Chapter 32: Family History Fun (part 3)

 

            I was asked to give a second presentation to the youth on the blessings of family history and temple work on December 30, 2018. In that presentation, I repeated what I already shared above. I also brought one of my white 2” binders to show them how I keep these ancestors in my thoughts. When I print out the cards, I print out an extra page and put it in a page protector. Then I can write down how I’m related to them or comments that I have about my temple experiences with them. And my favorite part is when I can staple the completed card back into that binder. It helps them to feel more real to me and it reminds me that each card represents an actual person, a child of God just like us. During a sealing session earlier that month, I looked into the mirrors on each side of that beautiful room and pondered what I would share with the youth. Gerrit W. Gong gave voice to my thoughts,  “Together the temple mirrors reflect back and forth images that stretch seemingly into eternity” (“Temple Mirrors of Eternity: A Testimony of Family,” Ensign, Nov. 2010). Quentin L Cook explained, “These reflected images help us contemplate parents, grandparents, and all previous generations. They help us recognize the sacred covenants that connect us to all generations that follow” (“See Yourself in the Temple,” Ensign, May 2016).

            David A. Bednar taught, “As members of Christ’s restored Church, we have the covenant responsibility to search out our ancestors and provide for them the saving ordinances of the gospel. ‘For their salvation is necessary and essential to our salvation, as Paul says concerning the fathers—that they without us cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be made perfect.’ (Doctrine and Covenants 128:15). For these reasons we do family history research, build temples, and perform vicarious ordinances” (“The Hearts of the Children Shall Turn,” Ensign, Nov. 2011). Joseph Smith taught, “Herein is the chain that binds the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the children to the fathers, which fulfills the mission of Elijah” (“Becoming Saviors on Mount Zion,” Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith, 473). Quentin L. Cook explained, “The combination of increased numbers of temples and advanced technology to fulfill our sacred family history responsibilities for our ancestors makes this the most blessed time in all history. You are literally among the prophesied saviors on Mount Zion” (“See Yourself in the Temple,” Ensign, May 2016). In other words, as we perform vicarious ordinances for our ancestors, we do something for them that they cannot do for themselves. This is symbolic of the way our Savior saved each of us from sin and death through His atoning sacrifice, which is something none of us could do for ourselves. It is the way He allows us to help in His work of salvation for each child of God. I’m so grateful for this opportunity we’ve been given to serve others in such an important way.

            One evening in February 2019, I was sitting in the baptistry waiting for some ordinances to be completed. I normally tried not to stay at the temple into the evenings because it detracted from family time at home. However, this time I felt prompted to stay and I texted my husband to let him know that I would be home as soon as I could. I then went out to the desk to ask for more blue and pink papers to attach to each set of five male and female cards for baptisms and confirmations. The man at the desk noticed that my family names were from the Netherlands and asked if any were from Germany. I replied that one family line married into a German line. He just happened be a professor at BYU who specialized in family history with an emphasis in Germanic names. He asked if I would be able to share some with him and several students who were planning to participate in a “German night” at the baptistry. He explained that on the evening of April 3rd, all the ordinances would be performed in German for ancestors from Germany. I agreed to try to find some names for them. So I spent the next few weeks following several lines and was able to supply him with more than enough. They ended up completing a little over 200 baptisms that night. I felt compelled to finish the rest of them, so I sat in the baptistry (most of that time shivering by the font) for six hours the following Tuesday to complete 200 more female baptisms, along with waiting for 60 more male baptisms to be completed. I learned that if I released those names to have the initiatories completed by temple patrons, they would often be finished very quickly. Then I reserved many of them again to complete the endowment and sealing. After this set of events, I watched the initiatories being completed over several days in real time - each time I refreshed the screen on Family Search. I was so grateful for the miracle that Heavenly Father provided to allow so many to begin on the covenant path prior to Easter. I love the song "Risen" written by Shawna Belt Edwards. One of the lines says that Jesus "set the captives free." I felt that powerfully during this experience. I am in awe at what God can do with a willing heart, hands, and feet. He magnifies our relatively small offerings in often unexpected and miraculous ways. My family history work increased exponentially after that.

             Over the past two years, many kind people have been willing to help me with the growing number of ordinances. I have needed the most help with endowments, since they take the longest. Their selfless service has allowed me to continue working on baptisms and sealings – almost exclusively. I love the opportunity that gives me to begin and end the process with most of the ancestors I have found. When I share my temple cards with people who are willing to help me, I tell them about my grandma who came to America from the Netherlands. I hope it helps them to feel even more purpose as they help with the work. One friend asked if she could send some cards to her parents and adult brother who live in Idaho. Her brother has some emotional struggles and he found purpose in helping me with those endowments, which felt like a win-win situation. My previous academic advisor at UVU who has become a dear friend has also helped me with a large number of endowments and the youth in her stake completed many baptisms during a youth conference. I was in an endowment session at the Mt. Timpanogos Temple one evening and noticed a couple who had previously moved from our ward. It was a large session, so I went back and talked to the woman while we were waiting to go through the veil. She and her husband stopped by our house later that week and picked up some endowment cards as well. A couple in our ward who served as full-time stake missionaries have been very helpful. They texted me a picture of a poem on August 4, 2019. The poem was written by Don L. Searle and is titled “One Holy Moment.” They wrote, “This poem reminds me of the feelings we have when we take your names to the temple. Thank you.” Here is the part that was most meaningful to me:

Born in different centuries,

You and I, an ocean apart,

And half a continent.

Never would our lives touch

But for this holy moment.

