I actively avoided taking any math or English classes during my
first two semesters, but I couldn’t put them off much longer. I finally felt
brave enough to register for Math 990 during Summer semester 2016. This was an
expensive four credit class (which was required, since I hadn’t taken any math
classes since 1989 in high school). However, it was only a prerequisite and didn’t
count toward any degree. So several academic advisors recommended that I take a
$45 class called Math Leap instead. I took another “leap of faith” and dropped
the math class, but the advisor over Math Leap explained that I could even pay
a little less by purchasing a personal copy of the ALEKS program to work on at
home. (I volunteered to take notes in Sociology class for a student who had those
accommodations and I ended up getting paid $50, which offset the cost!) ALEKS is
an acronym for Assessment and Learning in Knowledge Spaces. It’s an online tutoring and assessment program that
intuitively focuses on what you need help with the most, while skipping skills
you’ve already mastered. I diligently worked through math problems each day for
over seven weeks. I was nervous to take the test, but I finally did at the end
of June. I scored 36, which placed me in Math 1010, but I didn’t want to settle
for the general math class. I decided to continue studying and took the test again
on July 5th. That time, I scored 55, which placed me in Math 1040 (Introduction
to Statistics - the math class suggested for Behavioral Science majors). I was so proud of myself for sticking with it and was asked to be in a testimonial video for ALEKS later that semester.
Meanwhile, my therapist and psychiatrist recommended that
I apply for a grant from a government program called Vocational Rehabilitation.
It forced me out of my comfort zone to meet with the counselor there, but I’m
grateful I did. No scholarships are available for summer semester and Voc. Rehab.
just happened to have a surplus around that same time, so they made a one-time payment
of $1,525 to cover the tuition for my other two classes. One of those classes
was Introduction to Film and I took it online with our daughter to fulfill our
fine arts requirement. We watched several movies together and had to write papers
on a few of them, but it ended up being relatively fun. The other class was
English 1010 and it was not fun at all. I took it during first block of Summer
semester, which meant the schedule was condensed and accelerated. I was required
to write five short papers and five long papers in seven weeks. The stress from
that caused an MS relapse and I ended up having to wear a knee brace over my jeans
for an entire year after that. However, one paper was a review, so that gave my
husband and I a chance to revisit the Springville Museum of Art, which is where
my bridal pictures were taken back in 1995. I chose to write the final paper on
a religious topic and I had several insightful conversations with my teacher about
it, so those two experiences made it feel worthwhile.
I qualified for a $650 waiver from the Women’s Success
Center for the Fall 2016 semester. I applied that toward Introduction to
Statistics and Contemporary Families (which fulfilled my Global Intercultural
requirement ). I volunteered to take notes in Statistics class for another
student with those accommodations and received $50 again, so that helped pay
for one of the textbooks. Taking notes for someone else required me to pay
closer attention than I may have normally, so I probably owe my A- to that, because
I didn’t really understand very much of it. In Contemporary Families class, we
were divided into groups of five students, who became our family for the
semester. I grew close to them during our time together and even invited them
to our home for dinner and a hike up the hill behind the cemetery as our final
activity. We sat and talked as we watched the sunset, which I really enjoyed. I
kept in touch with two of the female students for awhile after that and was
grateful for the chance to get to know them better outside of class.
We decided to build our new home with a functional main
level during Fall semester, since my leg still hadn’t recovered from the MS
relapse. That meant we would be moving in the middle of Spring 2017 semester,
so I decided to take both of my classes online, instead of having the added
stress of traveling to and from campus. I qualified for another $650 waiver
from the Women’s Success Center and applied that toward my two online classes
during Spring semester. One was Statistics for the Behavioral Sciences, which
is the only upper division class I’ve ever taken. I wanted to ride the momentum
from ALEKS and Introduction to Stats, since this would be the last math class I
would have to take for my entire degree. The textbook was online and was
written by the professor who taught the class. During the first week of class,
he offered $100 cash to any student who was good at proofreading. So I told him
I would volunteer if no one else did and I started to make some notes for
possible corrections as I went along. I assumed someone else was actually doing
it, so I didn’t feel pressure, but he told me later that I was the only one. He
invited me to his office, so he could pay me, after I took the first test in
the testing center. It was really nice to meet him in person, since his videos
were very helpful and I knew his voice so well from watching them. It ended up
being much more difficult to proofread after chapter eight, partially because
of the difficulty of the material and also because we were packing and preparing
to move. I told him I could return the $100 bill, but he said I had earned that
and more already. I appreciated the way he graciously allowed me out of “the
contract.”
