Chapter 28: Personal Revelation and Possibilities

I have worked a lot on this chapter also (in between working on the previously posted chapters). I'm going to post what I've pieced together so far on this one too, even though I don't have much commentary between the quotes. That way, I now have something posted for every chapter in the book! These last three chapters still need a lot of work. But it's a relief to finally post something for each of them. (I revisited this and posted more content on August 17, 2020.)

            The main way the Spirit works in my life is that it prompts me to some kind of action. God inspired many of the experiences I’ve written about in this book. He knows our potential and possibilities. He can help us become so much more than we are on our own. Even though I still have difficult days occasionally, I have prayed for help all along the way and have been blessed spiritually and emotionally. I know I've been inspired by Heavenly Father to make the changes, develop the habits, and take the steps forward that have helped me become more of who He knows I can be.

            Jeffrey R. Holland explained, “It is the plain and very sobering truth that before [and after] great moments, certainly … great spiritual moments, there can come adversity, opposition, and darkness” (“Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence,” Ensign, Mar. 2000, 7). “But opposition doesn’t mean that Heavenly Father has abandoned you. He is there, and He will guide you. Sometimes we must move forward in faith until our way is illuminated. (“Move Forward in Faith,” Ensign, August 2013).

          Boyd K. Packer related this experience, “I returned … and told him that I saw no way to move in the direction I was counseled to go. He said, ‘The trouble with you is you want to see the end from the beginning.’ I replied that I would like to see at least a step or two ahead. Then came the lesson of a lifetime: ‘You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you.’ Then he quoted these 18 words from the Book of Mormon: ‘Dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith’ (Ether 12:6)” (“Move Forward in Faith,” Ensign, August 2013).

            I shared part of this quote in the chapter on spiritual learning, but it is worth repeating. Richard G. Scott counseled,  “When you are living worthily and your choice is consistent with the Savior’s teachings and you need to act, proceed with trust. As you are sensitive to the promptings of the Spirit, one of two things will certainly occur at the appropriate time: either the stupor of thought will come, indicating an improper choice, or the peace or the burning in the bosom will be felt, confirming that your choice was correct. When you are living righteously and are acting with trust, God will not let you proceed too far without a warning impression if you have made the wrong decision” (“Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer,” Ensign, May 2007, 10).

          James E. Faust, taught, “Let us not take counsel from our fears. May we remember always to … put our faith in God, and live worthy for Him to direct us. We are each entitled to receive personal inspiration to guide us through our mortal probation. May we so live that our hearts are open at all times to the whisperings and comfort of the Spirit.” ( “Be Not Afraid,” Ensign, Oct. 2002, 6). Dieter F. Uchtdorf echoed the principle of a couple of the previous quotes. “There are times when we have to step into the darkness in faith, confident that God will place solid ground beneath our feet once we do” (“The Why of Priesthood Service,” Ensign, May 2012, 59).

            I have been grateful for the wisdom in this quote from Joseph Smith for many years. “A person may profit by noticing the first intimation of the spirit of revelation; for instance, when you feel pure intelligence flowing into you, it may give you sudden strokes of ideas, so that by noticing it, you may find it fulfilled the same day or soon; (i.e.) those things that were presented unto your minds by the Spirit of God, will come to pass; and thus by learning the Spirit of God and understanding it, you may grow into the principle of revelation, until you become perfect in Christ Jesus” (“Prayer and Personal Revelation,” Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith, 132). 

            I always pay closer attention when I hear prophets quoting previous prophets. Our current prophet, Russell M. Nelson, taught, “How can we find answers to questions that perplex us? If Joseph Smith’s transcendent experience in the Sacred Grove teaches us anything, it is that the heavens are open and that God speaks to His children. The Prophet Joseph Smith set a pattern for us to follow in resolving our questions. Drawn to the promise of James that if we lack wisdom we may ask of God, the boy Joseph took his question directly to Heavenly Father. He sought personal revelation, and his seeking opened this last dispensation. In like manner, what will your seeking open for you? What wisdom do you lack? What do you feel an urgent need to know or understand? Follow the example of the Prophet Joseph. Find a quiet place where you can regularly go. Humble yourself before God. Pour out your heart to your Heavenly Father. Turn to Him for answers and for comfort. Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your fears, your weaknesses—yes, the very longings of your heart. And then listen! Write the thoughts that come to your mind. Record your feelings and follow through with actions that you are prompted to take. As you repeat this process day after day, month after month, year after year, you will ‘grow into the principle of revelation’” (“Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives,” Ensign, May 2018).

            He continued, “Does God really want to speak to you? Yes!... You do not have to wonder whom you can safely trust…. I urge you to stretch beyond your current spiritual ability to receive personal revelation, for the Lord has promised that ‘if thou shalt [seek], thou shalt receive revelation upon revelation, knowledge upon knowledge, that thou mayest know the mysteries and peaceable things—that which bringeth joy, that which bringeth life eternal’ (Doctrine and Covenants 42:61). Oh, there is so much more that your Father in Heaven wants you to know….  Nothing opens the heavens quite like the combination of increased purity, exact obedience, earnest seeking, daily feasting on the words of Christ in the Book of Mormon, and regular time committed to temple and family history work. To be sure, there may be times when you feel as though the heavens are closed. But I promise that as you continue to be obedient, expressing gratitude for every blessing the Lord gives you, and as you patiently honor the Lord’s timetable, you will be given the knowledge and understanding you seek. Every blessing the Lord has for you—even miracles—will follow. That is what personal revelation will do for you” (“Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives,” Ensign, May 2018).

