Chapter 7: Opposition in All Things

* I need to get ready for an appointment and this is all I have written so far for this chapter. I'm posting it anyway to keep my momentum going. (I returned to add more content on July 19, 2020.)

            Opposition will absolutely happen in this life. It is one thing we can definitely count on. We can fight against that reality or we can relax into it. We can choose to not be surprised by opposition and try to learn from it. Orson F. Whitney explained, “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire” (in Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle [1972], 98). I’m grateful for the comfort that quote has given me over the years.

            There is an often-quoted verse in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Christ about opposition. “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so… righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad…” (2 Nephi 2:11). So life as a human is a 50/50 experience. Roughly half will be good and the other half will be uncomfortable in some way. When the opposition comes, we can remind ourselves that it’s part of life and nothing has actually gone permanently wrong. We layer additional suffering when we spend our time wondering why this had to happen or how unfair it is that it happened to us. One of the ways this opposition occurs is in our family relationships. Parents and children often provide built-in opposition for each other. Our homes and families are like laboratories for learning and sometimes there are explosions in laboratories. When the “explosions” happen, it alerts us that an adjustment is needed. We can learn to notice our thoughts and feelings in those moments. We can choose to focus on the ones that serve us best in creating an improved situation. Since the purpose is learning, it is okay to try again (and again) to improve. This opposition can act as a catalyst to turn our hearts to the Savior.

            James E. Faust gives us some additional perspective. “A rebirth out of spiritual adversity causes us to become new creatures.... Out of the refiner's fire can come a glorious deliverance.... The price to become acquainted with God will have been paid. There can come a sacred peace. There will be a reawakening of dormant, inner resources. A comfortable cloak of righteousness will be drawn around us to protect us and to keep us warm spiritually. Self-pity will vanish as our blessings are counted. The blessings of eternity will surely come to those who endure refining.” (“Refined in OurTrials,” Ensign, Feb. 2006, pp. 2-7).

            We often emerge from a difficult experience with greater empathy. This helps us understand and have more capacity to help when other people experience their own trials. Opposition also provides contrast and may help us enjoy the times of peace and respite in between each trial more than we would otherwise. We can prepare for future trials by filling our souls drop by drop with Living Water and peace, so that we won’t be found parched and empty when the next trial hits us. And it will.

It's Not Wrong to Be Wrong

I just listened to a "Better Than Happy" podcast by Jody Moore titled "Strong Convictions Loosely Held." I have only listened to about 30 episodes over the past 2.5 years, but I have benefited so much from them - along with many of her free webinars. I take copious notes each time. I wanted to save the notes I took today in a place where I could easily access them. The ideas in brackets are my own thoughts.

• Doing something wrong might make us feel guilty. That can easily slide into shame, which is thinking you're wrong about doing something wrong. The truth is, we're going to do it wrong about half of the time as humans and that's okay because it's one of the best ways to learn how to do things better. 
• What if you're still just as worthy and lovable as if you had done it right? Justifying means you are trying to convince yourself it wasn't wrong. Using it as information to move forward and still love yourself just as much is a better overall approach. 
• The founding fathers of our nation were inspired by God, but they still had some beliefs about several groups of humans (who were not straight white men) that were wrong. We don't need to judge them for being wrong, though. They were doing the best they could with what they knew. [Life is much more nuanced] than our [black and white, all or nothing thinking] brains want to believe. 
• What if it's not wrong to be wrong? We all have blind spots and don't know some truths yet. And that's okay. We will continue to learn more if we stay open to different thoughts and we don't quit trying. 
• Putting someone up on a pedestal is problematic because pedestals tend to fall over very easily. 
• When you make peace with yourself and others about doing it wrong roughly half of the time, then you're free to love people unconditionally! You can just drop the judgement and move on. 
• When you come out of the judgement fog, you can realize that it's not wrong to be wrong. It's just human. We are all just good humans trying to figure life out. 
• If you beat yourself up because you think that will teach you or compensate for being wrong, you're just wrong about doing that. 
• Instead, be okay with being wrong. It doesn't serve you or anyone else that was hurt by what you did. It just lets you decide what you will do next. 
• Be willing to always consider that you could be wrong. Ask people to tell you more about why they think about something differently than you. Be open to learning and progressing from that space of humility. 
• When someone criticizes you and you feel the resistance rising up, you can just look at your brain and notice how fascinating it is that you're making it mean that you're wrong (or that there is something wrong with you for being wrong). 
• The best way to decide is to become more still and look closely at who I want to be and what my priorities are. Then decide whether or not something needs to change next time from a space of internal, inspired motivation. 
• We can thank people for their opinion and we can stay open to consider that we may be wrong. As humans, we naturally place people in a narrative and that's okay. 
• I choose to believe in [priesthood authority, keys, and ordinances which are found in] my religion. No one can show me anything that will change that. I could be wrong, but I choose to believe that it's right. It serves me well to believe it. [It's the same with whether my marriage will last for eternity or other important things in my life.] 
• Loosen up your grip on being wrong a little and watch how peaceful your life becomes.

Self-coaching reminders about thoughts

I have participated in a Zoom session or phone call with a life coach each week since April 14th. It has been helpful to focus on how to improve my thinking patterns while I've been home during the pandemic. 

I started making some Spark reminders for myself on June 19th to post on Instagram. I thought it might be helpful to post them on here as well. (I found these pictures online, but I don't know who to give the photo credits to.) 

This is Lake Tekapo in New Zealand. 

I've never been there, but it just looked so peaceful to me. Plus, I love purple flowers. 

This is Crested Butte, Colorado. 

The "self coaching model" is: circumstances trigger our thoughts -> thoughts create our feelings -> feelings drive our actions -> and our actions cause the results in our life. 

Therefore, whatever result I'm experiencing in life always references back to the thought. Thoughts are optional because we can learn to choose however we want to think about any circumstance. 

Actions are either something I am or am NOT doing because of my thoughts and feelings about a circumstance. Therefore, INACTION is still an action. 

Here are two more ways to describe a thought. 

Do you remember this example from psychology class? 

At first, you may only see a young woman or an old woman. But if you focus on seeing something different, eventually the other woman appears. After that, it's not difficult to notice both at the same time. 

I have heard this called a paradigm shift and it's the shift I'm trying to focus on with my thinking. 

This is another perception example from psychology class. 

Because of agency and "opposition in all things" there are always at least two opposing thoughts in each situation that can both seem true. The trick is to choose the one that best serves you in the life you want to have. I'm looking forward to the day when that becomes more automatic for me.

This is the only way to safely bring thoughts into the light for examination. 

This is Banff National Park in Alberta, Canada.  

(I created this from a panoramic photo I found, so it's the left side of the picture. 

The other two parts of the picture are used in the following post about feelings.)

I'm slowly learning to apply these new ways of thinking in my life. It takes a lot of practice.