In a temple of our God…

Did you know joy in your years?

I hope you know it now,

As our lives touch

In this sacred moment,

My one brief chance to serve.

Would that I could reach a hand

Across two hundred years,

Or put an arm across a shoulder

To tell you what I feel…

            Because I graduated with my associate degree from UVU in November 2019, I had some extra time that I could spend in the temple before our grandson was born in January 2020. So, as my Christmas gift to Jesus, I made a goal to spend as many days as possible in the Provo Temple before it was closed for Christmas. During that time, I talked more often with an older woman who was retired and never been married. She lived near the temple and spent each day there doing work for other people. She specifically focused on sealings and we ended up in many sessions together. One day, she offered to help me with some of my sealings and I was so grateful. I brought 30 cards for her and she finished them in one day. I couldn’t believe it! She offered to do more for me over the Christmas holiday, since she would be going to the Provo City Center Temple, and gave me her home address. During those two weeks, I continued to prepare more names for sealings. Initially, I drove to her house and clipped 65 cards to the side of her mailbox near the front door. Again, she completed them in two or three days! That process miraculously repeated two more times during the Christmas holiday. Meanwhile, I attended the Mt. Timpanogos Temple while the Provo Temple was closed. I was in a few sealing sessions with a man who regularly served in that temple also. He saw how many names I was trying to complete over several sessions and asked if he could help. I left a few cards with him and he finished them that day. A few days later, he walked into another of my sealing sessions and I was so happy to see him. He also wrote down his P.O. box number and gave it to me. I started sending him sealing cards as well and he completed approximately 200 sealings over the next three months, which was another miraculous gift.

            When the Provo Temple opened again in January, I was so grateful for the chance to thank my sweet temple friend in person. She said she felt kind of burned out, which was very understandable, so I wasn’t planning to give any more cards to her. Remember the older man I met in the temple cafeteria who completed seven endowments for me in April 2018? A few months before the Christmas break, I saw him again in the sealing area. I was really grateful for the chance to thank him in person after a year of wondering if our paths would ever cross again. From that time on, whenever he was in a session with me, he would take a few of my cards, so that I could go home to my family a little earlier than I had planned. (He decided that he was needed more in the sealing rooms, so he started to only do two endowment sessions, instead of three, each day. Then he would end each day of service by participating in five or six sealing sessions.) When he found out that my other temple friend was feeling burned out, he offered to help also. That was a relief to the friend who felt burned out and she decided she could help me after all. They became a dynamic duo. I continued to prepare names at home and brought 100 or 200 cards at a time to the temple. When I saw one of them, I gave them the cards and then they divided them up. I was in awe at how many completion notifications I received from Family Search each evening. They miraculously completed each set of cards within about a week each time. When the temples closed on March 14^th due to the COVID-19 pandemic, they had completed a combined total of 1,750 sealings. (That number is in addition to the 195 my first friend completed during Christmas holiday. It also doesn’t include the children they helped seal to parents or the names they helped me with while I was serving in the sessions with them.) I’m convinced they were sent to me as angels to help me complete a work that was far too overwhelming and basically impossible for me to do alone in that amount of time.

            About three months into the quarantine, I sent out texts to many of the people who helped with my temple work during the previous two years to thank them once again for their selfless service. On June 10th, I received another reply text from the couple in our ward who previously served as stake missionaries. It said, “We have appreciated the opportunity of taking names to the temple, especially since my ancestry on one side is Dutch. A couple years ago you indicated you felt the need to get these names done. Possibly a forewarning about the forthcoming closure of the temples?...” I replied, “I absolutely know that I felt the urgency because the Lord knew the temples would be closing for a while. I’m so grateful he sent me earth angels like both of you to help with that miracle.” This whole experience reminded me that a definition of Zion is being of “one heart and one mind” (see Moses 7:18) and it is built by people who serve selflessly with Christlike love. I am grateful for the privilege of being surrounded by people with those qualities. One of the last lines of my patriarchal blessing says, “As you help to gather genealogy, you will become a savior on Mt. Zion and will be a great blessing to those who have passed on beyond the veil. When you leave this earth there will be a great reunion with your ancestors who will be glad to receive you because of your work in their behalf.” As I mentioned earlier, I never thought this was even a real possibility before Family Search sent me the notification for that first ancestor in January 2018. This experience has truly shown me that with God, nothing is impossible (see Luke 1:37).

Chapter 32: Family History Fun (part 2)

I'm still not finished with this chapter, so I'm going to post this and continue working on it tomorrow.

 

            Miracles and divine intersections continued regularly during the following two years. On April 5, 2018, my sister in North Carolina found an entire family of our ancestors when she followed up on a notification for Cornelia Driesprong (2^nd cousin of our grandma’s dad) that Family Search sent her daughter in February. The temple closest to my sister was now closed for long-term renovations, so I reserved the work for the Driesprong family. The next day, on April 6th, my mom forwarded a notification to me that Family Search sent her back in March for Jansje Cornelia Kruidenier (4^th cousin of our grandma’s dad). As I looked at her family members, I noticed that all of her mom’s temple work had been completed in 1961, except for her being sealed to her parents. So that's how I found her parents, Pieter van der Wel and Maria den Boer, who also needed all of their work done. So I reserved the work for the Kruidenier family, along with their grandparents. That meant I could do the baptism and confirmation of a grandma at the same time as several of her granddaughters. I printed out all of those cards and invited one of my walking friends to go with me to begin the temple work for these families the next day on April 7^th.