            One of the concerns that was expressed by the youth in a question and answer broadcast with Elder and Sister Bednar was how do you know whether it’s the Holy Ghost or your own thoughts that are prompting you? I loved Elder Bednar’s response and other valuable counsel in that eight minute video segment. His specific answer was, “If it invites and entices to do good, it comes from Christ, and we ought to do it.” (“Face to Face with Elder and Sister Bednar,” Worldwide Youth Event, 15 May 2015). I love these companion verses in 2 Nephi 32. Verse 3 says: “…feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.” While verse 5 says: “For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do.” So the more we study the scriptures, the more familiar we become with the way the Lord communicates with us. Most of the time, revelation comes to us a piece at a time. And it often builds on the previous revelation. As we follow the promptings we receive, the Lord knows He can trust us, and then He is more likely to send us more personal revelation. And, often, those promptings will come when we are already out trying to do good things. I’ve heard it humorously said that “even the Lord can’t steer a parked car.” Elder Bednar also points out that Nephi was already moving in 1 Nephi 4:6, “I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.” In addition, he had learned important lessons about what didn’t work in his first two attempts.

            Julie B. Beck explained, “A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do.... But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently. The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life. Qualifying for the Lord’s Spirit begins with a desire for that Spirit.... Insight found in scripture accumulates over time, so it is important to spend some time in the scriptures every day.... Those who earnestly seek help through prayer and scripture study often have a paper and pencil nearby to … record impressions and ideas. Revelation can come hour by hour and moment by moment…. It requires a conscious effort to diminish distractions, but having the Spirit of revelation makes it possible to prevail over opposition and persist in faith through difficult days … Personal revelation gives us the understanding of what to do every day to increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek those who need our help”
            She concludes, “Because personal revelation is a constantly renewable source of strength, it is possible to feel bathed in help even during turbulent times. We are told to put our trust in that Spirit which leads us ‘to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously’ (Doctrine and Covenants 11:12). We are also told that this Spirit will enlighten our minds, fill our souls with joy, and help us know all things we should do (see Doctrine and Covenants 11:13-14).  Promised personal revelation comes when we ask for it, prepare for it, and go forward in faith, trusting that it will be poured out upon us” (“And upon the Handmaids in Those Days Will I Pour Out My Spirit,” Ensign, Nov. 2010).            

             Joy D. Jones explained, “Learning is integral to progression, especially as the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost teaches us what is needful for each of us to lay aside—meaning that which could distract us or delay our progression…. Women wear many hats, but it is impossible, and unnecessary, to wear them all at once. The Spirit helps us determine which work to focus on today. The Lord’s loving influence through the Holy Ghost helps us know His priority for our progression. Heeding personal revelation leads to personal progression. We listen and act…. Our continuing role is to receive continuing revelation” (“An Especially Noble Calling,” Ensign, May 2020). 

            Russell M. Nelson continues from the talk quoted previously, “I am optimistic about the future. It will be filled with opportunities for each of us to progress… But I am also not naive about the days ahead. We live in a world that is complex and increasingly contentious. The constant availability of social media and a 24-hour news cycle bombard us with relentless messages. If we are to have any hope of sifting through the myriad of voices and the philosophies of men that attack truth, we must learn to receive revelation. Our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, will perform some of His mightiest works between now and when He comes again. We will see miraculous indications that God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, preside over this Church in majesty and glory. But in coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost… I plead with you to increase your spiritual capacity to receive revelation. Let this… be a defining moment in your life. Choose to do the spiritual work required to enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost and hear the voice of the Spirit more frequently and more clearly” (“Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives,” Ensign, May 2018).

                Henry B. Eyring explained, “My hope today is to increase your desire and your ability to receive the Holy Ghost. Remember, He is the third member of the Godhead. The Father and the Son are resurrected beings. The Holy Ghost is a person of spirit. (See Doctrine and Covenants 130:22.) It is your choice whether to receive Him and welcome Him into your heart and mind. The conditions on which we can receive that supernal blessing are made clear in the words that are spoken every week but perhaps do not always sink into our hearts and minds. To have the Spirit sent to us, we must ‘always remember’ the Savior and ‘keep his commandments’ (Doctrine and Covenants 20:77)…. We all experience tragedy during which we need the reassurance of the Spirit…. My father had the companionship of the Holy Ghost at that moment to feel, to know, and to do what he did that day. He had received the promise, as many have: ‘That they may have his Spirit to be with them’ (Doctrine and Covenants 20:79)…. More precious than a memory of events is the memory of the Holy Ghost touching our hearts and His continuing affirmation of truth. More precious than seeing with our eyes or remembering words spoken and read is recalling the feelings that accompanied the quiet voice of the Spirit…. We have the priceless promise of the Holy Ghost as a companion, and we also have true directions on how to claim that gift. These words are said by the Lord’s authorized servant with his hands on our head: ‘Receive the Holy Ghost.’ At that moment you and I have the assurance He will be sent. But our obligation is to choose to open our hearts to receive the ministration of the Spirit over a lifetime” (“His Spirit to Be With You,” Ensign, May 2018).

