Unexpected invitation and God's timing

Yesterday afternoon, I was unexpectedly invited to be a guest on the "Stories of Hope in Hard Times" podcast. The text from Tamara K. Anderson came as I was having a Zoom call with my life coach yesterday afternoon. 

• I explained in my reply: 

We were discussing how my faith in Jesus Christ can help me learn to see myself as He does and how my value isn't connected to my productivity or my challenges. I just surfaced from a few weeks of a difficult depression, so if your text had come a day earlier, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to accept your invitation. Thank you for the opportunity to try to be helpful to your listeners. I didn't write much from a spiritual angle, but I can talk more about that if you would like me to.

• This is how Tamara described her podcast in the follow-up email: 

"My goal is to spread hope, especially to those who are exhausted and overwhelmed right now in their trials. More than anything I want people to glean a glimmer of hope as they listen. Hopefully they will leave uplifted and with the idea that 'if they could do that, I can hang in there a bit longer in my trials.'"

• I sent her the completed questionnaire and "head shot" yesterday evening and she responded this morning:

I am so glad you accepted. As I was praying about who I should invite to be on the podcast yesterday, I felt I was supposed to invite you…so, God is in the details. I can’t wait for next week.

• This is the reply I just sent:

Thanks, Tamara. I believe in prayer and God's timing. I'm continuing to learn how timing is an important detail ("tender mercy") when our prayers are answered. It helps us know He is aware of us in a more intimate way. 

I wrote several long "thought downloads" to my life coach beginning on Saturday (before General Conference) and ending Wednesday evening. The combination of ten hours of General Conference, lots of prayer, and emptying out my brain like that are the reasons I finally pulled out of my depression. I had to put away my book on September 17th after several revisions of parts 1-3 because it was just making the situation worse. 

I had the chance to walk and talk with two dear friends on the Friday before and the Monday after General Conference. I hadn't seen either of them during the previous weeks of depression. Then my younger sister "just happened" to drive here from Colorado a day earlier than planned on Wednesday night and we walked and talked yesterday morning. 

She is my only sister and is one of my dearest friends. She understands and loves me completely, even though she knows all the less than positive things about me and my life. I read the thought download emails to her toward the end of our walk. As she was leaving, she said that she thinks I didn't have a mental block or a "nervous breakdown" over my book--she thinks there is just more of my journey that will need to be included before I can finish it. I had never thought of it that way and it gave me hope. Writing is very difficult for me and it doesn't come naturally. It helped me to not feel like I failed at something I worked so hard on after all. 

After listening to a couple of your podcast episodes, I decided to post those thought downloads on my blog today. 

Your invitation came at precisely the right time. God prepared me to be able to say yes--and gave me time to be introspective, which may help us talk about what most needs to be said for your listeners during the interview. I will continue to be prayerful between now and then.

***

One other side note: Tamara is the cousin-in-law of my good friend. My friend, her children, brother, and parents have all helped me with many temple ordinances. I am so grateful to her and them. She sent me this text on July 2nd: 

"I was just talking to my cousin's wife who does a podcast on having hope during hard times. She asked if I had anyone I thought she should interview and I sent her your number because I think you are amazing and articulate. So if you hear from Tamara Anderson it's my fault."

My friend is a BYU English professor, so that is high praise coming from someone who is as amazing and articulate as she is. 

I thought Tamara would never contact me and I hadn't thought of it since that text. So, here we are a little over three months later. 

God's timing. I'm so grateful for how he orchestrates so much behind the scenes to bless each of us. 

"More Purpose in Prayer"

• I sent this email to a temple sealer in our ward on September 19th:

I have meant to watch your talk for the virtual youth conference ever since the bishop sent out the link back on August 8th. 

I have been more depressed than I've felt in years (since about August 28th). I continue to have powerful personal revelation and try to follow it—and it just kept getting harder and harder. Well, today was the day. I have been watching your video off and on throughout the afternoon and evening. I made a sign for my "prayer closet" that says "Listen and Feel / Turn your prayers from casual to mighty." 

My husband walked in and wondered what was wrong. I was on my knees and explained that I was trying to get centered again. The scriptures you shared (I rarely ever read in Psalms and Jeremiah!) and especially that video you made at the end filled my soul with love and peace. Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your testimony and gifts with us. 

• This was his thoughtful reply:

"You are welcome. I understand and relate to the need of becoming more centered from time to time. Especially in the current season in which we are living! Thanks for sharing with me part of your journey. I admire you for your desires and diligence and believe God will respond. May God bless you as you continue to seek and draw near to Him!"

• Powerful verses in Psalm 143 that were so meaningful to me during that dark time: 

David meditates on the Lord’s works and trusts in Him. A Psalm of David.

1 Hear my prayer, O Lord, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness.

3 For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness . . .

4 Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate. 

5 I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands. 

6 I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul thirsteth after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah. 

(I learned from Emily Freeman that, in Hebrew, this can mean pause--she uses that word more as a time to ponder, rather than just a break in the psalm). 

7 Hear me speedily, O Lord: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me . . .

8 Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee. 

9 Deliver me, O Lord, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me. 

10 Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. 

11 Quicken me, O Lord, for thy name’s sake: for thy righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble. 

12 And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I am thy servant.

• Notes from his digital fireside that I typed next to those verses:

* Take time to listen and feel when you pray. 

* Turn your prayers from casual to mighty. 

* Invite Him to join you throughout the day for strength, direction, peace, and comfort.

* Take time to think back and be grateful.

* Be willing to ask Him what you need to ask, how you need to change, what you should do to live according to His will for you. 

* Part of our journey is to rediscover the great love we already have in our heart for Heavenly Father and Mother and for Jesus.

* Our mistakes don't show lack of love for God--they are simply manifestations of our humanity. 

* As we draw near to Them, we are given grace to change and improve. 

* They are united in Their efforts to bless us. The Holy Ghost is a beacon that leads us to Them and shows us the way (the next right step). 

* Make Heavenly Father and Jesus the primary focus of your life. 

(That seed was planted exactly two weeks before I received the powerful follow-up prompting during General Conference!)

• Cross references: 

Psalm 91:15 ~ He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him . . .

* Jeremiah 29:11-14 ~

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. 

12 Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. 

13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. 

14 And I will be found of you, saith the Lord: and I will turn away your captivity . . .

* Doctrine and Covenants 88:62-64 ~

62 . . . my friends, I leave these sayings with you to ponder in your hearts, with this commandment which I give unto you, that ye shall call upon me . . .

63 Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. 

64 Whatsoever ye ask the Father in my name it shall be given unto you, that is expedient for you