Chapter 13: Setting Expectations and Boundaries

* I'm posting what I've written so far about expectations. (I returned the next day to start writing about boundaries.)

            Once I was on a walk with a friend and she described expectations as “premeditated resentments.” Some people recommend just not having expectations, but sometimes I think that’s a tall order. It’s always a good idea to adjust our expectations, though, so we won’t be disappointment if things don’t go the way we hope they will. I choose to believe that people are usually doing the best they can with what they know. When people aren't being their best, the thing that will help most is to love them anyway. Not allowing yourself to get entangled in drama is also a good idea. Drama always thrives when we inflict unnecessary pain and suffering onto ourselves and others. Unnecessary pain happens when we layer guilt, resentment, shame, or regret on top of pain that already exists. Another friend used to tell me, “Thou shalt not ‘should’ on thyself!” when I had unrealistic expectations of myself and my abilities. Telling ourselves we should do something or shouldn't do something often creates the wrong kind of pressure and I think it impedes real progress.

            My husband and I have never been traditional gift givers. We like to wait until we see a need and then we try to give a helpful gift then, rather than always giving gifts on the observed or traditional holidays. So when people ask me if I’m ready for Christmas, I reply, “I’m always ready for Christmas.” I’m often given interesting looks when I exclaim this. But it’s not about the gifts wrapped in fancy paper or given in gift bags stuffed just right with color coordinated tissue paper. Those are kind and appreciated gestures of love, but Christmas is about so much more. Hilary Weeks wrote a song titled “When We Think About Christmas” (and it’s included in her Live All In program). The lyrics explain my feelings on this subject and I share them with her permission.  

…It’s a time to reflect on our blessings

When kindness and giving abound

It’s the way we should be living all year round

Chorus

When we think about Christmas we think about love

Love turns our hearts to God

God makes us holy as we become His

That’s what I love about Christmas

The wonders of His love

And grace from Heaven above

Bring us joy, everlasting joy and makes us one

That’s what we love about Him

            I have similar feelings about Easter. Both holidays are about the Savior – his birth and atoning sacrifice. David Butler and Emily Belle Freeman are two other amazing people who inspire me regularly. They explain celebrations for Christmas and Easter in a unique and profound way in both their books and “Don’t Miss This” YouTube videos. I highly recommend them.

            I’ve learned a lot about boundaries while working with my life coach and listening to a podcast by my friend, who is also a life coach. Boundaries and expectations are very different. The purpose of a boundary is not to punish or control another person. Boundaries are a healthy way to show and keep love in our relationships. They show our authentic self and actually increase intimacy. A well-constructed boundary follows this pattern: “if this happens… then I will…” Boundaries are created by you, for you. We can make requests of others. However, we don’t try to control or manipulate others. Therefore, we keep the power, rather than giving it away to someone else. The ideal emotion to create a boundary from is love. That is the kind of boundary that will serve us the best in our relationships (see "Boundaries," Pivot Parenting, 21 July 2020).

Chapter 18: Spheres of Influence

* It took me almost the whole day to write this because life provides lots of little interruptions! (I returned on August 15th to add a picture, some song lyrics by Kenneth Cope, and a passage from Brad Wilcox's book.)

            I have been fascinated with three related phrases for several years. A person’s “sphere of influence” is the area where they have power to change or influence things. When an object is dropped in water, it sends out ripples that expand across the water. Likewise, when an event occurs that has a lasting, exponential impact, it is often referred to as a “ripple effect.” Sometimes, when it isn’t possible to pay back a kindness, a person may choose to “pay it forward as a way to express their gratitude. Perhaps, one of the reasons for my interest in these phrases is that they can all be applied to the atoning sacrifice of our Savior and our response to its effect on our lives.

            Neal A. Maxwell eloquently explained, “ Recall the new star that announced the birth at Bethlehem? It was in its precise orbit long before it so shone. We are likewise placed in human orbits to illuminate…. Part of God’s ‘ample provision’ consists of imperfect people like you and me, committed to shining and serving in our appointed orbits, knowing all the while that we are encircled ‘in the arms of [His] love’ (D&C 6:20)” (“Encircled in the Arms of His Love,” Ensign, November 2002).