            Henry B. Eyring continued, “The Prophet Joseph set an example for us of how to receive continual spiritual direction and comfort through the Holy Ghost. The first choice he made was to be humble before God. The second was to pray with faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. The third was to obey exactly. Obedience may mean to move quickly. It may mean to prepare. Or it may mean to wait in patience for further inspiration. And the fourth is to pray to know the needs and hearts of others and how to help them for the Lord…. It has been my opportunity to observe the prophets of God as they pray, ask for inspiration, receive direction, and act on it. I have seen how often their prayers are about the people they love and serve. Their concern for others seems to open their hearts to receive inspiration. That can be true for you. Inspiration will help us minister to others for the Lord…. I bear my personal witness that the Father is at this moment aware of you, your feelings, and the spiritual and temporal needs of everyone around you. I bear testimony that the Father and the Son are sending the Holy Ghost to all who have that gift, ask for that blessing, and seek to be worthy of it. Neither the Father, nor the Son, nor the Holy Ghost force Themselves into our lives. We are free to choose…. I pray… that you will hear the voice of the Spirit, which is sent to you so generously. And I pray that you will open your heart always to receive Him. If you ask with real intent and with faith in Jesus Christ for inspiration, you will receive it in the Lord’s way and in His time” (“His Spirit to Be With You,” Ensign, May 2018).

            In another talk, Henry B. Eyring, explained “The Lord… tells us, that when we stand with faith upon His rock, doubt and fear are diminished; the desire to do good increases…. ‘For I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up’ (Doctrine and Covenants 84:88)…. Sometimes you will be the angel the Lord sends to bear others up. Sometimes you will be the one surrounded by angels who bear you up. But always you will have His Spirit to be in your heart, as you have been promised in every sacrament service. You have only to keep His commandments…. Faith always defeats fear….And your prayers for those in need are heard and answered by a loving God. He neither slumbers nor does He sleep” (“Fear Not to Do Good,” Ensign, November 2017).

                I find that my biggest barrier to personal revelation is getting in my own way and “limiting the Lord.” I truly believe that God has no limits and that nothing is impossible for Him. However, I do get hung up on my limitations and lack confidence in my own abilities. As I mentioned in the beginning, I’m good at following promptings to act. But it’s difficult for me to be still in the moment. Mindfulness is something I mentioned in earlier chapters. I received some personal revelation about this back on September 20, 2017. This is what I wrote: “The Spirit works in the present. When I think about the past, I feel regret and when I think about the future, I feel anxious. But when I am mindful in the present, that’s when the Spirit can prompt me to action.” Taking time to be still before, during, and after praying, along with pondering while studying the scriptures are spiritual variations on mindfulness. I need to work on all of it, so I will renew my efforts in that area – again. It’s interesting how personal revelation can come while writing a chapter on personal revelation. The Lord knows how to reach all of us if we will allow Him the opportunity.   

Chapter 26: Spiritual Learning

 

            On July 23, 2018, I  took a tour of UVU with my sister and her oldest daughter, since she was considering coming here for college the following year. At the end of the tour, we were walking past the back door of the Institute of Religion and my sister wondered if the door was open. We went down to check and it was. So we convinced her daughter to just be willing to check it out with us. One of the teachers there gave us an impromptu tour, some tips about good times to hang out there, and a plug for the inexpensive parking. At the end of the tour, I mentioned that I was a student at UVU also. He surprised me by saying I was eligible to take classes there too. That thought had never crossed my mind previously and it planted a seed, in the same way it did during the  original tour of UVU with our daughter. I took a copy of the classes offered and looked over it when I returned home. I decided to take Teachings of President Russell M. Nelson and two other classes, but I wasn’t allowed to register for them online because I’m over the age of 30. I called and the secretary told me she could register me if I came down there in person. So I rushed back to the Institute before I lost my courage. I signed up for two other classes on Monday and Wednesday as well,  since my UVU classes were on Tuesday and Thursday.  

            On July 30^th, my sister and I met a family friend for breakfast at the Kneaders near our home. She gave my sister a book titled Joseph Smith’s First Vision: A Guide to the Historical Accounts by Steven C. Harper. I spontaneously decided to go along with my sister up to Temple Square that day. She was meeting a friend for lunch and I thought it would be a peaceful experience to get away, walk around Temple Square, and read that book in preparation for beginning Institute classes the following month. We separated when we arrived and I wandered through Temple Square taking pictures. Then I watched the panoramic short movie of the first vision in the Church History Museum and it felt like I was there in the sacred grove with Joseph. I just stayed seated after the film ended and pondered about how grateful I was that he had the courage to pray and find answers for himself. I decided to stay and watch it again. A Japanese family came in and sat down, which meant the film was shown in their language. It helped me feel the Spirit even stronger when I couldn’t understand the words being said. That experience was the perfect preparation for reading the book later. After the film ended, I looked around the museum and paid special attention to the Kirtland time period, since our parents were currently serving a mission in Historic Kirtland. I didn’t feel like doing anything else, so after I took a picture of the Christus statue in the North Visitors Center, I sat on a chair below the ramp leading up to it. I rested my leg and started to read my sister’s book.

