* Last night, I printed out what I have written so far. I was so surprised to find that I have written approximately 65 double spaced pages now. I'm very grateful for the inspiration and obvious help I've been given as I have attempted to write. Writing is very difficult for me, but it has flowed much easier this time around, which has been such a relief. So, I'm just going to continue posting what I write each day. When I have a complete draft, I will then go back and try to make additional improvements.
(I revisited this post on August 15, 2020 to add the song lyrics and content at the end.)
As I’ve mentioned in previous
chapters, my husband told me he didn’t believe in August 2012. I had a hard
time understanding and reconciling that for the following months. Then I became
very depressed again in April 2013. However, I kept functioning. That’s how I knew
it was a type of mourning, rather than clinical depression resurfacing. One
evening, I prayed to know what more I could do to move past this feeling of
sadness and loss – because I sincerely didn’t want to feel any kind of
adversarial feelings toward my husband. I distinctly heard the words in my
head, “you need to know more people in the stake.” (A stake is several congregations
within a geographic area.) That seemed like an odd thought on several levels –
and I knew it hadn’t come from me.
At that point, I was still just
walking to destinations. I had very limited social interaction and thought it
would have been more reasonable to just know more people in my cul-de-sac or neighborhood. However, I knew what I heard, so I tried to figure
out how to proceed. As I worked to follow that prompting, the evidence for it
grew. At first, I thought that I was continuing to overcome my social anxiety
and depression through visiting people. And that was true. But it became more
and more clear as time went on that one of the reasons was to find the
individual friends I needed to help me through current and future challenges. I
would later understand that the Lord would also be able to help those friends
through me. I will share specific examples of this in the following chapters.
In April 1992, about a year prior to
my official missionary service, Marvin J. Ashton gave some wise counsel that
has influenced me throughout my life. He began, “Real charity is not something you give away; it is
something that you acquire and make a part of yourself. And when the virtue of
charity becomes implanted in your heart, you are never the same again.” He then
gave a description that has been helpful to me ever since. “Perhaps the
greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or
categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt
or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and
shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting
the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we
might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness
and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the
best of each other.” That quote was taped to the wall next to my bed during the
entire 18 months of my full-time mission.
He
continued, “ None of us need one more person... pointing out where we have
failed or fallen short. Most of us are already well aware of the areas in which
we are weak. What each of us does need is family, friends…. brothers and
sisters who support us, who have the patience to teach us, who believe in us,
and who believe we're trying to do the best we can, in spite of our weaknesses.”
He concluded, “The best and most clear indicator that we are progressing
spiritually and coming unto Christ is the way we treat other people. ...Be one
who nurtures and who builds. Be one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart,
who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them” (“The
Tongue Can be a Sharp Sword,” Ensign, May 1992).
These are guiding principles I tried to follow when I reached out to people during my visiting journey
and as I continue to interact with people in all areas of my life. I am also
very grateful when people choose to treat me this way. It inspires me to
continue improving as I attempt to reach out to others in love and kindness.
My
favorite inspirational singer, Hilary Weeks, wrote a song
called “Say Love” (on the CD also titled Say Love, 2013). I share the
lyrics with her permission:
A
picture might be worth a thousand words,
but
a heart can be changed with one.
Lives are shaped and minds are changed
by what is said and what is not.
There’s a shortage in this world of “I believe in
you’s”
and somebody, somewhere needs some.
So say love, only love…
We all give words away.
Doesn’t cost anyone a dime.
But everybody knows there’s a price to be paid
when the words are something less than kind.
So say love, only love…
I still remember every word that you said to me
when I was falling down…
How it lifted me up… How it lifted me…
So say love.
You never know who might need it… Say love.
Even
though those original visits are over, I want to always reach out to others in
love and friendship. I hope it will be my way of life forever. I try to remind
myself that the original mission of the church was to “strengthen the saints,
proclaim the gospel, redeem the dead, and care for the poor and the needy.” Now, we often talk about how important it is
to “hasten the work of salvation.” For
me, that means I can just increase my efforts in any of those areas in small
and simple ways each day. Which basically just translates to reaching out to
others in love.
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