Title, Dedication, and Acknowledgements

I decided today on a possible title for the book I've been writing: 

Practice Makes Perfect Progress 

and Other Perspective Shifts for the Recovering Perfectionist

I wrote this dedication: To John, who always sees my potential and worth, even when I don't. 

I also spent several hours writing the Acknowledgements: 

            This book is the product of my experiences with hundreds of people. My sincere gratitude goes to all who have influenced me along my journey. It would be impossible for me to create a complete list, but I will take this opportunity to thank many people by name. I’ve grouped them into different periods of my life. Several people fit in more than one area, but I’ve chosen the one that best fits the way they influenced me most.

            To John, who is the hardest working and most selfless person I know. Thank you for choosing to spend your life with me. To Heather and Lance, for giving me the opportunity to be a mother. Thanks for your patience as I’ve learned and grown right along with you. To Max, who has brightened my days with his smiles, giggles, squawks, and snuggles.

            To my parents, Arnie and Cherie, who taught me by example the value of stick-to-it-iveness and service to others. Thank you for serving missions at BYU-Hawaii and Historic Kirtland, so I could have an excuse to visit those places. To my siblings: Natalie (Randy), Randy (Laura), Rob (Eve), and Cory (Karissa). Thank you for letting me visit you and your children when you lived in other states. To my grandmas, Lena and Lucile, who treated me special and passed along the desire to stay connected to my relatives.  

            To my walking friends: Corinne Jenkins, Becky Allen, Diane Knight, Kelly Chalmers; Brenda Warren, Terri Rino, Shari Soelberg; Michelle Linford, Susannah Reyneke, Bonnie Walker, Suzanne Fry; Janell Wright, Melissa Dunaway, Heather Rindlisbacher. Thank you for letting me shake my head out over and over again…and loving me through it all.

            To friends who graciously welcomed me into their homes: Susan and Doug Morrison, Ann Barlow, Cheryl Taylor, Kathy Schlendorf, and Kristyne Stephens. Thank you for countless hours of visits over several years.

            To our close neighbors (and their families) in both areas of Orem: Holly Jacobs, Christa Ringer, Michelle Chamberlain, Stori Misbach, Susan Verbic, Janet Davis; Shelby Russell, Joyce Nixon, Nicole Perry, Candice Gordon, Nichelle Jensen, April Hurt. Thank you for your kindness and patience over two decades.

            To thoughtful people who have made a difference for me spiritually or emotionally as they have served and loved me. 

Canyon View stake: Jan Martin, Joleen Black, Ruth Ann Smith, Ginger Fisher, Eileen Booth, Rob Chalmers, Mosbarger family, Diane McNeill, Colette Terry, Katie Fox, Ann Youngquist; Liz Livingston, Leesa Simmons, Paula Harper, Jennifer Greenwood, Allyson Riding, Rosana Sorensen, Karina McDonald, Sheryl Pryor, Jessica Deucher; Marlae Rindlisbacher, Sandi Monson.

Orem 6^th ward: Brekke Felt, Angela Schill, Teri Walker, Jenny and Sarah Pachev, Katrina and Mike Johanson, Shersti and Jared Pearson, Tracy Smith, Brian Nixon, Joyce Henderson, Shane Frazier, Lois Park, Rebecca Armstrong, Debbie Wimpfheimer. 

Longmont, Colorado: Dave Kenison, Tom Reed, Gary Marison, Olivers, Mary Sue Russell. 

Tallahassee, Florida: Jackie Stone, Cathrie Long, Chris Kemp, Ann Cluff, Maureen Webb. Richard Chapple, Troy Mohrman, Ken (Hunter) Bergstrom, Laurie Tiedt. Thank you for caring.  