            I returned to the Provo Temple on April 12, 2018 to do the initiatories for these female ancestors. After I arrived, I met a kind woman at the initiatory desk who offered to help me complete half of them. Because of that, I also had time to do one of the endowments, and I ended up sitting by that same kind woman during the session. I looked her up later on Facebook and sent her a message. We decided to meet at the Provo Temple again the following week, so we could get to know each other better. I went a couple of hours early on April 19^th to wait in the baptistry for the male ordinances to be completed. Then I asked a kind man to take those completed cards into the male dressing room, so the initiatories could possibly be completed while I was in the endowment session. When my friend arrived, we went to the cafeteria to visit while we ate lunch prior to the endowment session. As I waited for her at a table, I noticed an older man sitting in the corner of the cafeteria and I felt prompted to go over and talk with him. I explained that seven of my male temple cards were in the men’s dressing room and I wasn’t sure if the work was actually being done or not. He understood my plight. Since he was almost finished with his meal, he would check to see if they were completed. If they weren’t, he promised he would do them for me. I was very grateful for his kindness. He came back a few minutes later with the completed cards. He then surprised me by explaining that he spent every day in the temple and completed three endowment sessions each day. This was a Thursday and he said he could have those cards completed for me by Saturday. I immediately jumped up and gave him a big hug, before I realized that it may not have been appropriate. He laughed and said he would take a hug like that anytime, just like he would from a granddaughter. I was overcome with joy in that moment and felt extremely grateful for this obvious divine intersection.

            True to his word, the endowments were completed by Saturday afternoon. As soon as the notification appeared on Family Search, I gathered the other cards I had been working on during the previous two weeks and drove to the temple to help complete the sealings. President Freestone was the sealer that day, which made the experience even more sacred. (Our families know each other and I didn’t realize that he had become a sealer on the day before my birthday in February – which is when this journey began for me. He and his wife now have a special place in my heart). I briefly shared the experiences that brought me to that session and he commented later on how contagious my enthusiasm was. Over the following year, I occasionally asked Heavenly Father to bless that kind man who helped to complete those seven male endowments for me. I wondered if our paths would ever cross again, since he was there each day and my time at the temple had increased. That time would come later.

            I was asked to give a presentation to the youth in our ward on the blessings of temple and family history work. That presentation occurred on May 20, 2018 and I was grateful to have the experiences of the previous month to share with them. I also used a Conference talk by Dale G. Renlund as my theme. He explained, “When God directs us to do one thing, He often has many purposes in mind. Family history and temple work is not only for the dead but blesses the living as well…. We (can) identify our own ancestors who died without receiving the ordinances of salvation. We can perform the ordinances vicariously in temples, and our ancestors may choose to accept the ordinances. We are also encouraged to help ward and stake members with their family names. It is… amazing that, through family history and temple work, we can help to redeem the dead. But as we participate in family history and temple work today, we also lay claim to ‘healing’ blessings…. This long list includes these blessings: increased understanding of the Savior and His atoning sacrifice; increased influence of the Holy Ghost to feel strength and direction for our own lives; increased faith, so that conversion to the Savior becomes deep and abiding; …increased joy through an increased ability to feel the love of the Lord; …increased love and appreciation for ancestors and living relatives, so we no longer feel alone; …increased protection from… the intensifying influence of the adversary; and increased assistance to mend troubled, broken, or anxious hearts and make the wounded whole. If you have prayed for any of these blessings, participate in family history and temple work. As you do so, your prayers will be answered” (“Family History and Temple Work: Sealing and Healing,” Ensign, May 2018).

            He continued, “When ordinances are performed on behalf of the deceased, God’s children on earth are healed. No wonder President Russell M. Nelson, in his first message as President of the Church, declared, ‘Your worship in the temple and your service there for your ancestors will bless you with increased personal revelation and peace and will fortify your commitment to stay on the covenant path.’ An earlier prophet also foresaw blessings for both the living and the dead. A heavenly messenger showed Ezekiel a vision of a temple with water gushing out of it…. Two characteristics of the water are noteworthy. First, …meaningful growth occurs going backward and forward through the generations as sealing ordinances weld families together. Second, the river renewed everything that it touched. The blessings of the temple likewise have a stunning capacity to heal. Temple blessings can heal hearts and lives and families” (“Family History and Temple Work: Sealing and Healing,” Ensign, May 2018).

            I feel like the blessings of the temple have made every part of my life better. It hasn’t solved all my problems, but it has given me strength to deal with them better. Each time I complete the temple ordinances for an ancestor, I believe they become another angel that can help strengthen me and my family when life is difficult. Temple work is an amazing kind of service because the people who have died can’t do this work themselves. So we are literally helping Christ to save them. He has the power to do it all on His own, but he allows us to help Him. I shared with the youth how the temple helps us grow up in a more spiritual way. This scripture passage explains what I mean, “…Do thou grant, Holy Father, that all those who shall worship in this house….may grow up in thee, and receive a fulness of the Holy Ghost… and be prepared to obtain every needful thing” (Doctrine and Covenants 109:14-15). Dale G. Renlund concluded, “President Russell M. Nelson, however, cautioned: ‘We can be inspired all day long about temple and family history experiences others have had. But we must do something to actually experience the joy ourselves.’ He continued, ‘I invite you to prayerfully consider what kind of sacrifice—preferably a sacrifice of time—you can make [to] do more temple and family history work’” (“Family History and Temple Work: Sealing and Healing,” Ensign, May 2018). I thought I wouldn’t ever be able to figure out how to do family history work, but I’ve been so grateful that Heavenly Father knew exactly what was needed and provided a way through these miraculous experiences.