The other online class I took during Spring 2017 semester
was Stress Management with a focus on Hardiness. That was the perfect class to
provide therapy for the stress I felt while packing, moving, and unpacking
during the semester. Since it worked so well the previous year, our daughter
and I took Introduction to Meteorology online for Summer 2017 semester. It wasn’t
nearly as fun as the film class, but I have always loved looking at the
different types of clouds as I’ve walked. So learning about each type and being
able to name them when I saw them in the sky made it worthwhile for me. Our
daughter didn’t like anything about the class, but at least it met the
requirement for one of our two physical science classes.
Unexpected changed occurred during Fall semester 2017. I registered
for Positive Psychology (which was taught by my previous Intro. to Sociology
teacher) and Interpersonal Relationship Skills. I was feeling discouraged going
into the semester, so I felt like these classes were perfectly timed. In Positive
Psychology, we learned about positive affirmations and our first assignment was
to write five affirmations on index cards. Since I was feeling so discouraged,
I decided to make four extra sets of them and used a black marker so they would
stand out. I focused specifically on areas where I wanted to improve. The first
set included: I am enough, I am capable, I make a difference in my family, I assume
the best, I forgive myself and others. The second set included: I am resilient,
I am brave, I am calm and confident, I am stronger because of every “failure”
or mistake, I focus on “small or something.” The third set included: I have
good ideas, I make good decisions, I have my own opinions, I am a successful
student, I know and respect my limits. The fourth set included: I am grateful,
I stay in the present, I look for the everyday miracles surrounding me, I have
eternal perspective, I am making progress. The fifth set included: I am
anchored by faith, hope, and love; I am saved through Christ’s grace, I have
faith that God keeps his promises, I walk to show God that I love my legs; I triumph
daily over depression, anxiety, and MS.
I also made cards with other motivational quotes and
thoughts on them. They included: “I can do all things through Christ who
strengthens me” (Philippians
4:13), “We are all just walking each other home” (Ram
Dass), “Let go and let God,” God works through me to bless others, “Things
will work out” (Gordon B. Hinckley), and “Gratitude is a magnet for miracles.” In
addition, I made a card with three common thinking errors that I easily fall
into. It read, Avoid “all or nothing” / “always or never” / “should.” Our
second assignment was to listen to a YouTube recording of “The Strangest Secret in the
World” by Earl Nightingale. This is a summary of the recording, “Success
is really nothing more than the progressive realization of a worthy ideal. This
means that any person who knows what they are doing and where they are going is
a success. Any person with a goal towards which they are working is a
successful person.” I also simplified it and made three more index cards: “Success
is the progressive realization of a worth ideal;” We become what we think about;
Believe and succeed. I carried all 35 of these index cards in a Ziploc bag
inside my binder. I took them out and read through them three times each day. My
goal was very general. I just wanted to live a more balanced life – by focusing
on emotional, physical, spiritual, and social health. So I began our third assignment,
which was a 30-day challenge, with that goal in mind. We
weren't supposed to plan how it would happen. We were just supposed to put all
our faith and emotional energy into living positively and the way to achieve
our goal would be opened to us.
I sent the following email
to my teacher on Saturday evening, which was September 2, 2017 (just a week into this process.) “You know
how I'm putting all my positive thoughts into living a balanced life? My
husband and I were talking this evening about how we're still having some big
obstacles in our marriage. It had never occurred to me that my going to college
is one of them. But he keeps saying that I ‘go away’ emotionally each semester
and the breaks in between aren't long enough to recover the ground we've lost. I
have noticed that he's right and I've tried not to, but school is stressful and
I can only concentrate on a few things at a time in life before my brain feels
like it's going to explode. Well, a definition of insanity is ‘doing the same
thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ This evening, it hit me all of a sudden that I
need to not do school anymore. As soon as I had this thought, I stopped crying
and felt total peace. That was the total opposite solution that I thought I
would come to! John didn't suggest it and I didn't feel pressured into it. It
just suddenly became crystal clear to me. My scholarship appeal was approved
yesterday, so it isn't because I'm feeling pressured or overwhelmed. In fact, I
couldn't be in a better mindset to succeed. So I think I have now found my
answer that will lead to a balanced life. I have the materials we were going to
study this semester and I plan to continue keeping the gratitude journal and
reviewing my affirmation cards. However, many people have encouraged me to
write a book about my experiences of the past six years and I kept saying that
I would when I finish with college – in five years. But I think this is the
time. I really want to drop my two classes now, but I'm going to sleep on it. I
don't want to make a mistake, but I really feel like this is the path I should
take. So let me know what you think. However, if I still feel strongly about it
tomorrow, I think I'm just going to act, since the drop deadline is Tuesday. If
this is my answer, then you can consider this my preview essay for the 30-day
challenge. Wow! I had no idea it would really work! And I'm only a week into
the challenge!”