            I decided to walk around a little more after reading for about 45 minutes. So I headed over to the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. I rode the elevator up to the tenth floor to see the view and read a little more of the book on a bench just down the hall from the fountain and restaurants. Then I rode the elevator back down to the mezzanine level to listen to the beautiful piano music coming from the lobby below.

            After listening to the music for a few minutes, I felt ready to read some more. So I sat in the chapel and read while I waited for my sister to meet me after her lunch. The book discusses the different accounts of Joseph Smith’s first vision from a historical scholarly perspective. The short movie I watched earlier blended a few details from the different accounts to provide a fuller perspective of Joseph’s reasons for praying that day. The different accounts were told at different times to different people in different settings. To me, if each telling were exactly the same, that would make me feel like it was fabricated – like he memorized a story he made up. Each time he shared the story, he discussed different details to fit the audience. The whole afternoon was a very spiritual experience for me with plenty of time to ponder and pray about what I was reading.

            The appearance of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to Joseph, not only ushered in a new dispensation with Priesthood power on the earth, but also explained more about Their character. Heavenly Father called Joseph by name, which meant He knew him and cared about the concerns of this fourteen year old farm boy from a poor family. He introduced Jesus and asked Joseph to “Hear Him.” This vision showed that They were two distinct and separate Beings. It also demonstrated the complete trust Heavenly Father has in Jesus as the Savior of all mankind. I’m grateful that I took the time to visit the Christus statue as well. My testimony is centered in Jesus Christ. I’m so grateful for His perfect life, which showed us the way to live ours. I’m even more grateful for His atoning sacrifice for each of us. This selfless sacrifice included His suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane, more agonizing suffering on the cross, and His resurrection on the third day. Because of Him, we will all be resurrected. Through His grace, we have the opportunity to repent, forgive, progress, change, and become more like Him in the process. This experience only strengthened the testimony and I know I was inspired to spontaneously join my sister that day.

            When I walked into the Institute on the first day of class, I was overwhelmed by the peaceful Spirit in that building. It was even more tangible than I feel it in the temple. I was grateful for the opportunity to spend more time in another building dedicated for holy purposes. I immediately loved my teacher for Teachings of President Russell M. Nelson and felt a desire to talk with her as often as possible after class. I soaked up the information in each class and took pictures of most of the slides so that I could revisit what I was learning. I also became friends with two female students - one sat behind me and the other sat next to me at the other end of the row. I believe that the teacher and one of those friends were a big part of the reason I was supposed to attend Institute. That is the teacher who encouraged me on the last day I attended class to pay more attention to references in the temple endowment session about the cross. I discuss that later in the chapter titled “Being Tutored in the Temple.”

            I enjoyed the lesson in the other two classes on that first day, but I also knew I wasn’t supposed to take them after all. Along with that thought, I unexpectedly had a strong desire to try to graduate from Institute, which was not on my radar at all. So I went to talk to the secretaries about the possibility of transferring my religion credits from BYU. Two of the secretaries lived in the 5^th ward of our previous stake and the other one was related to a family in the 3^rd ward. What are the odds of that? I wasn’t ever able to visit them when I lived there, so I thought this might be an opportunity to get to know them better. They agreed to transfer both classes from Fall semester 1992, which was such a relief and meant that nothing had been wasted from that original college experience! My Sharing the Gospel class transferred as an elective and they were willing to allow my Book of Mormon class to count as one of the core classes in place of Eternal Families, since I just didn’t think it was a good idea to expose myself to ideal teachings with my current family situation. In order to graduate, I needed to take three core classes, so I knew I needed to start that semester. I wasn’t sure which core class to choose, so I asked the secretaries for suggestions. They suggested I talk to one of the teachers and so I went to the classroom where his class was just finishing. He immediately reminded me of my dad and he actually knew my dad. That was enough of a reason to take the class from him, so I registered for Foundations of the Restoration and began attending the next class.  

            I signed up to give a short devotional at the beginning of the following class on August 27, 2018. I’m including that here. “In Words of Mormon, Mormon abridges the large plates of Nephi and he puts the small plates with the other plates. Verse 7 says, ‘And I do this for a wise purpose; for thus it whispereth me, according to the workings of the Spirit of the Lord which is in me. And now, I do not know all things; but the Lord knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, he worketh in me to do according to his will.’ This verse is explaining how the Lord prepared a way for the work not to be frustrated when Joseph lost the 116 pages. But, in a personal application, I have been so grateful for the promptings of the Spirit when I'm trying to figure out my next steps. That happened to me last Wednesday. I was prompted to go to the temple before class and put all of my temple cards in my backpack. I didn't know why, but I know better not to follow a prompting. During the session, I was given a stronger prompting to ask others if they would like to help with some of the names. That wasn't something I planned. I feel like it should be a priority for each of us to find our own family names to take to the temple. But a couple of older ladies in my previous ward asked me to help them with their names, which I did for several years. And that laid the foundation for finding my own names. I hope that will be the case with the people who help me as well. I know that personal revelation is a gift from Heavenly Father. I'm so grateful to Joseph Smith for following his prompting to pray out loud and ask God for more wisdom.” I passed around a sign-up sheet after that, even though I probably wasn’t supposed to. Several students signed up and continued to help me with my temple work all semester. Three kind returned missionary guys helped me with several endowments each. Two female students in that class and also my two friends in the other class helped with baptisms, confirmations, initiatories, and a couple of endowments. In addition, I kept running into a guy I met in the class I dropped. I asked if he would be willing to help also and he did several initiatories and endowments as well. It was clear that the Lord orchestrated which classes I should take and I’m so grateful for those divine intersections.

