Showing posts with label perspective shifts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perspective shifts. Show all posts

Friday, August 14, 2020

Part 5: Part of Something Bigger Than Self

 

            My original plan for this book was to focus more on the emotional recovery side of my journey. I didn’t expect to spend as much time writing about spiritual topics. However, I am a believer in Jesus and that ends up permeating a person’s whole life. I’m so grateful that it does!  This is the part of the book where I glory in “my Jesus” and how He has blessed my life. My visiting journey taught me how to reach out to others more like He would. My experience in college and at Institute enlarged my perspective and helped me understand new ways of approaching relationships and the circumstances in my life. This section focuses on family history, temple work, and continued gospel learning – which has given me a glimpse of how all-encompassing Heavenly Father’s plan is for each of us, His children. .

            Spencer W. Kimball was the prophet of my childhood. I once read a biography of his wife, Camilla, when I stayed with my paternal grandparents while my parents were on a trip to the Holy Land. That book is on my shelf today and it is one of the only items I have that remind me of my grandma. Just before my third birthday, Spencer W. Kimball taught, “It is by serving that we learn how to serve. When we are engaged in the service of our fellowmen, not only do our deeds assist them, but we put our own problems in a fresher perspective. When we concern ourselves more with others, there is less time to be concerned with ourselves. In the midst of the miracle of serving, there is the promise of Jesus, that by losing ourselves, we find ourselves. (See Matthew 10:39.) Not only do we ‘find’ ourselves in terms of acknowledging guidance in our lives, but the more we serve our fellowmen in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our souls…. it is easier to ‘find’ ourselves because there is so much more of us to find! ... Of course, we all need to be loved, but we must be giving and not always receiving if we want to have wholeness in our lives and a reinforced sense of purpose…. Wherever we serve and whomever we serve, however, it is important for us to get outside ourselves and to be genuinely interested in others” (“Small Acts of Service,” Ensign, Dec. 1974).

            He continues, “Sometimes the solution is not to change our circumstance, but to change our attitude about that circumstance; difficulties are often opportunities for service….If we are not careful, we can be injured by the frostbite of frustration; we can be frozen in place by the chill of unmet expectations. To avoid this we must—just as we would with arctic coldness—keep moving, keep serving, and keep reaching out, so that our own immobility does not become our chief danger…. There is great security in spirituality, and we cannot have spirituality without service! So often, however, what we need by way of encouragement… to serve others is to simply be stirred in our memory by the Spirit concerning the things we already know, rather than receiving new inspiration and revelation. … The Holy Ghost stirs our memory as well as our understanding. We must then do what we already know is right—the simple things, the straightforward things, and the specific things….so that we can have the influence of the Holy Ghost and have his constant companionship to guide us, to direct us. His guidance is far more important than the learning of techniques, although these can be helpful…. If you were to select just two or three individuals in your life who have been most influential, what specifically did they do that was helpful to you at critical or important times in your life?  On reflecting for a few moments, you (may) conclude that such a person really cared for you, that he or she took time for you, or that he or she taught you something you needed to know…. Most often someone has served and helped us by giving us love and understanding, by taking time to assist us, and by showing us the way through the light of their own example. I cannot stress enough, therefore, the importance of our doing these same things for those who now depend upon us, just as we have depended upon others to serve us in the past… If we focus on simple principles and simple acts of service, we will… find ourselves becoming less concerned with our organizational identity and more concerned with our true and ultimate identity as a son or daughter of our Father in heaven and helping others to achieve the same sense of belonging.” (“Small Acts of Service,” Ensign, Dec. 1974). Being willing and able to serve each other without assignments is the beginning of a unified, Christlike community. It is the essence of ministering. It something I try to work toward every day, with varied success.

            He concluded, “In this connection, we must never lose sight of Jesus Christ as our grand example. Jesus said in his instructions to the Nephite disciples: ‘Therefore, hold up your light that it may shine unto the world. Behold I am the light which ye shall hold up—that which ye have seen me do. …’(3 Nephi 18:24.)… One of the advantages of the gospel of Jesus Christ is that it gives us perspective about the people on this planet, including ourselves, so that we can see the things that truly matter and avoid getting caught up in the multiplicity of lesser causes that vie for the attention of mankind….  (“Small Acts of Service,” Ensign, Dec. 1974).

Tuesday, August 11, 2020

Worry Less and Laugh More

I always appreciate it when life coaches phrase ideas as questions. It feels more powerful to me.