            To kind people who have helped me with temple work: Kathy and Alan Manwaring, Pam Petroff; Lisa Johnson and Bernotski family; Marti, Greg, and Jared Tuttle; Jenkins family and Ben Cragun, Dick and Mary Jackson, Julia and Ken Cluff, Linda and Marlan Platt, Lori Duke, Carolyn Davis, Catherine and Mike Kipp, Paul Christensen, Roger Minert, Helen and Brad Prescott; Noah and Tennyson Schill, Johanson girls, Cameron and Morgan Dopp, Renee Blumel, Jenna Wolfley and Richard Lindahl; various youth in the Canyon View Stake, and Orem 6th ward. Thank you for your selfless service.

            To good people who make my temple experience even better: Ken Kleven, Van Jaeger, Ron Bartalini, Sherry Cox, Kay Heath, Louisa Howard, Debra Elvin; Cheryl Esplin, President Freestone, President Stone, Brother Eliason, Gammons; Linda Olsen, Heather Bodine, Krista Tate, Pam Hansen, Patti Bell, Sherrie Johnson, Rebekah Westfall; Amy Christensen, Gay Bailey; Michelle Caringella, Renae Gale, Carolyn, LeeAnn, and all the others who have gone out of their way to help me in the baptistry. Thank you for brightening my days.

            To those who have cared about our children and helped them (or me) in different ways: Anne Miller, Sandee and Andres Sosa, Kate Plewe; Taralyn Sorensen, Gailan Smith, Debbie Carn; Tami Rasmussen, Meg Ernstrom, Deanne Allred, Andrea Allman; Carol Walker, Melissa Dabb. Thank you for making my job as a mom just a little bit easier over the years.

            To friends who helped me become even more clear about what I believe: Ruth Thompson; Christy Hurt, Dana Mecham, Aubree Patterson, Marcela Gubler; Tracey Hamilton, Chelsea Rasmussen. Thank you for helping me see things from different perspectives. To others who challenged me to learn how to love in ways I wasn’t used to yet: Pauline Colton, Alauna Hyland, Sue Burton, Victoria Myers, Clixie Larson, Renee Wakamatsu, Andrea and Phillip Cockrell, Marshall DeGroot. I’m grateful for what I’ve learned from our experiences together.

            To friends from my childhood, teenage, and young adult years (I will refer to them by their pre-marriage names): 

Tallahassee, Florida: Trista Whitley, Lori Clark, Marika Chapple; Danny Bishop, Tam Nguyen, Bill Roberts, Mike Poppell, Paul Kern, Joe Caceres; Petrea Schrader, Joel Bowers, Ben Fort; Sharon Flagg, Felicia Cooke; Cheri Wright, Kacey Lewis.

Longmont, Colorado: Kristina Marzano; Karna Reed, Janae Wheeler, Karen Farnsworth; Dave Cragun, Brent Patterson, Darin Moss; Mark Wheeler, Geoff Smith. 

Orem, Utah: Angie Millet; Lisa Lawson, Becca Collyer, Jenny Clawson, Ange Walker, Jodi Sorensen; Pam Hawkes, Becky Kirby, Rob Trent, Brenda Lopez, Kim Latimer, Vaughn Porter, Poché siblings. Thank you for helping me in your unique way to become who I am today.

            To missionaries and others who were influential during my experience as a full-time missionary (I will refer to them by their pre-marriage names): TyRee Jenks, Val Roden; Cheryl Bevan, JoAnn Stock, Jeanine Bird, Carla Peterson, Rebecca Benson; Liz Baumgarten, Lalena Page, Kathy Perkins; Wheeler family, Griffin family, Dalls, Whitts, Wanda Nielsen, Terrys; Pam Curran, Aja Werkheiser, Aurora Moon; Sisters Ha, Lopez, Farrier, and Gee; Neal Larson, Justin Rasmussen, Dick and Diane Morley. Thank you for your patience, love, and examples.

            To life coaches, therapists, co-workers, and teachers I’ve worked with: Kendra Huffman, Heather Frazier, Jody Moore, Brooke Castillo, Tracy Hoth; Megan Rogers, Julie Malloy; David Paulson, Jon Skidmore; Brad Edgington, Ryan Balagna, Mitch Suyama, Heather Hoyal, Vickie Anderson; Mark Hull, Sherry Smith, Pam Christensen, Lexi Sanders, Adam Whitehead; Wanda Black, Dave Rollins, Carol Lorek, Jane Rose, and Mrs. Landreth. Thank you for all the lessons I learned during our time together.