            On September 7, 2018, I was prompted to attend the Friday noon devotional where Steve Harper spoke about the new book titled Saints that he helped edit. (He is the author of the book on Joseph Smith that I spent an afternoon reading at Temple Square in July.) I didn’t realize that my dad taught with him in the BYU religion department several years ago. When my teacher found out about that connection, she spontaneously invited me to the speaker’s luncheon afterward.       

  I was grateful to have the opportunity to thank him personally for writing that book. (Another small world connection is that his wife is the sister of a friend in our current ward.) I was also grateful that I followed the prompting to attend the devotional. It’s the only one I attended during the entire time I took classes at the Institute.

            I decided to visit my parents on their mission over Fall break. So I flew there by myself and had a good experience staying with them in their apartment and touring the nearby historic sites. In fact, I wrote my final paper on my visit to Kirtland and Hiram, Ohio on October 18-19, 2018. I’m including part of it here. “Before flying to see my missionary parents in Historic Kirtland, I learned about the areas I would visit in our Foundations of the Restoration class. In the three classes preceding my trip, we discussed lessons titled “The Vision” (Doctrine and Covenants 76), “The Kirtland Temple and Priesthood Keys” (Doctrine and Covenants 109-110), and “Strength Amid Opposition” (Doctrine and Covenants 112, 121, and 122). I’m grateful for the deeper perspective my visit gave to the events that I learned about in class.

            We visited the John Johnson home on the first day I was there. It is located in Hiram, Ohio (about 45 minutes away from Historic Kirtland). My parents and I were the only visitors on the tour, so we were able to take our time and I felt the Spirit confirm to me the importance of this place. Joseph and Emma Smith lived there while Joseph worked on the translation of the Bible (JST). He and Sidney Rigdon received the vision of the degrees of glory in the upper room of the Johnson home and it was recorded as Doctrine and Covenants section 76. The missionary who led the tour took a picture of my parents and I in that room where the Savior was seen in a vision!

            A mob of men violently dragged Joseph from the Johnson home one night, beat him unmercifully, and poured tar and feathers on him…. He made his way back to the house later that night, and the women there helped to remove the tar and feathers. He recovered enough to preach a sermon on the front steps of that home the next morning and was able to identify members of the mob among the group. I am impressed with the Christlike attributes of forgiveness and humility that the prophet Joseph Smith demonstrated.

             I walked up the hill on my own the next morning to take a tour of the Kirtland Temple. Prior to the tour, I bought a leather bound copy of the Inspired Version of the Bible (which includes the JST verses within the text). I also bought replicas of the 1830 Book of Mormon, the small 1833 Book of Commandments, the 1835 Doctrine and Covenants, and the small 1832 hymn book (Doctrine and Covenants 25 explains that the Lord asked Emma Smith to make a selection of sacred hymns)…. The Kirtland Temple served the Saints for about two years until they were driven out of the area because of persecution. I enjoyed the tour of the temple, but I didn’t feel the Spirit as strongly there as I did at the other sites, possibly because it is no longer owned and operated by our Church.

            The Kirtland Temple was the first temple to be built in this dispensation (D&C 88:119). It was dedicated in March 1836 (D&C 109) and the Savior appeared there to accept it as a place where He would reveal His word (D&C 110:1-10). After that, Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery were visited by Moses, Elias, and Elijah—they each restored priesthood keys for this dispensation (D&C 110:11-16). Moses restored the keys to the gathering of the lost tribes of Israel (I think of that as missionary work or proclaiming the gospel). Elias is a title and the Abrahamic Covenant was restored through him (I think of that as temple marriage or perfecting the saints). Elijah restored the sealing power (I think of that as redeeming the dead, where the hearts of the children are turned to their fathers and vice versa). Joseph Smith also saw a vision of the celestial kingdom in the Kirtland Temple (D&C 137) and I love verse 9, which explains that we will be judged by our works and the desires of our heart. That gives me great comfort because good people always seem to have a desire to do more than they actually end up doing, so we get credit for both. We have a very merciful and loving God.

             

            I met my parents at the visitors’ center when I returned from my tour of the temple. My dad took me on the first part of the visitors’ center tour (which included the rebuilt school house) with another couple. Then two missionary sisters took me on the remainder of the Historic Kirtland tour with a couple that was also on my temple tour. First, we visited the rebuilt ashery and sawmill. After that, we spent a lot of time in the restored Newel K. Whitney store and restored Whitney home. We completed the tour in the rebuilt John Johnson inn. 

