Chapter 32: Family History Fun (part 3)

 

            I was asked to give a second presentation to the youth on the blessings of family history and temple work on December 30, 2018. In that presentation, I repeated what I already shared above. I also brought one of my white 2” binders to show them how I keep these ancestors in my thoughts. When I print out the cards, I print out an extra page and put it in a page protector. Then I can write down how I’m related to them or comments that I have about my temple experiences with them. And my favorite part is when I can staple the completed card back into that binder. It helps them to feel more real to me and it reminds me that each card represents an actual person, a child of God just like us. During a sealing session earlier that month, I looked into the mirrors on each side of that beautiful room and pondered what I would share with the youth. Gerrit W. Gong gave voice to my thoughts,  “Together the temple mirrors reflect back and forth images that stretch seemingly into eternity” (“Temple Mirrors of Eternity: A Testimony of Family,” Ensign, Nov. 2010). Quentin L Cook explained, “These reflected images help us contemplate parents, grandparents, and all previous generations. They help us recognize the sacred covenants that connect us to all generations that follow” (“See Yourself in the Temple,” Ensign, May 2016).

            David A. Bednar taught, “As members of Christ’s restored Church, we have the covenant responsibility to search out our ancestors and provide for them the saving ordinances of the gospel. ‘For their salvation is necessary and essential to our salvation, as Paul says concerning the fathers—that they without us cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be made perfect.’ (Doctrine and Covenants 128:15). For these reasons we do family history research, build temples, and perform vicarious ordinances” (“The Hearts of the Children Shall Turn,” Ensign, Nov. 2011). Joseph Smith taught, “Herein is the chain that binds the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the children to the fathers, which fulfills the mission of Elijah” (“Becoming Saviors on Mount Zion,” Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith, 473). Quentin L. Cook explained, “The combination of increased numbers of temples and advanced technology to fulfill our sacred family history responsibilities for our ancestors makes this the most blessed time in all history. You are literally among the prophesied saviors on Mount Zion” (“See Yourself in the Temple,” Ensign, May 2016). In other words, as we perform vicarious ordinances for our ancestors, we do something for them that they cannot do for themselves. This is symbolic of the way our Savior saved each of us from sin and death through His atoning sacrifice, which is something none of us could do for ourselves. It is the way He allows us to help in His work of salvation for each child of God. I’m so grateful for this opportunity we’ve been given to serve others in such an important way.

            One evening in February 2019, I was sitting in the baptistry waiting for some ordinances to be completed. I normally tried not to stay at the temple into the evenings because it detracted from family time at home. However, this time I felt prompted to stay and I texted my husband to let him know that I would be home as soon as I could. I then went out to the desk to ask for more blue and pink papers to attach to each set of five male and female cards for baptisms and confirmations. The man at the desk noticed that my family names were from the Netherlands and asked if any were from Germany. I replied that one family line married into a German line. He just happened be a professor at BYU who specialized in family history with an emphasis in Germanic names. He asked if I would be able to share some with him and several students who were planning to participate in a “German night” at the baptistry. He explained that on the evening of April 3rd, all the ordinances would be performed in German for ancestors from Germany. I agreed to try to find some names for them. So I spent the next few weeks following several lines and was able to supply him with more than enough. They ended up completing a little over 200 baptisms that night. I felt compelled to finish the rest of them, so I sat in the baptistry (most of that time shivering by the font) for six hours the following Tuesday to complete 200 more female baptisms, along with waiting for 60 more male baptisms to be completed. I learned that if I released those names to have the initiatories completed by temple patrons, they would often be finished very quickly. Then I reserved many of them again to complete the endowment and sealing. After this set of events, I watched the initiatories being completed over several days in real time - each time I refreshed the screen on Family Search. I was so grateful for the miracle that Heavenly Father provided to allow so many to begin on the covenant path prior to Easter. I love the song "Risen" written by Shawna Belt Edwards. One of the lines says that Jesus "set the captives free." I felt that powerfully during this experience. I am in awe at what God can do with a willing heart, hands, and feet. He magnifies our relatively small offerings in often unexpected and miraculous ways. My family history work increased exponentially after that.

             Over the past two years, many kind people have been willing to help me with the growing number of ordinances. I have needed the most help with endowments, since they take the longest. Their selfless service has allowed me to continue working on baptisms and sealings – almost exclusively. I love the opportunity that gives me to begin and end the process with most of the ancestors I have found. When I share my temple cards with people who are willing to help me, I tell them about my grandma who came to America from the Netherlands. I hope it helps them to feel even more purpose as they help with the work. One friend asked if she could send some cards to her parents and adult brother who live in Idaho. Her brother has some emotional struggles and he found purpose in helping me with those endowments, which felt like a win-win situation. My previous academic advisor at UVU who has become a dear friend has also helped me with a large number of endowments and the youth in her stake completed many baptisms during a youth conference. I was in an endowment session at the Mt. Timpanogos Temple one evening and noticed a couple who had previously moved from our ward. It was a large session, so I went back and talked to the woman while we were waiting to go through the veil. She and her husband stopped by our house later that week and picked up some endowment cards as well. A couple in our ward who served as full-time stake missionaries have been very helpful. They texted me a picture of a poem on August 4, 2019. The poem was written by Don L. Searle and is titled “One Holy Moment.” They wrote, “This poem reminds me of the feelings we have when we take your names to the temple. Thank you.” Here is the part that was most meaningful to me:

Born in different centuries,

You and I, an ocean apart,

And half a continent.