Worry Less and Laugh More

I always appreciate it when life coaches phrase ideas as questions. It feels more powerful to me.

My friend sent me this picture she took in Alaska.
They are plastic flamingos. :D

 

Chapter 33: Never Too Late

 

            The name and order of the chapters in this book’s table of contents and the division of the book into five different sections was given to me very clearly one afternoon at the end of summer 2019. I have tried not to deviate from the names and order that I originally decided on. However, I wasn’t sure what to write for this chapter in its original place at the beginning of section four. As I pondered, I felt that this was the better place for it. I believe it’s never too late to learn, to love, to change, to develop Christlike attributes, or to progress. This chapter has some similarities with the chapter on perfectionism, but I think the concepts are worth repeating.

            Cassy Budd is a professor at BYU. She gave a speech at BYU that was very powerful for me and I used several quotes from it in my final English paper on perfectionism. She explained that her experiences gave her “a deep appreciation for the value of the ‘try’. Simply showing up and starting where you are is all that can be asked of you. Regardless of your level of experience, your failures, or your perception of your own potential, wherever you are in life, you just need to show up and try. Try to listen to the patient instruction of the Savior, try to imitate His movements, try to ignore the negative self-talk when your movements do not measure up, and try to focus on the joy in the learning instead of the defeat in the failure. And amidst your ‘try,’ recognize that others around you are in the middle of their own ‘try.’ Celebrate their progress, even when they seem to be farther along than you, and give them a pass when they fall short.” She applied this to her mistakes in playing the piano. “When you allow yourself to be paralyzed by your mistakes, you diminish your ability to be useful... Making mistakes is simply part of the human condition and can be one of your most productive learning tools. Yes, you need to recognize your mistakes. But more than that, you need to find a way to effectively play through them.” She continued with another example, “Failure is useful in physical development as well. Strategically working a muscle to failure—the point at which you can no longer lift or push or pull whatever you are lifting or pushing or pulling—and then allowing proper time for the muscle fibers to repair is one of the most effective ways to build strength. This process of failing and repairing eventually results in stronger, more efficient muscles” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I especially appreciated on the part of her talk where she focused on the Savior’s role in our lives. She explained, “We all, at one time or other, will be in a situation in which our strength or knowledge or skill or perhaps even our desire is not enough. These are the times when your Savior pulls you up out of the darkness—if you will let go and take His hand. These are the times when His voice guides you to safety—if you will listen carefully. And it is for these times that He descended below all things—to become your stepping-stone.” She then quoted Jeffery R. Holland, “When [the Savior] says . . . , ‘Come unto me,’ He means He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way” [“Broken Things to Mend,” Ensign, May 2006; emphasis in original]. She continued, “[The Savior] can work with ­whatever you have to give if you are willing to accept His help…. Living perfectly is not the plan. Repentance is the plan. Jesus Christ is the plan. I think we erroneously equate perfection with living a perfect life, with never failing or falling short, but Jesus Christ is the only one who ever did or ever will do that…. Perfection, for us, is not about being flawless; it is about being finished” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I was fascinated with the conclusion of her talk and how she tied it all together so seamlessly. She explained, “Artists who practice the Japanese art form kintsugi repair broken pottery by filling the cracks with a lacquer made from gold, silver, or platinum, restoring the damaged piece to something beautiful and whole. Kintsugi teaches that scars are not something to hide; rather, they are to be celebrated for the unique beauty they exhibit. The scars themselves are considered precious and therefore are mended with precious metals to honor their value. The finished piece is even more beautiful than the unbroken original. Similarly, we honor the scars of our Savior, for He has graven us on the palms of His hands (see Isaiah 49:16)…. When we turn our broken pieces over to the Savior, our gaps are filled with Him—with His perfection—and we are made complete; we are finished by the Great Creator through the restorative power of ‘the author and finisher of our faith’ (Hebrews 12:2). We come to know the Savior not just by recognizing and reverencing His scars but by recognizing and reverencing our own. We are bound to the Savior through our mutual scars, ‘and with His stripes we are healed’ (Isaiah 53:5; see also verse 4)…. Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world, desires to mend your broken pieces, fill your empty spaces, and make of you a vessel that is more beautiful and whole. May you each find the strength to fail and, in the hands of your Savior, the power to finish” (“On Failing and Finishing,” BYU Speeches, 14 Feb. 2017).

            I was asked to give a talk on Christlike attributes when we moved into our current ward. I really appreciated the opportunity to study more about them. The title of chapter six in the Preach My Gospel manual is “How Do I Develop Christ-like Attributes?” It explains, “Christlike attributes are gifts from God…. Ask your Heavenly Father to bless you with these attributes; you cannot develop them without His help…” This chapter discusses nine of Christ’s attributes. I won’t mention all of them, but I highly recommend going through that chapter and looking up the scripture references. It inspired me to strive to be more Christlike in so many ways. The first three attributes it mentions are faith, hope, and charity. Faith in Jesus Christ. Hope through Jesus Christ. And charity as the pure love of Christ.

            The gospel reference book, True to the Faith, explains, “Faith is a principle of action and power. Whenever you work toward a worthy goal, you exercise faith. You show your hope for something that you cannot yet see…. Having faith in Jesus Christ means relying completely on Him—trusting in His infinite power, intelligence, and love…. It means believing that even though you do not understand all things, He does. Remember that because He has experienced all your pains, afflictions, and infirmities, He knows how to help you rise above your daily difficulties (see Alma 7:11-12)…. He is always ready to help you as you remember His plea: ‘Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not’” (Doctrine and Covenants 6:36). One of my favorite scriptures has always been, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).