My friend sent me this picture she took in Alaska.
They are plastic flamingos. :D
 

Thursday, August 6, 2020

Possible Title of Book

I'm still not feeling well, so I rested all day yesterday and didn't write anything. However, my husband suggested that I title the book "Walking with Wendi" afterall. So here is a possible combination of the two titles (actually, a title and subtitle) ~

 Walking with Wendi

Practice Makes Perfect Progress

 and Other Perspective Shifts of a Recovering Perfectionist

I also emailed 120 friends and relatives about the progress on the book. I hope it will provide more momentum for me to continue writing, rather than putting too much pressure on myself. We shall see... 

Sunday, August 2, 2020

Title, Dedication, and Acknowledgements

I decided today on a possible title for the book I've been writing: 

Practice Makes Perfect Progress 

and Other Perspective Shifts for the Recovering Perfectionist

I wrote this dedication: To John, who always sees my potential and worth, even when I don't. 

I also spent several hours writing the Acknowledgements: 

            This book is the product of my experiences with hundreds of people. My sincere gratitude goes to all who have influenced me along my journey. It would be impossible for me to create a complete list, but I will take this opportunity to thank many people by name. I’ve grouped them into different periods of my life. Several people fit in more than one area, but I’ve chosen the one that best fits the way they influenced me most.

            To John, who is the hardest working and most selfless person I know. Thank you for choosing to spend your life with me. To Heather and Lance, for giving me the opportunity to be a mother. Thanks for your patience as I’ve learned and grown right along with you. To Max, who has brightened my days with his smiles, giggles, squawks, and snuggles.

            To my parents, Arnie and Cherie, who taught me by example the value of stick-to-it-iveness and service to others. Thank you for serving missions at BYU-Hawaii and Historic Kirtland, so I could have an excuse to visit those places. To my siblings: Natalie (Randy), Randy (Laura), Rob (Eve), and Cory (Karissa). Thank you for letting me visit you and your children when you lived in other states. To my grandmas, Lena and Lucile, who treated me special and passed along the desire to stay connected to my relatives.  

            To my walking friends: Corinne Jenkins, Becky Allen, Diane Knight, Kelly Chalmers; Brenda Warren, Terri Rino, Shari Soelberg; Michelle Linford, Susannah Reyneke, Bonnie Walker, Suzanne Fry; Janell Wright, Melissa Dunaway, Heather Rindlisbacher. Thank you for letting me shake my head out over and over again…and loving me through it all.

            To friends who graciously welcomed me into their homes: Susan and Doug Morrison, Ann Barlow, Cheryl Taylor, Kathy Schlendorf, and Kristyne Stephens. Thank you for countless hours of visits over several years.

            To our close neighbors (and their families) in both areas of Orem: Holly Jacobs, Christa Ringer, Michelle Chamberlain, Stori Misbach, Susan Verbic, Janet Davis; Shelby Russell, Joyce Nixon, Nicole Perry, Candice Gordon, Nichelle Jensen, April Hurt. Thank you for your kindness and patience over two decades.

            To thoughtful people who have made a difference for me spiritually or emotionally as they have served and loved me. 

Canyon View stake: Jan Martin, Joleen Black, Ruth Ann Smith, Ginger Fisher, Eileen Booth, Rob Chalmers, Mosbarger family, Diane McNeill, Colette Terry, Katie Fox, Ann Youngquist; Liz Livingston, Leesa Simmons, Paula Harper, Jennifer Greenwood, Allyson Riding, Rosana Sorensen, Karina McDonald, Sheryl Pryor, Jessica Deucher; Marlae Rindlisbacher, Sandi Monson.

Orem 6th ward: Brekke Felt, Angela Schill, Teri Walker, Jenny and Sarah Pachev, Katrina and Mike Johanson, Shersti and Jared Pearson, Tracy Smith, Brian Nixon, Joyce Henderson, Shane Frazier, Lois Park, Rebecca Armstrong, Debbie Wimpfheimer. 

Longmont, Colorado: Dave Kenison, Tom Reed, Gary Marison, Olivers, Mary Sue Russell. 

Tallahassee, Florida: Jackie Stone, Cathrie Long, Chris Kemp, Ann Cluff, Maureen Webb. Richard Chapple, Troy Mohrman, Ken (Hunter) Bergstrom, Laurie Tiedt. Thank you for caring.  

