Through coaching, I’m learning that stress doesn’t have to be a problem. I don’t have to let stress paralyze me and I definitely don’t have to fix the stress of other people. I can always choose to focus on faith instead. Two other helpful questions my coach has asked are, “What if you decided not to worry?” and “What if you decided to let God handle situations out of your control?”
I emailed the following thoughts to my life coach on June 10, 2020, “I just need to feel that I'm enough right where I am. If I can do that, then the Savior can do his miraculous work of turning me into a better person than I have the ability to be on my own. Plus, Jody Moore is always saying the worst thing that can happen is a feeling. She often brings up the fact that we're all just humans and the human experience is hard. I do believe that everyone is usually doing the best they can with what they know—I need to remember that includes me. You have both talked about having compassion for myself and my human condition, just like I would have compassion on a friend who is struggling like I am.”
I appreciated this reply from my coach, “The truth is whatever we are in this moment has to be enough because it’s just where we are. We know and God knows we will keep progressing, so it can just be enough in this moment . . . Until then, keep managing your expectations on where you think you should be with your growth. What if you are exactly where you need to be in this moment? This is where we trust God’s timing in what we need to hear, how we need to hear it, and when we hear it to change us.”
My coach emailed the following counsel to me on July 24, 2020, “We just notice our patterns and stay in awareness. Writing out what is on your mind every day is a great way to keep looking at the thoughts jumping into your brain pool. We can also stay in awareness by noticing how we are feeling in certain situations—then trying to understand what thoughts were causing that emotion. We can then decide to feel something else or begin by just noticing the feeling and changing it over time.”
I only ended up doing three “thought downloads” during August 2020 because I was finishing the first draft and part of the second draft of this book.
I started to panic when I realized we only had six coaching sessions left. I wanted to postpone them because I still needed to work on the book revisions and I was disappointed in myself for not being more dedicated to making changes in my thinking in between sessions. She challenged me on my all or nothing thinking and explained that this was the perfect time to continue working with her. She then encouraged me again to start doing the daily thought downloads. I also postponed studying in the Come Follow Me program while I was writing this book—because I was looking up scriptures and conference talks during the whole process. I have missed it though.
Today is August 30, 2020 and, since it was the Sabbath, I decided to do a thought download and then studied in Alma 31 (where I left off), instead of in Helaman (where the rest of the church is currently studying). I realized during my thought download that thinking I’m running out of time with coaching is coming from a scarcity mindset, rather than from abundance. I have also been battling with my harsh self-critic a lot lately.
Verse 35 is part of Alma’s prayer, “Their souls are precious . . . therefore, give unto us, O Lord, power and wisdom that we may bring these, our brethren, again unto thee.” I received some strong personal revelation when I read that and I wrote the following note to remind myself because it was not my natural way of thinking. “I am precious. God can give me power and wisdom to think and feel that truth.”
Then I reread another verse I had been thinking about recently, “We will hide away our swords, yea, even we will bury them deep in the earth, that they may be kept bright, as a testimony that we have never used them” (Alma 24:16). I added a cross-reference link, along with this note, “Bury the sword of my rebellion against myself (in the form of shame, perfectionistic guilt, doubt, and fear)—as a testimony that I will no longer allow me to treat myself with harsh self-judgement. Don’t allow myself to think and feel in ways that disrespect what God has created.”
The sacrament prayer was the final piece to this much needed personal revelation, “That they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember hm and keep his commandments which he has given them; that they may always have his Spirit to be with them” (Doctrine and Covenants 20:77). I ended the note this way, “As I remember Christ and have faith in Him, He will help me love myself more fully and apply His mercy to my thinking.” Wow.
The truth is that I am trying, working, changing, and succeeding. However, life as a human is still messy—and that is okay. “Nothing has gone wrong,” as my coach frequently reminds me. My job is to not contribute to the mess by layering on negative emotion. Truth is truth, whether it is found in the gospel of Jesus Christ or teaching tools like these. I’m so grateful for powerful, life changing thoughts that will gradually become my own perspective with practice.
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