            Preach My Gospel explains, “Hope is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you…. When you have hope, you work through trials and difficulties with the confidence and assurance that all things will work together for your good. Hope helps you conquer discouragement….” Another of my very favorite scriptures shows how faith and hope work together. The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ explains, “…Whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world… which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works…” (Ether 12:4).

            In the New Testament, Jesus taught, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matthew 22:37-39). The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ explains,  “Charity… is kind…. Charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity.... Charity is the pure love of Christ…. Wherefore… pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ…” (Moroni 7:45-48). Preach My Gospel continues, “…Charity is a gift from God…. As you follow this counsel and strive to do righteous works, your love for all people will increase….You will come to feel a sincere concern for the …. happiness of other people. You will see them as children of God with the potential of becoming like our Heavenly Father.…You will avoid judging others, criticizing them, or saying negative things about them. You will try to understand them and their points of view.”    

            I was grateful to discover this verse in the New Testament, “And of some have compassion, making a difference” (Jude 1:22). I absolutely know that genuine kindness, compassion, and Christlike love makes a positive difference! We won’t always know exactly what to say or do, but we can try our best to uplift others when they are struggling or discouraged. The New Testament also explains, “…Above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). I believe that when we focus on developing Christlike love for others, it helps refine us so that the sins don’t occur as much anymore. The good news of the gospel is that we are saved by grace. That helps us move away from the pressure-filled, checklist mentality and focus more on faith, hope, and charity. We can’t do one thing to earn our way to heaven. We just need to practice making progress in good ways. As we pray and practice, our love of God, ourselves, and others will grow. That way, we are obeying the most important commandments. When we strive to live a Christlike life, we are practicing following Christ. That way, we will be comfortable with Him when we see Him again. Preach My Gospel concludes, “Learning to be like Christ is a lifelong pursuit. You follow Christ’s example—develop His attributes—one action and decision at a time.” It is never too late to make a good decision, to choose to do something kind, or to take a step in the right direction.

Chapter 32: Family History Fun

Today was unexpectedly difficult. I cried for much of the morning. I'm so grateful I was finally able to pull myself together enough to work on this important chapter. It's only about half finished, but I feel very relieved to have written as much as I did.

           

               It is important, for many reasons, to know where you came from. One of those reasons is the strength of your ancestors, and the way they overcame challenges, can strengthen you. 

            One of my ancestors is Lijntje van Wijnen. She is my maternal grandma. When she was five years old, she sailed to America from Rotterdam, South Holland in the Netherlands. She made the trip with her recently widowed mom and they arrived at Ellis Island in New York on January 2, 1923. At that time, her name was changed to Lena Van Wynen.  She and her mom boarded a train and traveled to Ogden, Utah. The missionary who baptized her parents a few years earlier met them there. She eventually married my grandpa, Lowell Carter Burns. My mom is their only daughter, born between four older and two younger brothers. I am my mom’s oldest daughter. I lived with my Grandma Burns for a semester when I attended Weber State College in 1990. I still feel a special bond with her.

            Genealogical research is a priority of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Their online program, Family Search, is an amazing tool for family history research. Prior to that, my paternal grandma worked tirelessly on the genealogy for her side of the family and recorded it on long horizontal family group sheets. However, very little work had been done my maternal line. I always thought family history work was basically impossible for me and I never completed any work other than a four generation pedigree sheet on both sides of my family.

            In January 2018, I was still trying to write this book, but it became too overwhelming. So I decided to just work on it as my personal history instead. During that same time, my parents were preparing to serve another mission. One evening, my mom showed me some treasures she found while going through boxes. They included her mom’s journal, several important documents, old letters, and some pictures. My mom allowed me to take them home so I could look at them more closely. I immediately began typing a copy of the handwritten pages from my grandma’s journal. She wrote less than 20 pages and it ended after their first child was born. I was fascinated with what she had written, though,  and was grateful to learn a little more about her early life. At the end of January, I received an email notification from Family Search letting me know that temple work still needed to be completed for an ancestor named Jaapje Buitelaar. She is the maternal fourth cousin of my Grandma Burns. I usually just disregarded those notices, but I felt different this time. I clicked on the link, printed out a temple card for her, and that was the first step in my family history journey. 

            Meanwhile, my sister had been doing family history work for a while. She lived in North Carolina at that time and the temple closest to them would be closing for long-term renovations shortly. When I told her about my unexpected change of heart, she asked if I would be willing to finish the temple work for 13 remaining ancestors. I agreed and invited my mom to help me. So we went to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple on my birthday the next week. I was recovering from a cold, but I thought it would be neat to have my birth date stamped on all 14 of those cards (for Jaapje and the 13 my sister transferred to me). My nieces had acted as proxy for the baptisms and confirmations of these 13 ancestors. So my mom and I acted as proxy for the initiatory ordinance of each one. The initiatory is a beautiful ordinance, which takes place prior to the endowment. It is a much shorter ordinance, so more can be done at one time. My mom and I had to wait two different times, but we were each able to do the initiatories for seven ancestors. It was a memorable and sacred experience for both of us, in addition to being a great way to celebrate my 46^th birthday. I returned to the temple on February 8^th to be proxy for Jaapje’s endowment, which was also a very special experience.

