Graduation and Perfectionism: introduction

I graduated with an associate degree from Utah Valley University this month!

I returned to college when our daughter started attending UVU in Fall 2015. I was able to transfer 7.66 credits from a quarter at Weber State University in Fall 1990 and 3 credits from a semester at Brigham Young University in Fall 1992. I took the rest of the required classes off and on for the past four years. I'm very grateful to finally be finished with this chapter of my life.

The last class I took was English 2010. It was the class I had dreaded and put off during my entire college experience. However, it was the perfect way to end my degree. This was my professor's final comment on my research paper: 

Wendi, this is credible, warm, intelligent and compassionate writing. I’ve made a couple of minimal editing suggestions, but my larger recommendation is this: let it sit for a few weeks, circle back, tweak a bit for another audience and then get this up on your blog, or consider submitting it to a more public venue at some point. People need to read this. It didn’t hurt ME at all to re-ground my thinking this week – I needed your words, and the interpretive wisdom from a writer with very real, very human experience.

That comment is what inspired me to start this blog. I have struggled to know how much to share in a public space about my religious beliefs, family dynamics, and personal experiences. So I thought this was the best place to begin. 

Perfectionism

            I am the oldest of five children and felt pressure to set a good example for my younger siblings. I also felt pressure to succeed in school. The high expectations of my parents, combined with my own high expectations, developed a drive in me to never settle for anything other than an A on my assignments and tests. In addition, I was born into a family that actively participates in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and was baptized into the religion by my dad when I was eight years old. My parents served in many leadership callings at church, which seemed even more prominent where I grew up (in Tallahassee, Florida and Longmont, Colorado). My dad also worked for the Church Education System and, later, became a religion professor at Brigham Young University after I graduated from high school. Because of that combination of circumstances, I felt pressure to live the gospel “perfectly,” along with setting a good example for others who may be watching our family.

            As I grew up, these different threads of my life were woven together into a tapestry of perfectionism. This perfectionism was characterized by the pressure to constantly succeed, which often led to fear of failure, lack of sleep, and health issues. Whenever I wasn’t able to live up to my perfectionistic standards, I felt deeply disappointed in myself. Because life became increasingly complicated as I grew into adulthood, this disappointment often led to times of anxiety and depression. As I married and had children, the pressures from perfectionism permeated my experiences as a wife, mother, and homemaker as well. I have lived in Orem, Utah for the majority of my adult life and I have noticed that many women in Utah County struggle with similar issues of perfectionism. In this paper, I will discuss different aspects of perfectionism and will propose key methods for easing the pressure that accompanies it.