            To the teachers, students, and secretaries at the Utah Valley University Institute of Religion: Karen Hepworth, Polly Tullis, Cassidy Hubert, David Durfey, Chelsea Chipman, Emily Mitchell, Eric Shields, Cody Orvis, Kurtis McBeth, Tyler Bartholomew, Cedi Christensen, Maren, Daniel Bradley, Todd Murdock, Valerie Christensen. Thank you for strengthening my testimony, helping with temple work, and being such an uplifting influence in my life.

            To the professors, students, and others who helped with projects during my time at Utah Valley University: Bonnie Davis, Ken White, Chris Lee, Carolyn Hamilton, Bart Poulson, Kaitlyn Pacada, Brian Birch, Karin Anderson, Lisa Johnson; Paige Seegmiller, Malorie Ward, Kimmie Henderson; Tera Johnson, Jessica Hettinger, Kassidy Nielson; Alex Boone; Ronelle Warren, Shawna Schauers, Stephanie Wright; Cynthia Tavera and Lihua Lin. Thank you for helping me succeed in my classes, so that I could achieve my goal of earning an associate degree.

            To other influential people in my life who don’t fit easily into any of the paragraphs above: Bob and Shauna Millet, Leslie Williams, Margaret Hammond, Marina Spence, Kenzie Weeks, Bradstreet family, Lisa Nerdin, Kendra Terry Senn, Kelly Christensen, Cecily Smith, Guin and Max Deaver, Becky Swasey, and Erica Larsen. Thank you for your unique way of blessing my life. In addition, I wish to thank these musicians and authors: Hilary Weeks, Shawna Edwards, Kenneth Cope; Emily Belle Freeman, David Butler, Brad Wilcox, Steven Harper, Mary Ellen Edmunds, and Sheri Dew. Thank you for your uplifting influence on me and so many others throughout the world.

            Most of all, to Heavenly Father for orchestrating potential blessings behind the scenes and for answering my prayers; to Jesus Christ for the gifts of repentance, forgiveness, and grace that flow freely from His atoning sacrifice; and to the Holy Ghost who testifies of Them and fills my soul with peace. Everything I write about in this book was influenced in some way by Them. There are no words to express the gratitude I feel, but I’ve done my best to express it in a variety of ways in the following pages.

Chapter 4: Be Present

The wise, old turtle in the animated movie, Kung Fu Panda, explains the essence of this chapter. “You are too concerned with what was and what will be. There is a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present” (Dreamworks, 2008). I have learned that it isn’t useful to dwell on the past with regret because there is nothing we can do to change it anyway. The past still exists only in our minds. So, if we find ourselves continuing to revisit the past, we can learn to re-frame our thoughts in a more useful way that serves us better in the present. It can also be detrimental to look too far into the future, since that has the potential to increase anxiety.

D. Todd Christofferson gives good counsel on this subject. Since we all need to eat each day, he uses the phrase “daily bread" to make his point. “Asking God for our daily bread, rather than our weekly, monthly, or yearly bread, is also a way to focus us on the smaller, more manageable bits of a problem. To deal with something very big, we may need to work at it in small, daily bites. Sometimes all we can handle is one day (or even just part of one day) at a time…. The Spirit can guide us when to look ahead and when we should just deal with this one day, with this one moment.” He continues, “…asking for and receiving daily bread at God's hand plays a vital part in learning to trust God and in enduring life's challenges. We also need a daily portion of divine bread to become [better]” (“Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread,” CES Fireside, BYU, 9 January 2011).

In the last chapter, I discussed gradual personal improvement. Elder Christofferson describes it as “a step-by-step process. Incorporating new and wholesome habits into our character or overcoming bad habits or addictions most often means an effort today followed by another tomorrow, and then another, perhaps for many days, even months and years, until victory is achieved. But we can do it because we can appeal to God for our daily bread, for the help we need each day” (“Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread,” CES Fireside, BYU, 9 January 2011).