            Later in February 2018, I wrote the following partial entry in my journal. “I've recently become painfully aware of my human weakness as I’ve continued to visit with people over the past few weeks. So I have been prompted to shift my focus to compiling my personal history and working on my family history and temple work. I'm hoping I will make less mistakes with the dead than I have with the living. However, it's a miracle that someone who has struggled as much as I have with depression and social anxiety was able to visit as much as I did in the first place. God did way more with that experience than I could have ever done on my own. I'm so grateful for the opportunities he gave me to try to help and lift others in my very small way.” I discussed three of those divine intersections with Janell, her half-sister and niece in chapter 24. I accompanied Janell’s niece to complete her initiatory and endowment on May 12, 2015. Since that time, I met her niece for lunch on several different occasions, but she never felt ready to help seal Janell and her husband, along with sealing their two children to them. (Even though Dee and Janell weren’t active in the church, they did have their children’s temple work done after each of their tragic deaths.)  I was anxious to participate in that sealing because it felt like the beginning of the happy ending for their family, since they are all now together after 20 years of separation. However, I knew it needed to be on their relative’s timetable, not mine.

            Several miracles occurred shortly after I wrote that bittersweet journal entry. Janell's niece visited me spontaneously on the afternoon of February 20^th to deliver an invitation to her upcoming civil wedding. She explained that she had already waited too long to help seal Janell’s family, she handed me the temple cards, and asked me to do it in her behalf. I could not believe it! I was so honored for the privilege and opportunity she had literally just handed me. I was already planning to help seal Jaapje to her husband the next day and I was so grateful for the chance to help with this important sealing in the same session. I remember praying that our house wouldn't burn down while we slept or that I wouldn't get in a wreck on the way to the temple... because I had been waiting for this day since Janell’s niece completed her endowment almost five years before.

            I made it safely to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple the next morning. I acted as proxy for Jaapje as she was sealed to Jacobus Borstlap. Then I had the privilege of being proxy for Janell as she was sealed to Dee in the same session. Immediately after their sealing, I had the privilege of being proxy for their daughter, as I helped seal her and her older brother to Dee and Janell in the next ordinance. I cried tears of joy through all three ordinances. I wondered if Janell and Dee were permitted to watch the ordinances from where they were in the next life and I hoped they knew how much I love them. Toward the end of the session, I thought I heard a voice in my mind that said, “Hi Wendi Bird,” which is a reference from Peter Pan and it's what Dee used to say to me when I came over to walk with Janell. (In case that wasn’t enough of a tender mercy, right after I heard Dee’s voice in my mind, someone with the last name of Darling was sealed – that was Wendy's last name in Peter Pan!) I hadn't thought of that nickname in a long time. I took it as a sign that they were happy and accepting of my gift to them and their children. I am looking forward to the day when I can see them in the next life. I feel very connected to their family now. I kept alternating between a big grin and tears for many hours following the sealing session. 

            I remember feeling like I could finally be at peace about Janell for the first time since the Monday after Easter 2014 when I found out she passed away. Another interesting side note is that Jaapje and Jacobus had a son named Cornelis. Cornelis married Maria de Groot and I printed out a temple card for her just three weeks after our daughter told us she was pregnant in May 2019. The interesting thing about that is DeGroot is the last name of our grandson and his father. I just noticed that recently and it was another sweet moment when I was reminded that God is aware of me and my circumstances.

            I also had the opportunity to attend the wedding of Janell’s niece just two days later on February 23^rd. It was a very snowy day and I wondered if it was worth attending as my car slipped and slid through the snow on my drive to the Provo city courthouse. She asked me to be one of the witnesses when I arrived, so she now has a marriage certificate with my signature on it. After the ceremony, I joined her, her two cute kids, her new husband, and several other family members at Pizza Factory for lunch afterward. That gave me the opportunity to talk with Janell’s half-sister for the first time in quite a while. I was grateful that I made the effort to support their family. I visited with my good friend who was the Relief Society president during my experience with Janell. I explained to her again how I thought I was in Janell’s life to save her life, but I was so confused when she died. This friend explained to me that I actually was in her life to help the Savior save her in my small way. I am grateful for the miracles that have occurred to help all of this happen in God's perfect timing. I know that Heavenly Father works miracles in our lives. I’m very grateful that He allows us to help in these miracles that we could never make happen ourselves. I know that the greatest miracle of all is the atonement of Jesus Christ. I'm so grateful for His mercy and grace. I know that we can have “more freedom from earth stains” as we partake of the sacrament and attend the temple.

Chapter 31: Being Tutored in the Temple

 

                I have heard the counsel to “begin with the end in mind” in both secular and religious venues. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, everything we do leads us to the temple. Temples are a place where we worship in a higher and holier way than even our Sunday worship services. In the temple, each adult receives a gift of spiritual knowledge and makes sacred covenants with God in an ordinance called an endowment. In each endowment session, we watch a movie which depicts God’s creation of the earth and then we learn more about the experience of Adam and Eve. The whole ordinance is centered on the Savior and His atoning sacrifice for each of us. It is a place where couples are married “for time and all eternity” by the power of the Priesthood in an ordinance which is called a sealing. The words “until death do you part” are not included in that ceremony. After we have received our own endowment and made our covenants personally, we are able to then act as proxy for our ancestors who died without receiving these ordinances. We give them this gift because we love them, but they are under no obligation to accept these ordinances in their behalf. A high standard of morality in thought and action are required of each person who enters these holy buildings and we wear a sacred undergarment to remind us throughout each day of the covenants we’ve made there. Every temple is dedicated to the Lord after an open house for the general public. Next to the entrance of each temple is inscribed “The House of the Lord – Holiness to the Lord.” Each person who enters the temple, changes into white temple clothes to symbolize purity. It also limits worldly distraction and helps us feel equal with each person there. I love being in the temple. A feeling of peace washes over me when I enter those doors and I feel very close to the Savior when I’m there.