            I thoroughly enjoyed the tour of the Whitney store and home. The N.K. Whitney store played a major role in the history of the Church in Kirtland. Joseph and Emma lived there for a time and the School of the Prophets was held in the upper room of the store. Joseph received the revelation on the Word of Wisdom (D&C 89) and he also worked on the translation of the Bible (JST) there. My parents and I returned later that afternoon so that my dad could give me a priesthood blessing in the room where the School of the Prophets met. It was a very sacred experience for me to receive a blessing in a place where the Savior was seen by Joseph and it helped me to feel closer to my parents.

            The last place we visited was the Isaac Morley farm, which is a couple of miles away from the main Historic Kirtland site. My dad bent a smaller limb down from one of the large trees on the farm, so that I could have a leaf from a tree that existed during the time of Joseph Smith. I appreciated learning that Isaac Morley stayed true to his faith, in spite of opposition. He and his wife, Mary, were some of the first converts to the Church in Ohio. At the time of their conversion, several friends lived on their farm and shared a communal lifestyle. Later, they better understood the higher law of consecration and were willing to eventually sacrifice their farm when the Lord commanded it. I’m very grateful for the faith, dedication, and courage of the early Saints, which makes it possible for me to enjoy the blessings of the gospel and temple work today.”

            I shared my family situation in relation to the church with the sister missionaries during the tour. At the end of the tour, they shared a quote by James E. Faust with me. “In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner’s fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong.” He continued, “This change comes about through a refining process which often seems…hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness, beauty, and strength. For some, the refiner’s fire causes a loss of belief and faith in God, but those with eternal perspective understand that such refining is part of the perfection process. In our extremities, it is possible to become born again, born anew, renewed in heart and spirit….This trial of faith can become a priceless experience. Stated Peter, ‘That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ’ (1 Peter 1:7). Trials and adversity can be preparatory to becoming born anew. A rebirth out of spiritual adversity causes us to become new creatures… born of God, changed, redeemed, and uplifted—to become the sons and daughters of God. (See Mosiah 27:24–27.)” (“The Refiner’s Fire,” Ensign, May 1979).

            No other semester compared with that first semester with those two classes hand-picked just for me. However, I still enjoyed and was uplifted by the other classes I took at the Institute. In Spring 2019, I took a second core class, Teachings and Doctrines of the Book of Mormon. In Summer 2019, I took three classes, so I could graduate and focus solely on my last semester at UVU in Fall 2019. During first term of Summer, I took my last core class, Jesus Christ and the Everlasting Gospel. I also took an elective taught by the Institute director, Repentance and Forgiveness. It was a powerful class and I met another friend who I have stayed in touch with occasionally since then. Both teachers and that friend were helpful in supporting me after I found out our daughter and her boyfriend were going to have a baby.

            I took my last class during second term of Summer, Witnesses of Christ. There was only one other female student in that class and she didn’t participate much, so it was like having my own personal lesson with the teacher each time we met. Two ideas have stayed with me from that class. First, Nephi and Laban were types and shadows of Christ and Satan. In 1 Nephi 4:10, 18-19 it says that Nephi “shrunk and would that I might not… I did obey the voice of the Spirit… and I did gird on his armor…” This can be loosely compared to the Savior describing His intense suffering in Gethsemane, “…and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink—Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men” (Doctrine and Covenants 19:18-19). Nephi cut off Laban’s head and put on his armor, which symbolizes Christ’s full victory over Satan. I would have never discovered that comparison personally and I was grateful for the way this teacher helped me to look deeper in the scriptures. Second, I learned, “marvel not, neither should (you) doubt” (Alma 5:49). Marveling about miracles (and spiritual experiences) does not produce faith. Instead, it produces doubt. Saying, “I can’t believe it” when something good happens, actually shows doubt and not faith. Don’t say, “I know I was praying for it, but I can’t believe it actually happened.” Instead, thank the Lord for His blessing, which you expected, and continue on with faith. That was another principle I would have never thought of on my own. I’m grateful for teachers who study and teach with the Spirit.

            I have always appreciated the eloquence of a quote by Parley P. Pratt, ever since I first heard my dad quote it when I was a teenager. I discovered it again in Doctrines of the Gospel Student Manual. “An intelligent being, in the image of God, possesses every organ, attribute, sense, sympathy, affection, that is possessed by God himself…. These attributes are in embryo, and are to be gradually developed. They resemble a bud, a germ, which gradually develops into bloom, and then, by progress, produces the mature fruit after its own kind. The gift of the Holy Ghost adapts itself to all these organs or attributes. It quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands, and purifies all the natural passions and affections, and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom, to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates, and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings, and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness, and charity….” (Key to the Science of Theology, 61–62; quoted in “The Gift of the Holy Ghost,” Doctrines of the Gospel Student Manual). I am grateful for these strengthening and enhancing blessings.