            Hilary Weeks wrote about how she struggled with feeling inadequate earlier in her life. “As I drove home I was feeling kind of bad about myself. Then the Spirit whispered a thought that has changed my life: Don’t worry about what others think of you. Worry about what they think of themselves when they are with you.” Now she compliments people, thinks of interesting questions to ask, and smiles first. She continues, “Focusing on others takes the worry away and helps me to be happy and confident” (Believe in What You’re Doing, Believe in Who You Are, pp. 19-20). As I mentioned in the previous chapter, I have spent a few minutes with Hilary on several different occasions over the past six years and she does just that.

            I drove up to Bountiful with a friend to attend a dinner party on August 19, 2017. This picture was taken as we were helping my friend to prepare the wontons for our Chinese dinner. 

I'm sitting next to Kenneth Cope and his wife. I was grateful to have the chance to thank him for his uplifting music. I attended Especially For Youth at BYU in 1986 and he wrote the theme song that year. On my full-time mission, I played his song, "Pass It On" (from the 1993 EFY cassette tape I loved listening to before I left home) as part of a message during some of our dinner appointments with members in the area. I made a CD of some of my favorite inspirational music a few years ago and it includes the song, "Broken," which he wrote with Eliza Cope. It uplifts me each time I hear it. (It is one of the songs on the 2005 EFY CD titled A More Excellent Way.) Below are most of the powerful lyrics:

Broken clouds give rain

Broken soil grows grain

Broken bread feeds man for one more day

Broken storms yield light

The break of day heals night

Broken pride turns blindness into sight

Broken souls that need His mending

Broken hearts for offering

Could it be that God loves broken things

Broken chains set free

Broken swords bring peace

Broken walls make friends of you and me

To break the ranks of sin

To break the news of Him

To put on Christ 'til His name feels broken in

...And, yet, our broken faith, our broken promises

Sent love to the cross

And still, that broken flesh, that broken heart of His

Offers us such grace and mercy

Covers us with love undeserving

This broken soul that cries for mending

This broken heart for offering

I'm convinced that God loves broken me

Praise His name – my God loves broken things...

I'm grateful for his willingness to share his singing and songwriting talent that blesses my life and the lives of countless others.  

                I was given the opportunity to sit at the same table with Brad Wilcox and his wife during the actual dinner. It was just the three of us, which also gave me the chance to thank him for the lasting impact his July 2011 BYU devotional talk, "His Grace is Sufficient," has made on my life. Brad is a BYU professor, well-known speaker, author of several best-selling books. and was called as the second counselor in the Young Men general presidency of the Church in April 2020. He and his wife were both very kind and considerate during our time together. They asked questions and seemed genuinely interested in the experiences I shared. In fact, Brad asked for my address, which I wrote on a napkin. A few days later, an autographed copy of his newest book, Changed by Grace, arrived in the mail. I’m sure there have been many other conversations with similar napkins. However, that made a lasting impact on me. 

            In that book, he comments on 2 Nephi 2:8, which teaches that we are saved "through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah." I love how he explains these terms in such an understandable way and especially how they build upon each other. "Christ's merits mean He was the only one authorized and able to perform the Atonement. His anointing in the premortal world, unique birth, and perfect life made Him the only one who could atone for us. The fact that He chose to do so means He loves us. Christ's mercies mean that He was willing to save us from physical and spiritual deaths that came in consequence of the Fall. Even though we are completely undeserving, He can resurrect us, forgive us as we repent, and enter into a covenant relationship with us. The fact that He chooses to do so means He loves us just the way we are. Christ's grace means that He stands ready to transform and exalt us. He offers His divine help throughout that perfecting process. The fact that He chooses to do so means He loves us enough not to leave us just the way we are."

            Emily Belle Freeman and David Butler are also well-known speakers and best-selling authors. They co-host “Don’t Miss This,” which has helped me study the Come Follow Me curriculum in a way that doesn't feel so lonely, since I'm the only one in our home who actively participates in gospel study. They share insights about the scriptures in weekly YouTube videos that I enjoy watching. They are very talented at combining humor with spirituality and they don’t seem to take themselves too seriously. I think that is a really valuable combination. They have emphasized that regardless of our calling or station in life, we are all called to love others.