My
teacher supported me in my decision and I met her on Tuesday to talk more about
it on campus. I also met with my academic advisor, who had then become a good
friend. She helped me fill out the paper work to withdraw completely from
school. Then I went around and thanked a few of my teachers in the family
studies department before heading home. When I arrived home, I started to panic
a little bit because now the pressure was on to improve my marriage and write
the book. I remembered that my friend saw a therapist with her husband, so I
looked up the website. I called to explain our situation and they recommended a
therapist. When I saw her picture on the website, I knew she was the right one.
I ended up meeting with her five times on my own and five additional times with
John. We were making good progress when she told me her husband had joined the military
and they would be moving to Las Vegas. I decided to stop seeing her professionally
and asked if I could meet her a couple more times in a casual setting before
they moved. She talked with her supervisor and made the exception. So we met
once at Café Rio. Then she met me two other times with her two little boys,
once at the park and once at Chick-fil-A, so they could play while we talked. I’m
grateful for the progress John and I made during those three months of therapy.
During
that time, I also tried to start writing this book. However, I could never decide
how to organize it and moving forward with the writing just felt too
overwhelming. So I decided to just try to write it as a personal history, but
that ended up becoming family history in January 2018 – which became a whole
other part of my journey. (I write about that in chapter 32.) Meanwhile, I also
discovered a couple of life coaches online. Brooke Castillo started The Life
Coach School and Jody Moore was trained by her. Jody is also a member of the
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and coaches with those values. I listened
to several free webinars, poured through information on their websites, and
took copious notes. I even thought I might want to become a life coach, but
then I felt prompted to return to college and finish my associate degree
instead. It felt ridiculous to head in that direction again, but I know better
than to second-guess those strong promptings.
I
registered for Summer 2018 semester at UVU and took Introduction to Geology,
which fulfilled my second and final physical science requirement. My classroom
was in the Pope Science building right next to the opening where the large
pendulum swings. There are also several cases filled with different types of
rocks in that area of the building, which were fascinating to look at before
and after class. I volunteered to take notes for another student who had those accommodations,
so that helped me to focus much more closely than I probably would have otherwise
(and I earned another $50, which helped pay for my textbook). The teacher had
some conflicts toward the end of the semester, so we were given the option to
write a final paper or study the slides for the last few chapters on our own
and take the final exam in the testing center. I opted for the latter. By that
time, I learned how to take notes from the slides in a way that was helpful for
my brain to remember them.
The
last chapter was on evolution and it was a little unsettling to me. So I read a
lot of extra information and decided that I fall into the camp of “evolutionary
creationism,” which means I believe God uses a type of evolution within His
creation process. To me, that is basically a loose definition of eternal
progression, which I write about in the final chapter of this book. I also realized
that I lean more toward Christian universalism in my spiritual beliefs, while
still staying true to my core beliefs as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-day Saints. I believe “everyone wins” in God’s plan because we all
basically decide where we will end up in eternity and how comfortable we will
be there by our choices and actions in this life. That strengthened my belief
in the importance of agency, along with the reality of God’s unconditional love,
mercy, and grace.
During
the Fall 2018 semester I took Nutrition through the Lifecycle (to fulfill my Biology requirement) and Introduction to Social Work. That
was the first year of teaching for my nutrition teacher and I really enjoyed
her casual and helpful approach. I sat by a female student in both classes that
I became friends with and I met them outside of class several times to study
for tests. That made the semester much more enjoyable. I also became friends
with a recovered heroin user in my social work class. She returned to college
after having a baby and cleaning up her life. I was impressed with her authenticity,
her dedication to making good choices, and her courage in achieving her goals.