Never would our lives touch

But for this holy moment.

In a temple of our God…

Did you know joy in your years?

I hope you know it now,

As our lives touch

In this sacred moment,

My one brief chance to serve.

Would that I could reach a hand

Across two hundred years,

Or put an arm across a shoulder

To tell you what I feel…

            Because I graduated with my associate degree from UVU in November 2019, I had some extra time that I could spend in the temple before our grandson was born in January 2020. So, as my Christmas gift to Jesus, I made a goal to spend as many days as possible in the Provo Temple before it was closed for Christmas. During that time, I talked more often with an older woman who was retired and never been married. She lived near the temple and spent each day there doing work for other people. She specifically focused on sealings and we ended up in many sessions together. One day, she offered to help me with some of my sealings and I was so grateful. I brought 30 cards for her and she finished them in one day. I couldn’t believe it! She offered to do more for me over the Christmas holiday, since she would be going to the Provo City Center Temple, and gave me her home address. During those two weeks, I continued to prepare more names for sealings. Initially, I drove to her house and clipped 65 cards to the side of her mailbox near the front door. Again, she completed them in two or three days! That process miraculously repeated two more times during the Christmas holiday. Meanwhile, I attended the Mt. Timpanogos Temple while the Provo Temple was closed. I was in a few sealing sessions with a man who regularly served in that temple also. He saw how many names I was trying to complete over several sessions and asked if he could help. I left a few cards with him and he finished them that day. A few days later, he walked into another of my sealing sessions and I was so happy to see him. He also wrote down his P.O. box number and gave it to me. I started sending him sealing cards as well and he completed approximately 200 sealings over the next three months, which was another miraculous gift.

            When the Provo Temple opened again in January, I was so grateful for the chance to thank my sweet temple friend in person. She said she felt kind of burned out, which was very understandable, so I wasn’t planning to give any more cards to her. Remember the older man I met in the temple cafeteria who completed seven endowments for me in April 2018? A few months before the Christmas break, I saw him again in the sealing area. I was really grateful for the chance to thank him in person after a year of wondering if our paths would ever cross again. From that time on, whenever he was in a session with me, he would take a few of my cards, so that I could go home to my family a little earlier than I had planned. (He decided that he was needed more in the sealing rooms, so he started to only do two endowment sessions, instead of three, each day. Then he would end each day of service by participating in five or six sealing sessions.) When he found out that my other temple friend was feeling burned out, he offered to help also. That was a relief to the friend who felt burned out and she decided she could help me after all. They became a dynamic duo. I continued to prepare names at home and brought 100 or 200 cards at a time to the temple. When I saw one of them, I gave them the cards and then they divided them up. I was in awe at how many completion notifications I received from Family Search each evening. They miraculously completed each set of cards within about a week each time. When the temples closed on March 14^th due to the COVID-19 pandemic, they had completed a combined total of 1,750 sealings. (That number is in addition to the 195 my first friend completed during Christmas holiday. It also doesn’t include the children they helped seal to parents or the names they helped me with while I was serving in the sessions with them.) I’m convinced they were sent to me as angels to help me complete a work that was far too overwhelming and basically impossible for me to do alone in that amount of time.

            About three months into the quarantine, I sent out texts to many of the people who helped with my temple work during the previous two years to thank them once again for their selfless service. On June 10th, I received another reply text from the couple in our ward who previously served as stake missionaries. It said, “We have appreciated the opportunity of taking names to the temple, especially since my ancestry on one side is Dutch. A couple years ago you indicated you felt the need to get these names done. Possibly a forewarning about the forthcoming closure of the temples?...” I replied, “I absolutely know that I felt the urgency because the Lord knew the temples would be closing for a while. I’m so grateful he sent me earth angels like both of you to help with that miracle.” This whole experience reminded me that a definition of Zion is being of “one heart and one mind” (see Moses 7:18) and it is built by people who serve selflessly with Christlike love. I am grateful for the privilege of being surrounded by people with those qualities. One of the last lines of my patriarchal blessing says, “As you help to gather genealogy, you will become a savior on Mt. Zion and will be a great blessing to those who have passed on beyond the veil. When you leave this earth there will be a great reunion with your ancestors who will be glad to receive you because of your work in their behalf.” As I mentioned earlier, I never thought this was even a real possibility before Family Search sent me the notification for that first ancestor in January 2018. This experience has truly shown me that with God, nothing is impossible (see Luke 1:37).

Chapter 23: Daring to Be Vulnerable

* I added some content to the last paragraph on July 28, 2020.