            To kind people who have helped me with temple work: Kathy and Alan Manwaring, Pam Petroff; Lisa Johnson and Bernotski family; Marti, Greg, and Jared Tuttle; Jenkins family and Ben Cragun, Dick and Mary Jackson, Julia and Ken Cluff, Linda and Marlan Platt, Lori Duke, Carolyn Davis, Catherine and Mike Kipp, Paul Christensen, Roger Minert, Helen and Brad Prescott; Noah and Tennyson Schill, Johanson girls, Cameron and Morgan Dopp, Renee Blumel, Jenna Wolfley and Richard Lindahl; various youth in the Canyon View Stake, and Orem 6th ward. Thank you for your selfless service.

            To good people who make my temple experience even better: Ken Kleven, Van Jaeger, Ron Bartalini, Sherry Cox, Kay Heath, Louisa Howard, Debra Elvin; Cheryl Esplin, President Freestone, President Stone, Brother Eliason, Gammons; Linda Olsen, Heather Bodine, Krista Tate, Pam Hansen, Patti Bell, Sherrie Johnson, Rebekah Westfall; Amy Christensen, Gay Bailey; Michelle Caringella, Renae Gale, Carolyn, LeeAnn, and all the others who have gone out of their way to help me in the baptistry. Thank you for brightening my days.

            To those who have cared about our children and helped them (or me) in different ways: Anne Miller, Sandee and Andres Sosa, Kate Plewe; Taralyn Sorensen, Gailan Smith, Debbie Carn; Tami Rasmussen, Meg Ernstrom, Deanne Allred, Andrea Allman; Carol Walker, Melissa Dabb. Thank you for making my job as a mom just a little bit easier over the years.

            To friends who helped me become even more clear about what I believe: Ruth Thompson; Christy Hurt, Dana Mecham, Aubree Patterson, Marcela Gubler; Tracey Hamilton, Chelsea Rasmussen. Thank you for helping me see things from different perspectives. To others who challenged me to learn how to love in ways I wasn’t used to yet: Pauline Colton, Alauna Hyland, Sue Burton, Victoria Myers, Clixie Larson, Renee Wakamatsu, Andrea and Phillip Cockrell, Marshall DeGroot. I’m grateful for what I’ve learned from our experiences together.

            To friends from my childhood, teenage, and young adult years (I will refer to them by their pre-marriage names): 

Tallahassee, Florida: Trista Whitley, Lori Clark, Marika Chapple; Danny Bishop, Tam Nguyen, Bill Roberts, Mike Poppell, Paul Kern, Joe Caceres; Petrea Schrader, Joel Bowers, Ben Fort; Sharon Flagg, Felicia Cooke; Cheri Wright, Kacey Lewis.

Longmont, Colorado: Kristina Marzano; Karna Reed, Janae Wheeler, Karen Farnsworth; Dave Cragun, Brent Patterson, Darin Moss; Mark Wheeler, Geoff Smith. 

Orem, Utah: Angie Millet; Lisa Lawson, Becca Collyer, Jenny Clawson, Ange Walker, Jodi Sorensen; Pam Hawkes, Becky Kirby, Rob Trent, Brenda Lopez, Kim Latimer, Vaughn Porter, Poché siblings. Thank you for helping me in your unique way to become who I am today.

            To missionaries and others who were influential during my experience as a full-time missionary (I will refer to them by their pre-marriage names): TyRee Jenks, Val Roden; Cheryl Bevan, JoAnn Stock, Jeanine Bird, Carla Peterson, Rebecca Benson; Liz Baumgarten, Lalena Page, Kathy Perkins; Wheeler family, Griffin family, Dalls, Whitts, Wanda Nielsen, Terrys; Pam Curran, Aja Werkheiser, Aurora Moon; Sisters Ha, Lopez, Farrier, and Gee; Neal Larson, Justin Rasmussen, Dick and Diane Morley. Thank you for your patience, love, and examples.

            To life coaches, therapists, co-workers, and teachers I’ve worked with: Kendra Huffman, Heather Frazier, Jody Moore, Brooke Castillo, Tracy Hoth; Megan Rogers, Julie Malloy; David Paulson, Jon Skidmore; Brad Edgington, Ryan Balagna, Mitch Suyama, Heather Hoyal, Vickie Anderson; Mark Hull, Sherry Smith, Pam Christensen, Lexi Sanders, Adam Whitehead; Wanda Black, Dave Rollins, Carol Lorek, Jane Rose, and Mrs. Landreth. Thank you for all the lessons I learned during our time together.

            To the teachers, students, and secretaries at the Utah Valley University Institute of Religion: Karen Hepworth, Polly Tullis, Cassidy Hubert, David Durfey, Chelsea Chipman, Emily Mitchell, Eric Shields, Cody Orvis, Kurtis McBeth, Tyler Bartholomew, Cedi Christensen, Maren, Daniel Bradley, Todd Murdock, Valerie Christensen. Thank you for strengthening my testimony, helping with temple work, and being such an uplifting influence in my life.