My favorite inspirational singer, Hilary Weeks, wrote a song called “Be Where You Are.” (It is included in her Live All In program for 2019.) The lyrics are very helpful to me and I share them with her permission:

When the world seems to rest on your shoulders

And worry is all you see

You start borrowing pain from the future

That may never come to be

And you wish you could be somewhere else in time

But there’s so much beauty right before your eyes

Chorus:

So be where you are while you’re here

Live every breathtaking, ordinary moment

Embrace here and now and let everything else disappear

Be where you are while you’re here

Tomorrow has endless potential

Yesterday’s memories are sweet

But today is the gift you’ve been given

There are no other guarantees

So live every moment the best that you can

Give the ones that you love all the love you have

Don’t chase peace away when things are okay

Don’t miss the lessons when things get tough

Time’s gonna change things, ready or not

So just for a moment, let this moment be enough

            If you find yourself spending time worrying about all the things that could go wrong in the future, you will miss out on the simple beauty of each moment. That is why mindfulness is such a powerful principle. It grounds us in the present moment, so we can experience it more fully. I recently listened to an audio book titled The Founder of Our Peace: Christ-Centered Patterns for Easing Worry, Stress, and Fear.  Even that title alone is reassuring. In chapter two, the author explains a productive way to deal with worry in three basic steps. “First, identify the specific thing you’re worried about. Second, turn what you’re worried about into a statement of what you would like to have happen. Third, do something to act on what you would like to have happen. Or, if nothing can be done, trust that God will address it and forget about it by laying it at the feet of the Savior” (John Hilton III, 2020). I don't know if it's possible to completely forget an ongoing worry, but I do believe it can be put into a more realistic or hopeful perspective than we sometimes experience it.

            The main reason I appreciate the “daily bread” reference is that it reminds me to focus my attention on the Savior. “...And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst” (John 6:35). Dale G. Renlund counsels us to “remember, joyfully and reverently, that the Savior loves to restore what you cannot restore; He loves to heal wounds you cannot heal; He loves to fix what has been irreparably broken; He compensates for any unfairness inflicted on you; and He loves to permanently mend even shattered hearts” ("Consider the Goodness and Greatness of God," Ensign, May 2020). That is why we can trust Him with our worry (and our regret). Often, those thoughts will bubble up again and that just reminds me to turn them back over to the Savior. Again and again, if necessary. 

                Hilary Weeks co-wrote another song with Cherie Call titled “All In.” (It is also included in her Live All In program for 2019.) Part of those lyrics apply here and I share them with her permission.

…I give thanks for all You do

You’ve got my life right in Your hands

And I feel safe ‘cause you understand completely
Chorus

I’m all in, all in

Nothing’s gonna take me away from where you are

I’m all in, all in

Nothing’s gonna change my heart

I’m all in

…Why would I leave, where would I go

You give me peace I’ve always known completely

Half a heart won’t do

I’m giving everything to You…

            Thomas S. Monson explained, “This is the day of our opportunity, and we must grasp it…. There is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today, and to live most fully today, we must do that which is of greatest importance. Let us not procrastinate those things which matter most.” He then shared this perspective from a woman who stopped “putting off the things most important to her…. ‘Now I spend more time with my family…. I try not to delay or postpone anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives. And each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day. Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.’” He continued, “Let us … find joy in the journey. The old adage ‘Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today’ is doubly important when it comes to expressing our love and affection – in word and in deed – to family members and friends…. One day, each of us will run out of tomorrows. Let us not put off what is most important.” He concludes with this wise summary, “Learn from the past, prepare for the future, live in the present” (“In Search of Treasure,” Ensign, May 2003). Another often-quoted phrase by Bill Keane is also similar to the one at the beginning of the chapter. “Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” Choose to live in the present and to be present in each moment.  

* I added some content to the end on July 19, 2020.