            I’ve noticed that people sometimes form into cliques among a larger group. Often, there is a tendency to be less friendly to people outside the clique. Social sciences refer to this as “in-group” and “out-group.” I am always impressed with people who are confident enough to be friends with people in all the groups. Their sphere of influence is much greater because they are inclusive. Virginia U. Jensen explained, “Sisters in all life circumstances have opportunities to build and nurture others within their sphere of influence” (“Home, Family, and Personal Enrichment,” Ensign, November 1999). We each have a unique sphere of influence. Hilary, Emily, David, Brad, and Kenneth have a large sphere of influence and I’m grateful for the amazing amount of good they do in the world. However, each of us can spend our time lifting others and improving life for people around us in small and simple ways. Showing kindness, mercy, empathy, and love creates a positive ripple effect for good.

Chapter 15: Compensatory Blessings

* I spent most of today adding content to two previous posts. My brain hurts, so I'm going to post these quotes now and revisit them at a later time. (I added two more quotes and several paragraphs of content on July 22, 2020.)

           Looking back on the past several years, I can see clearly that the Lord has arranged at least three unofficial missions for my life. The “visiting” mission began in September 2013 and lasted until August 2015. (I returned to college at that point, but still continued visiting on more of a part-time basis.) The “family history and temple work” mission began in February 2018 and ended in March 2020 with the COVID-19 pandemic. (I have continued to work on some family history, but far less than I had previously.) The “grandma” mission began in January 2020 with the birth of our first grandson and I imagine that will continue to be my focus for many years, to one degree or another. I discuss each mission in more detail throughout the book. The point I want to make here is that they have definitely been compensatory blessings for me in several ways.

            First, because I struggled so deeply with anxiety and depression for most of my official proselyting mission from 1993-1994, I had many regrets about not being able to serve more fully. I carried those regrets with me off and on for twenty years. When I started visiting, I was able to use all the skills I learned on my original mission – approaching people before and after meetings at church, knocking on doors, calling people, making appointments, and being flexible when people cancelled or needed to reschedule. I floundered a lot and the visits weren’t always optimal, but I wouldn’t have been able to do any of it had I not served my original full-time mission. So, it renewed my confidence and helped me feel like I made restitution for any missed opportunities or wasted time (even though that wasn’t necessary). In addition, unless the Lord dramatically changes things, I don't think I will be able to serve a mission with my husband in our retired years, as I thought we might. These unofficial missions have given me the opportunity to serve in different ways as a more mature adult. 

             Richard G. Scott explained, “The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. That progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience. If you question everything you are asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it harder for the Lord to bless you.” He then gave this valuable counsel, “Find the compensatory blessings in your life when, in the wisdom of the Lord, He deprives you of something you very much want. To the sightless or hearing impaired, He sharpens the other senses. To the ill, He gives patience, understanding, and increased appreciation for others' kindness.... You will discover compensatory blessings when you willingly accept the will of the Lord and exercise faith in Him” (“Finding Joy in Life,” Ensign, May 1996, pp. 24-26). 

            Second, I very much wanted to be completely healed from depression, anxiety, and Multiple Sclerosis. Even more than those healing blessings, I begged and pleaded for the Lord to give my husband (and then my children) the faith and spiritual experiences they hoped and prayed for, but could never experience on their own. I haven't receive those blessings yet. However, I wouldn’t have felt the need to begin visiting if my heart weren’t already broken and humbled over that combined set of circumstances. Then, through my visiting journey, the Lord gradually healed my broken heart and helped build greater confidence within me. He also strengthened my capacity to serve and follow promptings in ways I didn’t think were possible before. In addition, I learned how to cope in more long-term and fulfilling ways with my anxiety and depression. Perhaps, the most unexpected compensatory blessing of all were the treasured friends he helped me find along the way.