            In April 2014, I had a special experience in the temple which let me know unmistakably that God, who I call my Heavenly Father, was aware of me and my circumstances. I attended the sealing of a friend’s daughter in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple. I was considering staying to do an endowment session, but I decided to return home instead. On the drive home, I was strongly prompted that I needed to briefly stop at our house to pick up my temple clothes and one of my friend’s family names, and go to the Provo Temple instead. That seemed strange to go from one temple to another, but I have learned not to doubt when I feel those promptings. For some reason, I had a question about a doctrinal issue during the session that I haven’t been bothered by before or since. At the end of the session, I asked one of the temple workers about it and her response was that I needed to talk to the temple president. That seemed a little drastic to me, but another temple worker responded the same way. A third temple worker explained that I needed to sign my name on a list and they would try to fit me into President Stone’s busy schedule.  It turned out that he was just sitting at his office desk with no appointments for 20 minutes and he immediately invited me in.

            I knew that he would probably ask me to share my thoughts about this concern and so I had come to a decision on what I would tell him. That is exactly how the conversation went. When I told him what I had decided, he leaned back in his chair and looked at me for a few long seconds as he thought about what I had said. Then he smiled with a twinkle in his eye and surprised me by saying I had been given a gift and I should go with that inspiration. His reaction and counsel immediately wiped the concern from my mind. So I decided to be brave and ask him one more question about how I could best deal with the situation of my husband no longer believing or attending the temple with me. He “just happened” to have a brother and sister-in-law with a very similar circumstance and she was dealing with it in the same way I was – trying to continue on with my personal belief and worship. We talked about that for a few minutes as he continued to lean back in his chair. He then leaned forward, looked in my eyes, and very clearly told me that the Lord was pleased with me and that He knew I was doing the best I could with a difficult circumstance. I really needed to hear that because it was the day before General Conference and I have often felt discouraged in the past when I’m not able to follow the counsel that the prophet and apostles give as well as I would like to. As I walked out of the temple that afternoon, I realized I had just experienced another “divine intersection.” If I had stayed longer at home, I would have missed that 20 minute window of time where the temple president was available in his office. I was grateful for the reassurance I was given and felt it was coming straight from the Lord.

                As I mentioned before, the temple endowment is centered on the Savior’s atonement. On the last day I attended class in November 2018, one of my institute teachers encouraged me to focus specifically on the crucifixion of Christ (and its emphasis in modern scripture) in relation to the temple endowment. She challenged me to begin by reading a passage in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. Jesus visited the people on the American continent after His crucifixion and taught them, “Behold I have given unto you my gospel, and this is the gospel which I have given unto you—that I came into the world to do the will of my Father, because my Father sent me. And my Father sent me that I might be lifted up upon the cross: and after that I had been lifted up upon the cross, that I might draw all men unto me…” (3 Nephi 27:14-15).

            I took her challenge seriously and that was the beginning of a very spiritual month filled with personal revelation as I tried to discover what aspect of the crucifixion she was referring to. On November 14^th, I asked for some further light and knowledge as I sat in the temple baptistry waiting for some ordinances to be completed. I was immediately reminded of another passage in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ, which brought tears to my eyes. “...They may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me. (1 Nephi 21:15-16; see also Isaiah 49:15-16). I have loved that imagery ever since I discovered it earlier in my life.

            On November 16^th, I was waiting in the temple again and I looked up two other passages in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. “...Moses... hath spoken concerning the coming of the Messiah. Yea, did he not bear record that the Son of God should come? And as he lifted up the brazen serpent in the wilderness, even so shall he be lifted up who should come. And as many as should look upon that serpent should live, even so as many as should look upon the Son of God with faith, having a contrite spirit, might live, even unto that life which is eternal” (Helaman 8:13-15). I have loved that symbolism ever since I first learned of it many years ago also. Christ being crucified and lifted up on the cross to suffer for our sins was a fulfillment of prophesy. I also love the power of looking to Him to live.

            During His visit to the people on the American continent, Christ invited them to “Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world. And it came to pass that the multitude went forth… and this they did do, going forth one by one until they had all gone forth, and did see with their eyes and did feel with their hands, and did know of a surety and did bear record, that it was he, of whom it was written by the prophets, that should come. And when they had all gone forth and had witnessed for themselves, they did cry out with one accord, saying: Hosanna! Blessed be the name of the Most High God! And they did fall down at the feet of Jesus, and did worship him” (3 Nephi 11:14-17). The marks of the nails are proof of His suffering and love for each of us individually.  I look forward to the day that I can worship Him in person as they did.

            I returned to the temple on November 17^th and, this time, I will share the exact words from my journal that evening. “I just finished an endowment session and I am so grateful for the answers I was given! I don't think they would have come had I not been so intent on looking for them the last two times I was at the temple…Here are my basic thoughts: The blessings of Christ's name, physical blessings, and blessings of Melchezidek Priesthood power in our families come through the nail marks of the Savior's crucifixion. It was His ultimate sacrifice to give us all the blessings that the Father has. And it's the last thing we think about before we enter into the presence of the Father. Wow! Personal revelation is so interesting. It seems so obvious after it comes. All of a sudden it is just placed in our mind.