We were each required to participate
in 20 service hours outside of social work class, which was the most difficult
part of the semester for me. I decided to volunteer with the English conversation
club. So I met a Chinese woman several times on campus and once at her home to help
her practice speaking English. I enjoyed getting to know her in the process. I
also joined a Spanish woman in her English class a few times to help her with
the vocabulary, exercises, and activities in her workbook. She knew very little
English, but it was fun trying to figure out how to communicate with body
language and also a little help from Google Translate. I still needed several
more volunteer hours, so I contacted a woman in our previous ward who taught
fourth grade at Westmore Elementary. She agreed to let me help two boys who
needed additional practice with math and reading skills. I took them out in the
hall and tutored them there. I became extra close with one of the boys and she
asked me to focus all my attention on him during the last few visits. An
interesting side note is that I attended Westmore Elementary for first, second,
and third grade between 1978 and 1981. It was a very old building then and has
since been remodeled. I’m grateful for the chance I had to try to make a
difference in the lives of those two women and that boy.
I was really nervous about taking Ethics and
Values, so I took that class by itself during Spring 2019 semester. I had
previously dropped that class within the first week during several other semesters
because I just didn’t feel good about the teacher or syllabus. So I knew I
needed to make it work this time. This teacher was head of the Philosophy department
and Director of the Center for Ethics at the university, so he treated it like
an upper division class. That made it easier in a way, but also more stressful
in other ways. The only assignments during the entire semester were a midterm
exam, a research paper, a group debate, and a final exam (which ended up being several
essay answers submitted from home). Ever since I was a teenager, I have appreciated
this quote by Plato, “When men speak ill of thee, live so that nobody will
believe them.” I was grateful to learn about Socrates and Plato because I knew
very little about them before taking the class. In fact, I chose to write my
research paper about them. I decided to compare and contrast Socrates and Plato
with Jesus and Paul. It was an extremely broad, but very fascinating topic for
me. I was paired with a difficult student for the group debate, but the
preparation taught me a lot about patience. I also learned how to prepare a
power point presentation for the first time and presenting in front of the class
helped me face some of my fears. I learned to look at ideas from different perspectives
as I listened to the professor’s lectures, participated in the class discussions,
and attended campus events on religion and sexual orientation for extra credit.
I also appreciated talking with the professor occasionally after class.
I
decided to take my remaining three classes at the Institute of Religion to earn
my diploma over the summer. So my last semester at UVU occurred during Fall
2019. Because I was only able to transfer 7.66 credits from my previous college
experiences in 1990 and 1992, I was required to take an extra one credit class in
order to meet the minimum requirement of 60 credits for an associate degree. If
I wanted an associate degree in Behavioral Science, I would need to take Social/Cultural
Anthropology, which was a three credit class and is another one I had dropped
several times during the first week in previous semesters. My other option was an
online Library Research class, which was one credit. Neither felt like good
options, but I chose Library Research and downgraded my associate degree to a
basic University Studies degree. The other class I had been putting off was
English 2010. So I finally took the darn intermediate writing class. The two
main assignments were a personal dilemma paper and a research paper with
annotated bibliography. So my online Library Research class ended up being the
perfect class to take with it, since the main assignment was an annotated
bibliography. I decided to write my paper on how to ease the pressure of perfectionism
in women. So I worked on half of the annotated bibliography for that topic in Library
Research and finished the requirements for that class about a month early. During
that time, I wrote and submitted both drafts of the personal dilemma paper in
English. That left the rest of the semester to focus on finishing the annotated
bibliography and writing the research paper. I had a couple of mini-nervous
breakdowns, but ended up with a paper I was proud of. I appreciated my
professor’s kindness and helpful feedback during the entire writing process. She
was the exact teacher I needed for that class. We had different views about
religion, but she was very respectful and I learned a lot from her. I turned in the final paper a couple weeks
before the semester was over and her only feedback was that I should put it up
on a blog so others could read it. I eventually followed that counsel and it
has been the perfect accountability tool for finally writing this book. I ended
up with 60.66 credits and an associate degree – with high honors. I believe
each class and each teacher taught me valuable life lessons and I will always
be grateful for the entire experience.