            David A. Bednar spoke about the blessings of paying a full tithe. I believe these compensatory blessings can be applied to life in general, as well. He explained, "Some of the diverse blessings we obtain as we are obedient… are significant but subtle. Such blessings can be discerned only if we are both spiritually attentive and observant (see 1 Corinthians 2:14)…. Spiritual illumination and perspective are poured out through the windows of heaven and into our lives…. Sometimes we may ask God for success, and He gives us physical and mental stamina. We might plead for prosperity, and we receive enlarged perspective and increased patience, or we petition for growth and are blessed with the gift of grace. He may bestow upon us conviction and confidence as we strive to achieve worthy goals. And when we plead for relief from physical, mental, and spiritual difficulties, He may increase our resolve and resilience” (“Windows of Heaven,” Ensign, November 2013).

            Third, temple and family history work became a huge compensatory blessing for me. One of the last lines of my patriarchal blessing says, “As you help to gather genealogy, you … will be a great blessing to those who have passed on beyond the veil. When you leave this earth there will be a great reunion with your ancestors who will be glad to receive you because of your work in their behalf.” I used to think that was absolutely impossible for me. Yet, the Lord helped me to have more success than I ever imagined possible. As I spent those hours, days, weeks, months, and years immersed in that sacred work, I became much more settled and at peace about my family and their different beliefs on this side of the veil. As I listened to those words over and over again during the temple ordinances, my love only grew for my family here and my ancestors who have already finished their life on earth. That love and peace were unexpected and very welcome blessings.

            Sheri Dew discussed compensatory blessings in the context of the COVID-19 pandemic. “Then, as I sat in the last endowment session I’ll likely attend for a while, I felt a familiar sensation gnawing at me. It took just seconds to identify what it was. Mourning. I was starting to mourn the fact that life as I’ve known it — weekly time in the temple, sacrament and other meetings that allow me to renew my covenants and enjoy the camaraderie of my ward family — is changing, at least for a period of time…. Nothing happening in the world today is catching the Lord off-guard. Satan hasn’t pulled a fast one on Him. Circumstances that led to the inception and spreading of the coronavirus were all foreseen by Him who sees all. That is clear, because our leaders have been getting us ready for this very hour…. The fruits of revelation are often more easily seen in hindsight. It is no surprise to those who believe in prophets that more than a year ago…  prophets, seers and revelators, introduced a home-centered, Church-supported curriculum and admonished us to be more intentional about studying and teaching the gospel in our homes. It is no surprise that two years ago they introduced ministering and asked us to learn to care for each other in a higher, holier way.... During this unusual season when the way we worship and serve the Lord has been modified, let’s make sure we see the ways the Lord is blessing us. Let’s be sure we identify the compensatory blessings and power He has for those who seek them…. In a time of darkness, the ministering power of the Light of the World will be even easier to see. How beautiful it will be if, as a global Church family, we don’t just endure this particular challenge but we seek the hand of the Lord in our lives and then share our witness of His mercy, power and peace” (“How have you seen ‘compensatory blessings’ during the coronavirus outbreak?,” Church News, 15 March 2020). 

            Fourth, our grandson was born just two months before the temples and chapels closed their doors. Because he and his parents live in our basement, we’ve been able to spend every day of his life with him. Social distancing during the pandemic would have made that very unlikely if they didn’t live with us. When our daughter first announced her pregnancy, I never dreamed that her little baby would be the biggest compensatory blessing of all during this time. An unexpected blessing occurred after his delivery also. Our daughter endured a 50-hour labor and he still needed to be delivered by c-section. Because of that, our daughter wasn’t able to immediately return to her college classes as she had planned. So we ended up being able to spend eight magical months together, loving this sweet little angel that was sent to our home. In addition, we have considered me high risk because MS and its treatment both compromise the immune system. I have literally only been inside buildings (other than our home) eight times during the three initial months of the pandemic. I drove places on my own only three times during those months and wasn’t able to walk with friends very often because they were home with their families as well. This unexpected time with our grandson and daughter has been priceless and so appreciated.

            Neil L. Andersen emphasized, “As evil increases in the world, there is a compensatory spiritual power for the righteous. As the world slides from its spiritual moorings, the Lord prepares the way for those who seek Him, offering them greater assurance, greater confirmation, and greater confidence in the spiritual direction they are traveling. The gift of the Holy Ghost becomes a brighter light in the emerging twilight…. there is a compensatory power, an additional spiritual endowment, a revelatory gift for the righteous” (“A Compensatory SpiritualPower for the Righteous,” BYU Speeches, 18 August 2015).

