reach out in love to others. One of the ways to increase that power is to practice observing the needs around us. M. Russell Ballard explained, “Great things are brought about and burdens are lightened through the efforts of many hands ‘anxiously engaged in a good cause.’… There is one simple daily practice that can make a difference… In your morning prayer each new day, ask Heavenly Father to guide you to recognize an opportunity to serve one of His precious children. Then go throughout the day with your heart full of faith and love, looking for someone to help…. If you do this, your spiritual sensitivities will be enlarged and you will discover opportunities to serve that you never before realized were possible” (“Be Anxiously Engaged,” Ensign, Nov. 2012).

            I once taught a lesson to the women in our church congregation and several phrases stood out to me. “The thoughtful little things of life” add up. “These acts of kindness were not isolated occurrences but part of a lifelong pattern.” When we remember that “God is our Father, and that we are his children, and that all men are brothers and sisters in the same eternal family,” we can pray for a greater “desire to love and bless” those around us. “I think if all men knew and understood who they are, and were aware of the divine source from whence they came, … they would have feelings of kindness... for each other that would change their whole way of living and bring peace on earth” (“Love and Concern for All of God’s Children,” Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Fielding Smith, p. 254). The two great commandments, to love God and to love our neighbors as ourselves, build on each other (See Matthew 22:37-40). Learning to love ourselves is part of building up the surplus I was referring to earlier. The more we love God, the easier it is to learn to love ourselves. When we love ourselves, we have more confidence and desire to reach out to others in love and kindness.  And we love and serve others, we are showing God how much we love Him.

             Jesus taught us to leave the 99 to go after the one who is in need of spiritual or physical help. It seems to me that we all take turns being the one. We all need saving. We really do need each other. Living these two great commandments and following the Savior’s example of love may seem difficult or overwhelming to us. However, it is really the simplest way to think about the gospel as a whole. I love this picture of loving hands. 

We can wipe a tear, hold a hand, give a pat of encouragement, or lift someone up with our hands. If we are trying to act as hands on earth for Heavenly Father and Jesus to work through, we are truly living the gospel.