            Pam Hansen is the author of Running with Angels: The Inspiring Journey of a Woman Who Turned Personal Tragedy into Triumph Over Obesity (2005). It took courage and vulnerability to share her story in such an honest and open way. As a result, she has helped and inspired many other people struggling with their own tragedies and weight loss journeys. We used to live in the same neighborhood as Pam’s family and I feel like we have a common thread in our stories. She was very depressed and went out for a walk one day in spring 2001. That one walk turned into many walks. Those walks eventually resulted in her losing 100 pounds in one year, completing three marathons, and founding the annual Running with Angels 5K run/walk in 2005. In a similar way, I was also very depressed with a different set of struggles and went out for a walk one day in 2011. That one walk turned into many walks. Those walks eventually resulted in me losing 46 pounds in 15 months, learning to deal with mental and physical challenges in a healthier way, and visiting approximately 500 women beginning in fall 2013.

            Pam also wrote Finding the Angel Within: Spirituality,Body Image, and Self-Worth (2008). When I visited her in 2014, she gave me an autographed copy as a gift. I appreciated her thoughtfulness during that visit. I have also been grateful for the kindness and love she has continued to show me. We went out for a healthy treat so we could visit one other time. During that visit, she gave me the gift of Liquid Sunshine in a pump soap from Bath and Body Works. That was the perfect gift, since her cheerful smile and sincere hugs have brightened several of my days during the time I’ve known her.

            In 2015, I walked in the Running with Angels 5K at Thanksgiving Point Gardens with a friend who was also trying to overcome her own challenges with mental illness and obesity. On page 57 of her first book, Pam wrote, “Change takes place one step at a time.” That is a main theme in my book as well. Writing is very difficult for me and I admire her ability to write two inspirational books in such a skillful and uplifting way. Her willingness to be vulnerable has blessed my life and I want to continue trying to follow her good example.

            I am grateful for the research and writing of Dr. Brené Brown. She is a famous researcher, author, and speaker who focuses much of her work on understanding the interplay between vulnerability, shame, and perfectionism. I will briefly summarize what I’ve learned from her about vulnerability and connection. In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to really be seen. We need to be willing to let go of what we think we should be in order to be who we really are. We need to learn to embrace vulnerability and understand that vulnerability is not weakness. In the introduction of her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown encouraged women to “wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough” (1). Also, while “going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging’” (1).

            A good friend recently reminded me about this talk by Joy D. Jones. “Let me point out the need to differentiate between two critical words: worth and worthiness. They are not the same. Spiritual worth means to value ourselves the way Heavenly Father values us, not as the world values us. Our worth was determined before we ever came to this earth…. On the other hand, worthiness is achieved through obedience. If we sin, we are less worthy, but we are never worth less! We continue to … strive to be like Jesus with our worth intact.”
            She continued, “Despite this marvelous truth, how many of us struggle, from time to time, with negative thoughts or feelings about ourselves? I do. It’s an easy trap. … Thinking small about ourselves does not serve us well. Instead it holds us back. As we’ve often been taught, ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’ We can stop comparing our worst to someone else’s best. ‘Comparison is the thief of joy.’ In contrast, the Lord assures us that when we have virtuous thoughts, He will bless us with confidence, even the confidence to know who we really are. …We may seldom, if ever, receive huge spiritual manifestations in our lives; but we can frequently savor the sweet whisperings of the Holy Ghost verifying the truth of our spiritual worth… If the love we feel for the Savior and what He did for us is greater than the energy we give to weaknesses, self-doubts, or bad habits, then He will help us overcome the things which cause suffering in our lives. He saves us from ourselves…. If we choose to focus on our negative thoughts and doubt our worth instead of clinging to the Savior, it becomes more difficult to feel the impressions of the Holy Ghost…. Let’s not be confused about who we are! While it is often easier to be spiritually passive than it is to put forth the spiritual effort to remember and embrace our divine identity, we cannot afford that indulgence … As the Savior lifts us to higher ground, we can see more clearly not only who we are but also that we are closer to Him than we ever imagined” (“Value Beyond Measure,” Ensign, Nov. 2017).

            I recently listened to a podcast by my friend, who is also a life coach. I was reminded again that it's okay to not know how to do something, to do it wrong, and to make mistakes. Failing is actually the best way to eventually succeed. Learning to own everything about ourselves and being willing to go through life with our flaws and humanity showing is at the core of vulnerability. These important questions were asked: “What if our value was untouched by our humanness? What if we seriously believed that?” We can be flawed and still be worthy of love and acceptance (“Vulnerability,” Pivot Parenting, 28 July 2020). I have been taught these concepts my whole life, but the way she phrased those questions was very helpful to me. When we clearly remember who we are, it gives us confidence to be our true selves. When we are willing to connect with others in a real, authentic, and vulnerable way, it allows them to see us. As we dare to be vulnerable and open in this way, it will help others have the courage to do the same. That is how our hearts can become “knit together in unity and in love one towards another” (see Mosiah 18:21). We actually need to know what is in each other’s hearts for that miracle to happen.