            I testify that this is true. These “missions” didn’t seem possible to me when I was prompted to embark on them. However, I have been given obvious guidance and assurances all along the way. I will be forever grateful for the gift of personal revelation that has blessed me during every step of this journey.

Appendix D: Examples of Music with Positive Lyrics (part 3)

* Hilary Weeks’ music (and especially her lyrics) was the driving force behind my motivation during the past decade.

* This is not a comprehensive list; it is organized according to year. 

* CDs: 2011 – 2016 (all are available on her website)

* Live All In – yearly subscription (so worth it!)

Hilary Weeks (fast-ish tempo)

• That’s Who I Am – Every Step (2011) – lyrics printed in chapter 9 (Walking Therapy)
• Living Proof – Every Step (2011)
• Dancing in the Rain – Every Step (2011) – lyrics printed in chapter 9 (Walking Therapy)
• Past the Point – Every Step (2011)

• It’s a Good Day – Say Love (2013)
• Brave – Say Love (2013)
• Tell Me – Say Love (2013)

• Faith in the Middle – Love Your Life (2016)
• Win The Day – Love Your Life (2016)
• Every Good Thing – Love Your Life (2016)
• The Beginning – Love Your Life (2016)

• I Am the Storm – Live All In (March 2019)
• Sunrise to Sunrise – Live All In (May 2019)
• All In – Live All In (July 2019)
• Back To Me – Live All In (August 2019)
• I Was Wrong – Live All In (December 2019)

• Soul on Fire – Live All In (June 2020)

Appendix D: Examples of Music with Positive Lyrics (part 2)

* Hilary Weeks’ music (and especially her lyrics) was the driving force behind my motivation during the past decade.

* This is not a comprehensive list; it is organized according to year. 

* CDs: 1996 – 2016 (all are available on her website, except for her first 4 CDs)

* Live All In – yearly subscription (so worth it!)

Hilary Weeks (medium-ish tempo)

• The Good Shepherd – He Hears Me (1996)
• Roses and Thorns – He Hears Me (1996)

• Unseen Hands – Lead Me Home (1999)

• He is Able – I Will Not Forget (2001)
• Give Ye to Me – I Will Not Forget (2001)
• Peace – I Will Not Forget (2001)

• Eyes of Faith – Day of Praise (2004)
• Stronger – Day of Praise (2004)
• Closer – Day of Praise (2004) 

• Faultless – If I Only Had Today (2008)
• He Loves Me – If I Only Had Today (2008)

• Say Love – Say Love (2013)

• Be Where You Are – Live All In (January 2019)  – lyrics listed in chapter 4 (Be Present)
• Someday Down the Road – Live All In (October 2019)
• More Mistakes to Make – Live All In (November 2019)

• The Other Side of Fear – Live All In (July 2020)

• When We Think About Christmas – Live All In (December 2018)
• The Light of the World – Live All In (December 2019)

• Christmastime – Christmastime (2002)
• Christmas Once Again – Christmas Once Again (2009)

Chapter 10: Developing Coping Skills

I didn't spend time writing like I hoped to today. I chose to organize some online items (pictures, emails, and contacts) instead. I also took an afternoon nap and enjoyed an evening walk with my husband. However, I did post some additional writing from last year. 

I'm trying to practice what I've been writing about: flexibility and balance, rather than harsh self-judgement and perfectionism. I've decided this blog is about my process while writing, rather than content only. I do want to continue my momentum, though. So I'm just posting a list of ideas before I go to sleep. I will add more substantial content in the future.

 * I spent most of the next afternoon (July 19, 2020) piecing together these six paragraphs.

           A well-known definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” So, it’s important to just do something different. That means “moving your muscles” in some way. Choose to get up and do anything, instead of sitting still and feeling stuck. When in doubt, move your body and spend more time enjoying the beauty of God’s creations in nature. If the future seems overwhelming, remember that it comes one moment at a time. Write down the things you can control and start there. From that list, work on changing one small thing at a time.