            In the video “Wrong Roads,” Jeffery R. Holland explains, “ There are times when the only way to get from A to C is by way of B…. Noting that the sun was going down, (he and his son) decided we better get back. But we came back to a particular fork in the road, really the only one, that at that point, was absolutely unrecognizable. I asked my son to pray about which road to take, and he felt strongly that we should go to the right.... I did as well, and we went to the right and it was a dead end. We went four or five or six hundred yards and it was an absolute dead end, clearly the wrong road. We turned around, came back out, took the other road, and clearly the road to the left was the correct road. Somewhere along the way, Matt said, ‘Dad, why did we feel, after praying about it, that the right road was the proper one to take, the correct one to take, and it wasn't?’ And I said, ‘I think that the Lord, His wish for us there, and his answer to our prayer was to get us on the right road as quickly as possible with some reassurance, with some understanding, that we were on the right road and we didn't have to worry about it. And, in this case, the easiest way to do that was to let us go 400 yards or 500 yards on the wrong road, and very quickly know, without a doubt, that it was the wrong road, and therefore with equal certainty with equal conviction that the other one was the right road.’ I have absolute certain knowledge, perfect knowledge, that God loves us. He is good, He is our Father, and He expects us to pray, and trust, and be believing, and not give up, and not panic, and not retreat, and not jump ship, when something doesn't seem to be going just right. We stay in, we keep working, we keep believing, keep trusting, following that same path and we will live to fall in His arms and feel His embrace and hear Him say, ‘I told you that it'd be okay, I told you it would be all right.’” I have been grateful for the times when my prayers have been answered in a similar way.           

            Richard G. Scott explained, “What do you do when you have prepared carefully, have prayed fervently, waited a reasonable time for a response, and still do not feel an answer? You may want to express thanks when that occurs, for it is an evidence of His trust. When you are living worthily and your choice is consistent with the Savior’s teachings and you need to act, proceed with trust. … When you are living righteously and are acting with trust, God will not let you proceed too far without a warning impression if you have made the wrong decision” (“Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer,” Ensign, May 2007). I have experienced this idea of moving forward unless I feel stopped by the Spirit, rather than waiting for the Spirit to prompt me in every action.

            Another lesson came when I prayed for a stronger testimony of prophets and apostles in the temple on a Tuesday evening. This was during a difficult time when I was still sorting out my feelings around my family’s unbelief. I received an unmistakable answer from the scriptures during Gospel Doctrine class that Sunday on May 9, 2016. “…the Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not. Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be; wherefore, these things are manifested unto us plainly, for the salvation of our souls. But behold, we are not witnesses alone in these things; for God also spake them unto prophets…” (Jacob 4:13). I attached this note to the verse in Gospel Library, “We can know of a surety that prophets and seers speak truth by the second witness of the Spirit who we can always trust to testify of truth.” I will end with a basic spiritual lesson I’ve learned. Repetition in the gospel is a good thing because it helps us know what we need to focus on most. When I notice repeated words in scriptures, like “remember, remember” or when I notice repeated themes in General Conference talks, I have learned to pay attention, rather than tune them out because they may seem redundant. That lesson has served me well time and time again.

Chapter 33: Never Too Late

 

            The name and order of the chapters in this book’s table of contents and the division of the book into five different sections was given to me very clearly one afternoon at the end of summer 2019. I have tried not to deviate from the names and order that I originally decided on. However, I wasn’t sure what to write for this chapter in its original place at the beginning of section four. As I pondered, I felt that this was the better place for it. I believe it’s never too late to learn, to love, to change, to develop Christlike attributes, or to progress. This chapter has some similarities with the chapter on perfectionism, but I think the concepts are worth repeating.