            It makes these promises in the Doctrine and Covenants even more powerful: ‘And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in their navel and marrow to their bones; And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures; And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint. And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel…’ ( Doctrine and Covenants 89:18-21).

            The importance of the Savior's name is emphasized in The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. ‘…There shall be no other name given nor any other way nor means whereby salvation can come unto the children of men, only in and through the name of Christ, the Lord Omnipotent…. Believe that salvation was, and is, and is to come, in and through the atoning blood of Christ, the Lord Omnipotent. For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord…’ (Mosiah 3:17-19). As we submit our will to Heavenly Father, we are more fully following the example of Christ. As we follow the example of Christ and take upon us His name, we become more qualified to dwell in the presence of Him and the Father forever.

            I just looked up another passage in Doctrine and Covenants and almost fell out of my chair. ‘And the Lord confirmed a priesthood also upon Aaron and his seed, throughout all their generations, which priesthood also continueth and abideth forever with the priesthood which is after the holiest order of God. And this greater priesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the key of the mysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the knowledge of God. Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness is manifest. And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is not manifest unto men in the flesh; For without this no man can see the face of God, even the Father, and live’ (D&C 84:18-23). I have never made these connections before, especially since I usually stop before the last verse of that passage. Also, I didn't realize it until my card was stamped, but today is the 26th anniversary of when I received my endowments for the first time in the Jordan River Temple prior to my mission. My mom also received her endowments on this day 25 years earlier than I did. It's a big day in so many ways.”

            I returned to the temple on November 26^th to find out if there was anything else I needed to learn during this time of discovery. I realized that, as we consecrate all that we have and are, the blessings that Heavenly Father promises us are sure. The other thought I had during the session is that Christ had seven different wounds from the crucifixion: one on each hand, one on each wrist, one in his side, and one on each foot. For many years, I have associated the number seven with symbolizing eternal things. I was grateful to have this association validated by Alonzo Gaskill. “Seven is the most common of all symbolic numbers….It represents fulness, completion, wholeness, spiritual perfection, and (entirety or) totality. In Egypt it symbolized eternal life.” (The Lost Language of Symbolism: An Essential Guide For Recognizing and Interpreting Symbols of the Gospel, 343, 839). I attended another endowment session in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple on December 21^st. As I passed through the veil and entered the celestial room, I noticed the other thing my teacher had mentioned to me. The molding on the ceiling looks very much like a huge cross. That was a neat way to end that learning experience – especially before celebrating Christmas.  

            My good friend and ministering sister sent me a quote in May 2019. It is from a chapter titled The Atoning Christ written by Terry and Fiona Givens. We previously discussed some of the a-ha moments I had experienced in the temple that year and this quote beautifully described what I learned. “The author of Hebrews invites the Christian to complete the pilgrim’s journey by entering into the presence of God himself—'to enter into the holiest.’…Entry into God’s presence can only be ‘by the blood of Christ.’… We effectively pass through Christ’s broken body… back into God’s presence. The Atonement is the pain-drenched portal through which alone access is to be found… The temple veil…becomes the physical counterpart to the body of Christ, through which we pass into the holiest place…. In our temples, as in the Jewish temple, the veil represents the portal into the divine presence. The temple veil, the emblem of Christ’s own flesh, was torn at the crucifixion, suggesting that only through the broken body of the atoning Savior was access into God’s presence possible for all” (The Christ Who Heals, 62). I also appreciated this insight about Christ’s crucifixion from Alonzo Gaskill’s book, “ The Gospel of Mark records… And the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom….Now we may by faith boldly enter into God’s presence” (The Lost Language of Symbolism: An Essential Guide For Recognizing and Interpreting Symbols of the Gospel, 749-750).

            Just as the endowment ordinance focuses on the crucifixion of the Savior, so does the sacrament ordinance during our worship service each Sunday. D. Todd Christofferson explains, “The symbolism of the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper is beautiful to contemplate. The bread and water represent the flesh and blood of Him who is the Bread of Life and the Living Water, poignantly reminding us of the price He paid to redeem us. As the bread is broken, we remember the Savior’s torn flesh. Elder Dallin H. Oaks once observed that ‘because it is broken and torn, each piece of bread is unique, just as the individuals who partake of it are unique. We all have different sins to repent of. We all have different needs to be strengthened through the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ, whom we remember in this ordinance.’ As we drink the water, we think of the blood He shed in Gethsemane and on the cross and its sanctifying power…. We resolve to be among ‘those who have washed their garments in [the Savior’s] blood, because of their faith, and the repentance of all their sins, and their faithfulness unto the end.’… If we yearn to dwell in Christ and have Him dwell in us, then holiness is what we seek, in both body and spirit. We seek it in the temple, whereon is inscribed ‘Holiness to the Lord.’…We seek it each week as we delight in the Lord’s holy day. We seek it even in the details of daily living…Partaking of the (sacrament) means to put out of our lives anything inconsistent with a Christlike character and to make His attributes our own. This is the larger meaning of repentance: not only a turning away from past sin but also ‘a turning of the heart and will to God’ going forward… (“The Living Bread Which Came Down from Heaven,” Ensign, Nov. 2017).

            The temple endowment and the sacrament are interconnected ways to internalize and immerse ourselves in Christ's atonement. As a bishop once explained to me, these ordinances are “vertical” experiences.  It is a sacred time to personally commune with the Savior. I'm grateful that Heavenly Father sent His Son to save us. I'm grateful that the Savior's love and power can help us overcome any difficulty. I'm grateful for the Holy Ghost who testifies of both of them in powerful ways.