            To the professors, students, and others who helped with projects during my time at Utah Valley University: Bonnie Davis, Ken White, Chris Lee, Carolyn Hamilton, Bart Poulson, Kaitlyn Pacada, Brian Birch, Karin Anderson, Lisa Johnson; Paige Seegmiller, Malorie Ward, Kimmie Henderson; Tera Johnson, Jessica Hettinger, Kassidy Nielson; Alex Boone; Ronelle Warren, Shawna Schauers, Stephanie Wright; Cynthia Tavera and Lihua Lin. Thank you for helping me succeed in my classes, so that I could achieve my goal of earning an associate degree.

            To other influential people in my life who don’t fit easily into any of the paragraphs above: Bob and Shauna Millet, Leslie Williams, Margaret Hammond, Marina Spence, Kenzie Weeks, Bradstreet family, Lisa Nerdin, Kendra Terry Senn, Kelly Christensen, Cecily Smith, Guin and Max Deaver, Becky Swasey, and Erica Larsen. Thank you for your unique way of blessing my life. In addition, I wish to thank these musicians and authors: Hilary Weeks, Shawna Edwards, Kenneth Cope; Emily Belle Freeman, David Butler, Brad Wilcox, Steven Harper, Mary Ellen Edmunds, and Sheri Dew. Thank you for your uplifting influence on me and so many others throughout the world.

            Most of all, to Heavenly Father for orchestrating potential blessings behind the scenes and for answering my prayers; to Jesus Christ for the gifts of repentance, forgiveness, and grace that flow freely from His atoning sacrifice; and to the Holy Ghost who testifies of Them and fills my soul with peace. Everything I write about in this book was influenced in some way by Them. There are no words to express the gratitude I feel, but I’ve done my best to express it in a variety of ways in the following pages.

Wednesday, July 22, 2020

Friday, July 10, 2020

Positive Change

I enjoyed a free 40 minute call with an organization coach that I was prompted to seek out earlier this week. I told her that I wanted to write the book that everyone has encouraged me to write over the past few years. However, I felt like I needed to get my pictures, emails, and files organized before I continued working on it. She posed the question, "What if that's not true?" She elaborated, "What if you could just start right now and write ten minutes each day?" That instantly made this goal feel possible to me for the first time in many months.

During the 13 paid coaching sessions I've had, the main theme that comes up is that I don't feel capable. I don't feel confident in myself to make lasting change. And I don't really like myself because of those flawed beliefs. I'm gradually learning to replace those thoughts with more useful ones.

I woke up early this morning and decided to make another Spark reminder for myself:


Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Self-coaching reminders about thoughts

I have participated in a Zoom session or phone call with a life coach each week since April 14th. It has been helpful to focus on how to improve my thinking patterns while I've been home during the pandemic. 

I started making some Spark reminders for myself on June 19th to post on Instagram. I thought it might be helpful to post them on here as well. (I found these pictures online, but I don't know who to give the photo credits to.) 

This is Lake Tekapo in New Zealand. 

I've never been there, but it just looked so peaceful to me. Plus, I love purple flowers. 


This is Crested Butte, Colorado. 

The "self coaching model" is: circumstances trigger our thoughts -> thoughts create our feelings -> feelings drive our actions -> and our actions cause the results in our life. 

Therefore, whatever result I'm experiencing in life always references back to the thought. Thoughts are optional because we can learn to choose however we want to think about any circumstance

Actions are either something I am or am NOT doing because of my thoughts and feelings about a circumstance. Therefore, INACTION is still an action. 


Here are two more ways to describe a thought. 


Do you remember this example from psychology class? 

At first, you may only see a young woman or an old woman. But if you focus on seeing something different, eventually the other woman appears. After that, it's not difficult to notice both at the same time. 

I have heard this called a paradigm shift and it's the shift I'm trying to focus on with my thinking. 


This is another perception example from psychology class. 

Because of agency and "opposition in all things" there are always at least two opposing thoughts in each situation that can both seem true. The trick is to choose the one that best serves you in the life you want to have. I'm looking forward to the day when that becomes more automatic for me.



This is the only way to safely bring thoughts into the light for examination. 


This is Banff National Park in Alberta, Canada.  
(I created this from a panoramic photo I found, so it's the left side of the picture. 
The other two parts of the picture are used in the following post about feelings.)

I'm slowly learning to apply these new ways of thinking in my life. It takes a lot of practice