            Cassy Budd is a professor at BYU. She gave a speech at BYU that was very powerful for me and I used several quotes from it in my final English paper on perfectionism. She explained that her experiences gave her “a deep appreciation for the value of the ‘try’. Simply showing up and starting where you are is all that can be asked of you. Regardless of your level of experience, your failures, or your perception of your own potential, wherever you are in life, you just need to show up and try. Try to listen to the patient instruction of the Savior, try to imitate His movements, try to ignore the negative self-talk when your movements do not measure up, and try to focus on the joy in the learning instead of the defeat in the failure. And amidst your ‘try,’ recognize that others around you are in the middle of their own ‘try.’ Celebrate their progress, even when they seem to be farther along than you, and give them a pass when they fall short.” She applied this to her mistakes in playing the piano. “When you allow yourself to be paralyzed by your mistakes, you diminish your ability to be useful... Making mistakes is simply part of the human condition and can be one of your most productive learning tools. Yes, you need to recognize your mistakes. But more than that, you need to find a way to effectively play through them.” She continued with another example, “Failure is useful in physical development as well. Strategically working a muscle to failure—the point at which you can no longer lift or push or pull whatever you are lifting or pushing or pulling—and then allowing proper time for the muscle fibers to repair is one of the most effective ways to build strength. This process of failing and repairing eventually results in stronger, more efficient muscles” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I especially appreciated on the part of her talk where she focused on the Savior’s role in our lives. She explained, “We all, at one time or other, will be in a situation in which our strength or knowledge or skill or perhaps even our desire is not enough. These are the times when your Savior pulls you up out of the darkness—if you will let go and take His hand. These are the times when His voice guides you to safety—if you will listen carefully. And it is for these times that He descended below all things—to become your stepping-stone.” She then quoted Jeffery R. Holland, “When [the Savior] says . . . , ‘Come unto me,’ He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way” [“Broken Things to Mend,” Ensign, May 2006; emphasis in original]. She continued, “[The Savior] can work with ­whatever you have to give if you are willing to accept His help…. Living perfectly is not the plan. Repentance is the plan. Jesus Christ is the plan. I think we erroneously equate perfection with living a perfect life, with never failing or falling short, but Jesus Christ is the only one who ever did or ever will do that…. Perfection, for us, is not about being flawless; it is about being finished” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I was fascinated with the conclusion of her talk and how she tied it all together so seamlessly. She explained, “Artists who practice the Japanese art form kintsugi repair broken pottery by filling the cracks with a lacquer made from gold, silver, or platinum, restoring the damaged piece to something beautiful and whole. Kintsugi teaches that scars are not something to hide; rather, they are to be celebrated for the unique beauty they exhibit. The scars themselves are considered precious and therefore are mended with precious metals to honor their value. The finished piece is even more beautiful than the unbroken original. Similarly, we honor the scars of our Savior, for He has graven us on the palms of His hands (see Isaiah 49:16)…. When we turn our broken pieces over to the Savior, our gaps are filled with Him—with His perfection—and we are made complete; we are finished by the Great Creator through the restorative power of ‘the author and finisher of our faith’ (Hebrews 12:2). We come to know the Savior not just by recognizing and reverencing His scars but by recognizing and reverencing our own. We are bound to the Savior through our mutual scars, ‘and with His stripes we are healed’ (Isaiah 53:5; see also verse 4)…. Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world, desires to mend your broken pieces, fill your empty spaces, and make of you a vessel that is more beautiful and whole. May you each find the strength to fail and, in the hands of your Savior, the power to finish” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I was asked to give a talk on Christlike attributes when we moved into our current ward. I really appreciated the opportunity to study more about them. The title of chapter six in the Preach My Gospel manual is “How Do I Develop Christ-like Attributes?” It explains, “Christlike attributes are gifts from God…. Ask your Heavenly Father to bless you with these attributes; you cannot develop them without His help…” This chapter discusses nine of Christ’s attributes. I won’t mention all of them, but I highly recommend going through that chapter and looking up the scripture references. It inspired me to strive to be more Christlike in so many ways. The first three attributes it mentions are faith, hope, and charity. Faith in Jesus Christ. Hope through Jesus Christ. And charity as the pure love of Christ.

            The gospel reference book, True to the Faith, explains, “Faith is a principle of action and power. Whenever you work toward a worthy goal, you exercise faith. You show your hope for something that you cannot yet see…. Having faith in Jesus Christ means relying completely on Him—trusting in His infinite power, intelligence, and love…. It means believing that even though you do not understand all things, He does. Remember that because He has experienced all your pains, afflictions, and infirmities, He knows how to help you rise above your daily difficulties (see Alma 7:11-12)…. He is always ready to help you as you remember His plea: ‘Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not’” (Doctrine and Covenants 6:36). One of my favorite scriptures has always been, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).

            Preach My Gospel explains, “Hope is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you…. When you have hope, you work through trials and difficulties with the confidence and assurance that all things will work together for your good. Hope helps you conquer discouragement….” Another of my very favorite scriptures shows how faith and hope work together. The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ explains, “…Whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world… which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works…” (Ether 12:4).

            In the New Testament, Jesus taught, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matthew 22:37-39). The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ explains,  “Charity… is kind…. Charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity.... Charity is the pure love of Christ…. Wherefore… pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ…” (Moroni 7:45-48). Preach My Gospel continues, “…Charity is a gift from God…. As you follow this counsel and strive to do righteous works, your love for all people will increase….You will come to feel a sincere concern for the …. happiness of other people. You will see them as children of God with the potential of becoming like our Heavenly Father.…You will avoid judging others, criticizing them, or saying negative things about them. You will try to understand them and their points of view.”    

            I was grateful to discover this verse in the New Testament, “And of some have compassion, making a difference” (Jude 1:22). I absolutely know that genuine kindness, compassion, and Christlike love makes a positive difference! We won’t always know exactly what to say or do, but we can try our best to uplift others when they are struggling or discouraged. The New Testament also explains, “…Above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). I believe that when we focus on developing Christlike love for others, it helps refine us so that the sins don’t occur as much anymore. The good news of the gospel is that we are saved by grace. That helps us move away from the pressure-filled, checklist mentality and focus more on faith, hope, and charity. We can’t do one thing to earn our way to heaven. We just need to practice making progress in good ways. As we pray and practice, our love of God, ourselves, and others will grow. That way, we are obeying the most important commandments. When we strive to live a Christlike life, we are practicing following Christ. That way, we will be comfortable with Him when we see Him again. Preach My Gospel concludes, “Learning to be like Christ is a lifelong pursuit. You follow Christ’s example—develop His attributes—one action and decision at a time.” It is never too late to make a good decision, to choose to do something kind, or to take a step in the right direction.