            David A. Bednar compared our lives to a truck that is stuck in the snow. It is the heavier load that ultimately helps it get traction and stop spinning its wheels. He explained, “Each of us… carries a load. Our individual load is comprised of demands and opportunities, obligations and privileges, afflictions and blessings, and options and constraints.” He suggested that we ask ourselves this guiding question to “periodically and prayerfully assess our load: ‘Is the load I am carrying producing the spiritual traction that will enable me to press forward with faith in Christ… and avoid getting stuck?... Sometimes we mistakenly may believe that happiness is the absence of a load. But bearing a load is a necessary and essential part of the plan of happiness. Because our individual load needs to generate spiritual traction, we should be careful to not haul around in our lives so many nice but unnecessary things that we are distracted and diverted from the things that truly matter most” (“Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease,” Ensign, May 2014).

            Our lives can change with every step in the right direction. Choose the next right step and then take that step. Give yourself credit for even the smallest accomplishment. Waiting  to celebrate until you accomplish ALL the progress you’re hoping for isn’t a helpful approach. Life can be hard, so celebrate any and every victory. My mantra has become, “practice makes better” or “practice makes progress.” Our goal is progress, not perfection. Another encouraging phrase is, “If at first you don’t succeed…try setting more realistic goals.” Practice showing compassion to yourself. So many of us think harsh and judgemental thoughts about ourselves. Yet, we would never say those things to a friend who is struggling. Byron Katie wisely explained, “I don’t let go of my thoughts. I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me.” When you have negative thoughts or feel guilty, anxious, or overwhelmed, you can remind yourself that the Savior’s atonement has already covered this. Just as forgiveness is a process, all negative emotions may need to be put on the altar again and again.

            It’s also important to “work with the brain you have.” For example, if your mind races and it helps to do something with your hands, then have a few activities planned that you can start doing when you notice that you’re feeling depressed or anxious. I find that listening to uplifting music, talks, or podcasts is helpful while doing mundane activities like taking a shower or doing daily chores around the house. I've also learned to attach a new habit I want to form to an existing habit. It reminds me to do it, but it helps that I’m already in motion doing the first habit.  

            I find it helpful to surround myself with uplifting reminders. For example, I have several word boards in my office and walk-in closet that say the words: change, progress, hope, worry less, relax, love, forgive, be thankful, and trust in the Lord. One of my friends gave me a small sign that says, “What’s the best that could happen?” (Rather than focusing on the worst thing that could happen.) Another friend gave me a wall hanging that says, “It doesn’t matter how fast you go as long as you don’t stop.” In other words, the only time we fail is if we quit getting up each time we fall. Just like babies fall a lot when they are learning to walk, we continue to fall when we’re trying something new or different. This helps to gradually build resilience.

            David A. Bednar explained that the Savior’s atonement “enables us to do good and become better in ways that stretch far beyond our mortal capacities…. The unique burdens in each of our lives help us to rely upon (His) merits, mercy, and grace…” (see 2 Nephi 2:8). He encourages us to “pray for the strength to learn from, change, or accept our circumstances rather than praying relentlessly for God to change our circumstances according to our will. We will become agents who act rather than objects that are acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:14). We will be blessed with spiritual traction” (“Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease,” Ensign, May 2014). On a lighter note, remember that “Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end!”  

Appendix D: Examples of Music with Positive Lyrics (part 1)

* Hilary Weeks’ music (and especially her lyrics) was the driving force behind my motivation during the past decade.

* This playlists include some songs from each of her eleven albums.
* This is not a comprehensive list; it is organized according to year. 

* CDs: 1996 – 2016 (all are available on her website, except for her first 4 CDs)

* Live All In – yearly subscription (so worth it!)

* I have added notes to the side of just a few of them, but I could write a paragraph about all of them!

Hilary Weeks (slow-ish tempo)

•  Living Waters (Woman of Samaria) – He Hears Me (1996)

• The Perfect Prayer – Lead Me Home (1999)

• Never Alone – I Will Not Forget (2001) / The Collection (2007)

• All the Good – Day of Praise (2004)  – extra encouragement for women
• He’ll Carry You – Day of Praise (2004) / The Collection (2007)

• He Hears Me – The Collection (2007)
• Who You Are – The Collection (2007) – extra encouragement for women

• When You Least Expect It – If I Only Had Today (2008)
• Reaching – If I Only Had Today (2008)

• Beautiful Heartbreak – Every Step (2011)
• This is Not Your Home – Every Step (2011)

• Find Me – Every Step (2011)
• I Found Me – Say Love (2013)

• Another Second Chance – Say Love (2013)
• Hero – Say Love (2013) – extra encouragement for women
• Better Promises – Say Love (2013)
• Even When – Say Love (2013)

• Love Your Life – Love Your Life (2016)
• The Waiting Place – Love Your Life (2016)
• Tell Your Heart to Beat Again – Love Your Life (2016)
• Blessed Hope and His Love – Love Your Life (2016)
• June in December – Love Your Life (2016)

• At the Same Time – Live All In (February 2019) – addresses grief
• Even in the Silence – Live All In (April 2019)
• What God Wants – Live All In (June 2019)
• Fragile – Live All In (September 2019)

• Keep Going – Live All In (January 2020) – addresses depression
• Irreplaceable – Live All In (February 2020)
• Avalanche – Live All In (March 2020)
• Come As You Are – Live All In (April 2020) – addresses shame
• Momma You Matter – Live All In (May 2020) – extra encouragement for women

Introduction (first attempt)

* I wrote this original Introduction or Preface on August 12, 2019. 

* Note from my husband and our 20-year-old son on September 2, 2019: Most people haven’t read the same books as you and you have a different voice than them anyway; don’t discount yourself and what you have to say or others will too.

           I don’t read as much as most people I know. I get hung up in the highlighting. I’m also a relatively late learner and slow adopter of habits. It takes me a long time to warm up to new things and especially new technology. I’m very grateful for the Gospel Library app and for books on Kindle. I still don’t read nearly as much as I wish I did, but highlighting is now less messy and more precise. It’s also much easier to find the notes I’ve made “in the margins”.

            Because I don’t read regularly, I have a feeling that most of the ideas I share in this book have already been thought of, spoken by, or written about by other people who think more deeply and live them more fully. I value what I do choose to read and acknowledge that my thinking and view of the world have been shaped by many of the ideas contained in those pages. Although there may be similarities, I hope that the experiences I share and the lessons I learned along the way will be a helpful combination and may add a different flavor to some of those ideas. 

            Many people who have heard “my story” or who have joined me along “my journey” have encouraged me to write a book about my experiences. When I walk with women, our conversations cover many topics and we seem to solve a lot of life’s problems while we are enjoying the sunshine and fresh air. I have found that it is often more difficult to apply the principles we’ve discussed and the answers we’ve discovered when we return to our homes and lives. I haven’t fully incorporated all the ideas I share, but I continue to improve as a result of them, and I hope they will have a positive impact on your life as well.

            In the acknowledgments, I thanked many of the people who have been influential in my life. Among those people is Hilary Weeks. Her music, and especially her lyrics, have been the driving force behind the progress on my journey. She is an incredibly talented singer and songwriter, whose songs focus on Christ and His grace. She also writes many songs about reaching our potential through perseverance and optimism. With her permission, I will be using her lyrics throughout this book as a type of soundtrack for my journey.

Preface

            Over the past six years, many people have encouraged me to write a book about my experiences. It always felt too overwhelming to me and I never even made the attempt. Then I was asked to give a devotional to three groups of women (between 2014 and 2016). That was the first time I tried to write down some of my story. After that, I wrote parts of it in several papers for college (2015 to 2019). However, I still had no idea how to proceed with something larger.          

            My friends kept telling me that people need to hear my story and so I kept telling them that they should write it for me. No one was interested in taking it on, though. I can’t blame them. I was finally able to create a more detailed outline and table of contents last August (2019), but I hit another mental block after completing chapter one. Then the worldwide COVID-19 pandemic descended upon the entire world in March 2020. I stayed busy with being a first-time grandma, organizing closets, and working on family history. However, a little voice occasionally popped up in the back of my mind telling me I should be working on writing my book. On July 6th, a life coach encouraged me to just start writing 10 minutes each day. The timing was finally right… and I have written much more than that each day since. I’m grateful that it’s finally starting to come together. It will be a great relief not to have it hanging over my head anymore.